Hey, soon ahead I want to make a bit of time pass...so I was wondering should I do that in this fic or finish this one off and start a sequel?
Alex put on a tough face when people were around. When people came to see if she was alright, she joked about what happened like it was nothing. The only person who she wanted to talk to; the only person who knew what she was going through, hadn't been back to visit her since their very short conversation a few days earlier.
Alex doubted she would be able to be honest with Olivia anyway. The cold exterior only melted away at night, when everyone was gone and she was alone in the hospital room. She had cried herself to sleep every night since her first attack. Thinking back, before the attack, Alex couldn't think of a time recently, or in the last three years at all, when she had truely been relaxed. Sure she had always had a case to prepare, but that she could do at home, on her couch, with a glass of red, listening to some Sinatra. But that was before she went into the Witness Protection Program.
Since then she had always been on her guard; always scared. Even coming back to New York; she thought she could go back to normal; be Alex Cabot again. It didn't happen. She thought it would just take time to settle again. It still didn't happen.
Tears fell down Cabot's cheek, as she sat up in the dark hospital room. Her fingers shaking as she typed out a letter on her laptop.
- - -
Olivia sat alone, on her couch, in her apartment. It was dark and the light was off, but she didn't care. She was lost in her thoughts. Thoughts about what happened the other night with Alex, about what she said, and why was she feeling like this?
Olivia and Alex had clashed many times on the job. They had slung words back and forth at each other that would make people think they hated each other, but they didn't. Sure, sometimes they butted heads, but they repected each other and got along fine most of the time.
She was trying to remember if there were signs before; signs that she'd missed. She and Alex had only ever been friends. Olivia missed her company when Alex had gone into the Witness Protection Program, but nothing more than what you'd usually feel when a work mate leaves; except the part where she thought Cabot was dead.
There were moments. Little looks, little smiles, little jokes. They were there. They had always been there. Before Cabot left. Alex was different now. She didn't drop her guard and share a joke, or have a laugh over a coffee. It was as if that face she put on to protect herself couldn't come off anymore. She acted cool, but Olivia knew that underneath that mask there was a woman who was scared.
Olivia decided she'd go visit the ADA when she had a chance tomorrow, before drifting off into a restless sleep.
- - -
Benson looked up from her desk. Suprised at the person standing in front of her, "Alex. You're out. I was going to come see you today."
"No need. I'm okay. I just came to say goodbye."
"Goodbye? What do you mean?" Olivia stood up.
"I've handed in my resignation."
"What? Why? Where are you going to go?"
"I might go closer to home. Maybe join my father's firm. He's always wanted me to."
"I have to go Olivia. I've got a lot to work out. Thanks for everything."
The look on Olivia's face broke Cabot's heart, but there was nothing she could do about it, so she turned and walked out. Attempting to look as confident as possible.
Confused, Olivia watched as Alex left, arguing with herself about whether she should go after her or not.
She sat back down. What was the point? She had made her feelings pretty clear the other day. Let her go.