Drabblefic: Reconnect with your Muse 101

AN: Hi all, this is just a long drabble I wrote while trying to reconnect with my lost muse. If you see him, please point him in my direction. It's also a bit of a teaser for a fic I've got on the drawing board. It's lots of dialogue, and not much scene setting. It's just here to get a feel for the HP/Twilight scene :)

Quick Summary: Edward parts with his heavily guarded secret. Our hero thinks he's playing silly buggers and sets him right.

I reckon I sounded like my dilapidated old Mini Cooper. I was in shock, spluttering and gagging around disbelief and outright hysterical laughter. Who was this joker?

"So, you're a vampire then?" I asked when I managed to calm down a little.

The "vampire" seemed less than impressed by my reaction to his previous statement. In fact, he seemed a little angry. Mind you, I would too, if I'd told a person I am a bloodthirsty monster and they laughed.

"Yes. I do not see what you find so amusing." He ground out angrily.

"You're a mind-reading vampire, who does not feed from humans, with gold eyes, no fangs, sparkly skin in the sunlight, a moral and ethical framework and a strange desire to repeat high school for all eternity?" I questioned, just wanting to make sure I understood what he was saying. When I mentioned fangs his lips had twitched into what I had come to learn was a smile (one develops the skill for spotting small smiles after spending time with a masochistic Snape, highly volatile and dangerous potions and the son of his nemesis as a test subject).

"Vampires do not have fangs." He said without emotion or inflection.

I raised an eyebrow. "Yes they do." I replied in the same tone.

"Common misconception."

I looked at him like his idea of vampire was strange. After studying Dark Creatures for years, and then being involved in a war against them I felt that I was quite capable of recognizing one.

"Alright," I said waving a hand "Maybe you should repeat that again?"

The "vampire" looked at me as though he was trying to gauge my intent. I kept a purely innocent expression on my face. I'm not entirely sure that I have the picture of innocence down pat, but in this instance it worked.

"My family and I are vampires–"

"No, you're not." I countered.

"I was turned–"

"Loose use of the term turned."

"In 1918 by Carlisle Cullen. My mother Esme joined us, followed by Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper. I have the ability to read minds, Alice can see the future and Jasper can influence emotions."

I held up a hand to stop him. "No," I said, "I want to know more about characteristics of vampires."

He looked at me strangely but complied. "Our skin is cold and pale, like ice, but hard like diamonds. It glitters in sunlight and so we live in rainy towns. We have normal sized incisors, and are turned by ingesting the venom of a vampire into our bloodstream as a human. Driving a stake through our hearts, or the heart of our creator cannot kill us. We do not sleep at all, never mind during the day or in a coffin. We have reflections, are strong and fast."

I looked at him blandly. "You, Edward Cullen are not a vampire. You are a fairy."

This time it was fairy boys turn to splutter. "A-a… a what?"

"Based on the information you provided, you are either a wood nymph or a fairy."

"No I'm not."

"I'm not arguing this."


"Not arguing. You are either fairy or wood nymph or a poor excuse for a vampire. Vlad the Impale would be turning in his coffin right about now."

Edwards gaze had turned curious. "Vlad the Impaler? I thought that was a myth?"

I barely refrained from rolling my eyes. "Well, you would wouldn't you?"

He was staring at me. I think he was in shock. I knew from experience that it was best to let his small mind wrap around what I was telling him. Vampires are known for their violent bloodthirsty need to kill and maim as opposed to their superior intellect.

"So, by your account, what is a vampire?" he asked finally. I had a more than nagging suspicion that he thought he was humouring me, but persevered for... well, it amuses me to twist and play.

"Well, vampires are almost immortal. Of course, my school focused on how to kill a vampire so most of my knowledge is based around recognizing and killing. Anyway, they can be killed in a variety of ways-"

"You make it sound like a toy. Comes in a variety of colours, can be killed in a variety of ways"

I gave him a sharp glare for interrupting. Pretentious young thing. "Stop interrupting. Now, they include, but aren't limited to: stake through heart, dismembering and burning, holy water blessed by the Pope. They burn in sunlight, have fangs, pale complexion, and red eyes. They take to blood like a pirate to his rum and are exceptionally good at luring in their prey sexually. Their skin changes temperature depending on their blood intake, as does their pallor."

The 'vampire's expression was dubious.

"Trust me," I said, "I took the class."

He rolled his eyes. "Books cannot teach everything and are more often than not filed with lies and mistruths."

I nodded in agreement. "Wise words. And very true. It is obvious to me that you have read a book about fairies, mistaken them for vampires and, in your deluded state, fantasized about being a vampire and created a world in which you are a sparkly century old bloodsucker. What is slightly more disturbing is that you have swayed your family to this belief. Or maybe," I appraised him thoughtfully, a new idea springing to mind "a member of your family or 'coven' has impressed this fantasy on you so much that you believe it to be true."

Edward looked outraged. "Look. I really, truly thought you would understand what I was telling you, but now I see it was a mistake. I apologise for wasting your time. Of course, what you're saying is true. After all vampires do not sparkle in the sun." He shook his head amusedly and I nodded.

"That is the most sensible thing I've heard you say so far. Try to convince your family to wake up from the delusion." I patted his shoulder and started to walk away. I heard his sister approach him and ask him how it went.

"He thinks we're fairies." He muttered.

I really couldn't help myself. "No, I think you're a fairy. She's a pixie, the big ones a half giant, the pretty one is a veela and the other guy is the vampire." I half shouted behind me. I smiled at the spluttered outrage. "What? At least he looks like he could chew me up and leave my body to rot in a dank, dark, cold spot. Unlike you, who would sprinkle dust on me and take me to Never land."

I left the school parking lot before he could respond. The youth of today could be so self-centred. Really, I mean, he told me, a supposed human, what he is?

I should take this straight to Aro…

Okay, this is a bit of a spoiler for a fic in the works. Our hero, Harry, moves to the sleepy town for Forks and meets the Cullens. He has his reasons for being there, and they have their reasons for wanting to figure him out. It all comes to a head, with loads of epic fighting, angst and gory gory, and perhaps a dash of romance. If that sounds like your deal, chuck us a line and stay tuned :)