A/N- This is my first FanFiction so be kind! It's set when Bella is 78, so 60 years from when Edward leaves. My sister gave me the idea when we were thinking of the saddest things that could have happened to E+B... I know it's depressing... but read and REVIEW PLEASE!!! I want to write more fanfics, so HELP ME by telling me the good bits+the really reaallyy bad things... Or just any ideas you have.
Thankyouuu :) Hope you enjoy+see you at the bottom..
The Final Goodbye
I miss her. It seems almost a lie to say that. It doesn't even begin to explain the depth of my regret, my pain and my love for her. She was 18, perfect, my entire life. And I haven't seen her in 21,914 days. I have existed for 169 years and yet for the past 60 of them, I wasn't even aware of life. In all senses of the word, I was dead. I am dead. She is my life and no matter how cliché it may sound, without her I am nothing.
I wonder to myself what she would say if she could see me now, sat here alone in this abandoned church. I don't know how long I've been here, but I'd guess about 10 months. She's in every thought I have, and yet it hurts to say or think her name. Bella. It seems that about her I am forbidden to remember, yet terrified to forget. She'll be 78 now. She should have a house of her own, a job that isn't at Newton's, children. A husband.
A sudden ringing brought me out of my thoughts; I looked to the floor beside me to see my mobile flashing and beeping. Alice. My sister. I haven't seen her for almost 3 months, in all honesty, I miss her. I miss them all actually- Esme, Carslille, Jasper, Emmett and even Rosalie.
"Alice." My voice was unfamiliar to me.
"Edward, I've missed you. Where are you?"
"I'm not entirely sure, I'm in a church. Alice what's the matter?"
Her voice was rushed, panicked almost. Speaking a thousand words a minute wasn't unusual for Alice, but panicked was. "Edward, I had a vision. I know I'm not supposed to be looking out for her, but I can't just delete her from my mind like..."
"Bella." I breathed. It hurt to say her name, but at the same time, it felt as though a weight had been lifted by letting myself think of her so clearly. A sudden chattering in my ear reminded me I was still on the phone with Alice.
"Yes Edward, I'm talking about Bella. I think you would want to know, you said, I mean, you told us that you would want to know when the time comes..."
I knew what she was trying to say. "She can't. I won't let her." Everything around me seemed to speed up like a blur.
"Edward that's not your choice, it's natural, you can't be there to catch her every time she falls" I knew this of course, but hearing it from someone else was different. "That would mean you'd be there every time she walks anywhere...." She mumbled. "Edward I love her too. She's living in Florida in her mum's old house. If you need to, go; Before it's too late."
I could hear my unnecessary breathing turning into pants- cold breath left my dead lungs in a sudden gust as I took in what Alice had meant: Bella was dying.
I threw my phone across the room, the cracking of the metal and plastic echoing in the empty room. I had to see her. My better judgement told me it was nonsense, stupid, pointless to visit her now, I had kept myself away, hid myself from the world for 60 years to crumble at what I knew was inevitable- death. I knew the day would come where she would die. I had burned all thoughts of this from my mind. It seems masochistic to visit her now, but there is no doubt that I have to go see her- Bella. My Bella.
I arrived in Florida 26 hours later. I was grateful for once that I had no need for sleep; jet lag would have only made my anguish and pain I felt worse. I took a car and drove straight to Renee's house. I had seen it in Alice's mind before when she was thinking about mundane things, sun, heat, Disneyland...
All my rushing and impatience to see my Bella seemed to slow into a sheer and terrified wall of panic as I neared her house. I was nearer to Bella that I had been in 60 years, as she was nearer to me also. Would the appeal of her blood hit me like it did on that first day in biology? Would she even recognise me? What, out of all the words in the world, would I say to her? Would she hate me for leaving her? Would I be too late to see her?
I knew that I must see her- that I wanted to, but at the same time I was terrified of seeing her. Before I could change my mind, convince myself that this was the second most horrific mistake I had ever made, I parked the car and walked towards the front door of Renee's- now Bella's, house.
It had changed to the images I had seen in Alice's mind. The wooden door frame was shabby, paint peeling off at the joins. The garden was slightly overgrown, weeds emerging from the flowerbeds. But the thing that stood out most was that it was Bella. It was her taste, nothing ornate and fancy, over-the-top and flamboyant. It was a house that Bella suited. I raised my clenched fist to the door and knocked. There was no turning back now. I would face whatever she would through at me- whether that would be insults or screams. I would face it, because I deserved it.
A woman in her mid-thirties answered the door. She had Bella's chocolate brown eyes, the same hair colour but a round, chubby face. She reminded me alarmingly of Bella. I mentally calculated what age she was in reference to Bella: About 25 years younger. She sent me a glum smile and whispered, "Hello, are you ok there?"
I cleared my throat. "My name is Edward. I'm here to see Bella."
Her eyes softened at the knowledge I must know Bella, that I wasn't a salesman or preacher. A sudden puzzled expression played across her face and her lips puckered.
"You must be only 17-18 though... How do you know my sister?"
She wasn't Bella's daughter. I quickly sifted through her thoughts. Now she was thinking about her relation to Bella, I could see- she was Charlie and Sue's daughter. I quickly thought back to her question. I hadn't considered this. Of course I couldn't tell her the truth. "We were neighbours; she lived near my mum and dad."
"Oh, come in. She's upstairs in the bedroom, I'll leave you in peace. I'll be down here if she needs anything- she might ask to see you later, she's tired a lot now, the littlest things tire her out."
I nodded in response. I didn't trust my voice.
As I stepped through the door, the overwhelming smell of Bella hit me like a tonne of bricks. It was everywhere. I held my breath and prepared myself to inhale. Rather than the pain, the pooling of venom I expected in my mouth, I felt nothing but extreme love for the woman upstairs taking her final breaths. I climbed the steps, which were lined with family photos of Renee, Phil, Sue and Charlie, reaching the door to where my Bella lay. I could hear her shallow breaths. I could smell her scent. I could hear her heartbeat.
"Bella." I breathed. It fell from my lips like a sigh.
60 years could never prepare me for seeing the love of my existence again. She was perfect. Her heart-shaped face lit by the same lamp from her bedroom at Charlie's, her mahogany hair now faded to a lighter brown and grey framing it. Aging had done nothing to lessen her beauty, even with creases dancing across her forehead and cheeks; she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I took a step closer to the bed and the same chocolate brown orbs I had once gazed into her soul through, flickered open; meeting mine. A look of shock crossed her face, her lips puckering into the shape of an 'O' and her forehead crinkling in puzzlement.
"Bella." I sighed.
"Edward, is that you?" Her voice was strained, yet it still sounded in my ears like an angel.
I was unable to move- my legs frozen to the floor beneath me. "Yes sweetheart it's me."
"Ed... What...No...You can't..." She spluttered; her shoulders drooping as she tried to understand.
"Bella, calm down, breathe. It's me."
Her face suddenly lifted upwards to meet mine again. "Edward, have I died?"
"No, no, Bella, you haven't." Not yet. "Why would you think that?" She must hate me to think she had died... I shivered at the thought of her impending death.
"You left me." A jolt of pain cursed through me.
"You can't be really here, I must be in heaven. Only then would I get to see you again." She smiled. She couldn't hate me to wish I was with her, could she?
"WAIT! That must mean you're dead too, oh Lord no, this isn't how it should happen." She mumbled- forgetting my extra hearing.
I slowly stepped towards her, sitting next to her on the bed as I had done many times before when she was younger, readying myself for the explanation I have owed her for 6 decades. "Bella, no, you are not dead and I am really here, I need to explain." She touched the ends of her fingers to my cheek. Her hands were warm and soft. I paused, unsure of what to say or do. She gave me a reassuring smile; so I continued. "I lied to you and for that I will hate myself for the rest of my existence. You must know that I only left to protect you from our kind- you weren't safe around us, I wanted you to have a chance at a normal life, where you could have a family, live a full life without me restricting you. Since the day I left, Bella, I have battled against my better judgement to come back to you because without you my love, I am nothing. I can't apologise enough. Words do not fill the amount of regret I have. But Bella, I love you, every day since I met you I have loved with everything I have and I always will."
A single tear fell across her cheek. I cautiously raised my hand to wipe it away. "You love me?"
"Yes my Bella, I do."
A heartbreaking smile stretched across her face. "I love you too, I always have."
I couldn't help but contain my smile as she spoke those words.
A few moments passed and the question I have pondered for years crossed my mind. "Bella, do you have a family?"
"No, I... um... I dated, but they could never live up to what you were to me, they would only be replacing you. I never had any children either." She blushed. Her cheeks turning the most adorable colour I have ever seen.
We sat there for an immeasurable moment, gazing into each other's eyes absorbing each other's presence. I could hear her heart beat slowing and her breathing becoming weaker.
"I'm glad you came back Edward. Although I wished you 'd never have to see me like this..." She paused, her hand slowly waving over her frail body. I knew what she meant. I'd never have to see her like this if I had changed her- she would never have grown old. "...if this is the end..." Her voice shook the slightest as trails of tears fell from her beautiful eyes. "...I'm glad that you're with me Edward."
I cautiously scooped her frail body into my arms and sat back down on the bed with her sitting on my lap, her head resting against my shoulder, our eyes locked together. I touched my lips to hers carefully, they were soft and warm. A jolt of electricity passed through my lips as we shared a gentle and loving kiss.
"I love you Edward."
"I love you too Bella, forever."
Her eyes flicked slowly shut and her heart stuttered in her chest. She was gone.
"Goodnight my love." I kissed her forehead and rocked us back and forth. I looked out of the window. The stars were beginning to show. It was twilight: the end of another day. Except after this day, I could not in any way see how another day could ever begin.
A/N- Thanks for reading!! Reviews please!! I'd say that reviews make my day. But since this is my first fanfic, I've never had one.. :') Take pity on this little 'un, make my day and review/add me to author alert. :D