FML Contest

Title: Jasper and the no-longer-remotely-private parts

by ICMezzo

Characters: Jasper, Edward, and friends

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it, and Stephenie Meyer does.

Story Summary: Edward and Jasper have very busy lives, so Edward takes a drastic step to ensure they can spend a special evening together. Unfortunately, handcuffs and fire drills don't mix. (EdwardxJasper slash. AH/AU. Rated M. Very, very M. One-shot written for the FML Contest at www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net /~FMLcontest.)

"Hello, sexy…"

I jumped, startled by the unexpected whisper in my ear. However I quickly recovered, and was nothing but pleased to have my boyfriend near. "Hey, you…" I grinned. "What are you doing here? I thought you had rehearsal?"

Edward was a graduate theater major and was currently buried in rehearsals for a play opening next month. I was in my usual corner of the library, studying for an upcoming midterm.

"We finished my scenes early, and I have the rest of the night off. So I've come to take you hostage," he explained, sitting across from me at the library table.

"That sounds amazing. But I have so much work to do," I said wistfully. I wanted to spend the time with Edward. We hadn't seen each other much at all recently. He was busy with rehearsals, and I was wrapped up with midterms and my graduate thesis, not to mention work. I was a senior RA for a freshman dorm on campus; it helped me pay for graduate school, but it was terribly time consuming. I hated being away from Edward, and wanted desperately to give in and spend the evening with him, but I had so much schoolwork to do. Still, it felt like I hadn't seen him in more than a week, and I craved time with him. My body craved his.

"I knew you'd say that." He leaned across the table and kissed me teasingly on the mouth. Then he brought his beautiful lips to my ear and whispered, "That's why I brought these."

That's when I felt the metal clasp around my left wrist.

I looked down. "Edward! What are you—Where did you get—What are you doing?" I asked. He had discreetly slipped a handcuff around my left wrist and was holding the other cuff in his hand.

"I told you, Jasper," he replied. "I'm taking you hostage. I want your undivided attention." He kissed me again, less than chastely.

I groaned, my body responding to his mouth and the idea of spending such an evening with my gorgeous man. I felt myself caving. With my free hand, I placed a bookmark in my open text and shut it gently. I shivered with anticipation, feeling the metal, heavy on my wrist. I decided at that moment that spending the evening with Edward was far more important than studying.

"Your place or mine?" I asked, smiling. I thought for a moment, and then answered my own question. "Mine, it's closer," I said, just as he replied, "Yours, it's closer."

We grinned at each other and grabbed our things as we scurried out of the library and to the parking lot to jump into Edward's car and head to my suite in the dorm. He left the handcuff on my left wrist, reminding me that I was his for the evening, though he let go of the other side so that he could drive.

I loved possessive Edward. I kept looking over at him while he drove, loving his smirk and delighting at the hunger I saw in his sexy green eyes when he met my gaze. His messy bronze hair shined in the moonlight. He was totally hot, and he was mine. And I was, especially this evening, completely his.

When we arrived at my dorm, I tucked my hand in my coat pocket so we could head up to my room with the cuff unnoticed. Edward followed closely on my heels, his hand on the small of my back whenever possible.

I swear the elevator to my room had never moved so slowly. Other students were in the elevator with us, so we stood there innocently—Edward simply smirked at me while I blushed furiously, knowing that all I wanted was to rip off our clothing and throw myself on top of him.

When we arrived on my floor, we darted out of the elevator and practically ran to my room, nearly tangling our legs and tripping as we raced down the hall to my suite. After fumbling for a moment with the lock on my door, we pushed through and into my living room. As soon as the door was shut behind me, Edward pushed me hard back against my door and pressed his mouth to mine, his hands fisting my hair. I ground my hips into his, feeling his excitement growing against my own.

After a minute he pulled away, and I sucked down air and nervously licked my lips. I was a bit on edge, wondering what he had planned.

He began by removing my coat and shirt. He then held my hands at my sides as he licked up and down my chest, kissing and teasing my nipples before moving back up to my shoulders and nipping at my neck. I couldn't help but moan as his mouth teased me so mercilessly. I writhed, hoping for friction, but again, he stepped back.

"Okay, Jasper, follow me," he commanded, as he headed into my bedroom. He dropped his own coat casually on my couch along the way. Once we were in the bedroom, he turned to me. "Now, please finish undressing."

I was pretty sure I'd do just about anything for Edward, and this was an easy request to fulfill. Staring into his eyes the entire time, I removed my shoes and socks, and then slowly took off my pants and finally my boxers.

I stood before him, hard, and wearing nothing but a handcuff on my wrist. He didn't hide his reaction; I heard him suck in air as his eyes roamed over my body.

I approached him and he nodded when I stood directly before him. I kissed his mouth once, and then began to undress him. However, after that I didn't touch him other than to remove his clothing, knowing it would only increase his desire for my touch. It was my way of teasing him back.

When he too was naked, I couldn't resist kissing his lips one more time before again taking a few steps back so I could admire him fully. I took in his messy hair, his sculpted chest and abs, and the sexy-as-hell V of his hips that led my eyes still further down.

Suddenly, the urge to taste him overcame me. I looked at Edward questioningly, hoping he would read my mind.

He seemed to know what I wanted. He nodded and moved a pillow from my bed to the ground. I kneeled on it, appreciating his desire to make me comfortable. He then approached, but before I could take him in my mouth, he paused, just out of reach.

"Wait—your hands," he said. I raised them as he took them in his own.

He attached the other handcuff to my right wrist.

"That's better," he smirked, as I looked up at him from my knees, my cuffed hands now together in front of me. He tucked my blond curls behind my ears lovingly, and then he stepped before me, and I began to worship him with my mouth.

I started by kissing up and down his shaft, before licking his head and tasting his precum. I then took him in my mouth slowly. I felt somewhat awkward because I was unable to use my hands, but glancing at Edward's face told me he was enjoying my ministrations nonetheless. His mouth was slightly open and his eyes were hooded as he watched me. I swallowed him deeply, humming around him, and listened as he moaned in response.

Eventually, I felt Edward's hips rock slightly, and I opened my mouth and gave him control. He moved in my mouth, and I licked and sucked around his cock as he did so. I shifted my hips unconsciously, seeking my own pleasure.

He must have noticed because he suddenly backed up all the way against the far wall. "I don't want to come this way," he explained. "I want to fuck you first. I just need a second, I was so close…"

"Please…" I whimpered. I desperately wanted to feel him in me.

"Wait here," he said, as he stepped back into the living room. He quickly came back, this time with a key. He then took my wrists and released one of them.

He helped me stand and led me to the bed. "Lay down on your back."

I did as he suggested, and he approached me again, this time pulling the handcuff around the post on my headboard, and then he reattached the empty cuff to my other hand, so that my hands were attached together above my head.

He then joined me on the bed, kneeling between my legs. "God, you're hot. I can't tell you how incredibly sexy you are right now," he commented.

I smiled lazily at him. "Only for you, baby."

He reached into my nightstand, and removed lube and a condom from my top drawer. He warmed a bit of lube in his hand and then for the first time all night, touched my aching cock. He began slowly stroking me, and I couldn't help but moan at his touch. Soon, he put a bit more lube on his finger as he started to tease my entrance with his other hand. I gasped as he entered me, and wiggled a bit against him as he began to move his finger in and out of me.

"More, please. More!" I cried. Oh god, it felt so good. I just wanted more of him. More, Edward. More and more of Edwa—

And then the alarm sounded. Piercing, pulsing, obnoxious warning sounds filled the air.

"What the hell?" Edward looked up, shocked.

"Oh my god. Fire alarm. I totally forgot. Shit!" I cried.

"You knew about this???" Edward practically shrieked.

"Shit. Yes. Fuck. They sent around a memo to all the RAs that they planned to do a test fire drill sometime today. I totally forgot. I'm never home, you know?" I tried to explain.

The alarm continued to sound around us.

"Go get the key!" I yelped, trying not to panic. Edward darted across the room to pick up the key he'd dropped to the floor a few minutes ago.

He returned with the key and moved to unlock me.

I shifted my wrist to make it easier for him and then heard a metallic clang.

"Oh, shit." Edward gulped. I looked up at him, where my hands were still bound to my headboard.

"You shifted and I accidently dropped the key," he explained.

"Well, pick it up!" I cried.

"I can't!" he said in horror. "It dropped beneath the bed. And… into the vent."

"Oh my god! Edward!" I shrieked. I saw him freaking out above me.

The alarm continued to sound, only fueling the panic threatening to overtake me.

"Okay. Wait. This is only a test fire drill. We need to remember that. Just a test." I shut my eyes and took a few deep breaths and tried to think. "Just a test, no actual danger," I said again.

"Right, a test. Okay, well, I had a spare key, but I think I left it in the car. I could go get that. But campus security won't let me back in until the fire drill is over." He was thinking out loud.

"Okay. Well, that should be fine." I tried to convince myself as well as Edward, that this was a reasonable plan. Hell, it was the only plan I could think of. He could go get the key and come back in afterward and no one needed be the wiser. As long as he shut my door and turned out the lights, no one would suspect I was in my room. It would be fine… I hoped.

"But Jasper, I can't leave you like this! What if it is an actual fire?" he was practically in tears.

"Right. Well, first of all, it's not. But if it is, we clearly need help immediately and you'll just have to tell someone I'm here and that we need help." I said a quick prayer that this embarrassing scenario would be unnecessary. But if it was a drill like it was supposed to be, I could just wait here until he returned and no one needed to be the wiser.

"Edward, please. You have to go. Please just go get the key," I tried to convince him. I could think of no alternatives.

Finally, he nodded. He kissed me, threw on some clothing, turned out the lights and darted out the door, calling, "I'll be back as soon as I can!"

I sighed, and tried to settle myself down and wait for him. I wished I could cover my ears to drown out the alarm sounding throughout the dorm. It was driving me crazy.

After maybe ten minutes, the alarm turned off. The silence suddenly seemed deafening, as I lay there I the dark.

There was nothing to do but wait.

I shivered a bit. Why hadn't I had Edward throw a blanket over me before he left?

And then I heard a voice—one I recognized. But it wasn't Edward's. It was Bella, the RA from the floor above me, who just so happened to have a serious crush on my boyfriend. We didn't advertise our relationship, but we weren't hiding it either. Yet she never seemed to pick up on the fact that our relationship was more than platonic. Panic flooded through me yet again. She was about to get a very serious wake-up call.

"Yes, I checked floor nine," she said. "I'm just starting floor eight now." I heard a muffled voice reply and it dawned on me that the RAs were sweeping the building. Bella was talking to another RA on her walkie-talkie. She was beginning to check my floor since I obviously wasn't present for the drill. Or so she would have assumed.

The RAs had to sweep through each of the rooms to make sure all of the students properly shut their windows and left their rooms. I'd forgotten this important detail. It was all part of the test. But that meant that someone would be checking my room. Oh god, oh god, oh god.

At that moment, I heard a key turn in my lock and saw my light flick on. A half second later, Bella entered my room. I shut my eyes, and heard her gasp. I could only imagine her shock.

I saw myself as she would have seen me: totally naked and completely exposed, face up on my bed, handcuffed to my headboard, beet-red, with a bottle of lube and a condom laying next to me. Oh my god, the horror. I tried to turn my lower body to cover myself a bit from her stunned gaze, though I knew turning my hip did little to help.

"Jasper?" she asked in a small voice.

"Yes, please, just pretend I'm not here. Just head out, and close my door, and pretend I wasn't here. Edward went to go get a key. He'll be back soon." I said.

"Edward?" she gaped at me.

"Yes. Please, go. Please. I'll be fine. Please, just go…" I begged.

"I don't know. I mean, maybe I should get help?" she asked. At that moment, I heard another voice. Oh god, no. Please, no. I knew that voice too. It was Emmett, the RA from two flights up—who also happened to be dating my older sister, Rosalie.

"Bella? I'll help finish this floor with you. Bella? Where are you?" I heard Emmett call to her.

"Bella!" I hissed. "Go!"

But it was too late. I heard Emmett enter my suite.

"Bella? What is it?" he asked.

"I, uh…" she trailed off, still staring at me. I was sure it was like seeing a car accident. She just couldn't look away.

Soon Emmett appeared behind her in the doorway to the bedroom, obviously trying to figure out what Bella was looking at.

"Dude! Jasper! What the hell are you doing?" His voice boomed throughout the suite. I died a bit on the inside.

"Emmett, please. Just go. I'm fine. Edward is bringing back another key." I explained for what seemed the thousandth time.

"I'm going for help." Bella chose that moment to jump into action. She darted out the door before I could stop her.

"Wait. Another key?" Emmett suddenly asked.

"Yes," I sighed. "He dropped the one he had one him into the vent below the bed. So he went to the car to get the spare."

"Well, I'll just get the one out of the vent," he said determined. "Uhh… I'm not looking," he said as he moved close to me. Emmett was all jock, and definitely all about women. I imagined he was unaccustomed to being so near to a naked male. "But," he continued. "I should just say that Edward is a lucky man."

I groaned. Emmett didn't know uncomfortable. I wanted to disappear. Forever.

Soon though, he was under my bed, trying to open the vent. I shut my eyes and pretended none of it was happening.

I wished someone had thought to hand me a blanket at some point. Or hell, an invisibility cloak would be spectacular. Or even if the earth would just kindly open and swallow me up. Anything, anything, anything but this.

And that's when Alice, my ex-girlfriend showed up.

I had dated her before I recognized I was gay. She was the RA on the third floor of the building. "Oh Jazz!" she cried, horrified. I knew she was replaying our occasional "handcuff-play" in her head—we had tried all kinds of things to keep me interested, while I denied my true sexual preferences—and was clearly thanking her stars that nothing like this ever happened when we were together.

"Wait, I have an idea!" she suddenly spoke up, causing Emmett to look up from under the bed. "Let's use the lube! Maybe we can get your hands out of the cuffs with it!"

I nodded. At this point, I was willing to try anything. She grabbed the lube and sat next to me on the bed.

"Hey Jazzy?" she asked as she poured some of the lube into her hand.

"Yeah?" I sighed.

"Isn't this all kinda familiar, what with the lube and the cuffs and all—"

"Alice, for god's sake. Please!" I cut her off. "And would you mind maybe just covering me with that blanket down there?" I nodded to the one at the foot of the bed.

"Sorry, Jazzy. My hands are covered in lube, and besides, it's nothing I haven't seen before!" She giggled and went to work on my hands. Soon, I was covered in the stuff, and she was helping me try to wiggle my hands free—unsuccessfully.

But Alice was persistent, and continued to try to free me, until my hands became raw from her efforts. I was about to ask her to stop, when I heard voices approaching. It was Bella again, I realized, and this time she'd brought "help," whoever that was.

I heard her enter my suite, but when she reached the doorway to my bedroom, she again stopped short. Apparently the sight of me on the bed was just as stunning for Bella the second time around. Again, I shut my eyes tightly and turned away. At this point, it was my only defense. And I had reached my breaking point.

It was then that I heard Bella's "help," crash into her back because she'd stopped so abruptly.


I heard the new voice. Somehow it also sounded vaguely familiar. Who now? Maybe my grandmother? That would be fantastic. Or perhaps my thesis advisor. That would be great too. It was starting to feel like there were very few left people left who hadn't seen me completely naked. Sighing, I opened my eyes and turned to face my audience.

I recognized him immediately.

How was this even possible? In what alternate universe does this sort of thing occur?

Yet there he was: Edward's somewhat bitter ex-boyfriend, Jacob, dressed in his firemen's gear. He was brandishing a rather large and particularly sharp-looking tool, presumably to cut the chain to separate my handcuffs and free me from the bed. Judging by the look on Jacob's face, he was enjoying my humiliation quite thoroughly.

After basking in my personal hell for a few seconds, Jacob finally stepped around Bella, and approached the bed. "Well, I need to cut you free. I hope I don't…slip," he smirked. "Your hands look kinda… slippery."

I tried to defend myself. "It was Alice, she was trying to get my hands free with the lu—"

Jacob cut me off. "What you do with your lube is between you and him."

Yup. He was definitely still bitter. Fantastic.

I just shut my eyes and tried not to move and willed him to be done with it quickly.

"Hold still," he commanded. I heard metal crunch against metal, and suddenly, I was free.

I immediately sat up on the bed and grabbed a nearby pillow and placed it over my no-longer-remotely-private parts.

And then everything happened at once.

Emmett, for one, smacked his head on the bed as he emerged from beneath it, proudly brandishing the dropped key. Alice, meanwhile, began wrestling me in an attempt to snag my pillow, while giggling like crazy and claiming that there was nothing to hide at this point. Jacob snidely commented that I didn't need such a large pillow anyway. At the same time, Bella was trying to push everyone to the door so we could all go outside where we were supposed to be.

And, of course it was that moment that Edward finally arrived, waving the second key he'd retrieved from the car. His face froze as he took in the rather large gathering of our friends, neighbors, and exes, all standing around while I sat on the bed, still completely naked and very thoroughly lubricated. "What the…?"

I just groaned. FML.

Prompt: Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML