In all of his twenty-six years, Spock had been on a date exactly once. His parents had been present, as had the parents of the girl involved.
They had both been seven years old.
They'd stacked blocks for a bit and then turned on the computer and played Fighting for the Federation. After an hour, both sets of parents had declared them a match and arranged their marriage.
Nowadays, Spock wished that things were that simple.
The girl he had been arranged to marry had met another man. And Spock was interested in his student. A human student, human enough that he couldn't just have his parents call her parents. And he knew what this meant.
He was going to have to start dating.
"What can you tell me about dating?" Spock asked Captain Pike. They were aboard the partially-constructed Enterprise, doing an inspection.
"What?" Pike snapped, as if he might have misheard.
"On your desk, I have noticed three pictures of young girls that appear to be your offspring," Spock elaborated, "This indicates that you have experience dating."
Pike turned and gave him a strange look.
"Well actually," he said, "I'm divorced, so I haven't had much success in that department."
Spock wasn't dissuaded.
"The fact you have three children suggests otherwise," he persisted.
Pike slammed down his scanner and looked at him.
"Who is it you want to date?" he asked, a bit irritated.
"A human," Spock answered.
Pike gave a coarse sigh, as if that much was obvious.
"Why don't you ask her to a movie," he spat.
"Something romantic," he added, "With lots of kissing and stuff."
Spock didn't admit he'd been thinking of showing her a warp core safety video.
"That sounds reasonable," he answered.
"But remember, I only told you because you pushed me," Pike continued, "Don't come crying to me when you're paying alimony."
Spock was contemplating this in class when he heard Kirk talking. At first it was just a whisper, but then he heard a snippet about dating a girl named Gaila.
"No talking in class!" Spock barked, "Kirk, I expect to see you afterwards."
"I apologize, I was discussing the course material," Kirk said quickly when he reported.
"I am willing to let this go," Spock replied, ignoring his lie, "If you would tell me what you know about dating."
Kirk looked shocked and then a bit flattered.
"You mean you want my advice on how to get girls," he asked incredulously.
"Just one girl," Spock corrected.
"Well, when I get a girl that's being, you know, difficult," Kirk grinned, clearly enjoying himself, "I make her a nice dinner, with a bit of alcohol, and it loosens her right up."
"Alcohol?" Spock asked.
"In your case, lots of alcohol," Kirk winked.
"Pike said a movie," Spock countered.
"That's a good idea too," Kirk agreed. He looked up and thought a bit.
"Why don't you pick something out of my filmdeck? The username's jkirk3 and the password's fuckmehard."
Spock's mind reeled.
"Dismissed," he said finally.
"Keep in mind I'm only helping you so you'll be less of a hardass," Kirk said as he walked off, "And I'm expecting bonus points."
Spock felt he had enough information, so he started to plan the date. He wasn't sure what sort of food to make. It would be logical to make something nutritious, and it should taste as well. Aphrodisiac properties wouldn't hurt either. It was awhile before he realized that his thoughts were irrelevant because the only food he could cook was Kraft dinner.
He would have to get takeout. He typed in an order to McDonald's.
Alcohol was easier, as the only place to acquire it was the liquor store. He picked out something called Everclear, which was 190-proof. Although Spock knew Kirk was trying to slight him, he couldn't help but think he might be right about needing alcohol.
He also picked a movie out of Kirk's stash. Taking Pike's advice, he picked the one with the most kissing. It was called The Ass Files 2: My Kinky Housewife.
This left one issue: Spock still hadn't asked Nyota.
He kept her after class a few times, but always lost his nerve. Once he stopped her outside the dorm, but the Comm. rang before he could say anything.
"How does one ask a girl on a date?" Spock finally asked Chekov during a chess match.
"Vell ... I've only had one girlfriend," he replied, turning a bit red, "And I vas too scared, so I sent her a note."
Spock nodded. This seemed like an excellent idea.
Cadet Uhura, Spock wrote, Your presence is requested at a date in my quarters (map enclosed in schedule 1) on stardate 2257.32. Dinner will be served at 1800 and a movie will be observed at 1900. Recommended attire is described in schedule 2. Please return schedule 3 indicating your availability (dietary restrictions may be indicated in subsection A).
Attaching the three schedules, Spock walked out of his quarters to find Nyota.
She was walking down the hall with Gaila when to Spock's surprise she turned and ran up to him.
"Do you want to go skating?" she spat nervously.
"Skating?" Spock asked.
"They just opened the pond in the park," she wavered even more quickly, "I mean if you can't..."
"I am available," Spock answered.
She looked taken aback.
"I would find that enjoyable," he elaborated.
Spock watched as Nyota and Gaila walked to what they thought was out of his earshot.
"I can't believe I just did that," Nyota gasped, leaning on the wall.
"Good for you," Gaila replied matter-of-factly.
"I mean, I was hoping ..." she said, "But then I figured that I can't expect a Vulcan to know anything about dating ..."
She looked slightly worried.
"I bet it'll be better than booze and porn with Jim," Gaila said jokingly.
Spock walked quickly to his quarters. He needed to get ready. And he had some items to dispose of.
A/N: Written for Ship!Wars Prompt 1 ("Our first date")