Dorothy and the B-Word

A/N- "Golden Girls", scripts and characters are all owned by folks other than myself and I'm claiming no monies for this- only writing this for my own (and hopefully, readers') satisfaction.

This one-shot ponders the possibility that maybe Dorothy wasn't entirely forthright in relating to the other Girls her encounter with Stan's mother, Mrs. Zbornak one Mother's Day. No worries there's no changed outcome. This is somewhat a tribute to the irreplaceable late Bea Arthur, Estelle Getty and Alice Ghostley. Lastly, because the character had been given no first name, to make the story flow better (and because I think the name fits her), I've christened the character Myrna for my fanfic.

Dorothy gamely tried to drink the hastily dunked, reused tea on Mother's Day in the early 1980's at Mrs. Myrna Zbornak's trailer while trying to seek out the best approach to ask her mother-in-law for the money while Stan has left them alone.

Myrna scowled a moment before starting to say her piece.

"What're ya hear for? Whaddya want? Money?" Myrna snapped.

Dorothy is momentarily taken aback that Myrna had reached that conclusion

"No! Absolutely not! How did you know?" Dorothy asked upon realizing that there was no point in continuing that charade.

"I got the feeling my yutz son crap out of his job," Myrna groaned.

"'Yutz'?!' I never heard you say anything bad about Stan in my life!" Dorothy gasped.

Myrna scowled.

"I don't have to! The whole world makes fun of him. Always has. That's why I make him about to be more than he is," Myrna admitted- while not quite ready to admit that she also did so out of guilt for whatever part she'd had in how Stan had turned out.

Dorothy felt the chance to ask was then or never so. . .

"Then you will give him the money," Dorothy ascertained.

Myrna wasn't ready to make things entirely easy.

"No! But, I'll give it to you- on one condition: Don't ever tell Stanley it came from me!" Myrna insisted.

Dorothy was rather undone by this turn of events.

"I don't understand," Dorothy said in puzzlement.

Myrna took a small breath before she started to explain.

"Well, Stanley has a tendency to be weak. If he knew I was a soft touch, he'd never amount to anything. How much d'ya need?" Myrna asked.

"$500,"Dorothy replied.

"I'll give ya a thousand!" Myrna insisted as pulled out some bills from a much larger wad in her right leg's garter.

Even though Dorothy had known Myrna for over three decades and had become used to her being eccentric (even more than Sophia), Dorothy still was slightly shocked at Myrna's money management.

As Myrna handed Dorothy the cash, Myrna decided that this was the right time to come clean.

"You know, Dorothy, I'm glad Stanley married you. Ya love him but yer tough on him an' he needs that!" Myrna said with admiration.

"Then why are you so mean to me?" Dorothy asked- still a bit puzzled.

"Because, Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak, you are a bore!"Myrna snapped.

"But. .." Dorothy sputtered- almost ready to become openly outraged at that tag.

"Don't get yer knickers in a knot, Toots. My parents were bores, the late mister was a bore, I bore a coupla bores," Myrna groaned.

"But you just said that Stan needs me," Dorothy protested.

"He needs ya! I don't! I got enough bores in my life as it is," Myrna scowled while rolling her eyes

"And you're. .." Dorothy started to protest.

"The life of the party! How d'ya think I got all this lettice in my drawers?" Myrna sniffed.

"At your age?" Dorothy gulped- wondering what went on in that trailer court.

"BINGO! BINGO! That is. . .I snow all these fossils at bingo- and cash in the prizes!"Myrna insisted- slightly unevenly while Dorothy got up from her chair and started to hug the older woman.

"You know, in spite of everything. It was good coming here to find out that underneath it all you do love. .." Dorothy started to say as Myrna patted her on the back right up to that moment when Stan returned to the trailer.

Miami, Mother's Day 1988- Sophia came into Dorothy's room late that night.

"What is it, Ma?"Dorothy said groggily.

"There's something about that story you told about Myrna that doesn't add up," Sophia said suspiciously.

"Ma, I know it's hard to believe that Mrs. Zbornak gave me that money and said what she said about Stan but it's true. Now go back to sleep," Dorothy groaned.

"No, it's not that! I remember getting bird-of-paradise flowers instead of the usual carnations late that Mother's Day from you so I knew you had to get that extra cash from somewhere- and you don't have what it takes for extortion or. .," Sophia recalled.

"Okay, Ma so what are. ..?" Dorothy asked.

"It doesn't make any sense that she'd think Stan cared enough about you to avoid seeing her if she was mean to you," Sophia scoffed.

"Ma, are you done," Dorothy groaned.

"But I know what does add up. She called you the b-word! Didn't she!"Sophia snapped as she started to laugh.

"No, absolutely not! How did you know?" Dorothy groaned.

"Because you hate to admit it when folks call you that but cheer up, Pussycat!" Sophia exclaimed.

"You mean, you don't think I'm a bore?" Dorothy asked tentatively.

"Of course, I do but, you know what, you're my bore and I wouldn't have you any other way," Sophia exclaimed as she hugged her daughter.

"Happy Mother's Day, Ma!"Dorothy half-sighed, half-laughed as she hugged Sophia.

"Happy Mother's Day and goodnight, Pussycat," Sophia beamed to Dorothy.

"Ma, do you think Rose and Blanche bought the whole story?"Dorothy asked.

"Sure, Sweetheart. Blanche is too wrapped up in herself to want to split hairs over someone she'll never meet and Rose is dumb enough to believe that part of Myrna taking down all Stan's photos the minute you two left the room," Sophia scoffed.

"Ma!" Dorothy gasped.

"Please. She saved those photos for how many moves before the trailer after throwing out how many other keepsakes- only to keep 'em in a box to be put up and taken down when she thought her bore was coming to visit? " Sophia laughed.

"Ma," Dorothy sighed while Sophia started to point to herself.

"You're looking at someone who's been through Ellis Island, 14 apartments, Shady Pines and now here. We old mothers don't save stuff we don't treasure. And you weren't even in the room when she was supposed to have done that so how could you know?"Sophia laughed.

"Ma, will you tell the others?"Dorothy groaned.

"Nah, you improved the story," Sophia exclaimed.

"Do you really think so?" Dorothy asked.

"Of course not, but, hey, they already know you're a bore so there's no point in having it confirmed by Myrna. Pleasant dreams, Pussycat," Sophia concluded as she kissed Dorothy one last time to go back to her room.