A/N: Due to popular demand, I decided to add a second epilogue to fill in some blanks. The reviews made some good points.
Albus Dumbledore found himself up to his neck in ice, next to an apparently frozen Peter Pettigrew.
This didn't look to be a great adventure.
Molly Weasley, aged 69, found herself on the edge of a dark river.
Her life for the last 10 years had been miserable. She had lived on a modest stipend from her estranged husband. Her children, except for Ronald and Percy, had all avoided her. Her Prewitt relations barely tolerated her, even though she had lived with them.
Suddenly a barge pulled up. A cloaked figure held out a hand for some token. She didn't have any. Suddenly she found herself in the river, trying to reach for the barge.
It was a miserable existence.
Dolores Umbridge was miserable.
All of a sudden in the midst of her efforts, some old bat had pushed her to get closer to the barge. She would have to pay. So Dolores reached out and grabbed the bitch's ankle and pulled her back into the river's eddies.
Frank and Alice Longbottom, aged 70, passed quietly in their sleep.
Although they had finally been cured of their mindlessness 22 years before, their life expectancy had been cut short by the damage done to them so many years before.
Still, it had been enjoyable waking up to find their son a strong and healthy respected man. And they had grandchildren!
Although they hadn't seen their Neville grow up, they had seen their grandchildren grow healthy and strong. They had spent several years doting on them with Frank's mother visiting regularly from her trips abroad before she passed away five years earlier.
Some magicals lived longer than others. Even though Augusta had barely made the century mark, she was a happy woman who looked forward to seeing her late husband again in the hereafter.
As Amelia attended the party her former subordinates had thrown for her, she reflected back on the last 35 years as Minister of Magic.
Hermione Potter, with her husband Harry's help, had spearheaded a drastic change in their society. With the reclamation of several voting rights by those considered "mudbloods" previously, it had been quite easy for the couple to enact far-reaching changes.
Muggle and magic devices had been incorporated into the wizarding world. Arthur Weasley had a blast as the department head for the department that registered them.
New muggleborns were courted by old and prestigious families for political power once heritage tests were completed, and with the influence of the new blood the wizarding world had been brought into the 21st century.
Even goblins and centaurs had obtained equal rights in the magical world. Lycanthropy had been cured. Old cases had been found for 15 years. New cases dropped to almost zero. Vampires were still shunned a bit, but their rights were not trampled on. As long as only those that registered beforehand were turned, there was no interference from the collected Magical Governments.
The breeding ground for Dark Lords was well and truly broken with the changes in education.
It had been a good run.
And she was so looking forward to spending time with her Susan's descendants – there were so many of them that just visiting them all would be a busy life.
Susan's oldest daughter had even married one of the Potter children. Her son had married the daughter of Sirius and Hestia Black.
All in all, a very satisfying life.
Ronald Weasley, aged 89, looked back on his life as he sent the athletic supporters through the magical wash.
Once upon a time, he had been best friends with Harry and Hermione Potter. Then, all of a sudden, Harry had declared Blood Feud on He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (Ron still couldn't say "Voldemort") and became Hermione Granger's boyfriend and betrothed.
After 74 years it still rankled with him. He had ended up with Lavender Brown. Although she was quite attractive as a teenager with a huge rack, she had gained weight with three children. She had insisted he get a job, which is why he ended up here.
Although he had been excited to work for the Cannons, his job was shite.
After 15 years of marriage though, Lavender divorced him and took their kids.
4 years later, she was trim and still busty and had remarried to Terry Boot, also recently divorced.
His children and grandchildren soon forgot about him and he was a lonely, fat, miserable man.
IT WASN'T FAIR!
As he ranted to himself, a blood vessel burst in his head. He was found 2 days later covered in several unwashed athletic supporters covering his face.
Draco Malfoy died in obscurity.
Although he had some small resources, House Malfoy had never really recovered from the damage done by Lucius. He finally passed on the headship to his grandson when he was 80, and the boy, married to a mudblood later, had brought great wealth back to the family. He himself didn't really want to associate with mudbloods, although in wasn't politically correct to bring that up.
He was tired. It was time to leave.
Severus Prince retired from potion-making at the ripe old age of 104.
He was well known in the magical world.
He had found and improved many potions.
It had been annoying that he owed his success to a jumpstart from the child of his own childhood nemesis, but Snape was nothing if not pragmatic in his later years.
At least his mother's family name would be famous for centuries to come.
Narcissa Shacklebolt lived to a ripe old age.
After she had married to the widower head of the DMLE, she had enjoyed her marriage as she had never done with her first husband. She had no prejudices about color, and had really dropped the whole "pureblood" ideology. With so many magically powerful muggle-borns being found to truly be descended from old families, the idea that purebloods being weakened by marrying those of non-magical descent was truly and completely disproved.
All in all, she enjoyed her strapping husband's "assets" well past her century mark. She had always been a passionate woman, and her husband appreciated that for a very long time.
The children and subsequent grandchildren of her early middle years knew not to visit unexpectedly.
Luna Scamandar nee Lovegood lived a long and happy life.
She remained friends with the Potters and Longbottoms. Their grandchildren had married and she couldn't be happier.
She, along with her beloved husband, found and documented many magical creatures in their life. When she had inherited the Quibbler, she had turned it into a newsletter on the creatures they found.
They never found the crumple-horned snorkack though.
Ginny Creevey Levenbrand loved playing with her great-grandchildren.
She had many, but her favorites were those that came from her granddaughter and the grandson of Harry and Hermione.
They were all quidditch prodigies and the sports staff at the Prophet knew that any mention of quidditch with one of the children produced a long conversation with pictures from the venerated editor for the magical sports section.
Larry led Harry and Hermione out of the offices of Afterlife Inc.
The party had been fun, and meeting Merlin himself had been awe-inspiring. But they were a bit randy after obtaining younger bodies again after so many years.
The sex they had enjoyed well past their septacentigenerian marks had been good, but both were eyeing the other and hoping for a bit of privacy soon.
Larry led them to a nice big house and told them that this was their final abode and he would leave them to it.
They looked at each other and rushed to the door.
As they rushed inside, tearing at each other's clothes, all of a sudden they heard "SURPRISE!"
They looked around and saw many of their old friends that they had lost over the years, as well as their parents and some of the children who had passed before them.
At the party, they had a grand time, even if they were distracted. They were so distracted they missed the prank setup by the Weasley twins and the Marauders and they turned into large canaries for a brief time.
Needless to say, it took a while before they had sufficient privacy.