Disclaimer/Notes: I don't own Harry Potter. Or my mind. But maybe that's a good thing. You've seen what the forces have done with it, think about what someone like ME would do with a perfectly good mind. Well, maybe perfectly good is a stretch...
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"Now, after I have gotten a few hours rest, it's time to find out just who the culprit is," Remus said, pacing up and down the bedroom, examining the faces of his three friends in the afternoon light.
"Okay, okay, it was me!" Peter said, dropping to his knees. "I was the one who put the bleach in the wash!"
Remus shook his head. "No, Wormtail, I'm talking about my cat."
"Oh."
Sirius snickered at him. "At least we know who the socks have to thank for their impotency."
"No! No, please Sirius! They're lying to you! Trust me, they aren't impotent! TRUST ME."
"Ew."
"Gentlemen!" Remus interupted. "Back to the matter at hand!"
"*Somebody's* watched a little too much Court T.V.," James whispered to Sirius.
"T.V.?" Sirius whispered back.
"Nevermind."
"I would like to call my first witness to the stand," Remus announced dramatically. "James Potter."
James stood up and took his place in a chair which had been put in the middle of the room.
"Mr. Potter-"
"Call me James."
Remus looked annoyed. "C'mon Prongs, be serious!"
"Of course," James said, putting on a stoic face that lasted about five seconds.
"Did I or did I not leave you in charge of my cat?"
"You did. I owed you a favor."
"Right. Can you explain how Totes seemed to mysteriously turn pink?"
"Well, when there's no one to blame, I always blame one person..."
"SNAPE!" James, Peter, and Sirius cried out at once.
"Nope, already considered it," Remus said. "But it couldn't have been him, because Totes didn't leave the dorm room last night, you said so earlier, James. So it must have been someone in Griffyndor, and more likely, someone in this very room."
Shifty looks were exchanged by all..
"Why not Lily?" Peter asked.
"Because Lily is an angel and would never hurt a living creature," James answered matter-of-factly.
"Oh yeah, is that why she kneed me in the balls last week?" Sirius asked. "I can't father children now, thanks to your `angel'."
"Uh-uh," Remus said, "Lacy said that Lily didn't leave the dorms until 4:30, which was after James had made the discovery."
"Talking to Lacy, huh?" James said with a mischievous grin.
Remus smacked him in the back of the head as he paced by.
"Hey, can we leave Lacy out of this?" Sirius asked, a tone of annoyance rising in his voice.
Remus stopped in his tracks. "I would like to call the second witness to the stand-"
"Oh forget the stinking stand! Call me right here!" Sirius said.
"Fine! How come you're so pissy with me?"
"I'm not pissy!"
"Out with it, Sirius! You were obviously angry with me yesterday, and now this comment about Lacy-"
"There's nothing to it!"
"I don't think you're telling me the whole story," Remus said cooly.
"What do you want?"
"I want the truth!"
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" (a/n: who else saw that coming?)
Remus paused. "That was really lame, man."
"Yeah, Sirius," James said, "it's like, 1980. That movie hasn't even come out yet."
"Look, I woke up, the cat was pink. That's all I know," Sirius continued to defend himself.
"Peter!" Remus spun on his heels to face him. Peter wimpered in surprise. "What do you know?"
"I...I..." Peter gave Sirious a funny look, "I hear Sirius talking in his sleep!"
"I do *not* talk in my sleep!" Sirius said.
"No, not usually," Peter slowly said, "but you did the night before last. I was surprised it didn't wake up James. You were, well..." Peter took a breath and continued, "talking about Lacy."
"Ah ha!" Remus yelled. "I knew it!"
"Yeah, well, what was I saying about her?" Sirius asked, his defence wearing thin.
"You were, um," Peter's eyes flickered nervously around the room, "telling her how pretty she was and that she should forget about Remus. You were really sweet about it, though," he quickly added, hoping it would get him out of the frying pan. It didn't.
"It all makes sense!" James shouted. "You were angry because Lacy likes Remus, and you were looking up your revenge all yesterday, that's why you were in the library! And then when we were all asleep, you turned Totes pink!"
"Fine! Fine! I admit it! IT WAS ME! Send me to Azkaban!" Sirius yelled, falling to his knees, much like Peter had earlier done.
Remus exchanged a look with Peter and burst into laughter. Peter started to chuckle nervously.
"Well, it's about bloody time!" Remus said between gasps.
"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked, completely confused.
"Well, I knew it was you, of course," Remus said. "Who else would turn a cat pink for revenge? Not that it wasn't good, but it had your signature all over it. Besides," he added, "I'd thought for a while you had a thing for Lacy."
"Well, not anymore, thanks to you, Wolf Boy," Sirius grumbled.
"I had Peter here pretend that he knew everything so you would confess," Remus explained, handing Peter his payment, which came in the form of three cauldron cakes.
Sirius's eyes bugged out of his head.
"Look everyone, and take note," James said, "of the man who would trade in his friend for so little!" (a/n: i know, i know....)
"Listen, Sirius," Remus said, finally being able to control his laughter, "you turn little Totes back into his black and white self, and I'll forget the whole thing."
"Fine," Sirius said. "I've got to look up the spell. It'll be done by the time you get back tomorrow morning."

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James stretched and looked over at his clock. It was once again 4:00. What an odd sleeping pattern he had.... After spending some time contemplating his options, James put on some slippers (which are, thankfully, much less rebellious than the common house sock) and decided to check on Totes, who had once again been left in his care. James pulled back the curtains of Remus's empty bed, shook his head, pushed a sleeping Sirius onto the floor and climbed back into his own bed.
Sirius swore as he woke up.
"At least you got the colors right this time," James muttered as he floated back into sleep.
Sirius grinned to himself as he admired his work.

A black-and-white-polka-dotted Totes slept soundly on the red bed spread.

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hope you liked it! please review, and read my other stories! "Harry Learns the Facts of Life", "The First Word", "Wrong On So Many Levels", and "Who's In Love With the Big, Bad Wolf?" Please? Pretty please? I'll love you forever!!! Who do I think I'm fooling....