A.N. I'm sooo sorry it has taken me so long to get this up! Finals have been going on and I've been cramming and its been chaos at home and I just haven't felt like writing. I really have to be in the mood to give some presentable work to you guys and I just haven't been in the mood lately nor have I had the time. Also, I've been working on my actual book that I plan on trying to get published someday so just bear with me. Schools nearly out and I'll have more time write because I'm just that socially awkward. ;)
I really hope this chapter doesn't disappoint you guys too bad!
If thy doesn't own'th, thou can't sue'th.
Hesitantly, she met my eyes. "Do you promise?"
I smiled at her. "I promise, my Bella."
Exhausted, I fell back onto my butt from where I'd been leaning over the toilet, barfing my guts out. I wiped my mouth and looked up at Carlisle, completely confused.
"I know your not a doctor or anything- but why in the hell did I just do that?" I asked, near panicked. I had felt fine until I had gotten out of bed this morning.
He thought a moment, releasing me so I could rinse my mouth. "I think its morning sickness." He stood up from his place on the linoleum floor, his back against the wall.
I groaned but placed a hand reassuringly on my slightly extended stomach. "Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. I promise you- your not a mistake," I cooed quietly.
Cautiously, I peeked up at Carlisle. "Do I sound like an idiot talking to my stomach?" I inquired nervously, cocking an eyebrow.
He walked over to me with a reassuring smile on his face. He set his hands on the counter behind me, trapping me between his arms, and softly pressed his lips to mine, bending down so I didn't have to reach up on my tiptoes.
I smiled internally and tilted my head upwards so I could kiss him deeper. My hands, on their own accord, wound into the golden masterpiece atop his head. I marveled in the softness of his blonde hair that always looked a bit gelled but never felt like it. He just kept it looking nice and neat and professional.
It wasn't going to look very neat after I get down with it.
I tugged gently at it, making him moan. I pulled his body closer to me, and he willingly allowed me to do so. I just couldn't get him close enough.
His hands moved to my hips as we broke off for air. Even then, his lips didn't leave my skin. He trailed soft, featherlight kisses down my neck and back up to my chin.
His gaze locked with mine, so much love and passion in his eyes.
I thought I surely could not recuperate that much love. It saddened me that I could not fully give back everything he was giving to me. I had thought for so long that I'd never find someone that would love me for me that I'd given up ever finding anything to love. It was hard to remember even how to love.
I looked earnestly back at Carlisle. I moved my hands slowly from his hair, down to behind his neck where I interlocked my fingers. "I don't know how to love you, Carlisle," I murmured truthfully, hoping he wouldn't take it the wrong way.
He moved his hands to gently put them on my back, holding me against him. "Just feel. Let yourself feel my love for you. Feel my heart," He place my hand against his chest, over his slightly frantic heart. "beating for you and only you." He paused for a second before capturing my lips in a soft, chaste kiss. "Feel that my kisses aren't a lie, that every caress I take you in is not one meant for pain, that my heart yearns to be by your side through everything you go through."
His every word touched me with a small shock of electricity- much like what his touch did. His every kiss or caress lightly burned whatever place he touched. But it didn't hurt. It just felt like I was burned but had yet to feel the pain.
I was still so unsure about all this. Electricity nor soft words of reassurance could bring my mind to peace. I felt so overbearing about all this.
"What if you go through hell just to be by my side?" I asked quietly, searching his soft gaze.
He mused about my question for a moment. "I'll know that, if I'm going through hell, standing beside you, then what you're going through is ten times worse," he told me softly, caressing my cheek.
I smiled up at him, a sense of relief from his words flowing through me. I softly brought my lips upon his, kissing him gently but hesitantly. My hands, locked behind his neck, gently pulled him closer to me.
He gladly complied, deepening the kiss, moving his lips in sync with mine. He placed his hands gently on my hips, pushing me against the counter I stood in front of.
Carefully, his hand ventured up my shirt to be placed on top of my slightly swollen stomach. He rubbed small circles as we pulled apart for air. He looked down at my stomach thoughtfully.
"You must be hungry, lets go downstairs and I'll fix you up something," he said suddenly, picking me up bridal style.
I giggled, clinging harder to his neck. "Starved, actually," I admitted sheepishly as we walked from the bathroom.
We went downstairs and I sat at the island as Carlisle rummaged through his fridge. "What would you like?" he asked, turning to me, the fridge still open.
I thought a moment. "An omelet?" I offered, feeling like I'd eat just about anything right now- the plate, fork, and all.
He nodded, already getting out the ingredients. "Sounds good to me." He looked over his shoulder to smile brilliantly at me.
I watched him curiously. He always seemed so sure of himself in the kitchen and I had always wondered about that. He loved to cook and I hardly remembered a previous meal that wasn't home cooked. Plus his food was amazing!
As I stuck a fork into my omelet, I wondered if he'd ever thought about being a chef. I stuck the bite into my mouth and moaned at how good it was.
"This is amazing, Carlisle!" I raved, taking a few more ravenous bites.
He chortled, taking a bite of his own at a leisurely pace, unlike me. "Thank you."
I blushed as another small moan escaped my lips. "Have you ever thought about being a chef?" I asked right out of the blue, mumbling around my mouthful.
He looked taken aback. "Well, I did when I was younger... but teaching seemed more practical as I grew older." He shrugged, looking intently down at his food.
My mouth fell open, which, with food in it, wasn't very attractive, so it was quickly shut. "Don't give me that shit," I chastised gently. "There's more to it, I can tell." I placed my hand over the one he had laid limply on the table.
He glanced up at me before looking back down at his food and poking it with his fork. "There's nothing more," he mumbled but I could tell he was lying.
I stroked his hand softly. "You can tell me anything, Carlisle," I murmured soothingly. It felt good to be doing the soothing instead of being the soothed.
He flipped his hand so he could grasp mine tightly but not uncomfortable. "My dad wasn't very supportive of my chef dream," he explained in a monotone that told me he was trying not to let his emotions show.
I stood, releasing his hand, and walked around to sit in the seat beside him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he looked up at me, tears in his eyes. I was shocked to see them, not able to remember the last time I'd seen Carlisle crying.
I quickly wiped them away and pulled him into me. "I'm sorry to hear that, Carlisle... is there anything else?" I asked tentatively, feeling like there was something more to it.
A small sob broke through his chest and I felt like crying myself, seeing Carlisle in such a vulnerable state. "Can I... tell you something, Bella?" he asked, his voice breaking.
I rubbed his back, patting gently. "You can always tell me anything, Hun," I whispered gently, into his ear. "I want you to confide in me and feel like you can trust me like I trust you." I ran my fingers lightly through his hair.
"I do trust you, Bella." He drew in a deep, shaky breath. "My mom was in jail most of my life... and my dad was never around- he worked as a surgeon 24/7."
I began to feel his tears seeping through my shirt but I really didn't care. I hated hearing that he didn't have his parents around and I felt his sadness as if it were my own.
"I was either taken care of by a babysitter or my older sister Esme," he continued. "My father thought I was gay for wanting to cook and was still disappointed in my career choice when I chose teaching. I guess he wanted me to be a surgeon like himself."
Ok, that was where I drew the line. "Carlisle, that's horrible and wrong of them. I'm so sorry..." I couldn't even think of the right words to say.
He straightened up suddenly, not meeting my eyes, hiccuping silently, trying to stop crying. "Its fine, I shouldn't have let myself remember," he murmured quietly, standing and walking over to the counter by the stove. He firmly grasped the edge, leaning onto it for support.
I quickly stood and walked over to him, not liking that he'd pulled away from me. I wanted to console him and show him that he can confide in me like he'd let me do. In a sense, I wanted to be superman as well.
I grasped his shoulders and turned him around to face me. I cupped his cheeks, forcing him to meet my eyes. "Don't shut me out, Carlisle," I said sternly. "You've helped me so much... let me return the favor, let me help you back," I all but pleaded with him.
Anger entered his eyes and I began to see a bit of my "dream Carlisle" in him. I forced myself not to flinch and cower away like my reflexes told me to.
"I don't need help," he fumed lightly, trying to control his anger.
I moved my hands from his face to rub his arms up and down. "You may not need help but it always feels good to talk about it and get it out of your system," I whispered, trying to soothe his anger.
He squeezed his eyes shut and began to shake his head. "No, no, no, I'm not angry Bella," he muttered quickly and I released his arms as he moved to rub his face in frustration. He sounded near tears again and extremely frustrated with himself.
My mind wandered back to when I first remembered how Charlie had touched me in ways no father should to their daughter and to the conversation I'd had with Carlisle. I thought once again about seeing a therapist and thought that maybe, just maybe, it would be a good experience for the both of us.
I forced myself to remain unafraid of a sudden rage as I ventured upon the subject. "Perhaps we should both talk this out... with a therapist," I offered quietly, hoping he wouldn't get angry.
He breathed in deeply, still rubbing his face. "Give me a moment?" he requested, his voice strained.
"Of course," I quickly agreed and he walked into the living room. He plopped onto the couch, looking like he'd be there for a while.
I didn't mind, I'd give him all the time he needed. Right now, I really wanted to talk to Alice. I craved some normalcy and some girl-on-girl time might do me some good.
I walked back upstairs, quietly passing Carlisle, and into my room. I grabbed my phone from my bedside table and was about to dial Alice's number when she appeared right in front of me.
I gasped, shocked to see her appear so suddenly, and took a backwards step. She ignored my shock and quickly pulled me into a hug. After I got over my initial shock, I quickly wrapped my arms around her and started to cry silently.
"Sh, its alright, Bells," she murmured gently in her soft, musical voice. She sat us down, keeping her arms securely wrapped around me.
"Tell me what happened," she demanded in a soft voice once my crying had subsided.
"Overemotional... just overemotional moment," I grumbled. "Morning sickness and I then learn something horrible about Carlisle's past... his mother was in jail most of his life and his father was too busy at work to even pay him any mind!" I spat in disgust.
"That's horrible!" Alice exclaimed in shock, tightening her grip on me, a small, dry sob coming from her tiny, pixie body.
I nodded my head in agreement. "And even when he did give him his attention, it was only to criticize his dreams," I confided further, almost shaking in my tiny fit of anger.
I felt a light hand on my shoulder and turned to see Jasper standing beside the bed. He looked at me cautiously, probably remembering the last time we'd seen each other. After that, I'd been so embarrassed that I avoided him at all cost.
I smiled sheepishly up at him, apologizing with my eyes.
He nodded, seeming to understand and accept my apology. "I remember Esme, my adopted mother, telling Rose and I about that," he said quietly, looking like he'd cry if he could. He wrapped his arms soothingly around Alice.
Alice placed a hand on Jasper's bicep and smiled before a blank look came over her face. A few seconds passed with Jasper and me patiently awaiting Alice's return to reality.
"Carlisle's coming," she muttered so fast I almost didn't catch it and, faster than her words had come out, she and Jasper were gone.
It all happened so quickly my head was spinning disconcertingly. A few seconds later, I reassessed my bearings and a soft knock came from the other side of my door.
"Come in," I called softly, knowing it was Carlisle- thanks to Alice.
He quickly came in and shut the door behind him. He walked over to my bed and sat down next to me, looking sorrowfully into my eyes.
"I'm sorry about my actions earlier," he apologized sincerely, though I have no idea why he was even doing so. He had nothing to be sorry for.
I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Why are you apologizing?" I asked, honestly confused.
His eyes widened just a bit. "Because I lost my temper," he stated sadly, dropping his head down into his hands. "My actions were completely unnecessary and I'm sorry if I scared you."
I took his hands away from his face, holding each one tightly in mine so he had to lift his head and look at me. "Thank you for apologizing, Carlisle, but there's really no need," I reassured then paused for a moment. "Have you decided about... you know..." I asked cautiously, referring to going to therapy together.
He nodded slowly. "Yea, I was thinking about that... and I think it would really help the both of us," he agreed a bit hesitantly but I could tell he was being truthful.
I smiled at him and quickly kissed his soft lips, lightly moist and a bit saltwater-tasting with past-shed tears. "Were gonna help each other through his," I reassured him quietly.
He wrapped his hand behind my neck and chuckled lightly. "Look at you, being little Wonder Women," he teased lightly and a blush colored my cheeks rosy red.
(A.N.) Please don't be too harsh on me... got a lot going on right now. I still wanna hear your thoughts though.
Ms. White Christmas