Promise Me All Your Tomorrows
I am surrounded by a blanket of darkness. I have such an overwhelming feeling of emptiness but for whatever reason this does not scare me. Where am I? As I am trying to figure this thought out, I see a glow in the far distance. I have this pull to go towards this light. I work my way towards this light careful to take in all my surroundings and looking for an escape if I need one in a moment's notice. Unfortunately the darkness that surrounds me is not so forgiving; it is not giving me any hopes of an escape if I need it. So I slowly make my way towards the only hope I might have in understanding where I am. As I get closer to the light, I try to peek inside it hoping to see what is on the other side of this opening. But the light is so bright all I can see is this blinding beautiful light. It gives up no secrets as to what is inside it. Okay what do I do? I look behind me at the emptiness and then back to the light. Going back isn't an option there is nothing there to see. Even if I have no clue what is on the other side, I know staying here will lead me nowhere. I take a deep breath and step through the opening.
"Oh my God! It is beautiful here." I am now standing in beautiful forest that has a creek running through it. I look around in amazement. All the trees are filled with leaves of brown, orange, yellow and reds. It feels so peaceful here. This place is filled with a feeling of calmness and contentment. I still have no clue where I am but there is such a familiar feeling here. I am now curious where I am. I start following the rapidly flowing creek water. The creek flows into a meadow and instantly the environment changes to a bright sunny day with a field of lavender surrounding me. The field is so wide and inviting it makes me want to lie down and enjoy the clouds that fill the sky above me. I never want to leave this place. I feel so happy inside. I lie down and start to drift away in happy thoughts when I hear a voice say very loudly "Bella wake up!" Was that Jasper? Where is he? I rise up and start to look around. Suddenly the skies turn dark and it starts to pour rain. I start to look around for a place to get out of the storm. I see a cottage in the distance. It has smoke billowing out of the chimney. Maybe someone is home and can tell me where I am so I will know how to get home. I run towards the cottage like my life depended on it. The storm around me is growing stronger. Lighting fills the sky. As I get closer to it. I can tell that the cottage is actually an old stone cottage that is covered in ivy and settled into the edge of a forest. I smile to myself there is something about this place that makes me feel like I am back in Forks. Am I home? If so how did I get back to Forks? I don't have any answers just questions and each new question brings more with it. I walk up to the door and knock. Someone please be home. I am lost and I need guidance. No one is coming to the door. Damn! Just my luck. I wonder if the door is open. I might find something inside that can help me find my way back. I turn the door knob and take a deep breath when the door opens up. I step inside and look around. It is a beautiful home. It feels warm and cozy here. As I look around the room, my eyes stop at the fireplace. There in front is a figure dressed in a brown robe. I can't tell if the figure is a woman or a man. The robe is covering them so completely that I cannot decide. Who is this person and why didn't they answer the door when I knocked. I hear myself say "Hello, I was hoping you might be able to tell me where I am. I seem to have lost my way."My voice is quivering and giving away the fact that I am scared.
"It is okay Bella. You have nothing to be afraid of here. I have been waiting for you."
Okay now that voice sounded feminine but now I am creped out because she knows who I am. I watch as she stands to face me. I take a step backwards trying to get a step closer to the door encase I need to leave in a hurry.
"Bella, I mean you no harm. I am here to guide you a little before you continue on in your journey." I watch as she removes her hood. I can't help but to stare at her. She has auburn brown hair that is fixed in dog ears and she has what appears to a crown of branches and leaves on her head. Her eyes are the bluest color I have ever seen. It feels like the earth has painted her in its brightest most brilliant colors. Her eyes grab onto your soul and hold you there. Even if you wanted to look away, I don't think you could. I watch as her rose colored lips open up into a friendly smile.
"Bella, please have a seat. We don't have long and there is much ground to cover." She says as she motions towards the bench by the table. I walk over and sit down and face her. I have so many questions I don't know where to start.
"Bella, I know you have a lot of questions and I wished I had time to answer every one of them but right now we don't have a lot of time. See we were not meant to meet yet. But that is not important right now. Let me just say one day we will meet again and I promise to answer all your questions. I am only here right now to get you back home and give you some important instructions that you must promise to follow completely. Do you understand Bella?"
All I could do was shake my head yes. My head was busting with questions but I knew that for whatever reason. Right now if I wanted to get home this woman was the key and I must listen.
"Bella, you are very special. You have always been special. What you have seen as strange about yourself. Is actual a great gift of power and energy? Your human shell has never been a great place to store all of this. So it has flowed out of you. And made you appear as clumsy and awkward. It was used as a way to help you to exist in this human skin. As long as you remain human you will not be able to control this power. The power is far too great for a human. But I am not telling you this for you to make Jasper change you. Because it is not that easy I am afraid. See it is not as simple as you have the powers inside and can control them when you are changed. I know that is what everyone is wanting. These powers cannot be used for self serving reason. They are given to the person who sees the destruction of the world and wants to restore balance. They are only granted to the one that has a pure heart not the one out to seek vengeance or full of hatred in their heart. For this reason, you must let go of the hatred in your heart. That is why you cannot control even the smallest part of them now. You seek them out when you are angry. You must not do this Bella. You will destroy yourself and possibly the ones around you. I know I am asking a lot out of you Bella. But you got to fill yourself with peace, forgiveness, and understanding. It is up to the greater powers if you truly deserve the powers that dwell inside you. I know I am asking a lot out of you and I may not be making a lot of sense at the moment. But I have so much faith in your ability Bella. Your heart and soul are strong ones. If you give yourself over to the faith that burns in your heart, I am sure that you will be given control of them in the end. Is any of this making sense?"
"I won't lie I am confused. I have powers but I might not get control of them if I don't let go of the hurt inside me?"
"Yes basically that is it."
"But why is it so important that the hurt be gone?"
"It is a way to make sure these powers are not used for self gain or fall into hands that will do much damage with them in the name of vengeance. With great power comes great responsibility, it will be overpowering and unforgiving if used for selfish gain. I know it will take some time to think about this and for this to sink in. But right now I must get you home."
I heard Jasper voice again even louder this time. "Bella, open your eyes."
"Jasper where is he?"
The blue eyed lady reached out her hand towards me. "Take my hand I will take you to him."
I stood and went to take her hand. "Wait, who are you? How will I find you again if I need you or have questions?" She smiled at me and said, "Look inside yourself, the answers to all your questions is inside you." She grabbed my hand. Suddenly I had this overwhelming feeling of falling down towards the ground. I felt like I was spiraling out of control. Then I felt a jerk of a stop and heard the female voice yell "Open your eyes now."
My eyes fluttered open and I looked at Jasper. One word escaped my lips "Gaia."
Meanwhile in a castle in Italy
I don't know how long I had been looking at these dusty old books. I felt like I was looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack only I had a babysitter with me. I turned and smiled at Demetri. He was really a nice guy. I couldn't fault him for doing his job. The Volutri were actually not asking for a lot in exchange for making their library open to me. It just felt creepy at times to know that I was being watched 24/7. I knew from all of the talking with Carlisle in the past that Demetri was an excellent tracker. So when we started going through this vast library I had great hopes to find something that would explain to me the importance of Gaia and the God of war. But so far we had found very little about Gaia or the God of War. Only glimpses of the God of war were all that we had found.
Demetri walked over to me with a cup in his hand and handed it to me. I looked up at him with a curious expression on my face.
"Here Alice, I don't remember the last time you stop to eat Alice." I winkled my forehead at him. "Don't worry I promise it is just a warm cup of deer blood."
"Thanks!" I smiled at him for his thoughtfulness as I took the cup from him.
"You are welcome. I would never trick you Alice. I respect your freedom of choice when it comes to what you drink." I looked at him quizzically. "Seriously Alice, I wished I had the will power to follow such the path as you have."
"It hasn't always been easy. Honest Demetri, some days my throat burns still for the desire of human blood. It takes all in me not to break my own rules for myself."
"How do you overcome it then?"
"I imagine the person family and the loss that they will feel with the death of their love one. I can never think of one good reason to bring pain into other people life because I am thirsty."
"I admire you Alice. Really I do. I just don't think I could ever have that will power. For now I drink from people the world will not miss as much. You know murders and rapists. In my own mind I feel like I am helping rid the world of evil people. Stupid I know." He was looking down at his feet.
I reached over and touched his hand "No it isn't stupid. I appreciate what you are doing. It is very honorable considering you are part of the Volturi guard and would have easy access to any number of human. That you take time and are picky about what you eat is really remarkable considering where you live."
I picked up one of the books that I had found about the God of War.
As I read I cannot wrap my mind around what I am reading, the pain, hurt and useless destruction made me sick. This was not the Jasper I knew and had spent so many years with. The Jasper I knew was kind and gentle. Yes, he had problems at first with our diet. But he eventually embraced it and had gone along time without killing anyone. The man that was described in these books was ruthless and coldhearted. He killed for the fun of it. He destroyed 1000s of people without a single thought of their lives. I slammed the book down. Demetri turned and looked at me.
"Alice is there something wrong?" He asked with a puzzled look on his face.
"I am sorry Demetri. It is just so frustrating I can find tons of information about the "God of War" which makes me sick at my stomach but I don't have a clue about Gaia I haven't found one piece of information about her." I knew that my face was showing all the frustration I was feeling.
Demetri walked over to me and sit down beside me. "Alice, it is okay I know you are frustrated. But you must not give up. You knew this would be tough. I can tell something else is frustrating you what is it? Maybe I can help."
"I am sorry. I am not giving up I just wished things would speed up I miss my family."
"Alice, I envy you so much. You have so many things I wished I had in my life. I wished I had a family. We are close in the guard but I would not call it a family."
"Demetri, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"Was Jasper as ruthless leader as they say he was?"
"Ahh! I thought it might be something like that. When I went to see if Jasper was a threat to the Voultri, I was really impressed at the leader he was. He was very effective at his job. He made some hard decisions. But that is what makes great leaders. The ones that are successful must be strong and able to make sure he all the right decisions even if they are hard ones. So no I wouldn't call him ruthless. I would call him effective. Because of his skills as a good leader, I advised Aro that he must be spared and watched."
"I am glad that you did spare him. I can't imagine my life without him. It is just so hard to image him as effective when he came into my life he was so broken."
"Alice sometimes we make decisions that are hard and we regret the destruction that is left behind. After awhile this wears on you, I am sure that is what happened to Jasper. He had no light in his life. He was surrounded by darkness and he lost his way I am sure. Don't judge The God of War from what you read in a book. I think he is a more complex than what we read."
"Your right the Jasper I know is a strong man and he did lose his way. But he found it when we found the Cullen's. Let's get back to looking something has to be in here somewhere about Gaia."
Demetri got up and went back to where he was looking. I got up and went over to a corner shelf where there was a box full of books. It looked like a good place to start. It looked like no one had been in the box in a very long time. I blew the dust off some of the books. They needed someone to oversee this library. I know it would have made my life easier if they had a librarian. Why would you go to the trouble of collecting these books then throwing them in a box? Good grief this dust was going to kill me. Wait, what is this. I grabbed a gold looking book from the box. I reached for a rag. It had the most beautiful drawing on the front. I appeared to be a swan on a lake. There was an ancient writing under the picture. I wonder what it says. My gut tells me that this is important. But I am not sure how. Suddenly everything goes hazy and I am hit with a vision. I see Bella lying on the ground and Jasper above her. Something is wrong. I get the feeling that Jasper is struggling on whether to change Bella or not. But I feel like that would be bad decision. I got to get in touch with him before he does this. I know that changing her now like this would be wrong but I don't know why?
"Demetri forgive me but I got to go make a phone call. I know it will not go out from down here." I jump up and hurry up the stairs I got to reach him before he does this. I start to dial the number as soon as I hit an area where I know it will go out. God answer the phone Jasper. Please God let him answer the phone. The feeling that he doesn't need to do this is so strong I got to get a hold of him. Jasper please answer your damn phone!
I am sorry that it has been awhile since I posted. Life has kicked me in the ass again. I had to start dialysis at home last month 2 wks before xmas. Been sick for a long time but it caught up with me this time and I couldn't escape it. I am finally feeling better. So forgive me for the delay. I still very much love this story. So with the encouragement of my incredible son, I decided to give my hand at writing this story again. I hope everyone likes this story still and will not be disappointed at where I have taken this story.