AN: This is a SasuNaru one-shot in Naruto's POV. I doubt Naruto would actually use this kind of language, but let's just pretend that he's really quite eloquent… deep down… Anyway, this takes place some time after Sasuke left Konoha to train with Orochimaru, who I have a tattoo of on my left leg.
Warnings: None really. I may have used slight profanity.
Disclaimer: Don't own it.
An Illusion of Home
I wake up each morning and the day begins with Sasuke. The bright, early rays signal my first waking thoughts of him. He is the beginning and the end, and between. Everything I do is for him. I train harder to get stronger so that he will acknowledge me. I push myself forward so that he will see me, with his Sharingan eyes and perhaps even with his soul. He is my drive, my roborant fuel; he is my light at the end of the tunnel.
For all his misanthropic darkness, he shines around me, distant and pale, but bright in my mind's eye, where together we are one and perfect.
If he is the devil, then send me to hell, for without him I am have nothing and am nothing. I would lief follow him into the chambers of Valhalla if he asked it of me… But he wouldn't ask it. He ventured into the snake pit and left me behind in my own hell: any place where he wasn't.
Sasuke. The dark crusader, the traitor and the avenger. He is far from perfect but his imperfections are perfect for me. His flaws make him who he is, and I wouldn't alter any aspect of him, as much as I resent him for his departure.
The days since he left go by as if they were pictures in a slideshow, the tableau of him fleeting by as it blends with the normality of existence. Life goes on. The days are constant and solid. Reliable; there will always be the same amount of minutes in an hour and seconds in a minute. Flicking over to the next image, the slides keep coming and the days pass, his portrait as vivid now as the last time I looked upon his glorious face. Perfect and persistent.
But the nights; oh, the nights are long. I hug by arms to myself as the sun sets, casting its final dying rays of light on the darkening world. The landscapes grow fainter until all I can see are blurs in the distance, and if I squint, I can almost see him coming over the mountains, an illusion; a delusion of home, just the result of my nyctalopic optimism.
A chimera of home finding me again. Sasuke coming home to me, where I've been waiting. The nights stretch across the macrocosm and the navy sky looks so infinite to my naked, human eyes. I feel small, and faraway, and the vastness of the heavens reminds me of the distance between us. We are separated by countless footsteps, but the geography means nothing in comparison to the distance of our hearts.
His heartbeat is the sweetest rhythm, and without it I feel deaf. His voice is a beautiful melody, cold and calculated and more often than not, snidely pointing out my flaws. I may be an idiot, but I'm his idiot, and I'd die to hear him call me an idiot one more time.
I miss him so deeply, so truly, that sometimes it feels like a physical ache. The pain and loneliness weigh on my chest as if someone were standing on it. My heart almost breaks under the pressure. My ribs almost snap, piercing my lungs. And again I'll asphyxiate, like the day when I watched him walk away, knowing I was powerless to stop him, posterior to his ambitions. Nothing I could do or say could prevent him from going. He wouldn't stay for safety, he wouldn't stay for Konoha, but most of all he wouldn't stay for me, and for this there would be no solatium.
Did I mean so little? Little enough that he could bear to leave, and little enough so that he wouldn't come back?
Home. He may think this case is closed, but he left the doors open and the lights on. There are never nights I sleep. I stay up for him. And when my eyes lose the battle and my body gives out to the exhaustion, I dream of him. Standing before me, challenging, defensive, but open to me because I'm the only one who'll love him this way. Even when my body fails me and reluctantly slips into rest, my mind races, and I see only him, smiling the smile no one else ever saw.
That was my smile on his face; the hopeful one, the happy one, rather than his characteristic moue. The smile that said "fuck you" to the world and its feeble expectations. The liberating one. It was mine. He was mine.
You were mine.
Even though you've thrown me to the wind, scattering the ashes of what we could've been, I am still yours. You disregarded all I was and all I wanted to give you, but I hold you in the highest esteem even now. Sasuke… I'm still yours.
As I hold back the screams of agony and the tears of despair that your absence has caused, I will be yours, and as I lay down to rest my beaten limbs, I will be yours. As I fight, ploughing on forward to get just a step closer to you, I will be yours.
Through the vicissitudinous days that make the gap between us widen, that one thing will never change. I'm yours.
AN: Please review.