(Not-So-Sweet) Beauty and the Beast (With a Stick Up His Egotistical Ass)

Chapter 1

Our tale begins in a world similar to ours – similar, but with its own little differences.

"Uchiha-sama! Uchiha-sama!" The excited squeals of fangirls even reached the dark depths of the Uchiha household, where a certain Madara Uchiha's room was located. "We loooooove you!"

A young Madara groaned into his hands, lying on his bed with the lights off. "Stupid fucking girls can't shut up to save their life…" He sat up slowly, like the little prince he was and muttering something that sounded something along the lines of, "sleep?" The Uchiha beauty queen – I'm sorry, king – raised the blinds of the big window beside his bed with a stretch, and his features were thrown into view.

The young man looked to be in his mid-twenties, with dark brown hair that had a slightly messy look about it, and eyes of a strange shade – black tinted red. His face would cause any girl to swoon on sight, with a mysterious, aloof personality to match his unapproachable image.

He was also an arrogant son of a bitch.

But he was also totally hot, so that didn't really matter, now did it?

Of course, the fangirls screaming outside weren't his – he was too scary for his fans to be as bold as that. They came, or at least only squealed, for his younger cousins Itachi and Sasuke.

All three of the Uchiha cousins were quite the lookers, and each had their own fan club.

All three were also cold bastards, as stated above with Madara, but that didn't seem to matter to the foolish, shallow girls outside, as also stated above.

The semi-silence was shattered as someone – Itachi, probably, since Madara didn't have many friends inside his family – knocked on the door and called in the trademark Uchiha fashion (emotionless, yet somehow still sexy, say the fangirls) "Madara, everyone's leaving for the family reunion. Make sure you come, at least for the dinner part. It ends at midnight tonight."

Madara ignored the call and lay back on the bed, relaxing, as the screams of the fangirls grew fainter and fainter. Today was the day of the big Uchiha family reunion. All the Uchiha household residents were going, to meet the relatives from faraway countries and such. It was a very important occasion that only took place once a year, where attendance was mandatory, and could start an inter-family feud if someone didn't show up.

…Maybe he would make an appearance as the reunion ended, if they were lucky.

Deciding to catch up on some much-needed sleep, he crawled under the covers and was just about to drift off to the happy, jolly land of dream world, when-


Madara groaned and curled up, determined not to move, but the persistent voice refused to fade away, and kept shouting, and shouting, and shouting…

Extremely pissed, our resident Uchiha rebel finally stood and stumbled to his bedroom door (in a very manly way, of course), and from there, made his way to the front door that seemed to be miles away. He stomped all the way to the door, with a facial expression that could have fried a couple bunnies, if they had been there.

"What." (It wasn't a question. Uchihas don't question, they demand.) He threw open the door to see a blonde boy with whisker marks grinning up at him, seemingly unafraid of the if-looks-could-kill expression Madara wore.

"Can I have some hot water? I'm really hungry, you see, and I have this instant ramen that needs to be cooked…"

Madara slammed the door and turned around to go back to sleep, when the doorbell rang again. With steam almost pouring from his ears, he opened up the door again, to reveal the same stupid blonde kid. "So can I have it?" he asked in a chirpy voice.

"…" He couldn't believe the stupidity off the kid. "…Go fuck yourself." And with that, he turned around, for the doorbell to ring again.


"I'll give you one last chance, nii-san. Givemethefuckingwater."

Madara blinked, surprised at the sudden change of tone, but slammed the door again nonetheless. Big mistake.

Suddenly the antique, dated-from-before-freaking-samurai-existed, priceless, gigantic doors came crashing down, and in came a demon. A demon in the form of an enraged, psycho, kid, who Madara now hazily noticed was around the Sasuke's age.

"IGAVEYOUACHANCE.NOWYOUMUSTPAY.YOU'REAPRETTYBOY,HUH?WELL,I'MGOINGTOFUCKINGCURSEYOUWITHTHISFUGLYMASK.YOUHAVETOWEARITFOREVERUNTILYOUFINALLYFINDAGIRLSTUPIDENOUGHTOMARRYYOUANYWAYS.ANDYOUHAVETOLOVEHERBACK." (Madara managed to stop gaping un-Uchiha-like here for a second to notice that the kid seemed to have spouted red flames. He didn't question it, because the demon hadn't stopped yelling.)


Then Madara felt something uncomfortable cover his face, a jumbo cup of ramen was thrown into his hands, and the blonde demon smiled sweetly and walked away.

Line break

He could not fucking believe this.

He was Uchiha Madara, a genius – and blessed (or cursed, as he used to say) with godly looks.

He was not some little son of a bitch who wore a mask ugly as shit.

Especially an orange, swirly mask that screamed, "LOOK AT ME, I'M A LITTLE IDIOT WHO NEVER REACHED PUBERTY!"

…Oh shit.

…The Uchihas were going to be home soon.

Madara wanted to scream, but of course, Uchiha geniuses do not scream.

Instead, they pace in a manly way around their equally manly (and becoming-increasingly-cluttered) room.

He had tried all sorts of things to get the stupid mask off his face. He had looked up unsticking methods off of every fucking site on the Internet devoted to the subject. He was also now a master of Google, Ask dot com, Yahoo Search, and other such search engines. Even Bing!

He was also one of the few people who actually clicked their way all the way to the last number that represented each page of the search engine available. You know those little "o"s that go along the bottom of the screen of Google? Yeah, well he had clicked every single one of those things.

Every. Single. One.

And he still had this orange plastic thing stuck to his face.

Itachi was going to be home soon. So was the little Sasuke brat.

Shit, crap, mouse turds.

Abruptly, Madara jumped to his closet and grabbed his emergency suitcase, packed already with everything he would need to survive away from home. After all, Madara, although the semi-black sheep of the Uchiha family, was also a genius, and all those skipped grades and college scholarships weren't for nothing. He was a prepared rebel. (Plus Itachi's annoying motto was "be prepared", and the guy was really good at nagging.) Of course, he also made sure to remember his cell phone, laptop, and other such necessities.

…On second thought, he left behind the laptop. The Uchiha elders were a bunch of sneaky little fuckers, and he didn't put it past them to get past his defenses and slip a tracking software (that probably wasn't supposed to be invented yet) into his beloved laptop. But his phone should be safe.

…Or not. He left his phone behind too.

Before he left the massive Uchiha residence, he paused to leave a short note for his loving, caring family, making sure to sorrowfully explain his situation and show his obvious regret and sadness at leaving the mansion:


Leavingtomyownplace.Thinkofitasalateformofteenagerebellion,eloping,orwhatever.I'llbebacksomeday,sodon'tyoudarerentmyroomoff.No,youmaynotvisit,andIamnotgoingtogogetincrediblydrunkand/orendupfounddeadinaguttersomewhere.IfIcomebacktofindanythingofminegone,I'llkill everyone.


With that done, he raced out into the gigantic Uchiha garage and, after a little consideration, jumped into his sleek black (of course) insert_discreet_yet_insanely_fast_and_expensive_car_name_here, chosen for the tinted windows and less identifiable license plate. (On his other cars, he had customized the license plates with his name, "interests", unmentionably crude terms, etc…)

Throwing his luggage in the back, and trying in vain one last time to yank the stupid fugly mask off his (*cough* gorgeous *cough*) face, Madara slammed the car into reverse and raced the hell away from his former life.

…Then he raced back because he forgot to bring the ramen cup.

Chapter 1 End

Author's Note: The title's changed, I know. Hopefully it's better than the old one.


I'm not very pleased with this chapter, but hopefully you'll put up with it, ehehe…

Oh, and today's my birthday, lucky me!


Thanks to:



XxDarkSarcasm1010xX (extra kudos to you, my friend :])


Usually I reply to all my reviewers, but I missed a couple of you guys… Sorry…

Thanks lots!