A/N: Finally! A new chapter! : D ENJOY!
Chapter 16: Gustavo
"Hey…erm…dog! Are you awake?" a voice said.
I slowly opened my eyes, realizing only one person would call me that.
"Gustavo?" I said sitting up, "What…are you doing here?"
"I came to talk to you." He said bluntly.
"I don't think I really want to hear what you're going to say. You're a person who pushes me around and tells me what to do. Not someone who gives advice and cares." I said leaning back on a pillow.
"I do care." He said.
I glared at him and reiterated, "No, I don't think you do."
Gustavo's face turned red as he yelled, "James Diamond, shut up!"
I paused…he never said my full name…he barely called me by my first name…
"You said my name…you said my full name." I said softly.
Gustavo let out a big breath and sat down. He then looked up and said, "I came here to talk to you. It's not to put you down, or push you, or insult you. It's to help you. To let you know you aren't a lone. In fact, this is probably good not only for you, but for both of us."
I gave him a puzzled look before he continued.
"James, out of all the members of Big Time Rush, I like you the least."
I glared and was about to say something before he said, "BUT…out of all the Big Time Rush members, I can relate to you the most."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"James, your depression, your anger, your thoughts and secrets…everyone has those, but you and I have them at higher levels than others. Right now, I'm going to tell you something that I hope you won't share with anyone. Just between me and you. No Big Time Rush Members, no one I work with, not even Kelly knows this secret. That's how big it is."
I gulped loudly and asked, "No one? Just me?
He nodded, "You promise not to tell?"
I nodded and he said, almost in a whisper, "I used to cut like you as well."
My eyes widened and I tried to blink tears from coming out, as I looked down to my lap.
He grabbed my hand and held it tightly. His hands were much softer then I though, strong, but gentle. I looked back up at him to see he was trying not to cry either.
"I act so tough and yell and push people around. I make them feel worthless and degrade them when really all I want them to be is something better then me because I feel like I'm not fit to be anything good at all. When I found out what you had done, I felt like all of it was my fault. That I pushed everyone too hard and I hated myself for that. It brought up so many memories of what I went through and I felt like hurting myself again after the longest time. It was so painful, but it made me realize that when you wake up, which I believed in you, I knew you would, that I would continue to act tough and yell and push people around…except I have good intentions and always had, but I know I do need to let you kids know that I'm doing it because I care. I want you guys to make it. You guys are the most talented artists I've had throughout my entire career."
He let go of my hand and straightened his posture and proceeded with is incredible speech.
"So, I will yell, I will push you to exceed your limits and I will act the toughest of my ability, but I will let you guys know that you're all doing a great job and mean a lot to me. We work together, we learn together, we fight together and win together. James Diamond, you are a big part of Big Time Rush. Without you in the group, well…there is no group. It's just a big time failure. You are important, and we care about you and need you. As someone who plays a big part in your career and life, I need you, because you play a big part in my career and life as well. If you need me to tell you that to you more, I understand. It'll probably never be like this again, but the message will always get across."
I bit my lip and let my tears flow down my face.
"Gustavo…thank you so much!" I cried hugging my self tightly. Gustavo stood up and smiled before proceeding in an act he's never done before.
He hugged me. I stopped crying and hugged him back. After a few seconds he let go and began to walk away, but before he reached the door I told him to wait.
"Gustavo, you have to remember. I may be very important, but don't forget how important you are too. Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you've done. My respect for you has been raised to higher levels." I said.
"Thank you, James." He said as he walked out the door.
I smiled to myself. I just woke up…and so many good things have already happened. Waking up…it feels like a new chapter in my life has begun. I can already write the first line:
I woke up to find I was never alone.