SPN's My Bloody Valentine Parody
Based on the pictures at
http : // shocktillyoudrop . com / news / topnews . php ? id=13806 (without spaces)
The picture order in this fiction is:
3, 1, 6, 5, 7, 2, 8, 9, 4
Disclaimer: I am not Kripke. I know, I know, it came as a shock to me, too. Unfortunately, I don't own Supernatural or any of its characters. I'm sure Jensen's thankful.
Sam popped the last bite of his cheeseburger into his mouth as Dean interrogated Cupid. The naked Angel was trying his best to explain the events of the past few days, but Sam, Dean, and Castiel were too busy giving him dubious looks to buy the crap he was peddling.
"Seriously, guys!" Cupid pleaded with a lisp. "This isn't my fault! All I did was what I usually do – make people fall in love! Love is so beautiful!"
That is so true, Sam thought. Love is beautiful. How could we have ever thought that Cupid was behind all the death?
Castiel gave his "special" half-brother an incredulous look from his position against the rolling conveyor rack. Does he really think any of us is stupid enough to fall for this?
Dean didn't believe him, either. "So let me get this straight," he mocked the cherub. "You came to town, shot all these people with your little arrows, and then they went all My Bloody Valentine on each other, and you had nothing to do with it."
Cupid, special as he was, didn't catch the sarcasm. "Oh, thank goodness!" He sighed in relief. "You do understand!"
Dean took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Killing Cupid is wrong. Killing Cupid is wrong. Killing Cupid is wrong.
"Let me handle this, Dean," Cas offered as he sidled up to face Cupid directly.
Dean graciously let him as he retreated to stand by Sam and watch.
Cupid seemed to catch on. "You don't believe me?" he asked, incredulous.
"No," Cas deadpanned.
"I'm telling the truth!" the fat, naked guy exclaimed. "You know what your problem is, Castiel?" Cupid asked pityingly. "You won't allow yourself to feel the love." He grabbed Cas by the shoulders.
"Unhand me!" Castiel demanded. He mightily escaped Cupid's grasp and took a large, defensive step backward. He extended his hand menacingly, not really sure what he was planning to do to his moron of a brother. His decision was taken away as Cupid vanished in a shockwave of pink light. As the wave hit him, he was pushed back abruptly and felt a warm tingle spread through his body. In seconds, it settled in his chest. It didn't hurt, so he wasn't that distressed about what his brother might have done to him.
"Oh, my God!" Sam exclaimed, taking a couple of concerned steps forward. "Are you okay, Castiel?" he asked. Yet again, he mispronounced it, "CAS-teel."
Grumpy from his encounter with Cupid, Cas growled, "It's Cas-tee-EL, Sam. Get it right! I learned to say your n–" His fit was swiftly ended when he turned around and looked at Dean. He found himself staring blankly at the shorter Winchester. When had he gotten so...? He couldn't finish his internal question. He couldn't even describe what Dean had gotten... or the heat he was feeling in his chest and loins because of him. "Deeeeeeeeeean," Cas moaned uncontrollably.
Sam and Dean were both startled and confused by the outburst. Then, they understood. Cupid made Cas fall in love with Dean. Or just realize it. Or maybe not be able to control himself anymore. No matter how they looked at it, Dean was in trouble.
Dean rushed to be next to Sam and hid behind his gargantuan form. "Help me, Sammy!" he cried in terror.
Sam stood his ground as Cas trudged toward him and Dean. He wasn't sure what he could do, but he wouldn't just leave Dean on his own.
Castiel stared threateningly into his face. "Move," he growled.
Sam all but leaped out of the way. "Sorry, man," he apologized to his brother, "you're on your own." He stood by the rolling conveyor rack and watched in worry.
Cas grabbed Dean's tie, dragged him toward one of the oddly-placed Ancient Greek columns, and pinned him against it.
"Cas-" Dean started to protest before he was cut off.
The Angel grabbed Dean by the back of his head and forced him into a demanding, possessive kiss. Almost as an afterthought, he used his free hand to roughly grab Dean's fine ass.
Dean whimpered at the molestation and tried to pry Castiel off him. It was just as useless as those times he'd attempted to shoot, stab, or punch him, and he was starting to grow some serious concerns. He could feel something hard pressing up against his hip, and he tried not to imagine how far his Angel would take this before the spell wore off.
Cas broke the kiss suddenly (but was still painfully grasping Dean's right ass-cheek) and gazed crazily into Dean's eyes. "I've wanted to do that since I first saw your beautiful soul in Hell." He paused, then admitted, "You know, I was trying to impress you when we first met in that barn. I didn't really have to knock Bobby out. And I could have just popped in next to you instead of breaking through the doors. I wanted you to be as awed by me as I was by you." He stared at Dean for another moment, then promptly fell backward, unconscious.
After an awkward minute, Sam and Dean both came to stand over Cas's blissfully sleeping form. They stared at the Angel for a few seconds, then looked at each other simultaneously.
"Dude," Sam said, "why didn't you tell me you two were a thing?"
Dean gasped indignantly. "We're not!"
Dun Dun Dun!!!!