Our Fifty Moments
Part One: Sinful
I Shall Not Want
Colette reflects upon the one attachment she cannot bring herself to sever.
And so the Goddess Martel, in Her perfect will, gave the Chosen's Creed to the Church through Her angelic servants, so that the children of the sacred line would grant salvation through their purity:
A Chosen of Mana shall obey the commandments of the Goddess and allow the world to follow their example.
A Chosen of Mana shall study the Goddess' word and keep it hidden within their heart.
A Chosen of Mana shall not defile their body with acts of indulgence or lust.
A Chosen of Mana shall not defile their minds with thoughts of hatred or greed.
...A Chosen of Mana shall not want; they shall not desire the distractions of attachment, for their body and soul belongs to the Goddess alone...
It was a creed she had committed to memory; the very rules she strived to live by. After all, if she was to succeed in regenerating the world, she had to shield herself from mankind's sinful nature. But Colette was only human. She, too, would harbor sinful thoughts from time to time.
Every birthday she celebrated only served to remind her of how little time she had left. Each passing day was another grain of sand falling to the bottom of the hourglass. There were so many times she wanted to flee; to shun her destiny and live like a normal girl. However, every night, she would rid herself of these seeds of doubt through prayer and meditation. For the sake of the world, she realized, she couldn't be normal. For the sake of the world, she had to die.
She could easily kill her doubts. What Colette could never kill was the undeniable, selfish love she had for Lloyd.
She was doomed from the start. Lloyd was one of the only people who ever gave her a taste of normalcy; who would ever show her affection because she was Colette, not the Chosen. It was no surprise how hard she fell for him.
According to the Church, however, he was a distraction. He was an attachment that must be severed; a selfish want she could never have. She prayed for the strength to leave him behind when that fateful day finally came, but the heartache she felt at the thought of losing him forever never subsided.
Had not the Goddess granted the gift of love to ensure the happiness of Her children? If so, Colette wondered, why would She allow it to hurt so much?
As the Day of the Oracle drew nearer and nearer, Colette made her choice. Surely Martel would have approved her love! But the love she had for Lloyd would no longer hold her back - instead, that love would push her forward. It would inspire her to save this world, not only for the sake of everyone else, but for Lloyd to live peacefully. She would toss aside her selfishness so that the boy she loved could also have a chance to love... without her.
Her life for his. Her sinful desires for his chance to flourish. When Colette put it that way, it was an easy choice. Now, she knew she would not need to fear death.