A/N: the chap you thought would never happen. If you're taking this seriously… then you're obviously at the wrong place.
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Disclaimer: I own no figures that you do or do not recognize. Please don't sue me.
"Negi-sensei, I can't thank you enough for introducing me to suits," Setsuna said as she lay back on the salon chair and had her nails done. And no, she wasn't having a manicure, she was a BRO! She was undergoing perfective maintenance. MANLY perfective maintenance.
"No problem, Setsuna-kun," Negi said in the chair next to her, also undergoing maintenance. "It was very nice, seeing you and Konoka-chan hook up."
"But tell me, how did you find out about suits?" Setsuna asked. "I mean, no offense, but aren't you a bit too young to know about suits?"
"None taken, Setsuna-kun," Negi said, laying back with sigh and spontaneously turning several hot housewives to shotacon-ism. "Actually, I can attribute my suit knowledge and all my attendant awesomeness to a serendipitous accident. It all began when my plane accidentally ended up in New York…"
Negi sighed. For some completely bizarre but justifiable reason involving radar, navigations and probably the Bermuda triangle, his plane, which should have been flying nonstop to Japan, had instead ended up in New York City. The airline was very sorry about it, and was getting everyone accommodations while another flight to Japan was being arranged.
As he was pulling his bag out of the baggage carousel, it accidentally fell on a large black bag.
"Ow!" said the bag.
The bag suddenly started squirming, and a good-looking blonde man with the dashing good looks of a mad-scientist capable of singing and dancing while building a Freeze Ray that stops time looked out at him from the opening. The man looked around and scowled. "Well, looks like this carousel's tapped out. Hey kid, could you give me a hand getting up?"
"Um, sure," Negi said, and awkwardly began helping the man out of the suitcase.
"Thanks kid," the man said as he finally got himself upright, straightening his suit and tie. "My wingman couldn't make it tonight, so I had to go in Han-style. Mage, right?"
Negi's jaw dropped. "H-how–?"
"Well, the fact that big stick on you back is staying there without being tied on is a big hint," the man said. "Plus the fact that, you know, you've got a big stick. Heh. Big stick…" He grinned. "Barney Stinson, my boy, the Legen– wait for it– dary Suit Master of New York. The Top Mage. The Big Mac. Have staff with a knob on the end, will make big bang, you know what I'm saying? Now undisputed, since Tribbiani moved out west. You were a worthy opponent, Joey. God Speed and stay away from my city."
"Uh, no, not really," Negi said. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Stinson. I'm Negi Springfield."
Barney paused, staring at him. "No way… your Nagi's kid? Damn, should have recognized that big stick you were packing. Heh. Big stick… You know, your dad and I went way back."
"Really?" Negi said, going all starrey-eyed.
"Sure," Barney said expansively. "Tried to teach him some of my moves to, groom him up into my wingman, but you know, he went to the old country, and there was all that business with the princess…" He shook his head remorsefully. "Sorry to hear 'bout what happened to your old man, kid. But hey, what brings you all the way out here? And where's your hopefully-hot-nanny chaperone?" Barney looked around expectantly.
"I'm traveling alone, Mr. Stinson," Negi revealed, just asking to get kidnapped off the street. "My plane ended up here by accident, and I have to wait until tomorrow to get another flight."
Barney stood straight, clenching his fist. "Kid, this is obviously fate at work. Obviously, fate wanted the two of us to meet, so that I may impart to you all the wisdom that I wasn't able to with your father."
Negi blinked, not sure what to say about that. "Um…"
"Step one, get a suit," Barney said, oblivious. "Step two… have you ever heard of the Sneezing Exarmatio?"
Setsuna glared at Negi. "So all those stripping sneezes were also deliberate?" she said.
"That's it, next time we have the Sports Festival, you're sneezing, Negi-sensei. And you owe my some underwear."
"Won't that be kind of obvious?"
"A lot of girls will be naked. No one will notice. So that's why you know the spell?"
"Well, I was reluctant to learn it, but Barney-sempai told me it was one of my father's few spells that he knew from memory and was actually his favorite spell."
"You're so predictable, Negi-sensei. Though I wonder what he used it for?"
The two paused in retrospection.
"Ah!" Arika said, deadpan, her cold, porcelain-like features turning into a deeper crimson without changing one bit.
"Heh, sorry your worshipfulness!" Nagi said, wiping his nose.
So worth it, Nagi thought, trying not to scream from the newly branded handprint on his face. .
All according to plan, Arika thought. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
"He probably used it to unexpectedly disarm his enemies," Negi said.
"Really?" Setsuna said dryly.
"Negi, you have learned every have learned every lesson I can give you," Barney said, wiping a tear from his eye. He handed Negi a copy of The Most Ancient And Sacred Bro Code. "Go, young grasshopper. Go, and spread the word of Bro-ness far and wide. I know that some day you, too, will be able to help a Bro in need of enlightenment."
Negi, in his spanking new suit, took the book from Barney. "Thank you, master! I'll make you proud!"
Barney solemnly raised a hand, fist clenched shut. Negi did the same
"We really should stop this," Ted said. "It's like, some kind of apocalypse. Mini-Barneys going off to an unsuspecting world…"
"Oh, shut up, that kid is hot," Robin breathed, fanning herself and undoing the top buttons of her blouse.
"Ditto," Lilly agreed, pulling her neckline down a little lower.
"Yeah, he's just dreamy," Marshal said.
Ted sighed, "I need some other friends. Maybe Ross and Rachel will let me hang out with them…"
Negi, staring at 2-A for the first time, felt like he was in heaven.
I will do you proud, Barney-sempai! he thought as he stepped into the first day of the rest of his life.
Barney felt a cold chill rush over him. "Suddenly, I feel like I should be in education…"
A/N: In Ayaka's report on Nagi, the picture of him shows him wearing a suit. He's almost as good in it as his son…
Not as long as the first, but hope you like it anyway.
Please review, C&C welcome.
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.