(As always, I own absolutely nothing, most of said right's on to Madonna's ex if I'm not very much mistaken. I wrote this spur of the moment right after RockNRolla came out, been sitting on my hard-drive forever. Enjoy)

Junkie Logic

Junkies, as any junkie will tell you, are not to be trusted. They take what doesn't belong to them, not because they're thinking but because they're junkies.

Selling stolen fur coats in the middle of summer would not seem peculiar to the average junkie mind.


"You know, I always sorta wished that it was you me dear old mum tied the proverbial knot with." Johnny muses, feet kicked up on the table, arms out on the seat, while Archy finishes scribbling out notes.

"That right." He doesn't like to encourage the boy- man now actually- because frankly once Johnny's off on a tangent it's impossible to stop him, and the biggest problem with Johnny running his mouth off is that he's typically spot on with whatever he's rambling about.

"Yeah- though if that'd been the case I'd be calling you Daddy right now." Johnny muses, voice distinctly serious and regretful, which prompts Archy to ask when really he shouldn't.

"And?" To which he gets a vacant stare and a-

"And what uncle?" Archy shakes his head, stupid and oblivious suit Johnny well sometimes and he has to fight hard to remember that Johnny is neither. Not ever.

"Have you been in the bloody drink?" He questions, continues jotting.

"Not a drop- not a snort… or a needle- coupla cancer sticks earlier but I can't be expected to abandon every bad habit now can I? They'll wind up lonely… all abandoned like." Johnny sighs- leans back against the side of the boat. A Russian an arm and a leg, comes quickly to Archy's mind, hand pausing briefly, hovering over the paper. The painting's stowed somewhere downstairs.

"I thought that when I was really young you know… then when I got a little older I thought for a while you and her were fooling around behind good ol' Dad's back. 'Cos you'd follow us everywhere you know, there was more pictures of us with you then there was of us with him… well more pictures of you and me anyhow." Stars are bright above them and the breeze is starting to chill noticeably.

Johnny's staring at the black, of the water and the sky and picking at his nearly empty dessert bowl.

"Rose and I were friends Johnny- end of story."

"Yeah- I figured that pretty quick- you were too loyal to the old bastard to do anything cool like that. Of course knowing then what you know now, you probably would've gotten her drunk and shagged her twice on his desk right?" He says with a quick grin, Archy's pen scraping to a holt on the paper.

"No and if you ever speak about your mother like that again make no mistake you'll get a good slap Johnny." Which has never much phased Johnny in the past, but he grows quiet for a moment anyhow.

"He really hated that she loved me didn't he?" The pen scratches to a stop again and after a moment Archy looks up and they stare at each other for a second or two.

"Yeah he did." Archy admits, looking back down at the nearly full sheet of paper.

"Hated me more after I drove her to the nuthouse." Johnny adds with no small amount of misplaced whimsy.

"She was a sick woman Johnny, had nothing to do with you." Archy fills the last line on the page and pinches the bridge of his nose. It's easy to admit it now that Lenny's gone- that the problem had ultimately been with the man himself and not the boy- never Johnny.

"When she- went away it was just you and me… remember that summer where I decided I wanted to act just like you?" The black folder- the paper is still across his lap but he sets the pen aside.

"Yeah Johnny I remember you following me around in a suit and backhanding people… and your father…" Not exactly something that was easily forgotten.

"Oh yeah… told him not give me lip and he went that very lovely shade of purple." Johnny's feet drop, hit the deck with hollow thump and he's giggling madly again.

"Yes and if I remember correctly so were you- for about a month afterwards." Shouldn't've let him do that…

"And it was fucking worth it." Archy believes that- was there while Johnny laughed his way through the beating.

"How old were you then?" Archy asks, Johnny raking a hand through short hair and shrugging lazily.

"12, 13, somethin' like that." Johnny stretches out, leaning over the back of the seat, before falling back into it, relaxing suddenly.

"Yep, my Daddy was quite the cunt…" Archy frowns, isn't fond of that word- or swearing in general, but yes Lenny certainly was.

"I still use to love coming home for the Holiday's though." Johnny adds suddenly.

"Why?" Archy doesn't understand that at all- but then he's never understood Johnny, not at all.

"I got to see you." Johnny leans over, shifts to the edge of the long seat and grabs Archy's folder from his hands, tosses it aside and stretches out on the seat, head in place of the book in Archy's lap and the conversation has taken one of those distinctly bad turns.

"Johnny-boy what're'ya doin?" Johnny-boy's not taking any questions though.

"The year he sent you away… I did my first line of coke- I didn't miss you more than me mum but fuck..." Johnny-boy is very fucking serious suddenly. Archy touches his hair, gingerly at first and there's not another guy on the planet he'd ever do this with… Johnny's funny that way though, still likes being coddled sometimes, like a part of him is still 12.

"Why'd you turn me down Arch? Never pegged you as the type to actually be afraid of my daddy."

"I wasn't." Not really despite what Len may have liked to think.

"Then why'd ya turn me down?"

"You where 14 and drunk."

"Then 16."

"And still drunk."

"I'm not drunk now."

"Come on John stop taking the piss- get off me." Only he knows from experience that Johnny's not fucking about with him.

"You honestly telling me you never thought about it. Never-ever even considered it even once?" Johnny asks, staring up from his lap.


"Not once?"

"Not ever. Now get off me Johnny." For a fraction of a second, when Johnny sits up Archy actually thinks he's listening to him. Then a leg slides over his lap- Johnny's just making himself comfortable. Which, much to Archy's displeasure, involves no small amount of wiggling and apparently somewhere between sinking Len into the deep blue and getting Johnny clean and saving Steller's stupid narrow arse from the Russian's...

The Russian's...

He was supposed to find himself a girl as well, given how quickly his cock stands up and says hi.

"Still not interested Johnny." Johnny's not intimidated by anything, one of the reasons Lenny hated him- Archy's pretty sure.

"Think you might be undermining yourself a bit here Uncle." Johnny says casually, hands bracing on the seat behind Archy's head.

"I'm not some little fag Johnny, now stop taking the piss and get off me."

"Now calm down a bit Arch, who said you's is." Johnny looks at him- deadpan. He doesn't understand Johnny, never did.

"You had a bit of a thing for what's her name when I was lil."


"Yeah- so that in mind we've now established that you are not a little fag." Still perfectly straight-faced.

"Though-" Johnny shifts again- presses down.

"I think we also have some pretty persuasive evidence here that you are in fact somewhat interested in your own side of the fence as well. So too speak- I'd say bi-sexual but I don't think that'd be well received either." Perfectly serious, contemplative even.

"How do you feel about curious?"

"Poorly- now get off me Johnny."

"Oh alright." Impossible to tell why Johnny does anything he does.

"I'll just be downstairs showering then… and if you should happen to change your mind and come down and take advantage of my naked wetness- well that won't be exactly terrible or anything Arch, certainly not by our standards anyhow." Voice thick and smoky and he'll never understand Johnny, not ever.