Until it's Gone…
Disclaimer: Inuyasha doesn't belong to me.
Summary: Inuyasha and Kagome have been best friends for the majority of their lives and even dated for nearly a year in high school. Inuyasha was the one to call it off for reasons he doesn't even understand anymore. And as he retells the story of their love, he gets shocking word that his ex-girlfriend has died…
I am Taisho Inuyasha. I'm your regular, run-of-the-muck teenager. Black hair, dark grey eyes… a tiff with anyone in authority, and ex-boyfriend of my high school's most amazing girl, Higurashi Kagome.
I did the dumping. I know, how could I be so horrible? Well, you wouldn't understand just based on that information. Sure, I still think she's great. She's still gorgeous and still has a million-watt smile. But things with me and Kagome… they always end up complicated.
I met Kagome when I was a child… a very young child. We were probably five years old the day we met. It was a warm, sunny day. My mother had taken me to the beach to "have a fun day together". However, being the mischievous child I was, my fun didn't begin until she fell asleep.
I remember sneaking off, away from her towel, walking towards the west side of the beach. That was where the cool older kids hung out and where the waves were a little wilder and just where things made your hairs stand on end a little bit more.
I didn't have any plans, really. The whole act of running away was plenty enough joy for me. I remember turning around to look and make sure my mother was asleep just as I stepped in a pile of sand. I looked down to see my foot covered in sand and a girl on the brink of tears beside it.
"Oops…" I said as if acknowledging my mistake was enough of an apology before continuing my march to the cool side of the beach.
I heard a snort beside me.
"Oops? You just killed Princess Hanako and her prince!" She shouted at me with much attitude. Even as she spoke, her short pigtails plastered at the top of her head bounced with some spunky energy to reiterate the idea that she was pissed.
"Yeah, oops. Why don't you move your stupid sand dump where people ain't walkin!"
Now a scoff.
"My sand dump? It was clearly a sand castle you dummy!"
"It doesn't look much like a castle!"
"Well not with your foot in the middle of it!"
Don't think this is where we became friends. It isn't even really a good prologue for how our relationship was. We were five. Kids fight over dumb things…
After we started dating, our fights always consisted of rational and important points being made. We were really mature about it.
"It's not okay for you to throw my cat off my bed!"
"I didn't throw it, he jumped!"
"Bull, Inuyasha! I saw you pick him up and toss him."
"Keh well tell the stupid thing to stay away from my crotch."
"He wanted you to pet him!"
"I don't care what some stupid cat wants. I'm not here to make him happy!"
"Yeah, well you're here to make me happy and it makes me happy when you don't THROW MY CAT AROUND THE ROOM!"
"Who said I was here to make you happy?!"
"You did when you asked to be my boyfriend!"
Well, I guess teenagers do, too…
Anyway, after the day at the beach, I'd pretty much forgotten about the little girl with big blue eyes and short black hair whose sand castle I tragically destroyed.
That is until my first day of first grade when I saw her sitting right beside me. She looked me up and down and groaned in disgust.
And yet, through the magic of acquaintances, we became friends. She was new to the district and didn't know anyone, so she sort of clung to me. I didn't like it at first. In fact, I thought she was the most annoying person in the world and was keeping me away from boys that I could have befriended in the class. It would have been great to play soccer during recess and not sit around on the jungle gym with her.
I guess if it really bothered me, I wouldn't have had an issue with her constant presence and would have ditched her for the boys in the soccer field. I wonder where I'd be if that had happened.
We somehow wound up in similar classes up until high school. Puberty was a little awkward to go through being her friend.
One day, she was sweet and innocent Kagome that looked like me from the neck down. Then she just came in the next day with curves and breasts and pretty shiny hair and big luminous eyes and long legs…
I swear, she blossomed over night. Or maybe I just started noticing things more.
High school was really when everything changed for us. We'd been best friends for the majority of our lives. It was just her and me. I liked it that way.
But then she befriended this very scary girl. Her name was Kobayashi Sango. She had transferred from Gunma and was a black belt in every martial art you could imagine. I don't know how they even connected on any level, but Kagome just brought her to our lunch table one day assuming it would all be fine and dandy.
I definitely didn't care at first. If Kagome wanted to spend her lunch gabbing away with her new kick-ass best friend, she could. Then as the year dragged on… I started getting more and more jealous. It started with her relationship with Sango, then reached out into other things.
There was a boy, Tanaka Kouga, who had the hots for her towards the end of our first year. He had a literature class with us and I had seen him drooling over her shamelessly all the time I'd spent in that room. Kagome never exactly paid him any attention. After all, she didn't exactly know he even existed until one day when I had gotten the balls to ask her to our spring formal, that little bastard jumped the gun and asked her instead…
And she said yes because the gods of fate love to torture me.
I didn't bother asking anyone to the dance. I stayed home that night and clenched my teeth and my fists bitterly wondering why Kagome and Kouga attending the dance together had me in such a jealous rage.
Our first year of high school was a little rough for our friendship, but we somehow endured and managed to have a great summer. I all-but lived at her house throughout the break.
Nothing happened, much to my luck. We just sat around playing video games, walking to the ice cream shop, holding hands and watching late night movies, snuggling…
Oh yeah, that moment was unforgettable. See, in all our days and nights together, Kagome was regarded by me as 'a guy'. She made guy jokes and we got along like two guys would…
We were watching some stupid chick flick her mom suggested she watch. I was spending the night like I had been doing for the past month.
She was getting tired. It had to be at least one in the morning, but she was determined to finish that awful movie.
"Just go to bed, Kagome…" I had told her for the thousandth time after hearing her yawn. "This movie sucks anyway."
"No, I can't go to bed…" She said tiredly. "I have to watch this movie and tell my mom what I thought of it honestly. If I go to bed, I won't know what happens and you hate this movie so you're definitely not going to finish it. Then I'll never know what to say to my mom…"
"Kagome, she's your mom who suggested you watch some stupid love story. It's not a business project that you need to research. I'm sure she'll understand that you got tired and the movie sucked."
Kagome shook her head. "I'm not tired…" She mumbled. "Do me a favor."
I turned to her, waiting for whatever this stupid favor was anyhow. "What?"
Kagome kept her droopy eyes on the screen. "Hold my hand. If you feel it go limp, wake me up…"
I remember the blush and the urge to do it but the fear of actually holding her hand. It was such a simple gesture, but it meant so much. She wasn't my friend at that moment. This was a girl. A girl that I really liked. I loved her to begin with just in a friendly way, but this… this was a combination of intimacy and physical attraction.
My hand shook crazily when I tried to grasp hers.
She sighed angrily and grabbed my hand before I could calm it down. My whole world was spinning crazily off it's axis.
"That wasn't so hard, was it?" I heard her ask, not daring to turn to her and expose the red that had become my face.
"N… no. I never said it was going to be. Maybe I just didn't want to hold your hand!" Another puny attempt to hide the fact that I was falling into some sick puppy love.
"Whatever, Inuyasha…" She said, leaning in a little closer to me.
From there, our second year of high school began and it was my turn to watch a bitterly jealous Kagome pout over my own girlfriend.
Yes, I had a girlfriend. Her name was Hidaka Kikyou. She was a third year and very smart and well respected around the school. We met in my advanced history class. She was impressed by the fact that a second year could make it into a third year class. She was also the president of the history club that Kagome and I joined together.
She actually looked a lot like Kagome to me. That was what started the entire infatuation with her. A Kagome-look-a-like was impressed by my intelligence and had conversations with me every day during class, then proceeded to kiss me after a meeting with the history club.
A kiss that Kagome witnessed.
Kagome and I were leaving the meeting when Kikyou rushed up behind us.
"Taisho-san!" She called. I had turned around to face her and Kagome stopped a mere three feet away from us, also turning around.
"What you said in there regarding the royal families in the feudal era was remarkable! Where did you conjure up such a philosophy?"
I blinked a little, trying to figure out what in the hell she was talking about, then remembered a little outburst I had about arranged marriages.
"You're really a romantic underneath that hard exterior. It's remarkable."
I still was at a loss for words. That wasn't a problem, however, because Kikyou proceeded to grab my face and kiss me square on the mouth. Eyes were shut.
At first, I had to just get over the initial shock of being kissed. I hadn't ever been kissed before. Secondly, I had to realize Kikyou was kissing me when we hadn't even known each other all that well or long. And thirdly, I desperately wanted to see the look on Kagome's face, but was unfortunately for myself, facing the opposite direction.
"I should like to be your girlfriend, Taisho-san…" Kikyou said after breaking away from the kiss. I took this opportunity to turn around and look at Kagome's face. She was just staring at the ground, looking pained.
"Or are you already going out with Higurashi-chan?" Kikyou asked me.
"Higurashi-san, thanks! We're not friends! And how kind of you to ask whether or not we were dating after you kissed him!" Kagome yelled over my shoulder. I tried to make it seem like I was ignoring her, but her little jealous fit was just too adorable to completely block out of my eardrums.
"I'm not. That would be cool." I said, finding the words to speak.
Kikyou smiled softly. "Very well. Pick me up at my house tomorrow evening and we'll go to a movie."
She was a little on the commanding side. Kagome didn't speak to me for weeks and when I finally got whatever was wrong out of her, I didn't hear the end of it for months, even after Kikyou broke up with me.
I knew it was jealousy, but I still enjoyed hearing her avoid that word.
Meanwhile, some creep that went by the name of Oonishi Miroku had managed to befriend Kagome and Sango. The boy knew nothing of personal boundaries and was constantly cracking sexual jokes and pissing Sango off. Kagome liked him, though… platonically. She thought he was nice and charming and not brash and rude like some other people she knew.
This was referring to me, if you didn't catch that.
Anyway, Kagome still remained close to me while I was dating Kikyou. She wasn't necessarily the type to let a little jealousy come between us.
Once Kikyou dumped me, however, all this truth began pouring from her lips.
"What did you have against Kikyou, anyway?" I had asked her one day while we walked home together. Kikyou had somehow been brought up in our conversation about a month after she dumped me and Kagome had never fully recovered from her jealous fit.
"Well, she was snobby and she acted like just because she was dating you and you and I were best friends that she and I suddenly had something in common… which we didn't."
That made sense…
"And I didn't like that she had no respect for the fact that I was present for ninety percent of your kisses!"
This raised some curiosity. "No respect?"
Kagome just scoffed. "None at all! She'd just spin you around and shove her tongue down your throat no matter who was watching! She especially liked to do it around me… I don't get why. I never did anything to her…"
"Kagome, I don't think she was just doing it when you were around… She probably did it in front of anyone and you just happened to see us."
"No. I know she was just trying to get to me."
"Why would you let it, though?" I was being brave here. This was practically asking her straight-up why she was so jealous of Kikyou's relationship with me.
"Because I'm in love with you and it just isn't fair…"
I waited for her to slap her hand to her mouth and begin denying everything she just said. But that never happened. Kagome just looked up at me expectantly.
"You… are?" I asked, making sure I wasn't just going crazy.
Kagome nodded. "Yeah. It's okay, though. You don't have to feel the same. It was just a statement, really. Not some kind of grand proclamation of love…"
I couldn't even speak. Of course I loved her. There was no doubt in my mind. She was beautiful beyond belief and smart and she knew me and still dared to speak to me. Kagome was amazing. And she loved me?
"Silence is the best indicator that it isn't a mutual feeling. Don't bother searching for anything to reject me with, okay? Just save it…" Her eyes began to water, but no tears fell. They simply remained at the rims of her lids, as she begged them not to fall.
"But I didn't say that!" I argued with her.
"Right, Inuyasha! You didn't say anything! If you loved me, you could say it!" One tear managed to escape from her right eye and gracefully followed along the path her cheekbones set for it.
I sighed and caught it just as it reached her chin.
"You're so stupid…" I mumbled.
"Wow… you're really making me feel so good right now…" Kagome replied, sounding pitiful as ever.
I ran a hand through her hair and pulled her head back gently, forcing her to look up at me. "I do love you, Kagome. You know that."
She sniffled. "You do?"
I just nodded and let go of her head, only to have her slam herself against me and wrap her arms around my neck.
I couldn't help but smile to myself. She was so adorable sometimes.
And so, we eventually just became a couple. There was no real official moment where I asked her out or vice versa. Our first kiss wasn't even really a kiss. It all had already developed, so when it came time to actually be her boyfriend… nothing had changed.
We fought more and exchanged 'I love you's. But really, it was all the same. I already knew Kagome. I knew everything about her. I already saw her everyday at school.
The perk to the whole ordeal was that I could touch her and no one else could. I could kiss her whenever I wanted. I could hold her hand in the hallways and show everyone in the school just how lucky a person I was. I could even snuggle with her, freely when we watched movies or went on dates.
And after eight months of being the person that could do anything with her, I suddenly became bored with her. It was sad, but we had reached a point in our relationship where everything was the same as the day before. Nothing new ever happened. Our fights became more interesting as time went on.
I had asked Sango and Miroku what to do. Their advice was merely just to push through and remind myself that as bored with her as I am now, I'd be miserable to see her go. I decided this was true, but after another one of our infamously ridiculous fights, I decided to pull the plug on our relationship.
"Maybe we should go back to being friends…" I had called her up one night and after a slight bit of bickering and her daring to call me an ass, I'd had enough.
"No, no. We're fine like this, Inuyasha…" Her voice sounded so calm, like she had no idea that I had been considering this option for a month, now.
"Kagome, I don't want to be with you like this anymore…" This wasn't as hard as I imagined it would be.
"What are you saying?"
Her voice cracked. This suddenly became very hard. I'd already started, though. I couldn't just turn back now.
"I want to be alone. I liked things more when we were just friends. I mean, everything's the same as it used to be."
"So, you're bored? We can fix that. We can have sex if that's what you're after! We can do whatever, Inuyasha! I love you! Please don't do this…"
I could literally hear the tears falling now.
"That's not what I'm talking about."
"You don't want me anymore?"
I took a deep breath, knowing that batting around the bush would just prolong this painful conversation. But I wasn't even sure that was the truth. I wanted her. I loved her. I suddenly forgot why on earth I wanted to do this in the first place. Because I was bored? Because I wanted to experience other girls? I was scared that maybe I was just settling for Kagome, but it wasn't like she had qualities that I just 'put up with'. I loved her quirks. Why did I even start this conversation?
She sighed on the other end. "Okay then… Goodnight…" and the phone line clicked.
The week that followed the break up was awkward. Kagome avoided me at all costs. When I tried to make conversation with her, she'd feign little interest then run away from me as soon as the opportunity presented itself.
It was hard to fathom that I could hurt her so badly.
However, one day after about two weeks of silence from my former best friend, we somehow made some brief conversation.
"Did you remember to do the homework last night?"
It took me a moment to realize just who was speaking to me. I looked to my left in my history class to see Kagome looking at me innocently as if nothing had ever happened between us.
"Uhh… no, I forgot. We had homework?"
She smiled. "No, I was just teasing you."
"Oh…" I faked a little laugh. "You had me scared for a minute." Considering our relationship was not on the best ground, I decided to take the more delicate approach to talking to her.
She bit her lip for a second, contemplating what to say next. "How have you been?" She asked me.
I shrugged. "I miss my best friend."
Kagome nodded sadly. "I know how you feel. I miss mine, too…"
"Are you still mad at me?" I asked her. I noticed the disgustingly sad tone my voice held, but decided it suited the moment and in my current emotional state, it couldn't have been helped.
Kagome just shook her head at me. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I just…" She trailed off. I'm assuming forgetting what her excuse for ignoring me for two weeks was.
"I understand." I said before she tried to make anything up.
That was about a week ago. Since then, Kagome hasn't been in school or answering her cell phone.
I walked into school, prepared for the day ahead of me when I saw it. A group of three of Kagome's friends was gathered around the main entrance. Ayumi, Yuka, and Eri were her friends, but unlike Sango and Miroku, I didn't know them. They were more recent friends that she'd made. The kind you start talking to, then after some traumatic event they become closer to you than anyone else.
I noticed the girl with the curly hair was sobbing while Yuka and Eri comforted her but looked equally sad. As I passed by them, I caught a bit of their conversation.
"Ayumi, honey… what do you mean, she died?"
"Well she's been sick all week! And my mom told me this morning that she passed on!"
"This is so sad! Kagome was so amazing even if we'd only just met her…"
My heart stopped. My whole world stopped. She couldn't have been… Why wouldn't her mother have called me?
She didn't know we were even speaking to each other again?
How could this have happened…?
WHY was it happening?
I suddenly remembered every moment in my head… Every smile.
"Hey, this is where we met!" Kagome shouted happily during our trip to the beach.
"How do you know? It's all covered in sand…" I asked dryly.
"Because I just know, Inuyasha! It was a very special moment when you stepped on my precious sand castle…" She said smiling as she sat down in the sand.
I sat down beside her. "Poor Princess Hanako…"
Kagome looked up at me, shocked. "You remembered her name?"
I pursed my lips and nodded. "Special moment…"
Her smile grew even wider as she leaned over to me and placed a kiss on my lips. "Don't ever ask me why I love you. It'll take me way too long to even begin to list the reasons…" She said playfully.
I saw Sango rushing toward me, a concerned look on her face.
"Inuyasha! Are you okay?"
Everything seemed extremely chaotic all of the sudden. "Kagome's dead…" I breathed out. My body was really having a horrible reaction to this news. It felt like an all-out panic attack.
Sango's eyes widened. "She's dead?"
"She's been sick all week… That's why she was absent…"
"You know… I think my favorite moment was when Kikyou kissed me for the first time. The look on your face was priceless…"
Kagome chuckled. "Well, I was jealous."
"I know. You admitted that to me already. I'm actually rather impressed."
Kagome curiously tilted her head to the side. "Why?"
"Well, people usually try to hide feelings like that."
Kagome shook her head. "Honestly, Inuyasha. I figured you'd know me well enough by now…"
"What do you mean?"
"You've been my best friend since I was like six years old! I have nothing to be embarrassed about in front of you."
"Keh! What's that supposed to mean? I don't get you all flustered and bashful?"
"I never said that! You're really good at ruffling my feathers, and sure I get bashful. But I have nothing to hide from you. I never did…" She looked up at me, smiling as she always was.
Sango looked shocked and backed away from me. "She couldn't be. I just talked to her on the phone last night…"
I blinked and turned away, knowing what was going to happen next. However, the water works didn't start up. Instead, I looked over to see Sango staring blankly in the direction of Ayumi, Yuka, and Eri.
"Inuyasha…" She started. "Who told you Kagome was dead?"
"Her friends over there…" I said, pointing to their little clan. Why wasn't Sango upset anymore?
"Hey Inuyasha! Hey Sango!" The familiar voice chimed behind me.
"Hi Kagome. We were just talking about you…" Sango said to whoever was standing behind me.
"You were?" She asked. Sango just nodded and walked off.
I huffed and turned around to face Kagome. She didn't look sick. She had her usual adorable smile plastered on her face.
She laughed, noticing how despaired I looked. "Ayumi's dog was named Kagome…"
Her dog? I was on the verge of tears over a DOG?!
She noticed I didn't crack a smile when she said this. "Oh no… Were you worried?" Her face fell slightly as she touched my cheek ever so gently. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I was up north for my grandpa's birthday… I didn't know Kagome was going to die. I would've called you."
I didn't forgive her, nor admit to being worried or even slightly concerned. I just reached out my arms and pulled her as close to me as I could get her.
"Inuyasha…?" She whispered into my hair.
"I love you. I'm sorry for saying I didn't. God, I need you, Kagome. You have no idea!"
I could feel her smile against my neck. "I love you, too… But you already know that." She whispered, pulling her head up to face me.
I let out a weak laugh and brought my lips down to hers, kissing her for what seemed like the thousandth time. But I never again did it grow old…
My first one shot! I'm so excited about it. I've never written one before. I have to say… inspiration came slightly from my own experience. I kind of just started typing something in first person and decided to put Inuyasha into it and then this story just popped out of me. I hope you guys like it!
Please review. I love to hear what my readers think.