Emmett stood in front of his fridge at two in the morning. His choices were tough. Breakfast sausage, Italian sausage, kielbasa, or Slim Jims.

He slipped a hand into his whitie tighties and gave his balls a loving scratch. He held open his waistband and regarded his dick and balls.

"Hi guys. What are you in the mood for?"

His genitals didn't answer. The scars from the kitty he had trapped in his underwear and Bella's haywire dick piercing just gave his man danglers more appeal. Like 007. His balls were the 00s and his dick was the 7.

He couldn't decide so Emmett was inspired by the horrible turducken he had watched Paula Dean cook earlier. It had been like there was a poultry war and Paula was serving up the casualties basted in butter and her spit.

Emmett smiled as he unwrapped a Slim Jim and inserted it into the firm breakfast sausage. He cackled as he poked a hole in the Italian sausage and put the con-cock-tion inside.

He licked his lips and shook his ass as he got ready to put the ItalbreakJim into his waiting mouth.

"It's time."

Rosalie used two of her words and Emmett out of habit checked the clock on the wall, she would have eight more words for the day.

He spun around and faced his girlfriend who was also his stalker. "Bella's gonna crap out the baby? Let's go? Where's the pharmacist?"

Emmett headed for the door. Rosalie followed him as Emmett stuffed the mother fucking delicious ItalbreakJim into his mouth. He didn't expect an answer. He pounded on Bella's door and flung it open.

He wiped the grease off his lips and smeared it on his chest. "You ready pants crapper? Where's Eddie?"

Bella was wearing crocs and her reindeer robe. "My water broke and he took off running to the hospital! He's nervous. He runs really fast, so I guess he'll meet us there."

Her face crunched up and her stomach wiggled with the contraction, making all the reindeer dance.

"That's some exorcist shit right there. Your vagina is going to be like Howe's Cavern after this kid is done with you. Where are your keys? Do you have an extra pair of drawers?"

Bella pointed at the hook by the wall. After the contraction subsided, she tried to get up. "Em, put pants on. Seriously. If I have this kid in the car, I don't want her to see the outline of your moose knuckle first."

Rosalie dumped a bunch of cat food into a bowl for Steve the cat. Steve sat on the coffee table and stared directly into Bella's eyes, creepy style.

"No pants for me. I move faster in these." Emmett did elaborate squats to prove his point. He passed loud, wet gas as he did so.

"Jesus. Emmett do you need a mop?" Bella let Rosalie help her up.

"No baby, I have an anus like an anvil. Strong and tight." He grabbed her overnight bag and slung it over his shoulder. In the hallway they paused so Emmett could lock the door. "Next time you come through here you'll have a baby, baby."

Bella's looked scared and teared up a little. She smiled at Emmett. Another contraction hit her. Rosalie held Bella up while they waited for the pains to pass.

Emmett questioned her quickly, "How often are the coming?"

"I couldn't find my watch, but they are getting faster. Let's go." Bella started walking down the stairs carefully, grasping the handrail in case she needed to hold her balance though a pain.

Halfway down Bella gasped. "Another!"

Emmett turned to Rosalie and tossed her the diaper bag. He scooped up Bella and bounded down the stairs. He set her on her feet long enough to open the back door of the car. Rosalie slid into the driver's seat as Emmett passed her the keys.

"I'll sit back here with her in case the baby falls out."

As soon as Bella was settled, another contraction hit. Emmett noted the time and burped.

Bella looked worried, but came up coughing, "What the hell did you eat? That burp smelled like a cigar farted!"

Before he could come up with a response, Bella was leaning into his shoulder, groaning with pain.

"Faster Rose, this thing is happening now."


A/N I know what you're thinking. What the hell is this? Well I resurrected GYNAZOLE for the Fandom Gives Back compilation. This is the teaser. Bella gives birth VAGINALLY! It's a crazy ride. And the compilation is only $5! There are tons of talented authors. Plus, there is an auction going on and I'm donating a print, signed copy of Poughkeepsie and a charm bracelet that I made myself! (Poughkeepsie will be published on 11.22.11!) See my profile for the link to FGB and my website. You guys rock. This chapter will never be posted by me anywhere, so get it while it's hot. ;) Love, MTK