AN: I had this idea for a while, and finally decided to go for it. This isn't supposed to be all so serious, but it isn't completely crack either. Does PARODY ring a bell? Basically, I'm making plotholes in canon (yes I'll be disregarding some new revelations as well as the Earl's all-crushing firepower) so I can have some AU drama; I do hope you will find this appealing. Look at it as a sci-fi explanation if you must. If you think the start of the plot is lame, is; but that's not what's important here, I just needed to get to the point where I knew what I want to do, while making fun of the way such things are usually taken care of. Also I must confess that I'm a terrible lazyass though so this is going to be moving slowly (very every few months), but that's better than nothing, right?

So yeah, unlike it could be expected from a long fic by me, the main pairing in this is actually Allen/Lenalee. Well, Allen is the main character and all. Lavi/Kanda is also there; but as for explicitness, it's really more of a comical relief than anything else, so yeah, if you're not a guy/guy fan, you should still be able to read this without cringing, and maybe with actual laughing, as they don't really play any other than the family and the gay sidekicks role here.

Also, part of the idea of this fic was that I wanted to contradict the most common opinions on 'What would they do if they weren't Exorcists?'. No really, WHAT if Lenalee wasn't a housewife, Kanda wasn't a Soba/Dojo master, and Lavi wasn't a Bookman? Life doesn't always turn the way you want, after all. What if they had to resort to commercials, sharlatanism, selling cheeseburgers or even being homeless? You are going to see something new very soon.. So this is meant to amusingly widen people's view, while providing some actual dramatic material about the ever-changing world at the same time.

I hope you like it.

Summary: OMG TIME TRAVEL FIC. During the final battle with the Earl, things suddenly turn around as the OT4 is sent through a wormhole and into the modern world! By the time Allen manages to escape the in-between-dimensions, everyone else is already adapted to the new world and..have forgotten how to fight. While they need to gather again and finish what they had started 200 years ago, for the timer on the (zomg magical) lock of the Earl's chamber in the Ark is about to run out!

Pairings: Allen/Lenalee, side Lavi/Kanda.

Warnings: Language, sexual implications, alcohol, ... Also, beware of parody which might appear unexpectedly, even if I don't intend it to be offensive.

Disclaimer: -Man and lovely characters belong to Katsura Hoshino. Title and lyrics below belong to Deep Purple.

AN2: Oh and.. It be January 22nd. HAPPY ALLEN/LENALEE DAY !






Sweet child in time you'll see the line

The line that's drawn between the good and the bad

See the blind man shooting at the world

Bullets flying taking toll

If you've been bad, Lord I bet you have

And you've been hit by flying lead

You'd better close your eyes and bow your head

And wait for the ricochet



Chapter 1 : Intro / Enter Tomorrow


He clenched her hand more tightly as she jumped and dashed past the remaining moving forms of Akuma towards the man who was responsible for all of this, determination on her face. This war has taken so many of whom she loved, and her home, and everything, including the person who was the most important to her in the world; she was not going to lose the small remains of her family, and she was not going to let the evil get away again, not after it took her brother away.

The Earl had to pay.

Allen gritted his teeth, ready to pull the sword out as soon as Lenalee dropped him by the Duke of Millenium. All of the other Noah were gone now, and so were all of their friends, but there was always time for grieving later. Right now they had to finish this, finish it so all the sacrifices would have not been in vain.

They heard the all so familiar slashes and crashes behind them that signified Kanda and Lavi were still fighting off the Akuma in order to allow them battle the Earl uninterrupted. They were soldiers and were still alive unlike the others, they could deal with this; if any of them started worrying right now all could have been lost. The numbers of demons were decreasing; they no longer held the infinite power that once made them so formidable, and these had to be the last ones left - that thought was encouraging, despite the fact that there were still too many of them.

It was a surprise even the four of them had made it, when some of the strongest ones were taken out even before the war broke out by full force. Or maybe it was fate?

"Now," Allen shouted over the noise of Akuma machinery and the other two remaining Exorcists' weapon clanging, raising his head for a moment to see Lenalee nod with an expression full both of despair and determination, and for a moment, their eyes met.


"Brother says the Earl has moved out. In the open, as if calling us to the battle," she said looking up at him. "Not using the Ark or anything. They're just..coming. I don't understand." This had to mean the end was near, but she refused to believe it. It was threatening her home. She had to do everything in her power to protect it.

Allen bit his lips and shook his head, looking rather thoughtful. "So it's come to this," he mumbled. "I guess it means it's really the end of the war soon.." All those years of waiting for this, he never thought actually having it in front of him would feel so.. empty.

"One way or another."

He looked at the girl with surprise. "It's not like you to be pessimistic, Lenalee," he mumbled, a little hesitantly pulling her closer. He didn't like it, it made him feel like a lump was stuck in his throat, and moreover, he worried about the girl more than anything else. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she mumbled, leaning against him with a sigh. During the three years she knew him, she had gotten so grateful for having him, and in the end they meant more to one another than they knew. "Just that.. I talked with Miranda yesterday. She said she has a bad hunch about this. What if we lose?"

Allen stroke her hair lightly, forcing himself to believe everything was going to be fine, because if he didn't believe, no one would. By now he had already become the hope of all of them. He couldn't allow himself to linger from that path.

"We'll win, Lenalee. I promise."


He was on the verge of breaking a promise once again, and he couldn't let that happen. Not when it concerned Lenalee. He didn't mind the old man's love to the doll, Kanda's scorns and other people's deaths more than it was necessary, even if it still made him feel bad, but a promise to Lenalee was entirely different. He couldn't prevent all those sacrifices, but at least he could try and put an end to this.

Air whistled past his ears as he fell towards the plump figure that was standing alone on a huge piece of rubble, calm in the centre of the battle like in they eye of a hurricane despite the fact that the hurricane was less than a small swirl now as most of the forces were already defeated. But Allen didn't care much about it at this point; he narrowed his eyes, his arm turning into a sword, while Lenalee circled them, ready to attack the final remaining First Apostle from the other side.

The both of them could still have a future.


"This is our first night," she mumbled into his ear, settling against him more comfortably as he got back to the bed after opening the window so that fresh air would blow out the smell of sweat, concentrated from what they had done earlier. She still seemed a bit sad, though. "Yet it could be the last one, too. Promise me you won't die, Allen."

It was so warm there under the blanket, being curled up against each other like that, skin to skin, able to feel each other's heartbeat, sharing each other's warmth and embrace...

"How could I?" He wasn't going to leave the girl he loved alone, could he? Not after he asked her to marry him after his 19th birthday, and though they didn't move past engagement yet, Lenalee had decided they could do it already. Well, she was older. And at this point, Allen didn't mind; they were going to be husband and wife soon anyway, so this wasn't just as illegal, well at least his life wasn't threatened by giant robots, unlike just a few months ago. He never imagined it would happen on their last night home, though. It felt almost like a goodbye, and he didn't like it. "Of course I promise."

"You'd better keep that promise," Lenalee muttered, pulling the blanket around them tighter and enjoying the feel of Allen's body against hers. Her eyes glinted almost mischievously for a moment, despite of the overall gloomy mood, "At least until I'm Mrs. Walker, that is."

"That's cruel, Lenalee," Allen complained, though a smile flashed on his face for a moment and he moved his hands over the girl again, tickling her lightly for punishment before simply holding her close. She giggled a little at the touches, then silenced, resting against him.

They were going to win, and they were getting married, and living peacefully afterwards. He refused to believe any other possibility.


The sword was blocked by its look-alike, and the Earl's grinning face was now inches from Allen's. Despite of having lost all of his supporters, the fat man looked just amused as ever; almost as if everything was going right according to his plan and nothing could interfere with it, as if everything that has happened before was supposed to lead the events to this particular day.

"Allen Walker," he said lovingly as the white-haired boy pressed at the sword harder, looking almost as furious as that white Innocence-mask of his. "You are too special to be left alive."

That was quite ridiculous to hear from a man who was now a stand-alone in the battle, yet his expression and tone made Allen wary. If something was up, he'd better not let his guard down. "I'm afraid I'm going to destroy you, Earl," he said in a, surprisingly, rather calm voice and backed off, swinging the sword at the Duke with a new force while a flash that was obviously Lenalee launched to attack from the opposite side.

"Please do."

The girl ricocheted off the Earl like a light rubber ball as if there was an invisible shield around him, and skidded over the scene's surface before managing to stop, luckily having landed on her feet. What just happened? The man's grin seemed to grow wider as the white-haired boy in front of him withdrew the sword and in moments attacked with the claw, slicing the Duke's sword in half, however the latter's happy expression didn't linger.

"If you can, that is."


Lavi was crying.

He might have been a Bookman's successor, but at the same time, Bookman was like a family to him. He tried telling himself that the old man would have croaked it soon anyway, but every time he remembered him he couldn't help but feel tears float out of his eyes. The old man was taken down at the very beginning of this battle, before everyone else; it was quite gruesome but Lavi wasn't going to remember that now. What was stuck in his mind forever, though, were the Bookman's last words.

No, it wasn't anything clear nor emotional, though Lavi knew the old man cared about him just as much as he did, if not more. But maybe the impartiality of it, or maybe the hidden meaning that Lavi was sure he noticed, was making it all the harder to bear.

'Lavi.. You will record the ending of this battle.'

The ending of it.. the redhead knew this was the same as a good luck wish for him to survive through it, but the way it was said just made him adore his profession more. That and he had just lost what was both like a teacher and like a grandfather to him, and all together it was just a bit too much for him at the moment.

Tears made it hard to see.


Kanda wondered what has gotten into the idiot; he had to block quite a few incoming Akuma shots that the redhead didn't seem to be aware of. Was he trying to get killed over that old man's death? Pathetic. Kanda had lost his General a while ago, but never did he let any emotion unfit for a warrior cross his face, even if it did leave him somewhat upset despite of telling himself there was no reason to be. Such was the war.

Either way, the battlefield was the worst place to display any sort of feelings, and Lavi had clearly forgotten it.

They heard some loud battle crashes from where Allen, Lenalee and the Earl were. Those three had become so powerful over the years, it was almost scary. And so both Lavi and Kanda knew the best they could do to aid was keep fighting off the smaller foes so they wouldn't distract the others from the more important job; yet neither of them would have admitted to that - pride was insisting otherwise. Still, it was their job to do right now.

They briefly shared a glance, for some reason both turning their eyes away almost the same moment as if caught with something that couldn't be caught in a battle, and stepped back to back, blasting off the incoming attackers with new determination.



He stopped right next to his door and looked back, with his eyebrow raised in an impatient manner, though he honestly didn't mind staying out there with the redhead for a little more. After all, they were supposed to be 'friends', and he was pretty sure he wasn't going to make it through the upcoming battle. it would need a lot of Innocence power, after all, and that came with a cost. Well, it wasn't really anything to get sentimental about; he always knew it would come to this. "What."

"You think you might not make it, right?" Green eye was practically gazing into his soul right now. ..What a stupid metaphor.

"What shit are you on?" He wasn't going to admit something that didn't matter. Just where did Lavi dig this up from, anyway? The redhead didn't seemed phased though, almost if he knew it for sure and simply asked to make Kanda acknowledge it, too.

The redhead simply stepped closer, looking at him rather sadly. "Even if this gonna be the last thing I say, Yu, I still wanna say it. Don't die." It sounded like he was asking.

Was it even possible to control something like that? "Whatever," Kanda gave his usual reply of agreeing, however something stopped him from just walking away as he stepped forth too, words strangling themselves out of his mouth. "Same to you."

Their lips touched for a mere second, then they simply stepped away and hastily walked in opposite directions.

'If I'm going to die, it's better if the last new experience was with someone I don't hate,' Kanda thought as he walked away.

'If I'm going to die, it's better if the attachments I hold important know that I do', Lavi thought as he walked away.

Neither of them spoke of it again.


Neither of them spoke of it again, not while waiting for the enemies, not in the battle, not now when it was nearing the end. It was enough that they knew.

"That's it," Kanda grunted as their last combo attack blasted off the remaining Akuma while Lavi seemed to have managed to finally stop snivelling over the inevitable. They were probably supposed to head to the top of the rubble where the other fight was taking place; they could see the white lashes of Crown Clown stretching over and crashing into the ground, Sprout was probably finally moving into offence. About time he'd gather the balls to actually kill that ridiculous fat man that had caused all this trouble.

"Let's go," Lavi agreed, and they rushed towards the slowly setting cloud of dust that signalled where the last attack had come from.


They barely managed to fall to the ground as Lenalee's loud "Take cover!" echoed through the blood and dust soaked air as she fell on the Earl with crushing force once again. White strands mercilessly stabbed the new cloud of dust.

So maybe it wasn't the best idea to come here.

Suddenly, a shockwave went through the air; it was almost sinister, as much as such a thing could have a character, and Lavi, Kanda and Lenalee found themselves unceremoniously thrown around the circle which marked the Earl's location before Lenalee's attack connected. Allen managed to remain standing on the edge of the crater, though he didn't understand what was happening.

As the dust settled, the Earl emerged from the middle of the pit, seeming unharmed, just having lost his hat and now displaying the handsome pair of shiny horns that were sprouting from the top of his head. He giggled.

Lavi didn't even feel like throwing an innuendo; he simply stared, and so did the other three. However the Duke himself seemed to only register the presence of Allen Walker.

"Brother," he said gleefully, his glasses glinting a little bit, "You have been branded as the Destroyer of Time, however you don't have any idea what it means. And that's why you won't survive."

Allen was catching his breath from the fight, but that weird blabbering was getting to him more than enough not to keep silent. "You're one against us four, Millennium Earl," he pointed out. "Your allies are finished. Do you really think you have a chance?"

"Finished," Earl's grin grew twice more, "Yes, at the moment yes. But you seem to forget something...what matters at the moment, does not matter to me. I am the Alchemist who travels Time, after all. I'm afraid ignorance is going to be your downfall by your own power, Allen Walker." As he spoke, the world around suddenly went dark.


"We'll meet sooner than you think," the Duke sang as his form stretched, suddenly becoming tall and thin, and in a moment was sucked into what looked like a giant vortex just having opened in the air above them.

The four Exorcists stared up dumbfounded.

"What the fuck-"

No one managed to say anything else as they were suddenly pulled in, and the world disappeared.


It was dark, very dark, and it felt like they were being pulled through nothingness at a great speed, views and sounds mixing into unreadable chaos that seemed to have no beginning nor end. Maybe it felt a little like dying. Or like a giant vacuum cleaner, even if they couldn't compare it to that at the moment. Either way, it was dazzling and dizzying, and in the end when neither knew where was up and where was down, they were spit out.


Lenalee opened her eyes. She was laying on something cold and rough, and she quickly got up. Next to her there was Kanda, already sitting up and staring up, and a little further away she spotted Lavi rubbing his head. She frowned a bit and followed Kanda's gaze.

Huge blocks of concrete - she assumed they had to be houses of sorts - were rising over their heads all the way up she could see, almost as if they were meant to reach the heavens. The faint street lamps - that looked only a little different from normal ones - didn't light it enough to be able to tell. All the ground seemed to be covered by concrete or some similar substance as well, and something seemed to be flying far up, something with moving lights..

And then there were sounds. Horrible, loud sounds that didn't seem to stop even for a moment. Roaring, clanging, bumping, crashing, screeching, you could hear several alarms in different distances, and slowly overwhelming it all, there was the chucking sound that seemed to come from the flying metal monster with lights, which disappeared into the distance as unexpectedly as it appeared. The other sounds didn't seize, and a different alarm was sounding down along with strange squeaking - as if someone was braking, just a lot more loud.

"What the fuck," Kanda repeated, dazed, staring up at the skyscraper as if he was seeing God face to face for the first time in his life.

"Where are we?" Lavi mumbled, looking around with an expression of fear yet curiosity at the same time, and walked up to the other two.

Lenalee, however, realized something much more important once the initial shock subsided a little, what was much in this scary world they got thrown into. She shivered lightly, and Kanda hesitantly put a hand on her shoulder, and all three of them just stood there, practically clinging to each other out of fear, foreign sounds and giant blocks of living space towering over them, as she finally spoke.

"Where...where's Allen?"

He wasn't there.



End Chapter


Yay cliffhangers. Hope to update this...eventually. And hope you didn't hate the into so much as to not come back to read what happens next. :3