Disclaimer: Brand spanking new to Bones thus its pretty near impossible that I own any of it.
Note: My first foray in this fandom. I come bearing a little Booth&Bones humor for the whole gang.
The It without an Antecedent
Monday, 7:30 am
"Dr. Hodgins, you're in...."
"Early?" Hodgins offered as an end to Cam's sentence. But it was a wasted effort since the sentence had come out correctly the first time.
"No," Cam clarified. "Well, you are early but it's more the in part I didn't expect." She nodded to punctuate the corrected emphasis.
"I'm not sure—"
"Donors," Cam cut him off. "Bunch of donors coming in today to observe the lab, see where all their money's going?" It was a statement pretending to be a question that was pretending to ask if any of that sounded familiar to him. Which, of course it did since she'd told the whole team on Friday. "Isn't that the kind of thing you usually avoid?"
Dropping pretense, Hodgins leaned in and said in a low voice, "When I woke up this morning, I had a voice mail from Angela."
Cam nodded and her voice matched Hodgins's for cloaks and daggers. "She said she thinks it might have happened."
"She called you too," Hodgins nodded, eyebrows jumping, as if this confirmed something.
At Hodgins' work station, Dr. Sweets found the dirt-doctor and the bones-boy in close conversation. The two quickly sprung apart when they caught sight of the shrink. "Problem, guys?" Sweets asked in his mild, even manner that could never, ever be trusted to mean a person was free from scrutiny.
"Uh, no," Wendall said, crossing his arms quickly. "No." He uncrossed his arms just as quickly. Then crossed them again. By now, Sweets had probably concluded that he hadn't been hugged enough as a child and had an irrational aversion to rutabagas.
Hodgins, complete with unwavering stare, clarified, "We just don't want to hear later that we're clearly overcompensating for hidden animosity over Angela."
Both men waited for Sweets to ask the inevitable, "Well, are you?" but for once, Sweets let it go. "Hmm," he pronounced dismissively. "All signs indicate that your working and personal relationships have made healthy adaptations to Wendall's relationship with Angela. Speaking of which, have you seen Angela this morning?" Sweets quickly noted that he'd directed the question to Wendall and added awkwardly, "Either of you?"
"She called you too!" Hodgins declared excitedly.
"Do you think something happened to Angela?" Wendall asked, out of the loop and not wanting to betray just how much he didn't appreciate that fact.
Sweets went from the formality of a double doctorate to the fervor of a double-dog dare in two seconds flat. "Yeah, she said she thinks it happened."
"I wonder if anyone had this weekend in the poll," Hodgins said and then turned to the concerned Wendall. "Angela's fine. Hell, she's probably still out celebrating if it finally happened."
Sweets grinned his agreement and Wendall did his best to duck out of the conversation that had gone over his head and resolved to wait around until understanding dawned or someone gave him a case to work on. The two doctors were acting strangely enough that he half expected to hear he'd lost his scholarship again.
"So, Dr. Brennan didn't say or do anything unusual on Friday, that you noticed, did she, Wendall?" Sweets's casual manner was anything but.
"This is Dr. Jack Hodgins, our resident entomologist and Mr. Fisher, one of our lab assistants." Dr. Saroyan proceeded to explain to the group of well-dressed men and women just what bugs and dirt had to do with catching murderers.
It took all of Cam's professionalism to stick to the task at hand especially with Fisher and Hodgins locked in whispered conversation instead of offering any helpful tidbits for the donors. "These ladies and gentlemen are all very eager to meet Dr. Brennan and I'm sure they'd be interested in Ms. Montenegro's work as well," Cam said, turning back to the two men who were clearly gossiping like school girls. "Has either of them arrived yet this morning?"
"They haven't, as a matter of fact," Hodgins said with a biggest grin he'd ever shown to a group of wealthy share-holders. "Angela's probably caught in that jam on 495."
"And W-Mr. Bray said Dr. Brennan mentioned some problems she was having with her plumbing on Friday," Fisher put in a little too pointedly.
Cam's eyes widened. "Her plumbing?" She repeated with a tight smile. "Well, let's hope she's gotten that all taken care of by now." She started ushering the donors out of the lab proper. "I suppose we should take a break for coffee and any questions you might have until Dr. Brennan arrives."
"Dr. Saroyan, sorry to interrupt," Fisher said, raising a finger in a manner that was very nearly polite. "Are you aware if anyone had the, mm, the shift covered for this weekend?"
"You know, we're trying to establish who had the best foresight. Since it happened," Hodgins said, far less concerned with the fact that he was blatantly talking over the donors' heads.
"Right! The...shift," Cam replied, understanding. "I believe Ms. Montenegro was keeping that schedule."
"Great," Hodgins replied. "I'm sure she won't mind if I check."
"Michelle had this weekend in the poll," Sweets said by way of greeting as he entered Dr. Saroyan's office.
"Michelle—" Cam began as Sweets was saying, "You know, I bet it was Dr. Wyatt who—"
But neither finished their sentences, opting instead for, "Agent Booth!" since Booth followed almost on the psychologist's heels.
"Morning...you two...." Booth said, taking in the panic on both doctors' faces. "Something happen with Michelle? And...Dr. Wyatt?"
"Ah, no," Cam said, searching for an excuse on the back of her eyelids.
"Michelle and her boyfriend broke up," Sweets supplied.
"They did?" Cam said, then recovered, "They did!"
"They did?" Booth asked, completely baffled by what looked like relief on Cam's face. "Michelle's gotta be upset. That little... you know, I warned him...."
"But they got back together," Sweets put in, seeing the dark look on Booth's face.
"Yes," Cam agreed. "Michelle was upset. Very upset. And I called Dr. Sweets...."
"And I suggested that Dr. Saroyan take Michelle to Dr. Wyatt's restaurant," Sweets said, hoping somehow it would all make sense.
Booth nodded. "Right. Because Wyatt's good with that sort of thing. He goes by 'Chef' now though. So Michelle's okay?"
"Yeah," Cam said, nodding vigorously. "She and her boyfriend are doing just fine."
"Good," Booth said. "Big weekend for her."
"It was a big weekend for a lot of people," Sweets said with a boyish smirk.
"So I hear," Cam agreed.
Booth looked between the two of them in confusion then shook his head and jerked his thumb at the lab. "So, there's a body out there. In case anyone's interested."
"Right!" Cam said brightly, standing up from her chair.
"Bones come in yet?" Booth asked.
"We thought maybe you'd seen her."
"Sorry, sorry!" Angela said ringing her hands as the the door to her office closed behind the donors and opened to her friends and colleagues. "I know I had you guys all on edge but there was traffic and then of course I got a flat and then the donors wanted to see how the simulator worked...."
Hodgins banished the apology with a sweep of his hands.
"Do you know for sure?" Fisher asked. "Because the poll was up to five-hundred bucks for this weekend and Michelle won it."
"Michelle?" Angela said in disbelief. "Cam's Michelle?"
"But Dr. Wyatt's been showing her some recipes and Cam said they've gotten all buddy-buddy," Sweets said. "So I think he placed at bet through her."
"Sweets is just upset a sixteen-year old knows his patients better than he does," Hodgins quipped.
"Don't worry about it, Doc," Fisher said with a punch to Sweets's shoulder. "She's only, what, a year or two younger than you?"
Sweets gave Fisher a dirty look before turning back to Angela. "So, are you sure it happened."
"Wendall said Dr. Brennan was having trouble with her plumbing on Friday and Brennan was late for work this morning. And then Booth came in around ten and Cam seemed to think he told her Brennan was late because she had to shower at his place," Hodgins said, enumerating the facts.
"But," said Wendall who had finally caught on around lunch time, "we're not sure if that's really what Dr. Saroyan meant because she was showing the donors around so everyone was, you know, kind of talking in code."
"Ah-huh," Angela said. "I just know Brennan's plumbing was acting up on Friday and I told her she should call Booth. When I talked to her Saturday, he was her place working on the pipes—"
The room gave a collective snicker.
"Yeah let's hope," Angela said, undeterred. "Anyway, she was supposed to call me later to make plans for dinner but she never called."
Hodgins snorted. "Ange, they probably just got take out and he tried to get her to watch Batman or she tried to explain the anthropological significance of 'Survivor' or something."
"Right," Angela said, still undeterred. "So I called his apartment late, way late, past midnight, figured I'd tell him I thought I heard someone prowling around outside my house but he wasn't home. And Brennan didn't answer her cell or her house phone on Sunday and didn't call me back until this morning to tell me she'd be late because the hot water in her whole building was out and she was going to Booth's to shower.
Everyone was silent for a tense moment until Fisher broke in with, "So Michelle really won the poll? What's a sixteen-year old need five hundred dollars for?"
"Guys," Angela said, with her brightest smile, "I think it really happened."
"Everyone in this place has gone nuts," Booth said, barging through the door to Brennan's office. "Completely bat shit. Seriously, Bones," he held up fingers to illustrate his points, "Hodgins keeps saying, 'I can't believe it happened' under his breath. Well that could mean anything, with Hodgins but he keeps looking at me like he might hug me. Fisher said 'attaboy' and tried to hi-five me. Sweets just keeps grinning like an idiot and said the usual 'his door's open when I want to talk' thing. But before he and Cam made up this whole song and dance about Michelle and Gordon Wyatt." Booth paused for a much needed breath before gearing up again. "Cam did hug me. And Angela, Angela kissed me on the lips and said, 'I'm so glad it finally happened'. And then she hugged me. I mean, what does that even mean? There was no...noun. What are they all talking about?"
Brennan looked up from the shattered pelvis she was reconstructing. "I always find pronouns that lack antecedents troubling," she said mildly.
"Tell me about it," Booth agreed.
"Well a pronoun without an antecedent leaves the subject of a sentence completely ambiguous. Like the 'it' in the statements Angela and Hodgins made. The lack of the noun to which the pronoun refers just makes the statement a non sequitor and it therefore makes no sense but to the person who uttered it in the first place."
"Yeah, I'm actually pretty decent at grammar, Bones, thanks." Booth tugged at his tie. It didn't help that whatever had the squints all riled up was throwing them off their games and his investigation was suffering for it. "From the Latin antecedere, go before. Catholic school. Try not to be impressed."
"My best hypothesis," Brennan said, adjusting the magnifying glass, "is that Angela has shared her suspicions with the others that we engaged in sexual intercourse for the first time this weekend."
"Whoa, 'we'? As in, you and I?"
"Yes," Brennan answered. "'We' is usually used to indicate the speaker and any other persons who are the subjects of an action. In this case, you and I are the subject and the verb is—"
"Sex! Yeah, I got it," Booth said beginning an agitated pace.
"Actually, the verb in the sentence was 'engaged.'"
Booth gave her a dirty look and pointed an accusatory finger when he caught her smiling. He continued pacing, putting shreds of overheard conversation together. "I think they have a poll. You know, about when we'd...." He waggled his eyebrows and did a decent imitation of a bobble head which, Brennan assessed, somehow indicated 'sex' in Booth body language speak.
"Yes," She agreed. "Angela keeps the bets on a calendar in her office. I believe Michelle predicted this weekend."
"Michelle!" Booth's hands went to his forehead. "I can't believe they think.... I can't believe Michelle is betting on.... We gotta set that record straight."
"You're right," Brennan said, eyes flicking to the ceiling for a moments as she thought. "I believe Wendall placed a bet for two weekends ago."
Booth stopped his pacing and turned to smile at her. When he didn't reply, she looked up and returned the smile.
He crossed the short distance between them to stand behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. "You really think we should tell them?" He asked quietly. "I mean they'll probably just go even more nuts and we'll never hear the end of it from Sweets."
"I'm going to have to tell Angela soon," Brennan said. "She is very nearly an unstoppable force. Besides, Wendall is the rightful winner of the poll."
"Fine," Booth said, taking her gloved hand and pulling her toward the door.
"Now? I'm in the middle of a reconstruction," she protested.
"No time like the present, Bones. And I really want to get all this hugging over with."