Happy AllenLena festival~~
Title: Love is, Love is Not
Summary: People always say love is so wonderful... and it was. At first. But it soon turns out that it's really not. Not. at. all. Two-shot, AllenxLenalee, LavixKanda hints.
Pairing: AllenxLenalee. Hints of LavixKanda, but it's tame, I swear.
Genre: Romance, Hurt/comfort
Warnings: Non-explicit sex (like, barely any description at all, it's more like hints), hints of a homosexual relationship (that's shonen-ai in manga terms ;D xD), character death, fluffness, sorrow, relationship falling apart, sort of, Lenalee saying balls (but she's quoting Kanda so no worries), and err... possible OOC-ness, a little bit? For the sake of comedy, mostly. (I don't really think it's OOC, but someone said so... Hm...) Mentionings of a past kiss between Kanda and Lenalee (an experiment between the two of them, no biggy).
Disclaimer: I don't own DGM or any of its characters. It all belongs to Hoshino Katsura. The songs used in the fic are "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz and "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen and I, obviously, don't own either of them.
This is a two-shot. I'm posting the second part after the weekend, hopefully Monday or Tuesday... It's not completely done yet, I have a few more scenes... A song fic, "I'm Yours" for the first part and "Hallelujah" for the second. The first part shows how wonderful love can be and the second shows that it can be really awful too... If there are any mistakes, don't hesitate to tell me~
Part 1 - Love is
Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm trying to get back
Allen had always liked to think that he wasn't some sort of filthy man-slash-boy that walked around oogling on beautiful women-slash-girls. He had always liked to think that the shallow, incredibly beautiful women his master always spent time with - because his master did have a fine taste when it came to women's look, personality not included, mind you - didn't effect him in the slightest. Nevermind the fact that he could always hear them unless he decided to spend most part of the night being somewhere else instead of trying to sleep.
The fact was that he was some sort of filthy man-slash-boy that walked around oogling on beautiful women-slash-girls. Sometimes. Because the fact was that he was indeed a young man. Maybe it wasn't exactly filthy, but that was what he thought, because that was what he saw General Cross Marian as, and General Cross Marian oogled a lot of women. But Allen Walker wasn't General Cross Marian, he took pride in that. At least he had some shame.
And then along came Lenalee Lee, possibly the first young woman of remotedly his own age that he had stumbled across, because mostly it was just small girls during his travelling days with Mana (what kid didn't like travelling entertainers?) and beautiful women during his travelling days with Cross (which he would rather not think about).
And Lenalee Lee was a very cute young woman. And beautiful too. Maybe sexy, but Allen normally didn't use that word to describe women, it sounded wrong.
There were times when he couldn't take his eyes off her.
Like when she was smiling, or when she was walking around the Science Section with her tray of coffee, or when she was talking to him and only him, or when he just happened to walk behind her.
...which meant that he always found himself staring at her... butt...
Something he wasn't proud of, but eventually had to accept. Lenalee was very cute, very beautiful and very sexy. "Staring at Lenalee is completely normal, Allen my boy," Lavi had said once and punched him on the back.
And it was that time when he was distracted by Lenalee and her walk, from behind her, that he nearly walked right into some Scientist.
That was when he thought things were getting out of hand.
. . .
Lenalee was one of the very few women in the Order. Not only that but she was also counted as the most beautiful one. She was very much aware of all the attention she got, possibly more aware than her brother, most likely more aware than her brother. Otherwise not many in the Order would live to see the next day, would they? Though she didn't particularly like all the attention she got. And definitely not when it was so obvious they were staring at her.
But there wasn't anything she could do about it, was there?
Allen didn't stare. Allen looked. And that was okay, she thought. She didn't mind that so much. It wasn't only him that looked, anyway, and he at least had the decensy to look away with an embarrassed flush when she caught him doing so.
He was kind of cute. Even if he was stupid and selfish sometimes.
At least he was her age, so it was okay for him to look, it didn't make her feel uncomfortable. Actually, maybe - a little bit - she was interested in him. So it tended to make her flush too. Especially when she had been trying to sneak a quick look on him and it turned out he did the same.
She liked Allen Walker. A lot. It took her a while to realise just how much he mattered to her.
Before the cool done run out I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
Lenalee's smile was possibly the most wonderful thing Allen had ever seen, it felt as if it was the sun shining on him. Lenalee's voice was possibly the most soothing thing Allen had ever heard, it was like soft bells spreading the word of something special. Lenalee's hair was probably the most soft-looking thing Allen had ever laid his eyes on, like one of those shirts you wore when you had days off. Lenalee's legs were probably the most long-looking legs Allen had ever seen, like... the Black Order tower that almost seemed to go on forever. Lenalee's hands were possibly the softest things Allen had ever touched, it felt like... a warm blanket during a cold winter night.
Now he was beginning to sound really silly, wasn't he?
Lenalee was holding his hand with both of hers, so that he could feel it, not over his glove like the last time when his eye had been hurting. She was holding his bare hand, squeezing it, lightly massaging even. It made his heart flutter, it made him a bit giddy, and he was probably smiling like an idiot. Like... Lavi, or something. It really didn't fit the situation, but he did it anyway. Lenalee didn't look at him so she couldn't see, so it was... fine. Her frown was clearly focused on his hand.
"Allen..." It was barely a whisper, so softly yet firmly spoken, and he figured he should probably wipe the smile off his face. "You were lucky last time. You know that, right?"
"Lenalee?" He whispered too. It felt as if the atmosphere had suddenly gotten so fragile and speaking too loudly would break something.
She placed a hand over his heart, softly. "Last time... You were lucky." She finally raised her head to look at him. "Don't keep risking your life. I can't stand the thought of losing you. You won't get another chance..."
He smiled again and grabbed her hand, pulling it to him. She was so close... If he wanted to, he could close the distance and... kiss her. "I won't leave you," he said and clenched her hand a little. "I promise. Don't leave me either..."
The air was strange. It was sober, but there was something in there when they looked at each other. She nodded and smiled a little too, and she seemed even closer. Both her hands were placed against his chest now, palms flat against his uniform. So close, just a little bit more....
Link cleared his throat.
The "something" cracked and crashed to the floor, loudly.
"We have a schedule, Walker," the Inspector said and tapped his watch, scowling. "And we're following it."
Lenalee looked very displeased. She stood up abruptly from the couch where she had been seated across from Allen and crossed her arms. "Is it too much to ask for to have even a little bit of quality time between friends?" she asked bitterly and huffed. "What is this 'schedule' supposed to be? Do you have to pull him into your business?"
Link looked taken aback. He straightened up his back and made himself as big as he could, not that it was much. "He has duties, miss Lee," he said and pulled his lips together, showing just a little bit of teeth. His patience was running thin, it seemed. "It is not our business, it's his."
"Then let him do it how he wishes, we're busy. If you would be so kind as to leave us alone for a while."
"I cannot do that, I have strict orders on how to do everything that needs to be done, and Walker is doing it too."
They stared at each other, scowling just as much, and Allen felt a bit... squished. "Uhm..." he said awkwardly and looked between the two, raising one of his hands. But they paid him no mind. The only response he got was a quick glance from Link that told him to stay quiet.
"So that's how it is," Lenalee beamed and raised her hands to the buttons of her uniform. "But me and Allen would really prefer to be alone for a while, so..." She looked daringly at the blond and slowly began to unbutton... the uniform.
Allen's heart struck the roof, it felt as if it was all up in his throat, and he found himself having a bit of trouble to breathe as it hammered rapidly, painfully, his face heating up. What was she doing?! Her slim fingers were so casual, and her neck seemed so suddenly vulnerable, and he just wanted to reach out and touch it, now, stroke his fingertips over it. The skin looked so soft, softer than her hands. He wanted to see if it was true. So... much...
Before he knew it Lenalee sat back down with a very contented expression on her face, and Link was gone. Had he high-tailed out of there the moment she began... doing that? Well, considering that he had refused to go inside his and Allen's room when Lenalee happened to be sleeping there... Probably.
So that was what she had been doing.
"Don't do that, Lenalee," he said and widened his eyes slightly, just to save face, and because if she did do it he didn't know if...
"It got him out of here, didn't it? You need a break from that man sometimes."
"Well, maybe, but..."
"So then don't complain."
She smiled at him and placed her hands back on his chest, just like before. "Where were we, before he interrupted?" she hummed and leaned forward. Was there... something he had missed? Her face was so pretty when she was up close like this, her pink lips looked warm somehow, her nose was... he wanted to touch it. Her eyes were big and wide when she smiled, her eyelashes fluttered when she blinked.
He had to say it, he couldn't keep it to himself anymore, she had to know. Before it was too late. And when Link wasn't around. "I... Lenalee... I like you..."
All of a sudden she was running her fingers through his hair. "You hid this before, right?" she asked silently. He didn't know when she had moved onto his lap, but there she was, straddling him. "I always thought that it was beautiful... It was like you were some sort of holy person. Were you ashamed of it?" Allen didn't get a chance to reply, or worry about why she didn't say anything to his confession. "I like you too..."
She was blushing now, just faintly, and fingered on his uniform. Her fingers felt great when they ran through his hair, softly and carefully, only tugging a little. She was very cute when her cheeks wore that colour. And he had to wonder... why hadn't they done this before? He realised now that all those looks she gave him had to be the same that he gave her, and the way they both looked away whenever their eyes would meet... It had to mean that they had both felt the same for a while, right? If he only hadn't been so scared...
His hands finally move from where they had been lying limply at his sides and rested lightly against the junction where her neck met her shoulders. The skin really was as soft as it had looked, if not even softer, he had the time to think before he lost the ability to do that when Lenalee - or maybe he helped too, he wasn't sure - brought their lips together.
It was very brief, very hesitant, but it was definitely a kiss, and it left his heart beating quickly and his lips tingling. He could feel her touch long afterwards.
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
"So what does it make us?" Lenalee asked, smiling widely as something bubbled inside her chest. It felt good to sit in Allen's lap. It was warm and safe and his hands felt great on her neck, lightly pressing against it like that. His eyes were so wide and deep that she felt like she could drown in them when she looked at them for this long, it was surprising she hadn't done that yet.
That kiss had meant something. She could feel it in her very bones, in her very soul.
"I guess... it makes us... D-do you..."
The stuttering made Lenalee's heart leap. Allen only stuttered when he was hesitant or nervous. Or both. And it was cute.
"Do you want to be my... g-girlfriend?"
Lenalee smiled widely and planted another kiss right on his lips, one that lasted a little bit longer this time. "Yes!"
It sounded nice. Lenalee and Allen, girlfriend and boyfriend. She could almost taste it on her tongue. It was like chocolate cake. And she had to hug him, tightly, really tightly, Lavi-tightly.
"But what about Komui?" Allen asked, strainedly because of the hug.
The butterflies in her stomach dropped dead. Talk about bursting the bubble.
She leaned back and smiled all too sweetly. "I'll deal with my brother." Honestly, what did Allen think her brother could do about this? She was well old enough to decide this on her own. She wanted to be with Allen, that was all that mattered.
The smile probably did it. "Okay," was his reply, without hesitation.
The all too sweet smile meant serious business.
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
The next morning, Lenalee spotted Allen and a very annoyed-looking Link sitting at a table. So the blond still hadn't gotten over getting chased off. She wondered briefly if he knew, if Allen had told him... And if he would react to seeing her somehow, after what she did. She had left Allen alone before he came back, so he hadn't seen her since yesterday.
She got her breakfast and sat down next to Allen, leaning a bit towards him. "Morning," she chirped and smiled widely at Link, who scowled and looked away with an awkward-looking hint of red to his cheeks.
How amusing. She smirked a little and took a piece of her cooked egg.
"Mo'nin' L'nalee," Allen replied, his mouth stuffed with food, and leaned a little against her as well. He swallowed the food. "Slept well?" He smiled at her.
"Mhm," she hummed as she chewed the egg, leaning her head against his shoulder for a short moment before finally straightening up. She was still sitting very close to him, and she could almost feel his warmth from that distance. "I didn't dream." Which was rare nowadays, and a good thing. Something Allen had gotten to know about not that long ago.
Her dreams most often weren't that pleasant.
She nodded and shoved more eggs into her mouth. "What about you?" she asked and tilted her head at him.
He had managed to get another dish into his mouth. She never understood how they could eat so fast, the parasitics. How they could eat so much she understood, but so fast... She didn't get it. But maybe that was just as well. He swallowed again.
"It was good, the usual," he smiled.
She silenced then and focused on her breakfast so that Allen could focus on his own. It was important for a parasitic after all, that they got to eat properly. Link was looking at her oddly while he ate his cake (he didn't eat much else, did he? Honestly, both of them had to learn to maintain a proper diet. Allen's was filled with meat and Link's was filled with pies and cake and other things like that). She eventually gave him a sharp glance and he looked away, again with a scowl. He should know it was impolite so stare, right? Since he was always so strict with manners and rules.
After Allen whiped his mouth - and Lenalee helped pointing out a place he had missed, ended up whiping it off herself actually - she shifted a little towards him on the seat and put a hand on his knee. Link's gaze snapped over to it right away, eyes narrowed. She glared at him, mouthing a "what" and he huffed, gathering his and Allen's plates and utensils together.
She smiled at Allen's questioning expression. "Did you tell him anything?" she asked silently.
"Yes, of course," Allen replied, without lowering his voice, with a shrug. "He was all suspicious, he thought we had done something else, so I had to explain what the truth was, right?"
She raised an eyebrow slightly, then nodded. Of course that was how it was. She couldn't help but wonder why he spoke as if... Link wasn't there.
"Want to do something?" he asked, his gaze flickering nervously. "I mean, go out or something..." Link cleared his throat, and Allen quickly added, "not outside of the HQ or anything, but go for a walk or something, in the gardens for example." He turned towards Link. "I can do that right?"
"Yes, yes, right," Link said, trying his best to sound unphased. He wasn't succeeding.
Lenalee lowered her voice slightly more and leaned in further to Allen. "Can't we try to shake him off, then?" she mumbled, eyeing him meaningfully.
Allen smiled widely. "I don't think we should do that again, considering we did it yesterday. Too much and we could get in trouble," he said and she briefly wondered what the smile was about. "But that's nothing to worry about, he's like furniture, Link is." He patted the blond's head and laughed when his hand was angrily swatted away. "He's just there, he can't do anything as long as we don't break any rule. Just don't mind him. He's furniture."
"I'm not furniture!"
Lenalee blinked and eyed the two curiously. How did that come up, exactly? Furniture? "Furniture?"
"Yep." Allen beamed.
She frowned a little, but he had said "too much and we could get in trouble". That implied they could shake off Link now and then if they wanted to. Well... that was fine. He sort of just hovered around anyway, didn't he? Alright then.
She nodded. "Okay," she smiled and jumped up, grabbing her tray.
As long as she got to spend time with Allen. And she did love walks, and times when you could just talk casually, nothing too personal.
Listen to the music of the moment people, dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved
The Order was having a party. It was some birthday, but Allen didn't actually know the person. It was a Scientist, that he knew though. Komui liked to take any chance he could to party. It meant he didn't have to work after all.
Then again, Lenalee had once said that it was also because the Order needed it. They needed that happy mood, the crazy parties, the escape from their reality.
Allen had to go with that. Because it was true. The parties were truly an escape. And Komui wasn't as shallow and selfish as he sometimes seemed.
Music was rare to have on the parties, however. But now there was music. Cheerful, fast-paced. The cafeteria's tables and benches had been moved to make place for the band, and some room for people to... dance. And people were dancing, some of them, twirling around on the floor so fast it made Allen a little dizzy. He didn't really know how to dance.
He and Lenalee were sitting at one of the tables that were still there, chewing on some snacks. Well, he, Lenalee, Lavi and a bunch of other people. Oh, and Link of course. He was focused on his food, but everyone else was shattering away, punching each other jokingly, laughing, acting as if they weren't in the middle of a world-wide war. Allen was content with just watching it, not participating, just eating.
Lenalee muttered something about Kanda refusing to join and getting Komui to send him off on a mission.
Allen mentally thanked the heavens for that.
But Kanda was a part of the family, Lenalee said, Kanda should join in on the small activities, Lenalee said.
Let Kanda decide on his own, Allen said, let Kanda stay if he so wishes to I don't care, Allen thought.
But Kanda was a part of the family. The Order family. They all stood together, supported each other, helped each other.
Lavi tugged both Allen and Lenalee onto the dance floor when they had finished eating. Allen protested ("I can't dance!") and Lenalee... Lenalee said something very weird. "Lavi! Don't!" And although she tried to laugh, like it was a joke, it sounded off.
Allen decided not to think about it too much.
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Allen freaked out when he was called to Komui's office. There was no explanation why, nothing that told him what it was about. If it had been a mission Komui would have said it, if it was some other sort of Order business, Komui would have said it, if it had something to do with Central, Komui would have said it. But he had said nothing, nada. So then what it could be about?
Allen had a guess.
Lenalee and him. Being girlfriend and boyfriend.
What else could it be, when Komui didn't say what the issue was and when he spoke in that tone? "I'm going to die am I not?" he asked blankly as he stopped in front of the doors to Komui's office, Link falling up beside him, back completely straight.
"I would think not, if I have anything to say in it, Walker," the blond said stiffly.
"Then you don't know Komui."
Allen hung his head gloomily and pushed down the handles. Showtime, now or never, this is it, here we go...
"You summoned me, Supervisor," he said with a forced steady tone. If he could just keep it steady, this might work... Then again, if he showed fear, maybe Komui would have mercy on him...
Didn't Lenalee say she would deal with her brother?! He mentally cried inside as he stopped in front of the desk. Link should be a comfort to have there, but it wasn't really... Well, at least he had a witness, right? So if he died he would at least get some justice.
"Ah yes," Komui said and smiled all too widely, all too innocently. It made Allen's skin crawl. "I heard something very interesting from a little birdy."
Allen flinched, and cursed himself for that. "R-really?" And he cursed himself for his wavering voice. So much for keeping it steady.
"Yeeesss. Apparently you've made a grab for my dear sister." Komui was stirring the coffee inside his cup, his smile widening even further (how was that possible?!) and his glasses glinting threateningly. Motherfucker.
...Allen did not just think that, not at all.
"Made a grab for Lenalee? She... she was the one who made a grab for me!" he defended himself.
Bad move. That was sort of how it had been, with her forcing Link away and holding his hand and pushing at his chest and kissing him. But but but... It really had been her! But that... that didn't mean it was okay to tell her brother that. It equaled suicide... What the hell was he doing?! This wasn't how he was supposed to handle this. He was supposed to smile and nod and hope to be spared.
Komui stopped stirring and hell flames burst out behind him. "She made a grab for you, you say?"
Allen waved his hands rapidly in the air. "Ah, n-n-n-no that's not what I'm saying I... I... My tongue slipped! That wasn't what I meant to say! Ahhh, wait!"
Link coughed loudly all of a sudden, and he jumped, and then widened his eyes as the hell flames died down.
"Lenalee Lee was the one who did everything, Supervisor," he said with that professional tone he always used (how did he have the energy?). "Allen Walker just sat there aside from asking if she wanted to get together. As far as I know. That's what Walker told me, and I happen to trust Walker. Don't jump to conclusions. Everything that happens here will be reported to Central."
Komui smiled and took a sip of his coffee. "I know what happened, Lenalee told me," he said, with a slight dark undertone. "At least, Allen, you're being honest."
"Wha...?" What was going on? Komui was... being calm about this?
"I've known Lenalee likes you for a very long time. Don't look so scared, Allen. I don't like it, but she could have picked a much worse man. Like Lavi." He put the cup back down and eyed Allen for a while, until he was squirming uncomfortably under the gaze. "Do you like Lenalee?"
"Of course, I like her a lot," Allen said before he could stop himself. "Err, I mean, not too much, not so that I'll... I care for her, a lot, I'll do anything for her, but I won't... I can be trusted, because--"
"Allen," Komui cut him off with an amused smile and waved his hand at him. "Just say yes or no. Do you like Lenalee? Will you take care of her?"
Allen sighed silently and gathered himself together. He was making a very big deal out of this, wasn't he? What did he have to worry about, really? It seemed Komui thought it was okay, so he could calm down. He thought that... it would be harder, more complicated, than this.
Komui drank more coffee and eyed him yet a little more and for a moment he thought he would die on the spot, but then the Supervisor waved a hand at him. "That's all I wanted to hear. You can leave."
D-d-d-do do you, but do you, d-d-d-do
But do you want to come on
Scooch on over closer dear
And I will nibble your ear
Allen was getting used to the whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing. It was rare that they managed to steal some alone time, what with him being under supervision and all that, but after all Link was just furniture, he was just there. So it was tolerable. At the moment, the Crow was doing some paperwork and Allen was reading a book while having one of his arms around Lenalee, who was leaning towards him. Timcanpy was fluttering about, pulling at Link's braid here, tearing up some empty paper there, just being generally restless. Lenalee was warm against him like that, and it was very pleasant, and not even Link scolding Tim could disrupt the soft peace inside his chest, where it was brewing silently, bubbling just slightly.
Lenalee's smell was heavy around him, like a warm cosy blanket. They were in their own nice little bubble. It was something Allen experienced for the very first time. He could get used to it.
Then it hit him that he wasn't even looking at the text, he was just staring blankly at the page. So he looked at Lenalee instead, her jaw, her cheek, her ear. And he felt a sudden urge to lean in towards that ear and take it between his teeth.
He shook his head a bit and frowned a little. Okay... that was odd. Had he become Tim all of a sudden or something?
The ear just looked nibble-worthy.
There was a fluttering noise next to his own ear and he only had the time to blink before some all-too-familiar teeth sunk into the flesh.
"OW OW OW OW!" he cried and jumped up, very effectively bursting the lovely bubble.
"What in the world, Walker?!"
The golem grinned.
I've been spending way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
And bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed
Call him insane, call him crazy, call him weird. Allen wouldn't care, not really, because he was busy trying to figure out how to move his tongue by looking at himself in the mirror. But that was sort of hard, you know, because there was the problem with breathing. The glass got foggy, and he couldn't see anything. So he tried to stop breathing for a little, but it still didn't work out like he wanted it to.
He stuck out his tongue at his mirror image. It happily returned the gesture. "You move your tongue like... slowly, right?" he asked the mirror image, but he got no reply, because the mirror image didn't want to help. "Just push it? Or do you... stroke too? I know that your tongues are supposed to touch. I think. But..."
Was there anyone who could give tips on how kissing with tongue worked? Someone that it wouldn't be completely awful to ask? He knew how it worked in theory, of course. At least, he thought what he knew was correct. But he wanted to know more, if that was possible, because he wanted it to be good, for Lenalee's sake. To him it was a big step. But his mirror image didn't want to help.
Was it a big step for her?
Well, anyway, he wanted to make sure he had some sort of clue. Only for her sake. And because he didn't want to make a fool of himself. But would he make a fool of himself by simply asking someone that question? He put his forehead against the cold glass, frowning. "How do you kiss with tongue?" Argh.
Had any of the Scientists kissed anyone? They were adults, he would sort of expect that... But he wasn't close enough to anyone of them. And Komui could be lurking around them, you never knew. And asking Komui? HAH.
Lavi had all of his stories about girls... And they, Lavi and him that is, talked a lot. A lot. About small things, and deep things, when Lavi didn't talk his mouth dry with stories. Allen had found himself sharing his past with the Bookman-in-training one day, all of a sudden. He could talk with Lavi. Right? About this...
"Thanks for nothing," he said heartfully to the mirror image before he left the room. Link was waiting outside. He would have to shake the blond off, because no way was he talking about this with that guy around.
. . .
He found the redhead in the library. That wasn't a big surprise, was it? Lavi was draped over a couch with a book on his hands, his eye moving from side to side way too quickly for being human. In Allen's opinion, at least, but he was sure he wasn't the only one who thought so. He sat down on the small spot that was still free and tried to figure out which was best; the blunt approach, or the more slow approach. The subject was... weird. Or at least embarrassing. He was a reserved young man, give him a break.
Lavi finally peered up from his book. "Hey, Allen. What's up?" he greeted with a wide smile. "Ya look like there's sumthin' ya wanna say."
"Hey, Lavi, yeah... Uhm..." Allen bit his lip.
He hadn't decided yet, damn it. Blunt or slow, that is the question.
'Screw you, Hamlet, you're not helping,' he thought bitterly.
"I was... wondering if you could help me with something," he said and moved to a more comfortable position on the couch as Lavi made space.
" 'Course, anything."
"I want to know... I mean... Do you know... No, of course you do..." He cursed himself. Blunt it was. He had to gather himself together. "I... How do you kiss?"
Lavi eyed him for a moment, visible eyebrow raised and lips turned into an amused smile. Allen wished he could read him, at least for now, because you never knew what was going on inside his mind. He was unpredictable. Though, that would probably lose its charm if anyone knew what he was thinking. It would probably be a fascinating thing to see, though. Or maybe it would be scary, on second thought, considering all the strange things he said.
"What do ya mean by that, Allen?" he laughed and finally closed the book. "It's not that hard, is it? Lips against lips, y'know, you and Lenalee did that already." He tilted his head and his smile widened knowingly. Well, that was nothing, Allen had done that too, before getting together with Lenalee. Yes, seriously. His General was Cross for God's sake. "Unless... you mean something else. Ya gotta specify, Allen, I'm not hearin' ya."
Allen felt his face beginning to heat up. Why did it always keep doing that?! "No, I didn't mean it like that," he muttered and stared at his hands. Don't blush don't blush don't blush. "I want to go further, but I don't know... how to do it... I mean... Do you have some tips on how to..." He frowned and blurted out, "Howtokisswithtongue!"
He squeaked a little as his hair was ruffled and snapped his head back up with a glare. "Lavi!" he huffed and put his hands over his head, straightening his hair back out. "Don't do that!"
"My dear little Bean Sprout is growing up~" Lavi cooed and wrapped an arm around Allen's neck, pulling him to himself and rubbing his knuckles over the top of his head. "Pecks aren't good 'nough anymore, he wants the real thing!"
"L-Lavi!" Allen flushed a deep red and pushed against the redhead to force himself out of the strong grip, but he just ended up choking himself. "Let me go! And don't say it like that, you... you... Argh!"
Lavi laughed and let go so suddenly that Allen nearly fell off the sofa. "Alright, Allen," he said happily. "I could go on and on 'bout all the scientific stuff that lies behind a kiss with tongue, like hormones and shit like that, and how ta do it right in theory," - as if Allen didn't know that, please, you... moved your tongues around and stuff, that was obvious - "but that's not what ya wanna hear, yeah? So I'm just gonna be honest with ya. I really dun' have even the tiniest idea of how ta kiss. I've heard a lotta stuff, but that's it."
"What?" Allen had a lot of trouble believing that. "You mean you haven't kissed anyone?"
"But... all your stories and all the girls that you met and... knowing you... It doesn't make sense!"
Lavi pouted lightly. "Why doesn't it make sense?" he asked somewhat disappointedly. "Sure, I'm a flirt, but really, that's as much as I'm interested in doin' for now. Flirtin' is fine but kissin' is a on a whole other level. I just haven't met the right girl, y'know. You're lucky." He smiled lightly and poked Allen's nose. "But I've heard that no one kisses the same, so it's sorta not a thing you can get a proper answer on, prob'bly. I'd say your best bet is to talk to Lenalee 'bout it."
"T-talk to Lenalee about it?!"
"Uh... Yeah? What's so awful about that? You're a couple."
Allen groaned and grabbed his head, wagging back and forth. "Don't you understand, Lavi?" he asked with a desperate tone. "I can't talk to her about such a thing! I won't get anything out! And... I'll feel stupid because... what if she's not as worried about it as I am? Actually, what if he she hasn't even thought about it and she'll think I'm awful for doing it!"
He looked up to check what the sudden silence was about and blinked as he saw Lavi staring at him. "What?" He dropped his hands and frowned lightly. "What's wrong? Did I say anything?"
"Allen... D'ya honestly think she'll react like that if ya bring it up? That's stupid. You're sixteen 'nd seventeen, if course ya hav'ta kiss with tongue. I'm surprised you haven't yet! Ya just hav'ta to do it! 'Sides, if there's anythin' you could worry 'bout, it's if she actually has more experience than you."
"Huh? Why would she have that?"
"She hasn't told you?"
Allen frowned deeper. Was Lenalee keeping something from him? "Told me what, Lavi?" he asked silently, his voice catching on a deeper tone. Oh, if this was something... something... But Lenalee... She wouldn't do anything... bad, right? If she did, it wouldn't be her fault... would it?
"Well, y'know how she 'nd Kanda are like friends from years back, yeah?"
"Yeah..." Allen knew, but he didn't like to think about it. Immature and stupid, maybe? Probably. But he just didn't like Kanda, and he didn't understand how anyone could like him, yet Lenalee and Lavi did, and General Tiedoll (but he could like anyone so that didn't count, Allen thought) and Marie... "What are you getting at?"
"And y'know, they were young, 'nd curious," Lavi said mysteriously and opened his book again.
"Lavi, I don't get--" Allen began with a confused tone, before his brain finally connected the dots. The topic was on kisses and Lavi talked about Lenalee and Kanda being friends and that they had been young and curious and... Oh no. "Wha... K-kanda and... Lenalee has kissed?!"
It just felt as if his world exploded. Lenalee and Kanda being friends was enough but but... they had kissed?! No, no, that was just... No! He didn't need that image, he didn't need it... Oh, who was he kidding, it wasn't the image that bothered him, it was the whole thing in general.
His blood was beginning to boil. Kanda... had kissed... Lenalee...
"Well yeah! ...Allen?"
"Kanda... and Lenalee..." Allen mumbled, his head lowered. "Kanda... has kissed... Lenalee... Kanda and Lenalee..."
I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do, our name is our virtue
Lenalee breathed a sigh as she pulled on the shirt, the soft fabric feeling like heaven after the dirty uniform she had been wearing for the past days. That sure had been a long and exhausting mission, even though it had really been easy. Just a little bit of stray Akuma, which it was hard to be lucky enough to face these days. They were almost always organised, almost always had orders, almost always had a reason to be where they were. The war had changed so quickly in such a short time.
So many deaths...
Shaking her head, Lenalee whiped her eyes. She couldn't keep thinking about that. She had to try to relax. Things had been going well lately, and she and Allen hadn't seen each other for quite a while now. She wanted to be happy around him now, at least today, for his sake, because he would probably feel bad otherwise. He had heard it before anyway, so what did it matter?
She thought about it every day...
But today, just for today, she didn't want to.
She left the baths, hopping on one leg at a time as she struggled to get her thigh-high socks under the rings around her ankles. Eventually she had to stop, because it wasn't quite working to pull on the second one, and she leaned against the wall as she finished the task. She smiled sheepishly at those who passed her in the hallway, not that they were that many. When she was finally done, she continued on her way, her feet thudding softly againt the floor. The new Headquarters was really big, you didn't run into people as often as you did back at the tower. That was a little scary, and Lenalee hugged herself just a little as it felt suddenly chilly even though the building was warmer than the tower had been.
She was relieved to walk back into her room and sink down on the bed. The water from her hair had stopped dripping now, but it still had to dry more before she could comb it. So then what should she do? She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts, but she didn't want to go out of her room either...
Wonder where Allen was...
She perked up when there was a knock on the door. "Come in!"
It was Allen. Her face lit up. "Allen! I was just thinking about you!" And apparently he had managed to shake off Link again.
Allen smiled that warming smile that filled her whole chest with... warmth, and told her why exactly she loved him. The warming smile wasn't the smile he used when he covered up his concerns or tried to fool the others that he was alright. The warming smile was a genuine smile that was much smaller than the one of the mask, but so much more glowing, so much more happy. Lenalee could definitely believe that smile.
"Welcome home, Lenalee," he said and shut the door behind him.
Lenalee knew how much that phrase mattered to him. "I'm home," she said and pulled her feet onto the bed, putting her arms to rest on her knees and her chin on said arms. She smiled back at him. "I missed you."
Arranging that position had been a bit unnecessary, because as soon as Allen walked up to the bed she stood up and pulled him into a tight hug, her breath gosting over his ear. His warmth enveloped her and tugged her into a safe haven, pushing all her worries away and replacing them with love. And when they pulled back a little and their lips touched, all she could think about was him being there with her. And she could only feel all the love she had for him, that was it. Not that she was complaining.
The kiss was very brief, but she refused to let Allen pull away from the hug - something he kept doing for a reason she couldn't understand... maybe he was still a bit awkward - and put her chin to rest against his shoulder. They had only been together for two weeks, after all, and the last week they hadn't even seen each other. He probably still had to get used to it.
"How did the mission go?" he asked and kept holding her.
"Good; it was easy and I only got a few scratches," she said and smiled lightly. 'And no one died,' she added to herself.
"That's good." She didn't miss how he tightened his grip on her just slightly.
"Do you know anything about Kanda's mission?"
And neither did she miss how he tensed slightly at the mentioning of the samurai's name. She sighed lightly. She knew Allen didn't like him, really, but sometimes she just thought it was ridiculous.
"No," he said, trying unsuccesfully to hide the bitterness in his tone. "Why?"
"Because I'm worried about him of course."
"He'll be fine."
"I know that." At least she wanted to believe that, but it was a little hard... "But I'm still worried, just like I'm worried about you and anyone else."
But that wasn't right. Allen usually didn't sound that bitter when they talked about Kanda. As little as they talked about him. Lenalee had just asked a question. She took into consideration Allen's dislike for him and didn't talk about him much, so the least her boyfriend could do was to let her be concerned and share it with him, because Kanda sure didn't like when she voiced her concern for him and Komui just overreacted to the concern (that was probably because of what he knew they had done before... but really). There was Jeryy but Allen was, as mentioned, her boyfriend, so she wanted to share some things with him too.
But he usually wasn't this bitter, at least not so obviously.
She pulled back and held him at arm's length, frowning. "Is something wrong, Allen?" she asked. "Did something happen between you two when I was gone? You seem so bitter."
Allen's gaze flickered, but she stubbornly kept looking at him, for quite a while, not allowing him to even try to pull away, and eventually he caved in, the bite on his lip and the defeated slumping of his shoulders being the signs. She had seen those very often, because lately she had perfected the art of easing things out of him.
"I talked with Lavi the other day, about... a few things," Allen said slowly, and she let go of him when he twisted slightly uncomfortably. "And he brought up you and Kanda... And said that you two have..." The words stuck in his throat there, Lenalee could see that.
If Allen had said what he and Lavi had been talking about, she may have been able to guess what it was about. But she and Kanda had done a lot of things, so there were things to choose from. Of course, it was obviously something that disturbed Allen somehow, so that narrowed it down a little...
But she didn't know what Lavi knew either.
"What? You have to say it, Allen, because me and Kanda have done a lot of things."
...what? "Louder, Allen, I can't hear you." She frowned and grabbed Allen's shoulders again, shaking him lightly, because he was looking down and he should look at her. "Gather yourself together."
He seemed to shake a little on his own, but at least he looked back up at her. "Kissed! You and Kanda kissed!" he blurted out, rapidly, glaring.
What the hell did Lavi think, telling Allen that of all things?! Of course he would react like this! Sheesh, he was such a kid.
She scowled. "Yes?" she asked and whacked the kid over the head. "So what? Don't look at me like that only because you can't stand Kanda and me being close. Don't be an idiot."
"M-me? An idiot?" Allen asked and grabbed his head with an angry frown. "Why didn't you tell me? I deserve to know, don't I? You two... kissed! And I'm your boyfriend! You can at least share that, can't you? Why didn't you let me know?!"
"This is why!" Lenalee stomped her foot into the floor and crossed her arms, turning away. "Because I knew you would react like this! You're unreasonable when it comes to Kanda! And as my boyfriend, you should be able to accept that you're not the only one I love. Why do you get so jealous? I was interested in Kanda once, but it was very brief, just a year, I was thirteen. He was fifteen. We were curious."
She glared at the wall and refused to meet Allen's gaze as he walked so that he stood in front of her. "But I... Curious? But... you were interested once! And what if Kanda... A kiss is a kiss! And--"
"Have you kissed anyone else besides me, Allen?" Lenalee snapped. If he hadn't, then it was just a little bit okay because how could he understand, if he had, then why was he being such an idiot.
"Well, yes, but--"
Ah, then it wasn't okay. "Then you should know that there's a difference between kisses!"
Allen stared. She finally looked back at him, still glaring, daring him to say something else, daring him. Did he think she took just any bullshit? He was supposed to know her, so he should know... What did he think of her? He was just being jealous and took it out on her for no reason whatsoever.
"You're such a kid," she hissed.
Allen spluttered. "I'm... I'm a kid?!"
"Yes! You are!"
They glared at each other. For a long while. Or at least it felt like it. Neither of them liked to back down, so it probably was for a long time.
But eventually, Allen's glare began to falter. When he spoke, he sounded hesitant, despite playing tough.
"Do you really love Kanda?"
Her expression softened. Maybe... he wasn't only jealous. Maybe he was a little bit scared too. She didn't want to fight when it had been a while... "Yes, I love Kanda, like I love everyone at the Order," she said gently and raised a hand to brush her fingers through his soft hair. "And even if Lavi gives me a bad feeling, I love him too. I know you don't like Kanda, and I accept that. I don't expect you to like him only because I do. I hope you don't expect me to not like him because you don't."
She put a finger to his lips. "Don't interrupt me, Allen." She glared just a little. "Yes, I kissed Kanda. But that kiss was just exciting, a little bit, because it was new, but it was just a very small touch of lips. No pressing, and it was over the moment it started. And it was definitely not more than that, no tongue or anything. I promise. But kissing you is so much better. Because I love you. I love you, Allen Walker. Sometimes you annoy me, but I really want to be with you. You and no one else."
She silenced, and Allen seemed to take that as a cue that he could talk again.
"But what if Kanda still..."
"And? Even if Kanda would be interested in me, that wouldn't make a difference. But he's not." She stroked Allen's cheek. "We're just friends. That's how it is." She tilted her head a little. "I'm surprised Kanda told Lavi about that, though. It's quite personal, you know."
There was silence for a while. Allen seemed to decide that he was done talking about Kanda. So he switched the subject.
"Lavi has never kissed anyone..." was said new subject.
She was okay with that.
"What?" She blinked at him.
"I know, that's how I reacted too."
He smiled sheepishly, then as she began to laugh he hesitatingly joined in. "Are you serious?" she giggled.
"That's what he said," he chuckled. "Said it like it was obvious too."
She smiled and sat back down on the bed. She pulled at his sleeve to get him down on it too. "What did you and Lavi talk about anyway? How did it make Lavi mention me and Kanda's kiss?"
And she brought it up again. But she really wanted to know. And it was still focused more on Lavi - and Allen - than Kanda. So the white-haired Exorcist had to accept it.
"Ah, well, uhm, I..."
It had to be something important if he was stuttering like that. So she stayed silent and smiled at him, tilted her head only just a little to show she was listening. Any more and he would probably just get more nervous.
"I asked him... if he had some tips on how to... kiss with tongue..."
Allen said it so silently Lenalee had to take a moment to decide if she had actually heard it right. Then, her smile widened and she turned on the bed, crossing her legs as she faced him. "You want to try that?" she asked cheerfully. She wasn't exactly in a hurry, but she had been wondering if Allen would actually ask about it, mention it, or make that move. It was a pleasant surprise.
He scratched his head a little and looked at her for a moment, before he turned to face her as well, leaning back on his heels. "Yes... I think so," he said slowly, then smiled sheepishly. "I mean, I do."
She laughed a little. He was always so modest, but he seemed to be working on it. She wasn't sure why, she had never told him that he should loosen up a little. But maybe Lavi had, or something. That was possible. She didn't complain, though. Not that it would hurt anyone.
"You know you don't have to hide anything from me, Allen. Anything you want to do, you can tell me."
"Yeah... Same to you."
She fingered a bit on the blanket. Well... she could have brought up the tongue thing herself, probably... That was her mistake. "We don't keep things from each other anymore, okay?" She held up her pinky finger. "Pinky swear?" She giggled.
Allen giggled too and hooked his pinky finger with hers. "Deal."
Then, by using that hook, she pulled him up a little before she put her hands against his jaw. Her eyes fell shut and she parted her lips slightly as she kept pulling him closer, but just a little, because he leaned in mostly by himself. There was his breath against her lips the moment before she felt the now-familiar warmth of a kiss. There was a tiny bit of pressure and hands on the back of her neck, and then she felt something hotter, and something wetter, than Allen's lips brush against hers. And then there was a hesitant, very hesitant, tongue in her mouth that traced her upper teeth.
She smiled a little, as much as she could, which was a tiny up-turn of her lips, and moved her tongue against her... boyfriend's tongue.
She really liked the sound of that.
It was messy, it was wet, and it wasn't particularly pleasant, and of course they were both new to it. The movements were careful, and... ticklish. Lenalee had to struggle not to laugh, especially when Allen's tongue just barely touched the roof of her mouth. But it was okay. Then, when Allen leaned closer, their teeth collided and they immediately pulled apart, just as rapidly.
They both covered their mouths with their hands and took a few deep breaths, then their eyes met and they burst into laughter. "I'm sorry," Allen said between laughs after a few moments.
"It's okay," Lenalee replied and put her arms around him, leaning against him as she laughed into his collar.
He soon fell backwards, his strength betraying him, and she went down with him. The laughter was still bubbling in her chest as tears began to form in her eyes and surely it would keep bubbling for a while. Soon they were gasping for breath as they held each other and it was very warm and very wonderful. Her room seemed even more welcoming than before.
Slowly, they gathered themselves together, the laughter slowly dying out. Once it did die out, they just lay there, Lenalee on top of Allen, her chin against his shoulder, and caught their breaths.
"Better watch out for the teeth," he said eventually, when she had raised her head to look at him, a sheepish smile on his face. They laughed again, but not as long, and she pressed her lips against his, though just for a moment.
She rolled off him and grinned all the way to her ears up at the ceiling. It was amazing how much you could love someone. She loved everyone, but the feelings for everyone and the feelings for Allen were so very different. It was the most wonderful thing in the world, like the sunlight against her cheeks, like the moments with her family during the Order's most happy times, like feeling that you had someone there to load off all your worries on, like when there were smiles on everyone's faces, when they would laugh together, kiss, hold each other... And it would fill her whole chest with warmth and bubbly happiness that threatened to burst.
It was the most painful thing in the world, like losing a loved one, like knowing that you could have done something else to save someone but didn't, like knowing you left someone behind and knowing it was too late to apologize, like knowing that someone's dreams were crushed because you - because she - left them - left him - alone for a little too long, when she would miss him, wonder if he was alright, wonder if they would see each other again... And it would make it hard for her to breathe because it felt like her lungs and heart twisted into tight knots.
She turned back towards Allen and put an arm across his chest, pressing her nose to his shoulder, his left shoulder, and breathing in his scent. "Yeah," she agreed. Right now she would let the bubbly happiness threaten to burst, she wouldn't feel anything else.
He lazily stroked his fingertips over her arm, his hooded eyes fixated on the ceiling. He was thinking, she could tell. She lifted her chin to get a better look at his face, his eyebrows just slightly drawn together, lips turned down and slightly pursed.
"Do you and Kanda share everything?"
Was that still bugging him? Lenalee sighed silently and lightly stroked his hair. "Not everything," she said and tilted her head a little. "But a lot of things. We talk about the now, not the future or the past."
"You tell him about us."
It was a statement, not an accusation. "Of course I do, even if he doesn't like talking about you." She smiled playfully and kissed Allen's cheek. "You two are surprisingly alike."
He huffed and frowned. She ignored it. Her point about him being a child still hadn't changed. Kanda was a child too. "What does he say about it?" Allen asked. Lenalee didn't think he had ever been that curious about knowing anything about Kanda. It was a little bit amusing. Was her boyfriend jealous of her best friend?
"He says that if you hurt me or don't satisfy me I can tell him and he'll cut your balls off for me," she said with a cheerful giggle and squeezed Allen a little with the arm around him, nuzzling her nose against his ear. His stumped expression just made her giggle more.
She could clearly see the thought 'Did Lenalee just say "balls"?' passing through his mind. She was just quoting Kanda.
"That's... good to know," he said slowly, his eye twitching.
She beamed at him. "Don't worry, you satisfy me perfectly fine." And he wouldn't purposely hurt her, would he?
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Lenalee's grip was very tight on Allen's shoulders as she kissed him, forcefully, passionately, and pushed him back against the wall. What in the world was she...? Where did this...? What...?
...by God that kiss was amazing. He was left gasping for air when she pulled away after a quick bite to his lower lip. Link was standing there, and cleared his throat, but Lenalee ignored him. Completely.
She was learning. With the whole furniture thing.
"Lenalee, what in the world?" he asked breathlessly, only now noticing his hands were at her waist. They must have gone there during that kiss...
"I just wanted to do that," she smiled. He was somewhat thankful she was breathless, too, or he would have felt sort of... weak. Then, she leaned in towards his ear, and whispered. "I love you. I'm tired of us tip-toing around each other. Let's just... relax, okay?"
He nodded slowly, and smiled as well. "Okay."
And he licked her ear.
(I won't hesitate)
Open up your mind and see like me
(No more, no more)
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
(It cannot wait, I'm sure)
Lenalee stepped on air. That was what she did. Those who saw her called it flying.
Sometimes she was called a hero.
She didn't think she was a hero, not really. Facing the horrified masses after taking care of the attacking Akuma was always a bit unnerving. The looks of awe, fright, shock and wonder... she didn't like to have those aimed at her.
A small child was tugging at his mother's sleeve, but she didn't pay attention to the boy. "Mum, that's the flying girl." He tried to whisper, but it was way too loud so she heard it anyway. She frowned a little, but didn't say anything about it and clasped her hands behind her back, bowing her head.
"I'm sure you're all very shocked and haven't managed to understand the situation," she said politely and smiled lightly at them. "But I'm afraid I have to ask you to pack any necessary belongings you may have left and follow me. You're at a risk here. I'm sorry."
The Earl was aiming for this town. It was some economically important town in Sweden, something about mining. Earl was aiming at it, sending Akuma force after Akuma force. They had decided evecuation was in order. Hopefully this breather wouldn't be as short as they had been all the other times... so that they could do that.
The Earl's purpose? Wipe the town to the ground.
"Take a few minutes and then come back here. We don't have much time."
There were people that refused to leave. Lenalee didn't have time to deal with them, neither did she particularly care. Those who protested and didn't head off to pack she ignored and walked back to where Lavi, Allen and Link were standing. Lavi was leaning against his anti-Akuma weapon, eyeing the horizon that you could see from where they were - the main street - with a small frown. Allen looked very troubled as he watched the people who were still standing around or sat down on the ground and the like. Link's arms were folded across his chest as he nodded approvingly at her. She sent him a hint of a smile.
Their opinions were actually quite alike sometimes.
Allen on the other hand... He was bitter. He thought that their desicion not to bother with those who refused to pack was a waste of human life. Maybe that was true, but it wasn't as if a lot of the town's population was still alive anyway... so they really weren't that many. They had to think about their mission; protect the town at any cost. To do that they couldn't waste time on stubborn citizens...
Lenalee put her arms around Allen anyway and buried her face in his dusty coat. Not that it would make much difference anyway, because her face was already dirty. And he hugged her back.
Because they loved each other.
She smiled and felt better, much better. She didn't like to see that he was unhappy with this decision, because she had been there to make it.
She was just about to go back to where the crowd was gathering again, when Allen suddenly screamed "AKUMA".
She widened her eyes and turned around, raising her gaze to the load of Akuma in the sky. The rings around her ankles lit up and spread out until they covered her legs from the knees down to her feet, and whipped back around to the citizens.
"Leave!" she yelled and swiped out with an arm. "In that direction! There's a city not too far away where you can get help for whatever needs you have. GO!"
She didn't see if all of them did leave as she took off towards the sky, but she partly hoped. They were still humans, even if she didn't see them as anything important, so taking some consideration to them was natural...
She smashed through a level 1 and quickly avoided a level 2 that was pulled down to the ground by Allen.
Lenalee owned the sky. No one could beat her up here, no one.
So please don't, please don't, please don't
(There's no need to complicate)
There's no need to complicate
(Our time is short)
'Cause our time is short
(This is our fate)
This is, this is, this is our fate