I awoke from a horrible nightmare. One more terrifying than all the others I'd had since He left.
Instead of him leaving and me awaking to the emptiness of my existence without him, I'd dreamed that he hadn't left. I'd dreamed that he had stayed, that we had stayed together and that I had become a vampire. That one day while out hunting in the woods I hadn't been able to stop myself and, like Jasper, had pounced at the smell of human blood. Before she'd had time to blink I was there, sinking my teeth into her soft flesh. I had killed her and when I moved away from the body I had seen that it wore my own, human, face. Then, as if the events up till then hadn't been horrible enough, wolf-Jacob had rushed out from between the trees and attacked me with a terrifying fury.
I screamed so loud upon waking that Charlie rushed into my room. Usually he would just leave me to handle my nightmares on my own and I was thankful for that, knowing how helpless he felt but glad that he didn't fuss. This time it was different, though. I was beside myself, hysterically crying, screaming and sobbing into my pillow and my dad remained helplessly by my side, awkwardly patting my back and asking me if I needed anything when my crying stopped, and I had finally calmed down enough to be able to talk.
I knew what I needed, and for once it wasn't Him. "Jake?" I croaked out, feeling about all of five years old and wanting more than anything to feel the ultimate safety of one of my best friend's too warm, too tight hugs. I needed the reassurance that I was still me, that I hadn't killed anyone, even myself, and that he didn't hate me.
I didn't notice when Charlie left the room, still too caught up in my pain and fear.
The nightmare had seemed so real and although Jacob had been a wolf in my dream, I had still been able to read the cold rage in his expression. It had scared me more than anything in the world; more than James when he was about to kill me, more than Jasper when he lunged at me on my birthday, red eyes blazing. My survival instincts had never been very good; hanging out with vampires, hell dating a vampire was enough proof of that. Those times when I had been confronted with death had been frightening, yes, but I had never before felt the heart stopping terror that overcame me when Jake attacked me in my nightmare.
"Bella?" Jacob's voice pulled me from my thoughts and for a moment I thought I was just hearing his voice in my head, like I had been hearing Edward. One of his warm hands reached out to where I laid huddled on the bed and only when it made contact with my skin did I realise that he was really here.
I froze, suddenly terrified.
"Bella?" He asked again, and I could hear the frown in his voice. I knew that I was being silly, that Jacob would never ever hurt me but I couldn't shake of the image of wolf-him tearing me apart with his supernaturally strong jaws.
"J-Jake?" My voice was shaky and tears were once again making their way down my face. I felt the bed dip when he sat down next to me and then he gently drew me into his warm arms. I buried my head in his chest, unable to stop my tears from coming as I clung to him like my life depended on it. Who knows? Maybe it did.
"Right." I heard Charlie's voice. I hadn't even realised he was there. "I'll, uh. Just leave you to it then." He awkwardly said, fleeing my tears.
I clung to Jake until my tears stopped and even after that I remained there, in his arms, before Jake finally pulled back a bit and I could feel his gaze on me.
He softly called my name once more but I only lowered my head further.
I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes.
I never wanted Jake to look at me like that, I don't think I would have been able to bear it. Just the thought of him regarding me with such cold, raging fury was enough to make me want to curl up in a corner and cower and cry.
Jake gently took my face into his large hands, lifting my head, but I screwed my eyes shut. Wolf or human, Jake's eyes were just the same so I knew that I would find the same eyes in his face as in the wolf in my nightmare. Would these eyes contain the same hateful rage? I knew they wouldn't but still couldn't find the courage to look at him.
"Bella, look at me honey." His voice was comforting but I stubbornly shook my head none the less.
"Bells." He sounded more worried now. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"
"Yes, Charlie told me."
A beat of silence before he continued; "Was it about… him?"
I could hear the barely restrained anger in his words and I instinctively flinched, pulling away from him, and he released his hold on my head.
"It was, wasn't it?" his voice was softer now, but no less tense.
I wanted to explain but the only words that came out of my throat were; "You killed me." That was not what I had meant to say.
I could feel his body tense beside mine, "What?" he breathed, pained.
"It was just a nightmare." I said in a small voice, wanting to take the words back.
He started shaking. "You, you dreamed that I killed you!?"
Great, now I'd done it. I had turned this into one big mess and I needed to fix it. But first I needed to know for sure.
"Do you hate me?" I hated that I sounded like a little kid.
Jake stopped shaking immediately, the tenseness leaving his body entirely. He slumped in on himself and when he spoke again he sounded just as much like a child as I had; "No. No, of course not Bells. W-Why would you… is it because of the nightmare?"
"Promise?" I begged him softly.
"Yes." He breathed out, shakily taking one of my hands in his. "I promise Bella"
I finally lifted my head and met his eyes. They were filled with concern, pain, helplessness and tears. There was no anger there. No hate.
I slumped in his arms, my irrational fear all gone. "Sorry, Jake." I mumbled, feeling absolutely foolish, but also immensely relieved.
He pulled me into a too tight hug, murmuring reassurances in my hair. "I would never hurt you, honey. It's ok, Bella. I promise."
And it was.