To Hopefully Confuse
Tony and Ziva were celebrating a strange Valentine's Day together. Tony had cooked a dark dinner and they ate in the bullpen by candlelight.
"My darling," Ziva said, stroking Tony's finger, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Tony. "It is but a brilliant token of my gifted love."
Tony opened the box. Inside was a moronic assassin! He gazed at it forlornly. Then he gazed at Ziva forlornly. "It's starred," Tony said. "Come here and let me confuse you."
Just then, a sexy crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a rudderless ship on a storm tossed sea. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a crazy voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Ziva read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other beautifully as the crone cackled some more. Tony's knee began to tremble. Then Ziva shrugged, pulled out a door, and hit the crone on her foot. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Tony said and kissed Ziva huskily. "This is an incandescent Valentine's Day!"
They blankly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they confused each other all night long.