"I can't TAKE it anymore!!!" Alice screamed, throwing down her advanced issue of French Vogue onto the glass coffee table.
Jacob looked up from his Car and Driver magazine, startled. "What exactly is it that you can't take anymore Al?" He said, his voice bored, lowering his eyes back to the page.
She narrowed her golden eyes at him. "Well, for one thing, I would love it if you would stop calling me Al. I'm not one of the dirty hobo's that you employ in your garage." She crossed thin arms over her chest and pouted at him.
Since Renesmee's birth three years ago, Jake had been living in a small cottage that Esme had helped build for him about a mile away from the main house. After Bella had forced him attain at least his GED, he had decided to open up a garage which Edward had proudly helped him build. And, although they still "hated" each other, he and Rosalie had gone into business restoring old cars. It was the only thing that they seemed to agree on, besides spoiling little Nessie rotten.
Sighing, he closed the magazine and mimicked Alice, arms crossed. "Then what can I help you with… Alice?"
She made a dramatic wave of her hand, which ended up with her two fingers pinching her nose together. "I can't take the stench!" She cried, looking more distress than he'd seen her in a while. Seeing her like that, he couldn't help but laugh.
Now angry, Alice popped off of the couch, walked up to him and sent him a swift kick to the shin.
"OW! Damnit Alice, it was funny!" He said, pulling his leg as close to him as possible and hugging it. "It's not like you smell like a bouquet of roses either!"
It was Alice's turn to burst out laughing as she hopped onto the couch next to him and leaned in close. He tried to back away from her as much as possible but found that she had him pinned against the armrest.
She raised an eyebrow her she tried to make her voice as husky as possible as she whispered. "So you think that Rose smells good huh? Whatever will I tell Renesmeee….?"
"That just disgusting." Jacob exclaimed , pushing her off of him.
Alice giggled at the thought for a few moments before returning to her original train of thought. "So, I was figuring, since we are going to most likely be spending the rest of eternity in each others presence, we should at least try to remedy this situation." She sighed. "But, because I can't see you of course, I have no idea how to make you smell better."
Again with the pouting. She was going to drive him crazy, one way or another.
Alice looked up at the ceiling, as though thinking. "I could always take you to Petco… I hear they have a special bath-"
Jacob growled slightly and swung her up off of the couch, tossed her over his shoulder and brought her outside. She didn't struggle, just giggled a bit as he made his way over to his brand new carbon grey Nissan GTR and dumped her into the passenger seat. He watched as she reached to the side and buckled her seat belt, but didn't ask her anything until he had secured himself in the drivers seat.
She shrugged. "I can't see anything when I'm with you. We could get pulled over, I would have no warning." She shook her head in frustration. "It annoying."
Jake laughed as he pealed onto the main road and headed towards town. "Oh my God, you're almost half normal. Whatever will you do?" He said in mock horror, eyes wide his mouth hanging open.
Alice punched him playfully in the arm. "Well I hate to ask, but where in the world are we going if not to Petco? Do you have an exclusive dog salon that you go to?"
"Ha, ha." He muttered, turning his attention back to the road. "I'm actually going to try Chinook Pharmacy and Variety. They've got to have something for cleaning right?" He made a quick left onto South Forks Road and stopped the car abruptly in front of the small little store.
Alice snorted. "Even if they did have something, it wouldn't be enough." She argued, but still got out of the car.
Side by side they entered the store. The clerk behind the counter was a round old woman with thick glasses perched on the edge of her nose. She looked up from the crossword that she was fiddling with and stared at them in shock.
Jacob and Alice always received the same looks and stares whenever they were out alone together. Jake was six feet and seven inches tall, had broad shoulders and muscles to die for, with russet colored skin and long black hair. While Alice was four feet and ten inches, willowy and pale as snow.
They made quite a pair standing next to each other.
"Can-Can I help you?" The stammered, attempting to hide her embarrassment from openly gaping at them.
Alice smiled warmly, attempting to put the woman at ease. It worked and the woman visibly relaxed. She slid up to the counter. "I was wondering if you had any good smelling cleaning products? Or super great smelling body spray? Just-" Alice stopped for a moment considering. "Something smells really bad and we've got to make it smell better!" She jumped up with the last word of her sentence.
The woman hopped off of the stool that she had apparently been sitting on and shuffled out from behind the counter to guide them over to the correct area. Jacob hung back a little to try to give them some space.
Alice loaded Jacob's arms up with detergents, different scents of fabreez, body sprays, the works.
The old woman looked at Alice oddly. "Exactly what are you trying to do?"
"Well," Alice started, clapping her hands together and bouncing up to the register. She whipped out her black credit card. "We have this really smelly dog… and while we really like him and all, it's just too revolting to have him smelling up the house anymore."
As Alice spoke, Jacob dropped the products unceremoniously onto the counter to stand by the exit. She turned back to the woman. "Sorry, he's just really attached to the dog. So, what I was saying is that it's either he get a bath and smell nice and clean… or he's never allowed in the house again."
She could hear Jake growling softly behind her and it only made her smile brighten more. The woman smiled back while processing her credit card. "Dear, you might want to try Pamper Your Pet. It's a pet grooming place, but they do sell products too. It's only about four minutes away." She handed the receipt to Alice to sign, along with a pen. "You'll want to take a right onto Calawah Way and then another right onto Spruce. You can't miss it."
Behind Alice, she heard the door as it crashed open, the bells flying to the floor, letting Jacob out onto the street. Followed by a quick slamming of a car door. She held in the laughter as best she could and thanked the woman. Grabbing her four bags of cleaning products, she cheerfully bounced out of the store.
The car was already running, and the trunk was popped for her to put the bags into. After doing so, she sat herself back down into the passenger seat and buckled up again. She turned to Jacob and smiled the most sweet smile he'd ever seen from her before.
"Let's get you pampered, pooch!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands.