Spike opened his eyes and glared towards the basement stairs. Xander had just gone out to get the mail, certainly he hadn't been gone long enough for anything terrible to have happened, but he was walking down the stairs, slowly, like a normal person would. Usually he thundered down like a herd of elephants. Something was wrong. "Problem, luv?"
"There's a postcard for you," Xander replied.
Uh oh, Spike thought. Last time there'd been postcards was when Xander had, in a jealous fit, decked Angel. Hope he's not reconsidering going after Dru. Angel's too domesticated to actually kill him but not even I know what Dru'll do at any given moment.
"Who's Regina?" Xander asked.
"What?" Spike replied, nonplussed.
"You shouldn't," Xander read, "but, if you do, let me know, please, so I can be there when Regina has you for breakfast. It's been ages since I've had a treat. Love, Drusilla."
As Xander sat on the bed, Spike reached for the postcard but Xander held it away. "Why'd she have to sign it love?" he asked.
"Cause she's my Sire," Spike sighed, trying for the postcard again.
"She gave you to me," Xander replied, gripping it tightly. "She shouldn't be loving you anymore."
"Could I just see the bloody postcard?" Spike shouted.
Xander pouted as he handed it over and Spike sat up, putting an arm around Xander's waist as he read the card. "Don't know any Regina," he mused as he turned it over. There was a religious picture of a crowned figure on the front. Must be some saint or other, Spike thought before he realized who Dru must have meant.
"Regina means queen," he told Xander.
"What? You know a queen?"
"No, I don't know any queens," Spike replied. "Who do we know with the word Queen on her license plate?"
"That's easy. Cordy. Queen C," Xander replied confidently.
Spike waited for him to put it together. "You were going to punch Cordy? Are you mad? Why would you... Oh."
Spike sighed. If Xander could admit it, he could too. "Yeah, I've been feeling jealous of your exes."
Xander gave him a dumbfounded look. "And you were going to hit Cordy?" he asked again.
"No," Spike replied. "I'm not that stupid."
Xander tapped the card.
"Might have thought about it a bit but wasn't really planning on doing it. Haven't survived this long by taking on battles I can't win," Spike replied.
You took on Buffy often enough, Xander thought but didn't say. Spike heard it anyway, either that or he had the same thought himself. "Buffy's different. She's the Slayer. Obligated to take her on but Cordy, well, she'd just eviscerate me."
"Good," Xander replied. Spike looked at him like he was insane. "Not good that she'd do whatever it was you just said but good that you aren't going after her 'cause once you were a pile of dust at her feet, I'd be upset enough to try and take her out and we both know she'd flay me alive. Had enough of that in high school."
"Are we agreed?" Xander asked. "No going after old flames and no more postcards."
Spike opened his mouth but then quickly said yes. He'd already decided that all of Xander's exes were too formidable for him to take on, so the not going after old flames part was no problem, but he had no control over Dru. These postcards hadn't been too bad. They'd been helpful even, exposing insecurities on either side, but who knew what can of worms the next one would open.