With an easy simplicity, I blinked and watched her disappear with him. It was a very easy thing to do. I had watched her leave with him again and again, never thinking twice about it. Sometimes if I was lucky, she'd look back and smile at me. I was happy at that smile that danced across her lips and the way her eyes would sparkle in the light above her. While one hand was securely trapped in his, she'd wave at me with the other.
I couldn't gain the courage to wave back. I didn't want to. I tried not to smile, but I could never stay angry at her. I understood that she had made her choice. She had chose him over me and I had let her. I could have fought for her like she had wanted me to do, but I knew without him she'd be lost – broken.
I promised I'd never let that happen again.
It was the right thing to do. She deserved the best; the better. She deserved to be happy and in love. She deserved so much more then what I could give her, and she got that. He was better for her. He would take care of her, he would love her, and he would make her happy. He was meant for her and clearly she was meant for him.
As much as I wished that I could be him, as much as I wished it was my lips touching hers, or my hands touching her fragile skin, I always knew that she was his. I'd never lose the love I had for her or the anger and hatred I felt towards him, but I'd always know what was best for her. This was how things were supposed to be, but I just never expected some of the things to go this way.
I would miss her. I would miss her an awful lot. But when life offers you something better, you should never pass it up. Bella had her something better, and I was just waiting for mine.
I had no regrets.
Chapter One - Go Ahead and Burn It Down
"Do you ever think that God wants us to have pain?" my little sister, Alice, asked. I looked up at her as she relaxed happily on my bed, her face staring down at me as I took the spot on the floor beside it. I stared into her blue eyes, wondering what she was getting at.
"I'm not sure. What do you think?" I asked back. I knew my answer, but she really didn't need the negativity.
"I think he does," she whispered.
I sat up on my elbows so I could get a better look at her. Alice was never a pessimist and she never thought of anyone as anything less. According to her there was no bad in the world, just accidents.
I breathed. "And why is this?"
"I think in order to live a full life, we need to be in pain and see others in pain, too. Because pain makes you grow up, it makes you love more. I think sometimes he makes people sick so others can have the chance to grow."
I was shocked at her words. I didn't know how to respond. She spoke with such a great knowledge and even greater heart that left me speechless and in awe. Alice was young, she was naïve. She was just a little kid. But that's the great thing about Alice. Everyone knew never to underestimate her. Age was just a number, and even though she couldn't figure out how to multiply numbers perfectly, she was far more mature then a lot of people.
"Edward?" Alice yawned.
"Yeah?" I responded.
"Who do you think I'm in pain for?"
Alice had been diagnosed with Leukemia nearly a month ago. It was very sudden and very scary, but somehow she remained to be brave about the whole situation. Instead of my family comforting her, she was comforting us. She was constantly telling us how she'd been fine and how God would take care of us all. I wasn't sure where this faith had come from. My family wasn't big on religion or even church. My mother, Esme, was a Christian who did attend church every once and again, but she wasn't zealous about it. My family was open minded on what any of us wanted to do and hardly pushed anyone to follow someone else's dreams.
I myself wasn't sure if I believed in God. But thanks to Alice's cancer, I was beginning to think not. Alice was one of the greatest human beings on this planet. Sure she got on my nerves and would tell on me if she found something I shouldn't have stashed around the house, but regardless of those things she was still my little sister.
Alice waved a small, lithe hand in front of my face, a large smile of white bringing me back from my hazy daze. I smiled at her, not putting much effort in. I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.
"I'm not sure, Alice. I guess we'll just have to wait and find out, huh?" I questioned back at her, my eyebrows raised and a playful smile on my face. She didn't smile back, though. Instead she pursed her lips and nodded her head, getting comfortable on my bed. I sighed at my failed attempt at humor and let my head hit my pillow on the floor.
This was how things had been going since she was diagnosed. Alice would always get into my bed before I was ready to sleep. She'd take up the entire thing, leaving me with no choice but to sleep on her floor. I could have slept in her bed or even the guest bedroom, but I didn't want to. I think it was mostly because I was scared something would happen to Alice during the night. I think she feared it, too.
It was a nightly routine now. She'd sleep in my bed and I'd sleep on the floor next to it. We'd usually talk a little bit before we fell asleep. That was done, and now we'd go another night hoping the next day would be a good day. Sadly enough, that was a rarity. Our real hopes went to wanting Alice not to have cancer; not to be sick.
But we all know prayers never really work.
I felt cold hands on my arm. "Edward, wake up. You've got to get to school. It's your first day," my father's words buzzed in my ears.
"I don't want to," I mumbled, feeling unconsciousness making its way back to me.
"Edward!" a voice boomed. "If you want a ride get your ass up!"
"I'm good, thanks," I said while my mouth was being smothered by my pillow. Everyone left me alone then, which I was glad for. But, unluckily, I did not go back to sleep. I hated when that happened; which was a lot. I continued to lay there with my eyes shut and mouth sighing with exasperation every ten seconds. I was slightly angry that I could no longer sleep, but I knew that I had to get up. It was my first day of tenth grade. Very vomit inducing, but in reality, there was nothing I could do.
I eventually got up, but as I made my way onto my feet I had to stand still for a moment. As the world spun around me, taking my bedroom with it, I concentrated on not passing out. I blinked slowly, yawning and stretching. I didn't mind mornings, but the actual getting up part was a lot of work. The first place I walked to was the bathroom. Getting my morning ritual started, I took a quick shower, realizing that I was behind. If I did want that ride from my older brother Emmett, I would need to rush.
Once clean, I got dressed in a pair of jeans and put on a yellow t-shirt. I tried looking for a pair of matching socks but gave up and put on a grey one and a white one. I stuck my feet in my sneakers, lazily tying them as I juggled with getting my backpack ready. The last thing I did before heading out of my room was putting on my black jacket.
"Em!?" I called out as I bounced down the stairs. "Are you still here?"
"Nope!" his voice responded and I heard the front door shut.
"Shit," I muttered as I flew past the living room.
"Language," my dad, Carlisle, said as he opened the door for me. He was finely dressed in his suit, his hands preoccupied with the car keys and paper work. Carlisle worked as a doctor at Forks hospital. He was one of the best. We hardly saw him anymore, especially since my parents are always monitoring Alice and chauffeuring her to the Seattle hospital and the Forks hospital. I actually didn't mind it that much, but sometimes I wished they were around more. I was surprised that my dad was even here right now.
Once outside, I pulled my hood up. The rain was coming down in light sprinkles. Emmett was already in his Jeep, getting ready to leave me if I didn't hurry. I ran to the large vehicle, hauling myself into the shelter of it. Our dad got into his black Mercedes and rushed out of the driveway, zooming through the neighborhood. Emmett backed out and drove to school; letting the stereo blast some type of music I actually didn't mind that much.
Emmett was my older brother by two years. He was oddly what you wouldn't expect. He was very muscular and was pretty popular. The first thing people would guess would be jock; football star. Truth be told, Emmett wasn't that good at sports. He was better at sculpting and making things. He spent most his time in his wood shop or art class. He loved it so that was the only thing that mattered.
He was just a big dork with a passion for art, and of course his girlfriend, Rosalie. She was one of those blonde girls that looked like they belonged in a magazine that showed of their bright smiles and bodies. Sadly enough she was a cheerleader for the crappy football team. She had a lot more potential than that, but if it made her happy I wasn't going to stop her. After all, she was the real reason why Emmett was Mr. Popular. I wasn't going to let another sibling's dreams be crushed.
Forks High was slightly different than most, especially the ones you see in movies. We did have the cliques and drama, but no one really cared. In a way, we were all willing to be friends; just some of us had more secret admirers then others. It was nice, but often times I wondered what it would be like if it were one of those movies.
I didn't really fit in with any group. I mostly hung out with my two best friends, Bella and Jasper. They both belonged to different circles but they always had enough time for everyone. Bella hung out with Rosalie and Emmett's friend, even though she was in tenth grade. Jasper stuck with the stoners who could participate like normal beings, but never did.
The only thing anyone hated about high school was probably the homework and having to face your ex. Other than that it was just six hours of boredom. Nothing to get that excited about. I'd prefer to be sleeping, maybe even in my own bed for once. That was the only thing I didn't like about school, though. Here we were going on about our lives while Alice was in the hospital getting tests done. Today was supposed to be her first day of third grade. She was so excited for it, too.
Emmett pulled into the school parking lot. It was full of students and ugly cars. No teen in Forks owned a good car, it was sad but true. I hopped out, pulling my red backpack onto my shoulders and heading for the familiar spot where my friends and I would meet at. I walked through the lot, passing by old faces and some new ones; mostly freshman. I walked until I was touching the school building, making my way behind it. And like I knew he would be, Jasper was already there, leaning against the wall looking like one of those cowboy silhouettes people use as decorations for their house.
"Since when do you smoke?" I called out to him, watching him stick a cigarette in between his lips. His head snapped to the left, into my direction.
"Since when did you start looking like an emo?" he retorted.
I came to an immediate halt and raised my eyebrows. "Excuse me?"
"What's with the hair? And the clothes? You fucking look like Alice!" he laughed.
I stood there for a moment. I looked the same as always had, I felt the same. Sure my hair had gotten a little longer, but I mean, Jasper grew his some too. What's the big deal?
"Dude, relax," he said suddenly, walking towards me. "I was just messing with you. Who knew you were such a girl?"
"Shut up," I muttered.
We both walked to the place where he had been standing. We leaned back against the brick building and stared at the large forest in front of us. It was what we always did for the past two years, nothing would change. At least, I hoped not. I wasn't a big fan of change.
"Edward? Jasper?" a girl's voice called out. Jasper and I turned our heads to the left, spotting Bella as she turned the corner. I have to admit, my jaw dropped a little bit. I hadn't seen Jasper or Bella much over the summer. Jasper had gone to summer camp and Bella went to Phoenix to be with her mother. I figured she'd change a little bit, but not this much.
Her pre-teen curves had turned into the shape of a woman's. Her brown hair had grown longer and wasn't just dull or straight. It had curls and even seemed darker then before. She wore a pair of tight jeans and a cute, blue sweater. She looked grown up.
This was one change that I welcomed with open arms.
"Whoa. Look who got all mature on us," Jasper muttered. Bella scoffed and stopped once she made it next to us. She glared at Jasper and turned to me, her cheeks flaming.
Jasper continued. "So, anything else happened that you haven't told us about?" I smacked Jasper across his arm for giving Bella such a hard time, but that guilty look on her face had me freezing.
"Actually, I got a boyfriend."
I always knew the world was out to get me.
New story. New things. New opportunities.
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