Hi everybody! I'm so excited to post up a new story. It's actually just a spin-off from my 'series'/stories, "An Unexpected Reunion" and "Perfect Stranger".
If you haven't read them, I would suggest you to do so, just to get to know my OCs better.
This is going to be a collection of oneshots; funny ones, fluffs and of course, lemons.
These are meant to be short and silly, so I hope you guys can have fun reading it!
"Hidan-danna, could you kindly look after Himaru today? There's a parent teacher conference at his school today and I'm attending." Kiyomi pursed her lips and asked.
Hidan scowled at her teasingly, "Since when don't I ever look after him? Of course, go!"
Delighted with his spontaneous generosity, she kissed him on the cheek before she headed out the door with her purse, "Don't be bad influence to him!" She added before the slamming the door shut.
Hidan rolled his eyes. Hmph, why does she always assume that he's a bad father?
Well then, if she thinks so…
"I'm gonna take you out for the afternoon, since your mom's gone," Hidan suggested, "So get into your shoes, we're picking up your uncle first."
"You mean GOD-Daddy." Himaru enunciated the word crystal clear.
Hidan gritted his teeth, "Yeah, sure, whatever."
"Oi, 'kuzu!" Hidan kicked open his hotel door.
Himaru cheered behind him, "Wow, that's so kick-butt!"
"What do you want?" Kakuzu glared up at the two albinos.
"Hi, Goddaddy!" Himaru waved, enthusiastically.
Oh, this is not good.
"Let's go out for a stroll together," Hidan said, innocently, "It's such a prettyiful day."
"Haha, daddy!" Himaru snorted, "There's no such word as 'prettiful'. It's either 'pretty' or 'beautiful', you dumb-dumb!"
Hidan smacked him on the head before pulling Kakuzu off his chair, "Let's go."
"Goddamn it." Kakuzu growled.
"Hey, don't mention that dude's name under Jashin-sama's sight!" Hidan scolded.
"Where are we going?" Himaru asked, looking up at his dad.
"Oooh, somewhere!" Hidan whistled.
Himaru squeaked excitedly, "A field trip, yay!" One of his little hands held on to Hidan's and the other with Kakuzu, swinging them as he skipped.
Kakuzu clucked his tongue. Oh boy, this is gonna be a long ride.
Kakuzu sighed wistfully when they arrived at their destination: a whorehouse.
"Seriously?" He glared at Hidan, who had a triumphant smirk on his face.
The albino grinned and threw his arms out, "Himaru, this place has the best afternoon tea! Come on and sit down with your uncle there and I…" He gave Kakuzu a shady nod, "I will get serviced on my own."
"Why?" Himaru asked, sitting down at a table, placing the napkin on his nap neatly, "Are you like a VIP and have your own lounge? That's so cool. But sooo unfair that you aren't inviting me and Goddaddy Kakuzu."
"I don't mind at all." Kakuzu muttered, taking a seat next to the boy.
"Oh see, daddy?" Himaru giggled, "Goddaddy is jealous! Invite us to come with you!"
"No." Hidan shook his head, walking away from them.
Jogging up the stairs to where the brothel really was, he waved at a familiar face first in sight, "Hey Sayoko!"
The woman spun around in surprise, hugging Hidan instantly, "Hidan-danna! You haven't visited in such a long time." She emphasized on the 'long'.
Hidan chuckled and gave her a nice spank, "No shit, come on, let's get us a room."
'Where's your conscience, Hidan' a thought popped up in his mind, 'Your son is downstairs in a house full of prostitutes'. Shaking himself mentally, he tugged on the whore's wrist and trotted to the nearest, unoccupied room. "Okay, do what you want." Hidan lay on the bed, urging Sayoko to take control and flirt with him.
Walking towards him with swaying hips, she licked her lips, "Gladly."
A waiter served them tea as Himaru and Kakuzu sat downstairs in the lobby. Taking a sip of hot tea, Himaru peeked at his Godfather. He didn't seem happy!
And what's a kickbutt boy to do when his friend is upset? Cheer him up, duh!
"Oh, Goddaddy Kakuzu," Himaru hummed, "I can totally picture you when you're working. Wanna see me pretend to be you?"
Kakuzu shrugged, "Whatever, kid."
A skimpily dressed prostitute passed by their table and Himaru raised a hand, practically hollering, "Yo, where ma' money at, bitch?!"
Kakuzu nearly choked on his cup of tea.
The prostitute spun around and spotted little Himaru. A smile spread across her heavy-layered make-up filled face, "Oh, how cute. Kakuzu-danna, is he your…"
Kakuzu quickly shook his head in denial.
Himaru snapped his fingers, "Oh, listen up you ho! Goddaddy Kakuzu is a pimp! Now where's my money?"
The prostitute did not flinch or frown at all, instead she threw her head back and laughed heartily, "He must be Hidan-danna's then. He's like a mini-clone of him!"
"You shut your piehole," Himaru thrust his index finger out towards her, "Only my mama gets to call him 'Hidan-danna'. You suck."
The woman's eyes widened, but still an amused smile on her face, "How cute. Where's your mother then? Why would she let your uncle and father bring you to this sort of place?"
"What sort of place?" Himaru tilted his head, asking confusedly. Weren't they just grabbing a cup of tea and enjoying afternoon snack since Mama's away?
"A brothel, silly." The prostitute answered, ruffling his hair.
Rudely, Himaru smacked her hand away, "What?"
"You heard me, you're in a brothel. Prostitution, duh. Well, I guess you're a teeny bit too young to know about that." The woman smirked.
Grrr! Who did this whore think she was? Of course he knew the word 'brothel'!
"Goddaddy," He slammed his little palm on the table, demanding, "Why are we here?"
"Your dad wants to…" Kakuzu shrugged, "Um, talk about some business."
"Shit!" The little albino snarled, standing up abruptly from the table.
Oh no, oh no! Daddy is probably wrestling with another lady upstairs in his VIP lounge!
That's going to break Mama's heart! He will only let Daddy wrestle Mommy!
Nobody else! He must stop them!
"Kid, calm down. Sit down." Kakuzu rubbed his temples, trying to get the boy to stop curling his hands into fists. The boy's violet eyes were shooting daggers towards the prostitute as if she owed him a huge amount of money. "Himaru," Kakuzu tried again, "Don't glare at people. Now be a good boy and sit down."
"If it weren't for my mama's sake," Himaru pouted his lips, "I would have my goddaddy here cut you up, you meanie woman!" Ignoring his uncle's words, he dashed up the stairs and began banging on all the doors.
"Daddy! Daddy!" Himaru yelled
Hidan was currently being straddled by Sayoko as she kissed him on the collarbone, leaving her hot pink lipstick on his skin. Hearing his son's innocent yet spoiled hollering, Hidan shifted uncomfortably.
"Daddy!" Himaru wailed again, this time knocking on the right door.
"Uhh…what?" Hidan couldn't help himself by acting fatherly. Right.
"I wanna go home now, Daddy!" Himaru pounded his fist hard on the wooden door.
Hidan began to sit up. Sayoko pushed him down by the neck and pressed her plump lips against his, murmuring between the passionless kiss, "Awe, come'on, Hidan. I gotta get some kind of 'income', don't I?"
"Erm, you can go read some books and teach kids." Hidan pushed her away, causing her to land back onto the mattress. It was the same exact moment Himaru burst his way into the door. Seeing the scene in front of him made the boy gasp dramatically.
"How could you, Daddy?" Himaru burst out in tears, "How could you, how could you…" He began punching his father's stomach with his own little fists, "You cheated on mama, how could you! You suck! How could you do that to mama?!You are going to get STD and die!"
Wow. Did private schools teach Grade 1s' sex ed already?! Sheesh!
Arriving at the door, Kakuzu folded his arms across his chest, shaking his head.
Hidan stood there dumbly, speechless, allowing his son hit him again and again. Kakuzu frowned and blinked at Hidan, wanting him to do something to stop the child's crying.
"Himaru, look," Hidan grabbed his little aggressive hands and bent down, so he was at the same eye level as him. Steadying both his hands on Himaru's shoulders, he continued, "Look, I didn't cheat on your mom."
"B---But you were on the same bed with that whore." Himaru hiccupped as tears still spilled down his rosy cheeks.
"I was just tucking her into bed," Hidan lied, sighing, "I'm sorry, okay?"
"No you're not!" Himaru stomped his foot angrily, "If you were tucking her in, why don't you read her a story? And why would you have her yucky lipstick on your neck and face? You are cuckolding!"
"Hey, where'd ya learn that vocabulary?" Hidan cackled.
"You're never serious!" Himaru shouted, "Just one day mama's busy and you and Goddaddy the Pimp take me to a whorehouse and you fuck a slut!"
"Himaru," Hidan warned, his grip on the boy's shoulders slightly tightened, "Your language."
Kakuzu's annoyance turned into amusement. Good thing he had his mask on and a stitched mouth to suppress himself from bursting into laughter. Seeing Hidan helpless like this was plain hilarious. Oh, and 'fuck a slut'? How in the world did a seven year old learn a term like that? But then again, if your father was Hidan, anything would be possible.
"Hey, little man," Sayoko sat up on the bed, her deep cleavage exposed, "I'm not a slut."
"Yeah you are!" Himaru snapped, "You will get STDs and die too! You home wrecker!"
The prostitute on the bed's face dropped guiltily, this time not defending herself.
"Now take me home, you cheating bastard!" Himaru hugged his father's thigh.
"You…" Hidan pursed his lips, reluctantly giving his son a pat on the shoulder.
Kakuzu could almost feel imaginary tears of laughter in his eyes.
This little 'Hidan' will grow up to become someone extraordinary, that's for sure.
"Hey Himaru, how was your day with Daddy and Kakuzu-san?" Kiyomi asked, putting out the table cloth and plates, preparing dinner.
Himaru glared up at his father, who was pinching him on the shoulder, warning him not to mention anything about the trip to the whorehouse. The boy mumbled out his answer, "Daddy fucked a whor---"
Hidan clasped his palm over his son's mouth, muffling his words. Kiyomi glanced up suspiciously, "Himaru, did you just swear again? And Hidan, don't do that, he'll suffocate."
"Damn, sometimes I wish you'd just shut your little cakehole." Hidan whispered through his gritted teeth. He then let go of his son, ruffling his hair, "Haha, nah. Just me and him fooling around like usual."Kiyomi shot him an understanding smile, gesturing towards Kakuzu to take a seat at the dinner table.
Himaru stomped his little feet. Hmph, these adults weren't listening to him! Especially mama!
"Daddy screwed a whore!" He chanted, but the sound of the running water at the sink was louder. Kiyomi raised her eyebrows, turning off the tab.
"What did you say, Himaru?" She walked over to her son, rubbing his rosy cheeks.
The boy burst out into tears once again, sniffling and hiccupping his words, "…Daddy…f—he fu—a whore!"
"You're father is a whore?" Her perfectly arched brows knitted into a frown, "Himaru, I told you, don't talk like your dad. But I agree, your father is rather bad influence."
"And I agree that your father is a whore." Kakuzu raised a cup of tea at the boy.
"Hey! I'm not!" Hidan slammed his fist on the table, arguing, "I'm not a…whore!"
"Yuh-huh, you are." Himaru's crying had already stopped and he was now sticking his tongue out at the embarrassed Jashinist.
"Argh!" Hidan buried his face into his palms as he listened to all of them laugh.
His son, his friend and his lover were all calling him a whore.
"I won't die from STDs." Hidan murmured, digging his face into his palms, "I won't…I won't…I can't die from STDs!"
Hehe, sort of understand why the title now, right?
Sometimes I have the crudest mind…
Please tell me what you all think, should I continue?
Reviews will be very much appreciated!