S/He's All That
Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in this, and no one worth their salt at writing or especially attempting to produce something commercially could possibly come up with a plot as poor as this.
Foreword: Feel free to skip this part if you don't like reading these things, but I have a few comments before we actually get to the story. This fic is written for the F4 challenge which has the following paraphrased prompt: "Ranma gets kidnapped as fiancé material, chaos ensues…" To me, this says a humor piece, though I'm sure you could make it dark or a rape fic, but that's not my cup of tea. I like humor, so that's what's going to happen. But, it seems like a big part of this challenge was to do something unique and I had a unique idea. Probably because no one else is stupid enough to try it, but oh well. I've never seen anyone attempt to set a Ranma crossover to the theme of a High School Romance Movie from the late 90s/early 2000s. Now, there are a few important considerations regarding that sort of movie, but we'll deal with that in the afterword.
However, I would like to clarify that I will be forcing some people out of character. But, for me, that's a given in fanfiction. If everyone was in character, then we'd be stuck in canon, and fanfiction is directly a departure of canon. This fic in particular will caricaturize some characters for the laughs because it is a humor fic. You have been warned. Furthermore, I suppose I should mention that my sense of humor is... unique, but I hope not so unique that no one likes it.
That said, I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did writing it. As my first completed work, I realize that it probably isn't quite up to the standards that a lot of people can produce, but I'm pretty happy with it. There may eventually be extensions, but I will not be touching this story for a while at least. Enjoy.
Prologue: The Bet
Toltiir, feline Elder god of Mischief and Chaos, gathered a group of gods and goddesses at Mimir's well to Bet on just how big a change a little pebble … wait a sec… scratch that. A Demoness and a Goddess walk into a bar. Well, actually, the Demoness was sitting at the bar nursing a warm sake and lamenting her most recent failure when the Goddess stumbled drunkenly into the bar…headfirst.
"Ouchie!" Urd, Goddess of the past and unofficial cupid of love groaned as she attempted to stop the world spinning long enough to make her way back to her feet.
"Urd," Mara, Demoness first class, unlimited hissed.
"Wha…who's there, oh hiya Mara," Urd slurred out. "Hey barkeep, sake."
"What are you DOING here Urd," Mara's eyes narrowed.
"Whoa, chill with the hostility girl, just for the night, drink?" Urd said.
"Fine, it's not like the day could possibly get any worse, even if YOU have to be here," Mara snatched up her new bottle of Sake, to find Urd blocking her with another bottle.
"What's eating you, and toast before drink?" Urd interrupted.
"Fine.. whatever. To Hild-sama," Mara inclined her bottle and took a long pull. "And you seriously cannot be so drunk that you don't know what the problem is Urd."
"I am NOT drinking to Hild, no way in Niflheim," Urd grumbled.
"What's wrong, don't want to be a momma's girl Urd-chan," Mara sang.
"That woman is NOT my mother," Urd screamed. "I've got it, to sex, love and all that good stuff."
"Whatever," Mara clinked her sake bottle to Urd's and the both took a drink.
"Ah man, it's been too long since we've done this Mara, where'd it all go wrong?" Urd said wistfully.
"Wow, you really must be smashed," Mara quipped, though she couldn't help that her mouth quirked a little smile before she ruthlessly squashed it. Hanging around Urd was… nice in a way, it reminded Mara of a time when she had some very good friends.
"Oh come on Mara-chan," Urd teased, "I'm not that bad, we were best friends, I can't help but wonder what went wrong."
"Oh please, it's completely obvious you heaven blasted imbecile," Mara said.
"Fine, aside from the obvious then?"
"Um, no reason," Mara sweatdropped, this she really hadn't been expecting. All she wanted was a night to drown her sorrows after the magic lamp incident, was that really too much to ask? Naturally, one of the thrice blessed Norns had to show up to ruin a perfectly horrendous evening of pity, why, for the love of chaos, couldn't anything go right for once?
-An hour and a completely unreasonable number of empty sake bottles later-
Urd and Mara were stumbling back towards the temple, having been kicked out of the bar for 'disorderly behavior' the details of which are too ghastly to print. Suffice to say, none of the men in the bar would ever look at sheep, pool cues, or edamame the same way ever again. "Look girl, all I'm shaaying is that the Shquirt is waaay too uptight," Urd said.
"Damn right, the kid acts like she's got a bug shoved up her *^!^," Mara replied as she stumbled sideways into a parked car. "*&^# Who the heaven put a car there?" Mara launched a bolt of black lightning that toasted the paint off the front half of the car.
"Tee hee, nice aim," Urd slurred out. "I mean, the Shquirt can't even handle Bell and Keiichi kissing, we have to help her shomehow. She'sh a total prude, it can't be good for her. And she keepsh ruining all my plans to get Bell shome."
"URD, I've got it!" Mara declared and flashed a victory sign with her hand. "We've gotta get the kid laid!"
"Hohohohoho, brilliant. Don't worry Shquirt, Urd, the Cupid of Looooove is on the case. We'll have you a grade A hunk o'beefcake before you can blink baby sishter!" Urd posed and thrust her chest out suggestively, legs slightly parted, arms cocked to the side with a wink.
"Ohh really, big words from shomeone who can't even get Belldandy and her pretty boy fiancé in the shack," Mara taunted.
"Oh ya? I bet you I can find Shkuld someone she'll just love!" Urd declared.
"Sure you will, put up or shut up, Urdie."
"Fine, terms?" Urd asked, momentarily serious. Well, as serious as Urd on 15 bottles of sake can ever be, which is surprisingly enough is more serious than Urd on zero bottles of sake can usually manage.
"What, really? Okay, you have until the end of the semester to get Skuld to fall in love with someone of your choice," Mara said.
"Alright, wager?" Urd said.
"Loser becomes the slave of the winner for a week," Mara said with a vicious smirk.
"Naw, that's no fun. I've got it, loser has to attend Keiichi's graduation at the end of the semester naked and jump on stage when it's his turn to get his diploma."
Mara looked at Urd for a moment and said one word, "Deal."