A/N: I have created a facebook page for anyone interested where I will update you on the progress of updates to my story. The link is: zivalevisfanfictions.
Chapter 18: What to do?
It was now three months into the ten years and Harry was at a loss of what to do. He wanted a family, a loving family but if he didn't accept Draco, then Draco would die, but could he have a loving family with Draco?
Also bothering him were the feelings he felt whenever he was around or thought of Draco. He didn't understand them. What where they? He didn't like that he didn't understand his own feelings. He needed someone to talk to. He thought of Sirius but blushed and thought of how embarrassing it would be, the same with Remus, he wasn't close at all with Snape so ruled him out, maybe Hermione?
Hermione had always stood by him, even when others didn't. The one fight they did have was over the Firebolt in third year. Hermione, Harry had realized, had done the right thing, but he had allowed Ron's anger to influence him. Hermione had always been a friend, always been there for him when needed, always happy to help him with problems, not that he went to her often with personal problems, he was used to having to deal with them himself, but in this instance he hoped she could help him.
He went in search of his first female friend. He wondered through the house, past the Potions lab where Snape and the Slytherins where making some potions, past the games room where the Gryffindors were playing and just being rowdy in general. The Gryffindors and Slytherins were getting along but at time just liked to do their own things. They didn't bar any of the other group joining them but normally members of the opposite group had no interest in what the other group was doing. It was normally on Hermione that would take up the offer to do potions. He finally reached his final destination. The Library.
Entering the library he searched through the shelves when he couldn't see her at any of the tables. He found her down the Arithmancy section, searching through the books.
"Hey 'Mione." He said softly, suddenly unsure if he should ask her.
"Hey Harry. What's wrong?" she asked when she saw his face. She was worried for her friend. For the last 2 months he had been quiet and reflective, spending a lot of time either by himself or watching Draco Malfoy, when they weren't in lessons anyway. She worried about what was going on.
"ummmm, nothing, don't worry bout it?" Harry said quickly, turning to leave, thinking that it had been a bad idea.
"HADRIAN JAMES POTTER, YOU STOP RIGHT THERE AND TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG." She didn't quiet yell but she said it in such an authoritative way and with such a concerned tone that he couldn't help but smile at the care she showed towards him. He still had trouble believing people cared about him at times. He turned back to her slowly, while wiping off his smile, not wanting her to think he was making fun of her.
"Can we go to my Study? For privacy?" he asked.
Hermione nodded, put back the book she had in her hand and followed him back to his study. Once there they sat on the love seat in front of the fire. Hermione waited patiently, knowing that pushing Harry would just make things harder. They sat in comfortable silence for a while before Harry sighed.
"I, um, I'm unsure, I mean, um…" He trailed off, frustrated with himself, which Hermione noticed. She reached out and put a calming hand on his arm.
"Take a breath Harry, calm down. It's just me, Harry, whatever it is I'll help you, I won't laugh at you or make fun of you, you know that. Please Harry, I want to help you, you're my best friend, my brother." She said softly.
Harry's head snapped up in shock. Did she really thing of him as her brother?
"Really? You mean that? I mean about me being your brother?" he asked, his insecurities shining through.
"Yes Harry, I do mean it. You are my brother in all but blood. I love you like I would love my own brother." She assured him.
"Thank you. I think I see you as a sister but I'm not sure." He told her looking down ashamed at the last part. He told her how he felt about her, about how close he felt to her and how he would do anything to help her and continued with "That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm not sure what some feelings I'm feeling towards someone are. I was hoping you could help me?" he looked at her pleadingly.
"From what you said Harry, you do see me as a sister." She said with a happy smile. Inwardly she was cursing those damn Dursley's for causing Harry to be so confused over his feelings. She didn't know what the extent on his treatment at the Dursley's was but she could guess. She wished she could go pay them a visit. "As for these other feelings towards someone, that someone wouldn't be Draco would it?" she smiled as his face went red.
"How'd you know?" he asked surprised.
"You've been watching him more lately." She replied.
"Oh, ummmm, I guess you'd notice that." He said, the last bit being in a teasing tone. Hermione smiled at him.
"Why don't you explain what you feel around him and I'll see if I can help you figure it out." She said.
And so he did. He told her how he wanted nothing more than to be in the same room as him, how wonderful the feelings felt. How he kept having random thoughts of wondering how it would feel to have Draco hug him, even kiss him, Harry blushed while admitting that. Of how he wanted to make Draco happy, no matter what.
After listening to Harry describe his feelings and thinking about it she had a pretty good idea what those feelings were, not only that but she realized she had been having those exact same feelings for another boy currently in the house. She was shocked that she hadn't noticed but she had been busy researching things and doing lessons and learning as much as she could. She put her own revelation aside for now, this moment was for Harry not her.
"Harry, I'm pretty sure I know what those feelings are, do you want to know?" Hermione decided to double check that he did want to know. Harry looked at her, he had been watching her while she thought about what he'd said, he'd noticed that she had made, to her, a shocking revelation, he wondered if it was about what his feelings were or if it was something else.
"Yes." He said. He needed to know. He needed to have all information possible to make his decision. Hermione nodded.
"You love him." She said simply.
"WHAT." Harry yelp in shock, having not expected that. He had thought maybe, Maybe, he liked Draco but had never expected love. Could he love anyone in that way, was he capable of it? Hermione watched Harry's face and again seethed at the Dursley's.
"Yes Harry, you love him. You want to let him hold and kiss you, you would do anything to make him happy. Yes, you love him." Hermione said gently.
"Oh." Harry said, it did kind of make sense. "Is that why you were shocked when you realized that? I'm sorry if it was. I can't lose you 'Mione, please."
Hermione was shocked. "NO Harry, that wasn't why I was shocked, I'm quite happy for you. You deserve love and I think you and Draco would make the perfect couple. He's really changed from what we knew of him in school Harry, I think you should give it a go. I'm positive he feels the same for you, with the way he looks at you." She said.
"You think so? You think he likes me too?" Harry asked shocked. Then shook his head, it was probably just the Veela part of him, he thought sadly.
Hermione saw the sudden sad look and wondered what it was about. "What are you thinking Harry?" she asked gently.
Harry looked up at her, into her concerned eyes. He wasn't sure he should tell her, it wasn't his place, but he needed her help. So he told her about Draco being Veela and how he was Draco's mate, about how if he was looking at him as she said, it was probably just because of the Veela part of him.
Hermione looked thoughtful, "Can I see that book you mentioned?" Harry got up and grabbed it from the bookcase near the fire place and gave it to her.
For the next half hour they sat quietly while Hermione read the book. Harry waited patiently, knowing she would pick up anything he missed in the book. She was good at doing that, picking up what most people would miss. Half hour later Hermione finished reading the last page of the book, Harry once again thinking that she was a very speedy reader, and looked at Harry.
"I don't think him liking you has anything to do with his Veela side. There are documentations in here of Veela's that haven't liked their mates even though their Veela side does. I truly think Draco likes you Harry. The way he looks at you tells me that." She reassured him.
Harry looked at her with a hopeful look "You really think so?" he asked.
"Yes Harry." She replied, once again wanting to pay the Dursley's a visit.
"Ok" he still looked unsure but decided to accept what she said, "So why did you look shocked before then?" He asked. He was intrigued as he watched her face go red.
"I just realized I have been having the same feelings for another boy here as you have been having for Draco, but I've been too caught up in studying and lessons that I didn't notice." She explained softly.
"Really? Who?" he asked, wondering who it was. He hoped it wasn't Neville, cause he was pretty sure Neville liked Luna and was almost positive Luna liked Neville back. He watched as Hermione seemed to go even redder and mumbled something. "You'll have to speak up ''Mione." He smiled.
"Fine," She said, still red faced, "It's Blaise Zabini, alright."
"Blaise is a good guy." Harry said, nodding. He'd spent some time with each person here and gotten to know them. Blaise was very studious and was a caring guy, he'd be perfect for Hermione. "Are you going to try anything with him?"
"I don't know" she sighed, "I need to think about this, I've only just realized and need to get used to the idea"
Harry nodded knowing that this was how Hermione worked. She needed to analyze everything. It was just what she did. She wouldn't be 'Mione if she didn't do that.
They spent the rest of the day catching up with each other, just the two of them. They talked about anything and everything but avoided the topic of love lives, they both needed time to think on the topic by themselves.
It had been a week since his talk with Hermione. He was now standing outside Draco's door, trying to get up the courage to knock. He had thought long and hard about what he had discussed with Hermione and come to the decision that she was right, he loved Draco. He had re-read the Veela book and agreed with what she said about the person not necessarily having to have feelings for the mate of the Veela. He had watched Draco out of the corner of his eye for the last week and had seen that 'Mione was, as usual, right, he did watch him a lot. So here he was, outside his mate room, ready to take the next step.
He knocked and entered at the voice telling him to enter, he shut the door behind him and quietly put up some privacy charms, before turning to face Draco. Draco looked surprised to see him. Harry took a deep breath and channeling his inner Gryffindor, he marched over to Draco and kissed him right on the lips, Draco froze for just a second before responding to the kiss. The kiss seemed to last forever, it felt wonderful. If either had had their eyes open they would have noticed a strong golden glow surrounding them.
When they pulled away, Draco was shocked. "What the hell was that? Do you know what you have done? Why would you throw your life away like that?" Draco was irritated. Yes he now had what he wanted, Harry as his mate, but he felt that Harry had no idea what he was getting himself into.
"That was a kiss, people tend to do that with people they like. Yes I am quite aware of what I've done, I've kissed the person I like. No I do not believe I've thrown away my life." Harry answered his questions. He had had a feeling something like this would happen. While observing Draco the last week and thinking about his observations the last few months, he figured that Draco thought he was better off without him, that he, Harry, deserved someone better. And it seemed he was right, that was how Draco felt.
Draco went right off at that moment, about Veela and about how he, Harry, had doomed himself to a life of misery and a loveless relationship, as now that the bond had started (only a kiss needed to start the bond) they were stuck together.
"So you don't love me?" Harry asked, ignoring the rest of what Draco said, his insecurities once again making themselves known.
"WHAT, of course I love you, why would you say that" Draco went red when he realized what he'd said.
"You said that this would be a loveless relationship." Harry said.
Draco looked confused for a moment before what Harry said hit him. He looked at Harry, really looked at him, and realized, to his shock, the look in the other boys eyes was love, he loved him. He wasn't just doing this to save Draco form death, he truly loved him. He also noticed that Harry wasn't surprised by the Veela part, so figured Harry had figured it out himself. He also noticed the insecurity shining through those green eyes, the worry that Draco didn't love him. Draco went to Harry and pulled him into an embrace and assured him that, yes he did truly love him and yes he wanted to be with him.
They spent the next few hours talking, sorting everything out, getting to know each other. Harry was feeling very happy. He felt comfortable and happy in Draco's arms. He didn't care if he was called a girl, he was happy, Draco seemed to be happy, and that was all that mattered.
A/N: A longer chapter than usual, I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading.