"And you can see here how each…" My professors' voice droned on to the rest of the class without my attention. I glanced around the room to see that almost everyone had their eyes trained to the front of the room and Professor Hansen who was now on the second to last slide of her power-point. I sighed and looked down at my page that was usually full of notes. It was empty today with the exception of a few drawings of things that had been on my mind all morning.
I looked over at my neighbor's page, glancing over her notes quickly to try and grasp what was being talked about. I couldn't even begin to comprehend the scrawl that was meant to pass as notes on her paper, so I gave up with trying to keep up with today's lesson. I sighed again, putting my head in my hands wondering why I even got out of bed this morning. I could do what I was doing now, there. All I could do was think about Bella. How were she and the baby? Was she eating ok? Was she too stressed at work?
Not only was my brain overwhelmed with thoughts of now, but I was also thinking about the future. Would she want me in the delivery room even though we weren't together? Would we ever get together? And if we never did end up a couple, what would the arrangements for the baby be? This was just too much.
"So what do you think Mr. Cullen?" Shit! What had she asked me? I lifted my head up from the table to look at Professor Hansen and saw that not only was she looking at me for an answer, but so was the rest of the class. "I'm sorry miss, what was that?" She looked a little shocked that I wasn't already fully prepared with an answer. "I asked if you would share your opinion on what this manager could've done different to keep his business afloat. I thought you would be able to give the class some good insight since this is your area of expertise."
"Everything is his area of expertise!" I heard someone mutter behind me. The comment was followed by a couple of chuckles but the room was silent for the most part; everyone was still waiting for me to give a brilliant answer! Honestly, people expected way too much from me.
"I'm afraid I can't give any "good" insight, whatever that is, Professor Hansen. I'm just not all here today. Maybe you should ask someone else." There was an audible intake of breath from everyone in the room and I rolled my eyes in disbelief. Seriously people? There have been times when I don't always have the perfect answer! I bet Emmett would know every single time too. He's probably been keeping tabs on my every mistake since we were kids.
"Well, um, thank you anyway Edward," Professor Hansen said and then she turned to the class with pursed lips. She may have been talking to the rest of them, but I could still feel her curious gaze on me. I could understand where her confusion was coming from though. Here I was, the kid of Chicago's best surgeon, a studious guy in his favorite class and I was spacing out and not giving the perfect answer that was expected. I'm just surprised I hadn't gotten this many shocked expressions when I'd walked in late.
The teacher went on to speak to the class and I didn't hear a word of it, unless you counted the chorus of blah's I heard but I was pretty sure that's not what she was saying. It took me a while to notice when she had dismissed the class, and when I did notice, I saw that I was the only one left. Damn, I was really out of it today. I got up and started to gather my things and walked to the door, only to be stopped by Professor Hansen's voice. "Edward, may I have a word with you?"
I held back the urge to sigh or groan or scream or anything else that would show my irritation with her. All I wanted to do was leave this damn building but she couldn't possibly know how badly that was. It wouldn't be right to take out my frustration and stress on her because she was simply worried about me. I walked over to her desk and looked at her with the best patient face I could pull off.
"Anything you would like to talk about Mr. Cullen?"
"Nothing in particular."
"Are you sure? You seemed very out of it today. It's not like you."
"Well quite frankly professor, you only know me as a student. You have absolutely no idea how I act in my personal life. Don't be so quick to judge who I am and what I'm like." Well, so much for not taking any frustration out on her…
She looked taken aback for a minute but quickly recovered. "Well I assure you that I wasn't trying to assume your entire personality, but you are one of the students, if not the only one that actually participates in this class. Although, I understand you may not be in the best place in life right now; it happens to the best of us. Would you like to talk to Lindsey? She's the schools physiologist."
"No thanks. I don't think she'd be able to help." I walked out of the room before she could suggest anyone else to me, crumpling up my paper full of baby doodles and putting it in the trash on the way. I speed-walked to my car and climbed in quickly, jamming my keys in the ignition. I was in a rush. I may not have wanted to talk to Lindsey, but I did know someone I could always go to when I had a life problem.
I pulled up to my parents' estate about 20 minutes later. I sighed in relief when I saw my fathers' car parked just on the edge of the yard. I would've gone insane if he wasn't home. "Good afternoon, Master Edward," Parker, our butler since as long as I can remember greeted me when I reached the door. "How's it going, Parker," I said anxiously. "Is my dad home?"
"I'm quite sure he's in his office." I thanked him and made my way through my childhood home to my Carlisle's office. I entered without knocking and he looked up from the book on his desk, eyes wide with surprise. "Son, to what do I owe this pleasure?"
"Dad, can we talk?" He put his highlighter down and took off his glasses, giving me his full attention. I took it as my cue to start. I blew out a huge sigh and slumped in my seat, running a hand through my hair-- a habit I had picked up from Carlisle. "Life is hard, Dad!"
He chuckled and it did nothing to make me feel better. "So I've heard, Edward. Is that all you needed to say?"
"How do you deal with it all? There are so many twists and turns and so many decisions and consequences. There's choices you don't think you have the heart to make and then other choices you wish you had a say in." Like whether or not Bella was going to give our baby up for adoption. "How can people do it? How can you do it? You make life look like a breeze…" I trailed my sentence off pitifully and slumped further into my chair.
"You take life in stride, son."
"That's it? That's all the advice you can give me?" Here I am thinking he would give me some timeless wisdom and all I get is 'Take life in stride'? Are you kidding me?
"What else am I going to say?" he asked.
"What else? What do you mean what else? You can start by telling me how the hell I'm going to deal with being a dad at 22. You can tell me how I'm going to get the girl of my dreams to see me as more than her sperm donor! You can tell me how to convince her not to give my baby away!" Damn did it feel good to get that all out, but only for a minute. After all that relief of getting my problems off my chest, I realized I had just told my father that I'd gotten someone pregnant in the worst possible way ever---unintentionally.
"Edward, you're expecting? Well, not you of course but…" It was a rare sight; my dad was at a loss for words. I shrugged my shoulders and muttered a "yea" while he looked at me dumbstruck.
"Was it intentional?" I had been expecting him to ask this first. I knew he'd want to know if I planned it or not because if I had, he'd be hurt. I came to him before I did anything to ask his advice. I had come to him to talk about whether or not I should ask Cynthia Handley down the street to be my first girlfriend. I came to him when I needed to learn to drive. I came to him when I needed half the money for my first car and also right before I planned to lose my virginity in said car, with my previously mentioned first girlfriend. He knew everything I planned to do because I didn't make big decisions without him.
"No, Dad. I…" I sighed not wanting to disappoint him with my answer. "It happened at a random house party. I thought she was on the pill and I guess I didn't think it through. It didn't help that I was drunk either."
"Why would you just assume something like that? We've had this talk many times. Always use a condom."
"I know, Dad. I messed up big."
"It's okay though, son. Everyone makes mistakes. You can't be perfect, Edward."
"I just don't think straight when it comes to this girl."
"You care a lot about her. I can see it in your eyes."
"Well thanks, Miss Cleo!" I joked.
"So what are you guys going to do? Has she been to a doctor yet?"
"I don't know and yes. She says she doesn't know whether she wants to keep it."
"But you do?"
"Well, I don't know. I mean, I'm not ready--"
"No one ever really is." I nodded and continued on. "Yea, I know and I know I'll probably mess up too, but that doesn't mean I don't want the chance to raise my own kid." Carlisle was about to say something but I cut him off, holding up my hand. "Did you hear that?" I asked.
"Hear what?" I heard it again. "That! Listen…" We listened closely and heard a whimper and then a sniffle. I turned to the door and listened closer. It sounded like someone was crying. "Is that mom," I asked him. "Esme?" he asked towards the door.
The door knob turned and my mother came in, eyes red and puffy and cheeks stained with tears. "Esme, dear, what's wrong," Carlisle asked. He opened his arms for her, but she came to me instead and threw her arms around my neck. "Mom, are you okay?" I asked carefully. I'd never seen her like this. She nodded her head into my sweater and sniffed one more time before looking up at me.
"I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to. I was walking past and I couldn't help but overhear. I heard the word 'baby' and just had to stop." Oh great, who the he'll didn't know about the baby now? We might as well go tell Parker. "It's okay, really Mom. I don't care that you listened in." I did really, but she didn't need to know.
"Esme, that doesn't explain why you're crying."
"I'm just so happy!" Well, I hadn't been expecting that… "My very first grandchild. Oh Edward, congratulations my love. I know you're young, but I know you'll do this baby justice." Maybe I should've gone to her instead of Dad….
"Wow, thanks Mom." She smiled at me and I smiled back. "You're welcome dear." My smile faltered at her next words though.
"When can I meet her?"
Hoping I did this justice to the scenarios you all had in your heads. I think the parents took it well, don't you? So tell me guys, what's the worst thing you've ever had to tell your parents? Tell me in a review. Reviewers get a preview to the next chapter of ALITM.