It's been a long, long, long time since I've posted anything. Gah. Just wanted to let everyone know that the next chapter of Knock on Wood is in the processing stages (yay) and is currently being made better by my wonderful beta, Kesera. However and in the meantime, I thought I might ease myself back in with a brief gen-fic that hopefully will be sort of fun. Hopefully. I also have a ton of thank-yous that will be addressed come next chapter of Knock on Wood.

ALSO. If anyone has not heard of the wonderful lj group that is dedicated to helping Haiti, it's located over here: community (dot) livejournal (dot) com (backslash) help (underscore) haiti In this community there's a lot of authors who, if you'd like, you can bet on and they will write a fic of your choosing. As long as you promise not to judge my ability by the enclosed fic that, while enjoyable to write and (still hopefully) enjoyable to read, is not one of my best, please also feel free to go ahead and bid on if you'd like me to write something of your choosing here: community (dot) livejournal (dot) com (backslash) help (underscore) haiti (backslash) 3155 (dot) html?thread=2137171#t2137171. Bidding closes in about a hour and a half and the money goes to the charity of your choice that is currently engaged in releif efforts in Haiti.

And that's enough preaching from me--enjoy the (very short) story? Please?


If Ratchet lived long enough to see the Twins again, he was going to make them wish he had just turned them into toasters.

Muttering abject and explicit plans of lambo-torture to himself as he frantically attempted to somehow keep a human alive with too large hands and too non-human friendly medical tools as explosions continued to light up the otherwise dark area around his pathetically sheltered hideaway within a traffic tunnel, Ratchet couldn't help but spare a moment to snort through his intakes in slight amusement at the irony.

Leave it to the Twins to pick one of the most lawless, dangerous, and utterly hazardous cities for his enforced vacation that offered little to no cover for medics to hide from pestering Seekers.

"You'll have lots of fun, Ratchet!" they had said, "It's home to one of the most well known entrepreneurs ever, he donates to medical advancements all the time—you have to meet him!"

"Besides—you need some down time away from the Ark, you've been a bit grumpy as of late. At least, grumpier than usual."

"Oh yes, and this is just the thing to take my mind off my worries." Ratchet grumbled to himself, swapping a rather large pair of tweezers for his right forefinger and attempting to wrap the steadily leaking gash on the human's left side with a makeshift bandage, its limited dexterity slightly hindering the process. It was a blessing that the blast that had given him the jagged injury had knocked the human out, Ratchet considered. He couldn't imagine that his fumbling would have been at all conclusive to not causing the human pain.

Ratchet shook his helm back and forth quickly as a barely audible ringing echoed in his audios as he continued to tend to the human. He was so focused on the patient that he was unable to immediately identify the sound for what it was.

Silence.

Narrowing his optics and hesitating slightly with his continued ministrations, Ratchet squashed down the urge to stick his brightly colored, easily targeted, unable to miss helm out of the hidey-hole for a quick peek at what could have managed to chase the infuriatingly loud Seekers away.

"What the hell happened?" A groan from his palm, however, quickly arrested the entirety of his attention once again and he quickly swiveled his head over to stare with blazing blue optics at the slowly reviving human. Running a few medical tests using only his unobtrusive scans, Ratchet was not pleased with what he found—he would have preferred that the human had stayed unconscious until he could have assumed his other form and gotten him to a hospital.

"Whoa. You're…you weren't exactly who I was expecting." The young man on his palm blinked up at him in, Ratchet couldn't help but note, rather lacking surprise. He knew that he and his kin weren't that much of an oddity anymore thanks to continued televised newscasts, but he was fairly sure that he should have garnered a raised eyebrow. At least.

"Is that what you always say to the people keeping you alive?" Ratchet shot back, twisting the tweezers that still griped the strip of gauze around the young man's torso one more time, accidentally eliciting a pained wince as he tied an intricate, but he was forced to admit, sloppy knot. Ratchet furrowed his optic ridges—human tending was something he needed to work on, he just wasn't used to everything being so small.

As Ratchet gave one last tug to make sure the bandage wasn't going anywhere, the young man let out another one of his hiccupping, pained cringes.

At least Ratchet assumed what he was doing was cringing. With the boy's mask so firmly in place he couldn't really tell. Did all the humans in this town wear masks and capes? It seemed like such an odd fashion statement. Then again, Ratchet considered, what did he know about human fashions?

"My apologies, Mr. Robot. Thank you for saving my life." The human said with a wide and open smile curving up his mouth underneath his mask, the expression taking the sting out of the statement.

"Now put him down."

The new voice was low and gravely, the growl emanating from a dark shape that slowly detached itself from the shadows disturbingly close to the medic's crouched figure. Ratchet couldn't stop his reflexes as he curled in a bit, shielding his makeshift ward until he could identify exactly what was going on—he should have detected this man's presence long before he had managed to get that close.

"And you are?" the medic snapped, annoyed at being caught by surprise.

"No one of concern. Now release the boy." Though all of the man that Ratchet could seem to detect that wasn't covered by his all black getup was his mouth, he still somehow managed to convey that what he was requesting wasn't really a request—rather a demand that should be obeyed. Now. As in immediately.

"Well, since you asked so nicely." Ratchet responded dryly. He was a guest in this town, it just wouldn't do if he went around stepping on rude passersby who, nevertheless, really had it coming. Lowering his hand to the ground, the young boy managed to hop onto the concrete, hissing and holding his side in pain. Swiftly, so swift that Ratchet might have missed it if not for the fact he had optics instead of inferior human eyes, the cloaked man reached the boy's side, sliding one arm behind his back and easily lifting him up, hooking his other arm underneath the boy's knees.

"Duuuuuuuude!" the boy moaned from his position against the other's chest, "This is way too embarrassing."

"Either I carry you now or wait the three minutes it'll take you to end up unconscious because you tried to walk on your own. Your choice."

"Shut up."

"That's what I thought." The man lifted a corner of his mouth up at the sulking youth in his arms before starting to stride out of the tunnel, his cape billowing out behind him in what Ratchet could only assume, given his limited human climatic experience, was a dramatic fashion. Just as the man reached the lip of the tunnel, he turned and fixed Ratchet with a penetrating stare.

Well, Ratchet thought as he raised an optic ridge and smirked at the man, at least it would have been penetrating for someone other than an experienced medical officer who'd been around long enough to have had the immense pleasure of putting his own fair share of intimidating bots in their place.

"I owe you my thanks—whatever you are. I'll still be keeping an eye on you and your friends while you're in my city…but it seems that you might just turn out to be less of a threat then I had first calculated." The man nodded once and was about to leave once again before the young man in his arms rolled his eyes and reached one hand up to pull on one of the peculiar ears attached to the man's cowl.

"Oh be nice," the boy said, tugging gently. With a greatly put upon sigh, the man turned around once again.

"And, I suppose, since you were so kind as to lend your assistance the least I can do is to offer the same. If you ever need me, send for me."

"And how will I do that, exactly?" Ratchet said, his faceplates threatening to shift into a smile. He couldn't stop his slight optic twitch, however, at being referred to as having kept the Seekers as "friends." Taking a small moment to consider the thought of this masked figure as having to do with anything pertaining to the Seekers, Ratchet couldn't help but wonder just what exactly did happen to get the noisy jets to shut up.

This man…he couldn't have possibly managed to do anything like that. There was absolutely no way a human being could be that…that…

Awesome, Ratchet supposed. There was no way any human could be that awesome.

"I'm always around. Just mention my name and I'm sure someone'll be able to point you in the right direction."

"And your name would be…?" Ratchet quirked another eye ridge at this strange character.

Staring coolly at him for another second, the man turned and stalked off and out of the tunnel and into the inky blackness of night, his answer echoing off the walls as the low, rumbling two syllables swaggered themselves into Ratchet's audios.

"Batman."


Fun? Horrible? Kinda lame but still made you smile? Feel free to let me know, please--and thank you for the reading! Also please let me know if anything's messed up or spelled wrong or, you know, could be made better and what not.