Summary: Kate and Tony get lost going to a crime scene. Just how annoying can Tony be? And is there anyway out of the woods. References galore.

We're in the woods... We're in the woods and we're lost

Tony and Kate arrived at the co-ordinates that they were given by the very green Agent McGee. They grabbed their crime scene gear from the trunk of the car and continued walking into the forested area. Tony's chuckling caused Kate to stop.

"What's so funny?" She asked.

"Where's the car? Oh spit man!" Tony said loudly.

Kate rolled her eyes as she unbuttoned her jacket. "What are you talking about? The car's just over there. We left it but five seconds ago," she said without hiding her annoyance.

Tony threw the bag over his shoulder and caught up with her. "You haven't seen the Blair Thumb Project then? It's live action animation with thumbs that have little faces on them," Tony said to her.

"Sounds stupid," Kate was only half listening.

"It is and that's its charm," Tony said with a smile.

"Kind of like you," Kate argued. It was quite annoying to be lumped with Tony... Alone and in a forested area. She assumed that she must have drawn the short end of the straw for the week.

"Very funny, Kate," Tony had a small chuckle. He had to give her that one. "Did you bring the video camera?" He asked after awhile.

"Yes, Tony," Kate responded as she moved a low hanging branch from her field of view.

"We should document things just in case we don't make it out of these woods alive," Tony said as seriously as he could muster. Watching Kate's reactions was really making his day. "You know... Like the Blair Witch Project. You know three film students go into the woods... similar to these to film about the local legend of the Blair Witch. The three film students were never seen again... Only their hand held camera as well as professional camera footage was found," Tony explained as he walked faster to get past Kate.

"Isn't that the one that had idiots believing it was real and you needed Dramamine to watch?" Kate asked. She already knew the answer to that.

"Yes," Tony answered as he walked around a log and dodged a tree. "Unfortunately though, that'll probably mean that anybody that has a handy-cam can believe they can make a cult classic," Tony snorted with laughter.

"Cult classic? Yeah right. Cult classic," Kate scoffed.

"Bruce Campbell once said that a classic movie is where a thousand people will see the movie ten times... But a cult classic is where ten people see one movie a thousand times," Tony explained. "There are such movies...," Tony began to say.

"Don't give me examples... Why don't you just shut up and keep walking? We're not too far away," Kate said with annoyance.

"Watch your step there, Kate," Tony warned as she almost tripped over a large rock. "You do realize that you have to be careful out...," Tony managed to say before misstepping and ended up rolling down the hill. Instinctively he threw the bag away so that it couldn't cause any damage on his way down.

"Tony!" Kate called out as she carefully made her way down the steep slope. She ended up sliding on her fanny some of the way. "Tony," she said with a concerned tone.

"Oh man," Tony said as he blinked a few times and tried to sit up.

"Perhaps you should stay down for a couple of minutes," Kate said softly as she noticed he looked a little green.

"I'm fine," Tony said as he carefully got to his feet and fell over Kate immediately.

"Tony... Get off me," Kate said. "I told you to stay down," she shook her head. There wasn't too much chance of that happening. But perhaps he might do as he was told.

"Look... We have to get to the scene," he looked at the hill they had come down. It would be a rough climb back up. "We can follow the path around and it'll lead to back up the hill and we can get to the crime scene from there," Tony said. The world had finally stopped spinning.

"You call that a path?" Kate could hardly see any evidence of one. Though some of the grass looked a little downtrodden. Maybe it was a rarely used path.

"Stay on the road... Keep clear of the moors... Beware the moon," Tony said with a smile.

"Get up," Kate said. She was sure that it sounded like a quote to some movie and wasn't about to ask which movie it was. She held Tony steady until he looked more steady on his feet. "Alright, lets go that way," she resigned herself to the fact that it was probably the better way to go.

"Good idea," Tony looked up at the hill. "Oh great. You do realize that my sketch and laser equipment is about halfway up there," Tony sighed.

"Get moving," Kate ordered. Though she wasn't about to say anything, she found her self keeping a close eye on him. She figured that it wouldn't take long to work there way back to where they started. They continued following the path around.


"Katie," Tony tried to get her attention once again. She had begun ignoring him. Tony was sure she was doing it just to be annoying. "Kate!" He shouted out loudly to get her attention. Again he was greeted with nothing but silence. They had been walking around for about an hour. Well judging from the last time he checked his watch and Kate hasn't said a word to him for almost fifteen minutes.

"Uh-oh," Tony stopped. He knew that they had been walking for ages but he didn't even realize that there was no longer a real path beneath them. "Kate!" He called again.

"What is it?" Kate snapped.

"Where's the path?" Both of them turned around to survey the area. They were too busy walking around obstacles too concentrate on their feet.

"When did we lose the path?" Kate wondered out loud. She looked at the ground carefully. "What?" Kate noticed Tony's eyes widen and smile.

"I think we're lost," Tony said. It was really funny though.

"We're not lost," Kate retorted. She decided for them to double back and try and find where they had wondered off the path.

"We're in the woods... and we're lost," Tony laughed as he followed Kate.

"We're not lost... We're just not where we're supposed to be," Kate responded. Her annoyance was increasing by the minute.

"You're right," Tony sighed.

"Finally," Kate said.

"We're in the land of lost," Tony laughed and Kate stopped to look around.

"If I hear one more Blair Witch reference... You won't making it out of these woods alive," Kate said angrily. Right now, she was looking at trees, grass, trees, grass and more trees. At least there was a river. "We should follow that," she pointed to the river.

"Lead the way fearless leader," Tony said. "Oh and by the way... It was Blair Thumb?"

"What?" Kate was confused.

"I was quoting Blair Thumb and not Blair Witch. So before you threaten me at least do it for the right reasons," Tony said.

Kate shook her head as she saw a path on the other side of the riverbank. It was hard to judge the depth of the river. "We could cross over with that log over there," she said.

Tony looked at the log and shook his head. It didn't look steady enough to risk crossing. "I really don't think that's a good idea... And besides. Did we even see a stream anywhere near where we were or even where we are going?" Tony asked as he unclipped his cell from his belt. Perhaps calling for a co-ordinate check will be the bright thing to do.

Tony watched Kate get on the log gingerly and slowly make her way across. "Well there's a path over there," she turned around and saw Tony examining his cell. She was shocked when he began tapping the side of it and making beeping noises. "Now what?" She asked.

"Ziggy needs a tune-up, Sam," Tony said. The fall must of damaged his cell's inner bits.

"Wait... Wha... On second thoughts I don't want to know," Kate said as she managed to get to the other side, despite slipping a couple of times. "Come on, Tony," Kate said as she looked around. "This part looks familiar," she assured the doubtful Senior Field Agent.


Half an hour later...

"You know I always thought it was the men who didn't want to stop and ask for directions," Tony said. There was a sigh of relief when they had found the river again. "Just pull out your cell and call. We've been going around for quite some time," Tony said with some annoyance. His cell was stuffed and he wondered how pissed they were going to be that he had to have yet another phone replaced.

"You're right," Kate sighed. Tony would never let her live it down. "Oh no," Kate held her cell to the sky and received no reception.

"No reception, Katie?" Tony asked. "You know what this reminds me of...," he said.

"So help, if you give me another movie quote I'm going to kick you ass," Kate shook her head.

"Come on... If we were in a horror movie right now... You'd be begging me to tell you the rules of surviving. There are rules and then there are survival tips. Number one... You might as well throw your cell phones away. They won't work. Never...," Tony began explaining.

"Would you shut up?" Kate responded angrily. "There looks like a house through there," Kate said with a triumphant tone.

"Never go to a house out in the middle of nowhere," Tony finished off the rule.

"We can at least see if the owner has a radio or something. So we can get some assistance," Kate suggested.

"You think that's a good idea Gretal?" Tony asked with a raised eyebrow. "But may be they do have smoke signals or telegraph facilities," he commented on the old small house. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had no electricity.

"Excuse me," Kate called out to a woman who was cleaning the porch. "Excuse ma-am," Kate got her attention. She had to raise her voice a little because she noticed the hearing aid in the old woman's ear. She hobbled slowly as she walked.

The woman let out a small yelp in surprise. "You dears sneak up on an old lady like that, you're likely to give her a heart attack," the old woman said once she got over being startled.

"Sorry, ma-am," Kate apologized. She showed her identification to the old woman. "We seemed to have gotten ourselves lost. We were wondering if it was possible if we can get in contact with the sheriff," Kate explained their situation.

"Gotten yourselves lost huh?" She told them. "Seems the only reason anyone comes this way is when they're lost. Got no phones out here. Phones don't usually work out this way anyway. Got a radio, radio works well. Come. Come in," she motioned for them to follow. "My, you two look hungry... I've got some nice pie fresh out of the oven," she told them.

"Thank you," Tony said with a smile. This was really starting to sound like Hansel and Gretal. The house looked comfortable and nice. There was a pile of knitting gear in front of a fireplace.

"Radio's just there...," the old lady said.

Tony smiled as he sat in front of the radio and attempted to locate the local sheriff. It didn't take long for them to answer his call. Who is this? The voice asked.

"Sheriff Cromwell?" Tony asked. "This is Agent Tony DiNozzo with Agent Todd...," he heard movement on the other end.

DiNozzo! Gibbs voice bellowed through over the radio. Where the hell have you two been?

"Ah, yes, Boss," Tony thought for a moment. "We have gotten ourselves somewhat lost," he thought it sounded idiotic.


"Yes, Boss," Tony answered with a grimace.

They're probably in this area here. The Sheriff's voice came through once again.

Kate and Tony were given directions how to get to a main track and they politely took the a piece of pie each that they were offered. "Now... I'll show you two where you need to go," the old lady said as she lead them outside.

"No, that's not really necessary," Kate said to which Tony was in agreement.

"No don't be silly... I know every bit of these woods. Lived hear near all my life. I'll show you the way... No worries," she told them.

"Okay," Tony said as he finished off his piece. It really tasted good as they left.


Tony retrieved the bag that he had dumped as he rolled down the hill. It had taken them ages to get back to the car, since the old lady walked slowly. They were grateful to be finally back at the car and back to civilization that was known as a road. They drove to the the sheriff's office without any other incident. Both of them were sure they were going to receive an earful.

"Well," Gibbs pressed them for answers as soon as they walked through the door.

"We couldn't use our cells because I broke mine and we couldn't get a signal on Kate's," Tony explained as he showed Gibbs his cracked cell. "Fortunately, we stumbled across this old lady's house and managed to get in contact to here," he continued on.

"Hey, this is the woman," Kate said as she looked at the old photograph on the wall. It was a bad photograph that's for sure.

Sheriff Cromwell stood up and looked at the photograph. "That's Loretta Blaire," he said as he looked at it closely. "You saw her?" He raised his eyebrows. "She's somewhat of a legend these days... This was her in 1963. She lived in Shabie Lodge until she died in 69. Actually two kids ran away from home last year and got lost in Shabie forest. Said they couldn't tell where they were or where they been. Until they came to the that house and she lead them the right way home," Cromwell explained the story.

"But... We had pie," Tony said with a shocked expression. He looked at Kate who was shocked as well.