Little Red Riding Hood:

The Wolf's Version

Its very strange how things could change in one day. It seems like only yesterday when I was a simple wolf. Relaxing all day in my peaceful forest without a care in the world. The woods were beautiful and filled with the pleasant singing of birds. That all changed, however, when Little Red Riding Hood came along. She was the most sinister creature to ever enter the woods. Dressed in a blood red hood and cape and having razor sharp fangs, she was the embodiment of pure evil…

I was lounging about next to my favorite tree, when I heard the creepy noise of her humming. I opened one eye, and got my first glimpse of her. The villain was stomping on the flowers and throwing stones at birds that flew low enough. She grabbed a nest off a nearby tree and swallowed all four of the eggs that were in it whole. Being the gentleman I am, I decided to introduce myself to her despite the fact that she disgusted me.

"Good morning," I said with a bow, "I am Dave the wolf. And if I may ask, what are you up to this fine day?"

Little Red Riding Hood's eyes slowly turned into an icy cold glare. Suddenly, she swung her basket of stuff at me. It connected with the side of my skull and I dropped like a rock. But that was not enough for the monster. She broke off a branch from the tree and began to pummel away on me with it. I would have been killed if I didn't manage to get away. I heard her motives as I hid in the bushes.

"Now that I've taken care of that stupid wolf," she snickered, "I can go visit my Granny…she'll think that I have brought her a basket of goodies. Old fool! Little will she know that the goodies are really poisoned! Then I will receive her inheritance!"

After hearing of this, I took off to warn the old lady. I would have thought twice about it if I knew what was going to happen next.

I finally arrived at Granny's house. It was very run down and in need of much repair. Apparently Granny was too lazy to fix it up but not lazy enough to shoot a shotgun it seems. For soon, I found myself dodging bullets as the crazy old lady shot at me. I finally got to the porch and tackled the old lady. I tried to say that I didn't wish to hurt her but she kept punching and kicking at me. So I did the only thing logical to do at the time: I ate her. Swallowed her whole. Hey, if you were in my place…you would have done the same thing too!

After eating an entire old lady, I felt very tired so I went into the house and decided to sleep in her bed. I soon fell asleep. When I awoke, Little Red Riding Hood was there looking over me.

"My!" she began, "What big eyes you have!"

She then poked me in the eyes like I was one of the Three Stooges.

"My!" She continued, "What a big nose you have!"

She then proceeded to twist my nose.

"My! What big ears you have!"

With that, she flicked both of my ears.

"My! What big teeth you have!"

By this, I had enough of her mocking me and I pounced upon her and began to beat away on her. She began to scream like a siren for help. I didn't think anyone would come and help a demon child like her but I was wrong. Outside of the house, I heard the roar of a chainsaw as it got closer. Suddenly, the door began to be cut in half by the saw and in stepped Tim the woodsman. He stood in the doorway with a psychotic look upon his face.

"Help me!" Little Red Riding Hood screamed, "Kill him!"

Tim ran over to us swinging his chainsaw madly. I leapt off of Little Red Riding Hood and made a dash to the other side of the bed.

"He ate my Granny!" the evil girl said, "cut open his stomach and get her out!"

Apparently Hood wasn't aware of the process of digestion. Neither was Tim. The insane woodsman charged at me with his chainsaw. I jumped through a window and took off through the forest.

Little Red Riding Hood ruined my life. I had a peaceful life. I never wanted to hurt anybody but she wouldn't let me live that way. Now she has forced me to hide out in Europe. Thanks to the lies she told of me, every bounty hunter in the world is looking for me. And what of her? She is living like a queen thanks to the money Granny left her. Life isn't fair…