A/N ok, here's my new story…hope you enjoy it! It's going to be a complete 360 from Tears of Gold!

She never mentions the word addiction
in certain company
yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan
after you meet her family

she paints her eyes as black as night now
pulls those shades down tight
yeah she gives a smile when the pain comes
the pain gonna make everything alright

says she talks to angels
they call her out by her name
oh yeah, she talks to angels
says they call her out by her name

she keeps a lock of hair in her pocket
she wears a cross around her neck
yes the hair is from a little boy
and the cross is someone she has not met
not yet

says she talks to angels
they call her out by her name
oh yeah, she talks to angels
says they call her out by her name

she don't know no lover
none that I ever see
yet to her that ain't nothing
but to me it means, means everything

she paints her eyes as black as night now
she pulls those shades down tight
oh yeah, there's a smile when the pain comes
the pain gonna make everything alright.

She Talks To Angels – Black Crowes

I was sitting in the middle of our meadow, enjoying the light from a sun that hardly ever showed itself here in Forks. I leaned back on my elbows and shut my eyes, feeling the heat warm my body. I took a deep breath through my nose, inhaling the fragrance of all the wildflowers surrounding me.

All of a sudden, I heard a noise beside me and opened my eyes. There standing in front of me was a man. I couldn't see his face, but his blonde hair was like a halo around his head.

"Who are you?" I asked. I knew I should've been scared, but something about him was sending calming waves out to me.

He chuckled. "Bella, you know who I am." Then he got serious. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm enjoying the sun and some peace and quiet." I didn't want to tell him the real reason I was here, he would just think I was some forlorn little girl. The truth was I came here everyday, hoping he would show up.

He sat down beside me, but I still couldn't see his face. "Bella, why are you wasting your life, waiting for something that was never meant to be?"

I started crying, feeling the tears streaming down my face. "What are you talking about? Edward and I were going to have eternity together! We were soulmates!"

He shook his head. "Oh Bella, if you two were truly soulmates, there's no way he would've been able to leave your side."

It was my turn to shake my head. "It doesn't matter anyway. I wasn't good enough for him, I was just a distraction."

He wiped the tears from my face. "Darlin', your true soulmate is out there, waiting on you. Don't give up on your life. You're a very beautiful woman, inside and out. You have a lot of love to give to the right man. Don't give up and remember this always…you are worth it."

I wrapped my arms around my knees and laid my head down on them. I sobbed until I couldn't cry another tear. When I looked up he was gone.

"Oh Edward, why did you leave me?"


"Bella, wake the fuck up!"

I sat straight up, looking around the room. You know how it is when you're woken up out of a nightmare…When I saw James's face, I knew I had just ended one nightmare and entered another. Welcome to my life.

"You might as well forget about your Edward," he sneered when he mentioned the forbidden name. "You weren't good enough for him then and you're sure not good enough for him now."

I felt my chest tighten as he said the words that had ripped me apart. After that dream, I was an emotional wreck, but there was no way in hell I'd let him know. He'd just use it against me. "Go fuck yourself!" I stared him in his red eyes, daring him.

He was in my face before I could even blink. "No baby, that's your job." His eyes were narrowed and I could see the venom building up in his mouth. We went through this same song and dance everyday. I was always trying to push him over the edge. I was tired of living, if you could call this a life, and wanted him to end it all for me.

The problem was that James knew it. He would only let me push him so far before he would leave me alone. I sighed as I laid back down, pulling the blanket over my head. He yanked it back and grinned at me. A shiver ran down my spine as I looked into his evil face. "It's time for you to get up and get in the shower. I've got some special people coming in tonight and I want you to be at your best." He leaned in to kiss me but I turned my face. He snarled at me and gripped my cheeks, his fingers digging in. "Don't you ever turn your face away from me!"

I grabbed his hand, trying to loosen the vise, but knew it was impossible. I also knew that he wouldn't want to bruise my face so I waited. He finally drew back so I worked my jaw back and forth trying to loosen it up. When I felt like I could speak clearly, I stared into his eyes. "Fuck you."

I could see the anger building up and hoped that I had finally gave him the push he needed, but he just chuckled. "Bella, I know what you're trying to do and it will never work. You are much too valuable to me. You belong to me…don't ever forget it." He grabbed me by my arm and pulled me to my feet. "Get ready." And with that, he left my room.

My room…what a joke that was. A mattress on the floor and a table in the corner. The only light coming in was from a little window high up on the wall, too high for me to crawl out of. Believe me…I tried. There wasn't a dresser in sight. James took great pleasure in dressing me day to day. He would lay out my clothes on my bed. He reminded me of Alice in that way. Before I could wallow in those memories, I quickly pushed the thoughts of my other family away. I couldn't help the snort that escaped. My family that left me high and dry. Easy pickings for someone like James.

I headed to the bathroom and turned the water on. I undressed and tested the water…hot, just enough to keep my thoughts in line, but not hot enough to relax. I couldn't allow myself to relax, not with James around. I stepped in the shower and let the water run over my head.

All of a sudden, the shower door was open. "Hurry up! I want you dressed and ready to go in thirty minutes!" James's face twisted into a sneer. "Unless you need me to help you…"

I jumped when I heard James's voice. I absolutely hate it when he sneaks up on me like that. I turned my body so my back was facing him, I quit giving him the satisfaction of seeing me blush a long time ago. "I think I can manage."

"Well, that's too damn bad. You know I would…" I know he was staring at my ass. "When you're ready, your stuff is on the table." He stood there for a few more minutes before he shut the shower door and left me in peace.

I hurriedly washed by body and hair because I knew he'd be back and would 'help' me if I wasn't done. After rinsing off, I grabbed my towel and stepped back into the room to see what clothes he left for me to wear. I rolled my eyes when I saw the school uniform on the bed. What is it with these fantasies of screwing school age girls? I looked over at the table and my heart started beating loudly. I decided to take care of myself first so I walked over and picked up the lighter and lit it under the spoon. I tied myself off and filled the syringe with my salvation. Finding a good vein, I slipped the needle in. After making sure I was in the vein, I pushed the plunger in. I quickly removed the rubber cord and felt the burn at once. I quietly sang to myself, "the pain gonna make everything all right." Chris Robinson knew exactly what he was talking about.

I sat down on my bed and leaned back on my hands with my eyes closed. I loved this feeling. It matched my life…nothing mattered anymore. Once the rush was over, I stood and picked up my outfit for the night. I put the white shirt on and left the top three buttons undone. Then I wiggled into the skirt, knowing it barely covered my ass. Not having any panties or bra on didn't bother me anymore. They weren't necessary according to James.

I brushed out my hair and pulled it back into a high ponytail, letting some tendrils hang down around my face. I got out my makeup bag and outlined my eyes in black eyeliner. After applying some mascara and lip gloss, I took a long look at myself in the mirror.

When I finished with my makeup and hair, I knocked on the door. Paul opened it and grabbed my arm. I hated him as much as I hated James, but for now I really couldn't find it in myself to care. He led me down the hallway and into the "parlor" as James called it. I looked around and finally found the special guests. If I was truly aware of my feelings, I'm sure I would've turned around and ran. There standing with James were three figures wearing long cloaks. James led the one in the middle over to me.

"Bella, this is Aro. He's heard about you and wanted to meet you in person." I was shocked at James's demeanor. I had never seen him fawn over anyone before and here he was kissing this Aro's ass. I wanted to laugh, but knew I'd pay for it later, so I just stood there with a blank expression on my face.

Aro held out his hand for mine and when I ignored it, I heard James snarl. "Bella…" he hissed out a warning. I gave him my blank stare, but then turned back to Aro and gave him my hand. I shivered when he touched me, his skin felt like paper…dried up, ready to disintegrate paper. Confusion hit me when I realized Aro had a tight grip on my hand. I tried to pull it back, but he wouldn't let go.

"I have never met anyone like her," he spoke with shock in his voice. "I'm not seeing anything!" I shrugged my shoulders, not understanding what the hell he was talking about. I finally managed to get my hand back, only to feel him wrap his arm around my waist. "Come on, little Bella. You're mine for the night."

I allowed him to pull me to the room. I had lost the fight in me a long time ago, ever since my family had left me to fend for myself against everything supernatural. I keep telling myself that they couldn't have known what would happen to me, but I couldn't help but wonder why Alice hadn't seen this. Aro opened the door and I knew that I had to push all those thoughts out of my head. I had business to take care of. The last time I tried to fight against this, James had taught me a very valuable, albeit painful, lesson.

Aro took off his cloak and sat at the desk sitting in the middle of the room and leered at me. "So, Miss Swan, I heard that you've been a very naughty girl."

On the outside, I kept my face expressionless, but on the inside, I was rolling my eyes. It was time to get into my role. I gave Aro a pout and lower my head so I was looking at him through my eyelashes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be disobedient. What can I do to make up for it? I'll do anything you want." And Edward said I couldn't act!

I could tell Aro was getting excited. His nostrils were flaring and he was beginning to pant. "Come over here and bend over the desk." When I did as he ordered, I felt a blindfold cover my eyes and my wrists cuffed to the desk. He lifted my skirt and I shuddered when I felt his hands caressing my ass. Of course he mistook my shudder of dread as desire as he whispered into my ear, "Little Bella, you want this punishment just as much as I want to give it to you, don't you sweetness?"

Again I rolled my eyes, thankful for the blindfold. Truthfully I just wanted him to get it over with so I could go back to bed and enjoy my buzz. "Oh Aro, please punish me!" I moaned the words out, hoping he'd get started. I should win Best Actress award for this…

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt a slight sting on my ass. And so it begins. I moaned and wiggled my ass at him as he spanked me nine more times. Ten was my limit. All of a sudden I heard a buzz and knew he was bringing the big guns out…a fucking vibrator. I hated those damn vibrators. As hard as I tried to not enjoy these sessions, I always failed. I felt him run it up and down my inner thighs and felt my body tense up. He soon ran it between my folds, making me squirm. "Does little Bella like that?"

I wished he would just keep his damn mouth shut so I could imagine someone else was doing this to me, someone who loved me. I squeezed my eyes shut underneath the blindfold as I felt the vibrator enter me. He moved it in and out of my now wetter-than-hell folds and I found myself meeting it, thrust for thrust.

The coil in my nether regions was tightening and I knew I was getting ready to climax, but before I could hit my orgasm, I felt him pull the vibrator out and push himself into me. He grabbed my hair and began pounding away at me. "So hot…so tight…" he kept repeating the words over and over with each thrust. He leaned over me and yanked my head back. "Cum for me, Bella!" I felt him bite my shoulder and draw on my blood. The sensation never failed to, not only push me, but throw me over the edge. This was what they came for…a taste of my blood. Never pushing their venom in my bloodstream, I was to be kept human for a little sip, so to speak.

Fuck. My. Life.

Aro freed my wrists and took the blindfold off of me. He ran his hand along my cheek and I pulled away from him, which made him chuckle. "Ah little Bella. I now see what the big attraction is. Fucking your hot pussy and then drinking your delicious blood was worth the trip from Italy. I have never felt or tasted anyone like you before."

Just leave, I thought to myself. The sooner he left, the sooner I could do another shot. When he didn't get a reaction out of me, he finally walked to the door and opened it. Before he walked out, he turned back to me and gave me a bow. "I enjoyed you very much. I'll let James know."

I waited until I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore and opened the door. As always, Paul was standing guard. I sneered at him as I passed him. "You do your pack proud." I smiled to myself when I heard him snarl. Rat-bastard!

I walked into my room and stripped down, throwing the hideous outfit in the corner of the room. I took a long shower, trying to scrub the memory of Aro's hands and cock off of my skin. When my skin was raw, I got out and dried myself off as I walked over to the table. The only good thing James ever did for me was keeping me supplied in my drugs.

Once again, I fixed myself a good shot and took care of myself. After a few minutes, I felt myself going numb and laid down on my bed. I closed my eyes and sung the same song I'd been singing since I started this hell that was my life… "the pain gonna make everything all right…"

A/N I anxiously await your reviews! Let me know what you think. If it sucks, let me know & I won't waste anymore time on it…opinions, suggestions and constructive criticisms are always welcome!