Disclaimers: I do not own csi or the characters. CBS does.
Sara sits in front of her desk with a pen in hand. There are so many things she wanted to write to this person but she doesn't know how to begin, it just had to be done. It had to be done today. Not tomorrow or a week away or a month. Today. She starts slowly, taking a deep breathe
"Please forgive me." It was just three little words but they already brought tears to her eyes. She had lost count how many times she cried over this matter in the last couple of weeks and yet it didnt seem enough.
She tries focusing back in her task shaking her head and brushing away the tears.
"I never intended to hurt you. God knows you deserve nothing more but the best things this world can give.
Believe me when I say I tried. I tried so hard and even lied to Grissom every morning, pretending to go home when in fact I would hide and wait for him to leave so I could get back to work for you.
I wanted nothing but get the son of a bitch that hurt you, for you, for Lindsey, and for me also. I know she means the world to you and without her you would be nothing, feel nothing.
And Lindsey is such an amazing kid Cat and she loves you so much. She may not say this often and get angry when you can't be with her longer because of work but when people ask her if she is proud of being your daughter, the answer is 'yes', no second thoughts. You did a wonderful job raising her. As for Eddie, he may have hurt you more then once but you cared for him anyway after all he is, and always will be, Lindsey's only father.
I'm so sorry I failed.
More tears came and run down her cheeks but she didn't care to wipe them. It will be no use to do it.
Please know that closing that case was the toughest thing I had to do in a long time and it hurt. It hurt more than my father's belt or my mother's yelling. You are right. I take abuse cases personal not only because I saw it happen but because I felt it. Even after years it's still there you know, the hurt, the anger… I wonder if it will ever go away.
I want you to know that I care for you, more than anyone else' and being able to work with you, being with you, laughing with you was amazing. Please be safe, and more importantly, be happy, for you, your daughter, your family and friends. I wish I had made things easy for us and become one of those people you care so much.
I already spoke with Grissom about my leaving and he will start looking for a replacement soon. Please be kind with this person, especially if it's a woman, and believe me when I say - no one will ever be able to steal your place inside the lab or in the other people's hearts.
Ps: Please tell Nick, Warrick, Greg, Dr. Robbins, David, Sofia and Brass that I love them and that I'm sorry for not saying goodbye personally. I don't like getting emotional in front of people, you know me.
If you could do this one last thing for me, I'll appreciate.
Sara folds the paper carefully after teading the letter a few times, puts it inside a white envelope already named and places the envelope at the table beside the front door. One last stop at the lab tomorrow and she will be gone, away from Vegas for real.
This is something I've wanted to write from some time now. Maybe it's over, maybe it's not, I have no clue. But I did have someone checking the grammar/spells.
Please tell me what you think.