Just a Ianto/Jack story for you! From Ianto's perspective. Set after Gwen's wedding. It's a little bit sweet and a bit of angst. Bit naughty but nothing too graphic. Be kind. Hope you enjoy.
Just a Ianto/Jack story for you! From Ianto's perspective. Set after Gwen's wedding.
It's a little bit sweet and a bit of angst. Bit naughty but nothing too graphic.
Be kind. Hope you enjoy.
I had to ask him didn't I?
Deep down, I knew I wouldn't like the answer - and the one he gave me was very unexpected to say the least. That's Jack though, I suppose. Totally unpredictable. Always has been since day one. Take for example, The Great Pterodactyl Debacle. Although I knew I would eventually impress him into giving me a job at Torchwood, I never expected it to happen just because he fell top of me (typical) and we had that little (scary/exciting/guilty) moment.
Or as Jack later put it: "What can I say Ianto? This job just fell into your lap!"
Our first kiss was an even bigger surprise to me. I'd never had feelings for another man before and although there was always something there between us, I never expected anything to develop. I never even wanted it to. Not after Lisa.
I was staying late in the Hub as usual. I'd been doing that more and more at the time, especially after nearly being killed and eaten by psychotic cannibals in the Brecon Beacons that one fine day (you don't get to say that every day now do you? Unless you work at Torchwood that is). I guess it's ironic that I felt more at home in a place built on a foundation of secrets - a place that is literally on top of a world of monsters, aliens and weevils - than I did in my own little empty flat. I try not to think about what that says about me.
Anyway, I was working late again - filing or completing some laborious task that didn't even need to be done - cold coffee and pizza my only friends, when along came Captain Jack.
"Still working hard sunshine?"
Coughing and spluttering into my coffee I choked out a reply, "Someone's got to." I paused before going in, "And 'sunshine'?"
He smiled charmingly (the only setting that smile seems to have) before perching on my desk, "Just something I'm trying!"
"Glad you've got it out of your system sir." I said in a deadpan manner that I hoped implied don't do it again! though I could feel the corners of my mouth twitching, wanting to respond in kind to his grin.
"Oh I'm not even close to finishing with you yet." He answered, barely suppressing a laugh as I tried not to wonder what the heck that meant.
It was strange, us bantering flirtatiously like we used to before...
Well, before he killed nearly my former girlfriend and we threatened each other furiously. It wasn't his fault - what happened with Lisa. I can see that now. But I needed someone to blame.
It hurts too much to think about her.
And he's slowly making me whole again. Fixing me.
But back to my story...
I distracted myself from Jack's attentions by shoving pizza in my mouth. Attractive, I know.
"Why are you here Ianto?"
Suddenly the humour was gone and that look was there. The you can tell me look.
I heaved a big sigh and remember thinking: 'Really now? We're going to do this now? With a mouthful of pizza and a charming smile? This is the perfect time for a heart-to-heart? He is so annoying!'
But instead I replied, "I'm just doing my job." And out of sheer curiosity I added, "Why are you here?"
He actually looked taken aback - I mean really shocked - as if I'd asked him 'do you have sex with weevils?!' (knowing Jack...).
"And you care because...?"
"Could have asked you the same thing."
We were both on our feet now and stood so close, almost squaring off.
"... I'm worried about you."
"You shouldn't be. I'm a big boy Jack." His eyebrows went up at that. Probably thinking of the delightful innuendos.
"I guess you are..." He stepped closer and was eyeing me up and down with those insanely beautiful eyes. "But I still care."
I wanted him in that moment. Completely and desperately. It was shocking to me but I felt so lonely and I know he did too. Why else would he have been there?
I know this is Torchwood, but I wasn't going to make a move on my boss. The look in his eyes said he didn't care about that though.
When in doubt, go for the pizza. I stepped back smartly and continued to eat my slice, but not before giving him a teasing smile. See, my logic was only strange people kiss other people when they have a mouth full of food, but I guess the smile was a mistake because...
He bloody kissed me anyway. Idiot!
I remember thinking once more 'Really now?! We're going to do this now?! With a mouthful of pizza?! He is so annoying!'
And then his body moved against mine and his hands were in new places, and I found I didn't care very much anymore.
So that was our first (if slightly odd) kiss. And now comes the first time I asked him about his feelings.
I know. I'm a big, Welsh motor mouth. We never talk about us. We're just this.
I lie in my (our?) bed next to him, tracing shapes on his bare shoulder. My guard is completely down. I am relaxed, satisfied (obviously - it's Jack) and for the moment, content. Then he sighs.
I smile softly, "You okay?"
He rolls on to his side so we are facing each other. "Ooh yeah," he answers in a mock-dirty voice. I know he's kidding around, but I wont let him distract me. That was a thoughtful-Jack sigh and he knows it.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
"I'll give you more than that..." He says before pushing me back and laying a series of devastating kisses along my throat. Very, very distracting.
"Jack!" I hate to be the woman of our relationship, but he never wants to talk about his feelings."Ahhhh... Well done that's very distracting."
"Thank you!" He pulls back then, eyes wide in confusion (no one resists his kisses, especially not I) "What's wrong?"
He needs reassurance, "Nothing!" I hesitate, "It's just... it seems like your mind's been somewhere else all night."
A quirk of the eyebrows, "Was it not good?"
"That's not exactly what I -"
"We'll go again right now if it wasn't good Ianto Jones." He pauses, "No that can't be it... Oh dear God can it?!"
While this was slightly funny, seeing him doubt his sexual prowess in a voice that was steadily getting squeakier, I couldn't help but get a bit annoyed.
"For goodness sake Jack! Get a grip!" I shout, half-laughing as I push him away. Dating a man like Jack with a 25th Century libido can be exhausting sometimes (not that I'm complaining). Dating's a nice word for it... "I just meant it seems like your mind's been somewhere else all night AND I want to know why."
He looked at me "Oh. Well you know, busy day."
Tell me about it. Gwen's wedding was the definition of crazy. The bride who was pregnant-by-evil-shape-shifting-alien-bite was just for starters. But something about the way he avoided my eyes told me that wasn't the whole truth.
We'd danced together today. Like a real couple. His mind wasn't with me then either. Suddenly, it all clicked into place.
He started, "What?"
I knew in an instant it was going to all come pouring out from me. Far too late I had realised. I never was that bright.
"You're sad, because she married Rhys." I say quietly, waiting for a reaction.
He still won't look at me. "Not exactly, Ianto."
Although I wanted to shut up, I knew I couldn't, "I know how you feel about her Jack."
He actually squirmed a little then. "No you - it's complicated. But she's happy. And that makes me happy. End of."
"But it isn't is it?" I put my hands on each of his cheeks and turn his head to face me. I wish I'd done this before inviting him back to mine. I really wish we weren't naked.
"Look I..." He didn't seem to have any words. He looks so uncomfortable. Those eyes are so beautiful, yet so old. I trace the shadow under his eye with my thumb from where Rhys had punched him.
"It's okay." I say softly, voice stronger than I feel. "I just need to know whether you want her... more than me."
I feel so pathetic saying that and his reply didn't help much.
"I don't know how I feel." My hands went limp after that. They fall into my lap. "I know I care about you very much though."
I'm ashamed to say I make a strangled noise of acknowledgement. Now I'm the one who won't look at him.
"I know I love being with you..."
What a slap in the face.
"The way you make me feel..."
Sexually, not romantically. He doesn't need to elaborate on that, but does anyway.
"The things we do..."
His hand is gripping my waist - rubbing, the other snakes into my hair. I can't help but return his fevered look, hating myself for being weak.
He makes me weak.
"I always want you."
We kiss hard. Furiously. He's gripping my body and rocking incessantly. It feels incredible. Always feels incredible. The closeness, the heat... This time it's not enough.
I tear myself away and get up suddenly. "Don't think of her and... do that to me."
He's panting on his knees in the bed, sheets scattered around him. He looks surprised and frustrated, "I wasn't!"
Maybe he's telling the truth but I'm not thinking rationally.
"Don't be such a woman then." It's funny how he can echo my earlier thoughts like that. I snap out of my rage a little, "You sound like you're in a soap opera!"
I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down and force myself to look away from his eager body.
"Jack." I try to collect my thoughts, "There's a lot of things I can put up with. But you owe me." I emphasise it to imply he hurt me a little over the whole Gwen thing. I know he understands because he nods reluctantly. "I know we don't go there, but I need to know how you feel about me."
He opens his mouth.
"Really this time."
He glares, "I was just going to tell you then you interrupted me." He sighs and tries the charm approach again, much to my chagrin, "How about I show you how I feel?"
I shiver. Damn, he's so convincing. I could let him win. Back down and let him screw my brains out until I don't care anymore anyway. Ignorance is bliss. Being in Jack's arms is even better... No!
I scoop up a sheet and cover myself from the waist down, folding my arms resolutely and shaking my head.
He sighs in defeat, "Fine! It's like I said, I always want you. It's quite annoying actually, when I'm trying to be Mr Boss Man and all..."
"That's just sex Jack." I say wearily, suddenly exhausted.
"No it isn't." He protests, sounding childish.
"That's all this is really isn't it?" I gesture between us. "Just a blip in time for you." He opens his mouth to protest but I cut him off, "I heard you at the wedding when Gwen asked what you'd do without her."
"Work, pizza... Ianto!"
"Work, pizza... Ianto!"
"I'm just a joke to you." I look down and mumble: "A play-thing."
Suddenly, his hands are on my shoulders, digging in so hard it hurts.
"Is that what you think?" His voice cracks, his eyes are blazing, "Ianto, you mean more to me than... You light up my life okay? Happy now? You've made me sound like a teenage girl!" He laughs and releases me before he begins pacing around my room. "And I act like one too! I have to force myself not to smile when you enter the room, because that's not me Ianto." He swoops closer (still naked...). "I get stupidly excited when you're around and when we're alone... I have to touch you. I can't not. I need you to know you're mine. That's why you think it's all about the sex to me - but it's your fault! In case you haven't noticed, you're quite the hottie!"
I blush at this point - we're back to sex again. Well, that is very Jack.
What he says next is such a change of direction, it manages to shock me. His tone is no longer frantic, but gentle.
"You've got such a good, kind heart Ianto Jones. I'd be lucky to even own a part of it some day." His hand is on my cheek, stroking softly, "And when you look at me... It makes me... it makes feel like I'm a much better person than I really am. But when you look at me... it's like I could actually be that person, because you believe it. And that scares me more than I want to admit. I'm scared of change." His eyes lock with mine. "I'm scared of letting you down."
He does look scared. He looks confused, anxious, wide eyed and... Naked. Naked in every sense. Although my first instinct was to kiss him after hearing him say such beautiful things, it would feel like taking advantage.
"Jack..." I reply softy, "You never could let me down." Not true, but it's what he needs to hear. "And you know I am."
Okay, then I kiss him. How could I not? You heard the speech. I think that's the closest I'll ever get to hearing jack say he loves someone. So I let him express himself in other ways, I get back into our bed and let him love me.
As he falls asleep in my arms I thank him for opening up to me. He replies with a happy "No problem" that's so casual I can't help but laugh. It meant more to me than I'll ever let him know.
When I'm sure he's asleep, I tell him the truth. I tell him he doesn't have to worry about one day owning a piece of my heart.
He owns it anyway.
Thanks for reading, please tell me what you think.