Earwax

Author: redandblackbeads

Summary: Harry learns all about sex when Dumbledore takes care to answer his poorly worded question. Just a little plot-bunny I had running around.

Disclaimer: I do not own, never have owned, nor will I ever own Harry Potter.


"Alas! Earwax!"

Harry looked up at Dumbledore, frowning a little.

"Uh ... sir?"

"Yes, Harry?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled down at him.

"Exactly how do you know what earwax tastes like?"

And to Harry's surprise, Dumbledore flushed a deep, revealing red, before chucking heartily, nudging the half-moon glasses higher up on his nose and adjusting his seat on the side of Harry's bed. He cleared his throat and met Harry's eyes squarely, a small indulging smile on his old face.

"Well, you see, Harry, when a man and a woman - or, alternatively, two women, or two men - or, of course, more than two, that can and does happen - love each other very dearly ..."


Two hours later

"... and that, Harry my boy, is how I know what earwax tastes like."

Harry stared up at his headmaster, his face alternating crimson red, an interesting pastel-green, and an unprecedented shade of white in a fascinating arrangement of blotches.

"Harry?"

"S ... s-sir?" Harry's voice came out embarrassingly high as he barely managed to squeak the single word out.

"Hm?" Dumbledore looked fondly down on his favourite student.

"H-He ... uh ... y-y-y-you ..?"

Dumbledore chuckled a little, pat Harry on the knee (either ignoring, or not noticing the way Harry squealed and leapt back, clutching the covers to him protectively) and scooped another Bertie Botts Every Flavoured Bean. Plopping it in his mouth, he froze, then chewed thoughtfully for a long moment, before swallowing noisily, smacking his lips a little, then exclaiming,

"How intriguing! Hippogriff urine!"

Wisely, Harry chose not to comment.


This is my first Harry Potter fanfiction of any description, so please Review! If the feedback is good, I may consider writing a Multi-Chapter fiction: I have a few ideas running through my head, I just need to sort through them and get them typed out.