The Upperside of Down
Leah Clearwater & Jacob Black
"The Rain Scene" Challenge
Characters and settings belong to the one and only Stephenie Meyer.
The sun looks so lonely.
Is that even possible?
Is it possible for something normally so beautiful and flawless to feel so much sorrow?
If so, this particular sunset is the loneliest view of goodbye I've ever seen.
Normally sundown at third beach is so beautiful with its rainbow of colors all melting together over glittering waters. Tonight, however it just looks pitiful, a pathetic example of what day's end over a tranquil beach should be. I can barely see the horizon peeking through all of the mist over the water. The only color to accompany the dying sun is a bruised peach that fades away to a pewter grey. The rocky cliffs bordering the beach are all but lost to the eyes of the few people still out on the surf. The air is heavy and hot, smothering. It doesn't take long for me to reach this decision that this is the perfect place to sit and feel sorry for myself.
Maybe it's me. Maybe it only looks so abysmal because I feel like a miserable, good for nothing.
I sigh, for probably the seventeenth time tonight.
This place used to make me feel ridiculously happy. I remember lying on this sand, basking in the blazing sun overhead, feeling it heat my skin and warm my soul. Oh, that little black bikini. I miss that bikini. I used to have to beat boys off with a stick. But now? Now, they take one look at my perma-scowl and tuck tail and run.
God, I'm pathetic. I don't know why I even come here anymore. No, who am I kidding? I know exactly why I come here. He's here. Well, not here, here, but his memory is. This beach is lined with memories of him, and me, of us. I can stand and recall picnicking in the shade of the massive trees. I remember walking in the surf, even though the water was always cold and made me squirm every time a wave would get too friendly with my ankles. We would be holding hands. Talking and kissing.
Another sigh. Kissing.
We had our first kiss here. I refuse to turn around and scan for that spot with the perfectly smooth sand. It hurts to see it. It hurts to think about his kiss, his lips, the way he used to tell me I was all he'd ever need, ever want.
A tear drops to the sand at my feet. I tuck my knees up and circle my arms around them.
Why? Why did this happen to me? I was happy, dammit! We were happy, really really happy!
Rationally, I know why this happened. He imprinted. Sounds so simple when you say it like that, but when you think about it, it's a jagged mess.
I was so ecstatic when she came to visit. I love Emily. She's my favorite cousin, hands down. We always had such a good time together, I could tell her just about anything. She was the first person I called after Sam and I… well, after we… for the first time. I was bubbling over with excitement. I couldn't contain myself. I was bouncing up and down waiting for her to pick up her phone. When she did, I told her every romantic detail. How he picked me up and took me to that fancy restaurant, the one voted "Best New Eatery in Clallam County." How, after dinner and that ridiculously good cheesecake, we drove to the beach, this beach. We watched the sun go down that night, painting the sky with all the colors I was feeling inside, creating a magical moment that would forever be ingrained in my mind.
The air was light and cool. I told her how he had a spot, right back near the forest, set up with a blanket and a cooler filled with wine. Emily knew I loved wine, so she appropriately applauded Sam's ingenious.
I told her about his speech, the one that- I found out later- he had been writing—and re-writing—for the last several weeks. He told me he was happier than he could ever remember being, that when he was with me, nothing seemed to really matter. His problems seemed to just hide themselves once my eyes caught his.
He whispered in my ear that he loved me. That was the first time anyone said that to me. I, of course, cried and said I loved him too. I told Em that we didn't plan to make love, but once we realized how much we cared for each other, everything just began to happen. He was so gentle, but so passionate.
Emily teared up, I could hear it in her voice. I teared up just speaking the words.
I wanted them to meet so badly, my two favorite people in the world. I remember hoping they would get along, but then everything went to hell.
Sam asked me to marry him a couple years after that amazing night on the beach, then suddenly he came down with this really intense flu-like sickness. I couldn't see him for the longest time. I was so worried that I asked Emily to come visit, to comfort me.
Oh God, how I regret that. I should have just stopped worrying and trusted everyone when they told me he'd be better soon. But I couldn't handle knowing he wasn't okay. I needed Emily's support.
And much to my despair, Sam took one look at Emily and, poof… eternal love.
So here I am, in love with someone who left me for my cousin, sitting on damp sand while watching the last of the beach couples leave.
I'm alone, completely and totally alone.
But then I hear a rustling and roll my eyes. Well, apparently not totally alone.
"Oh, sorry, Leah. Didn't think anyone'd be out here," Jacob says as he comes into my view.
"Most people left already," I say, hoping he'd get the hint, and follow in their footsetps.
"Storm's coming in."
"Why thank you, Captain Obvious," I drawl. Please, go away.
"Geeze, I was just saying," he said with an eyeroll of his own.
Alright, clearly the kid cannot take a damn hint. Time to be super-duper crystal clear. "Jacob, I am drowning in self-pity, and, if you don't mind, I'd rather do so in peace and quiet."
He plops down a foot or so away from me. "Tough shit, this is a public beach."
I give him one of my best 'get-the-fuck-away-from-me-or-risk-the-loss-of-a-body-part' glares, but to no avail, the little kreaton, ignores me like he always does.
I sigh. Fine, as long as he doesn't expect a warm and fuzzy heart-to-heart, I guess he can sit and wallow with me.
I actually feel for Jacob. He's about the only one that semi-understands what I'm going through. His little leech-lover kicked him to the curb in favor of a guy who will literally kill her.
I personally think she'd be better off with Jacob. For all his faults, he is a loyal guy. Smarter then he looks, he's got a decent sense of humor, and he's not exactly an eyesore physically. Not to mention, he really loves her. Nauseatingly so. But, whatever, if she wants to kill herself and throw away a great guy, who I am to stop her?
"Thinking about Sam?"
He sounds sympathetic, but it takes all my will power to just keep staring at the exiting sun, instead of turning and giving him a free nose job.
It's one thing to sit here and miserably turn over every moment I spent with Sam in my mind. It was quite another to actually talk to someone about it.
Granted, the entire pack, including Sam, knows my every thought on the subject. But still, I have some dignity.
"You need to get over him. It's not like he's gonna wake up one day and decide he wants you back."
I look at him, dumbfounded. Then I level a menacing death glare on him. "Fuck you."
"All I'm saying is, he's not gonna change his mind. So why keeping stewing over it?"
I'm furious! How dare he? "This coming from the guy who is actively trying to persuade a girl to leave her fiancé? Please, Jacob."
He's getting a little red around the ears, apparently now just as pissed as I am.
"Look, Bella and I are different! She loves me! He's just manipulating her!"
I full on face him now. He asked for it.
"Oh, please, Jacob!" I throw my hands up in frustration.
For months I've listened to his thoughts about this little nothing of a girl. He's completely convinced she's somehow being brainwashed by the bloodsucker. Don't get me wrong, the creature is vile, but clearly he loves her and she him. It's just a question of bad taste, is all.
"She's in love, you idiot! Totally and completely. She chose the one she loved more. Plain and simple. You aren't good enough! Nothing you do will ever change her mind. He broke her heart, you healed it, and she went back to him. Period. GET OVER IT!"
His eyes are saucers. I can see the hatred and the anger in them, but I can also see the pain and sorrow. He's going to blow it.
I can take him. If he wants a fight, I'm game.
"You know, you should look in a mirror when you say that shit."
What? Now that I was not expecting. He doesn't even look angry anymore, just dejected.
Shit. Well now I feel bad. A fight I could have taken, no problem, I need the tension relief. But, this? I know confusion is spread across my face.
He's just staring at the sand, sharply flicking little pebbles around.
"He's not gonna change his mind, Leah. You know it." With a pause he continues, dolefully, "God, why do we even bother? We didn't do anything to deserve this shit."
What is this 'we' stuff? I wasn't aware we are a 'we'.
My situation with Sam is nothing like Jacob and the vampire girl. Sam and I were engaged! We were going to spend the rest of our lives together, when damn mystical forces decided that they were gonna completely fuck up my life!
Jacob knew Bella loved the leech. He knew it, and sought her out anyway. Sam left me! He fucking left me after everything we had! Everything we could have been, because of some stupid magical love glue that is attaching him to another woman!
"We didn't deserve this," He repeats, more to himself, I think, then to me.
He's right. We didn't do anything to deserve the people we love to walk away. We are good people, loved them more than anything, and they just left.
"No we didn't."
We didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything, damnit!
Jacob looks up; I think he is surprised I'm actually agreeing with him.
Suddenly there's this weird heaviness in the air. We are both thinking the same thing; that we are sorry excuses for human beings, but none the less, intend to sit here and allow memories and emotions to overwhelm us.
I don't really feel much like talking about this, with Jacob of all people. But something inside of me is begging for comfort. I haven't been able to find it anywhere else. Maybe talking with someone who gets it, this pain I'm in, will help it not hurt so wretchedly.
"I get why he left me," I say, deciding to get the obvious out of the way first. "But how could he? We were so good together. We were a perfect match in every way. Did all his feelings just disappear?"
"Leah, you know just as well as I do how much he still cares about you. It's just that he loves her in a completely different way then he loved you."
The past tense stung a little.
I know he's right; I've been in his mind. He cares about me, and is sorry and wants me to be happy. But, how do you just accept that?
"I know. Doesn't make it any easier, though," I concede. "Same goes for Bella, you know. I've seen her through you, and you can see it on her face how sorry she is that she doesn't love you like she loves him. Personally, I think a part of her wishes she did. But she doesn't."
I can tell he's thinking of answering the same as I had. He knows, but it doesn't make it any better, understanding.
"Yeah, well, at least you got to really be with Sam. The closest I've come is a kiss that she fought against. At least you had love, even if you lost it."
Yeah, I did have love. I had some pretty great memories. I knew, in those moments, that I loved that man every bit as much as he loved me. We walked, talked, kissed, and loved. I knew true love. Jacob didn't.
"You're right. I did have all of him, at least for a while. But do you think that makes it easier?"
The sun is just a sliver in the sky now. There is a warm looking glow on the horizon, and Jacob is looking right through it. Lost in his own mind, in his emotions.
"I'd give anything to have the chance to love her. Then at least I'd know I gave her everything I had. I gave it my all," he murmurs.
As I'm thinking about him having a point, he all of the sudden whips his head around to me, looking curious.
I raise my eyebrows. "What?"
"Have you had sex since Sam?"
Excuse me?!? "Excuse me?"
"Well, have you?" He shrugs his shoulders, like he asked a question about the weather, and not about my utmost private life.
"I don't think that's any of your damn business!"
What the fuck!? Seriously!? And to think I was actually starting to...
"Fine. I was just curious."
He seems to drop it until he says under his breath, "Maybe you'd get over him if you got some."
Oh no he didn't! I do not need to get laid in order to get over Sam! My emotions run a hell of a lot deeper than missing sex! What an insensitive little prick!
Truce over. I'm pulling out the heavy arsenal now!
"At least I'm not some pathetic little virgin!"
Yeah, it's a low blow. But, come on. He deserved it.
Yup, the monster in him is clawing at its cage walls, begging to give me a piece of its mind.
Jacob's fists are balled at his sides and twitching.
Bring it, kid.
"You know what, Leah? You're a tired old shrew! All you do is torture the hell out of the pack, purposely showing us things we don't want to see, just so we are all as miserable as you are! Get over yourself!"
As he stands up to leave, I hear the thunderheads rolling in. A storm is definitely coming.
Five seconds later, he turns around and stalks back to me.
"Maybe if you actually let yourself be happy, you wouldn't be such a bitch"
Well that's it! I'm on my feet, and in his face. "Let myself be happy? You think I want to be like this? You think I want to sit here, alone, while he is out there with her? It's killing me to be here! All I want is to be happy! All I want is to ignore my nagging feelings! But I can't. I have to be here, to bear witness to their love fest, because of the pack. I'm destined to be in misery, all because you're little leech lover made some crazy bitch angry! It's your fault I'm miserable!"
"MY FAULT?" he yells.
Fine, so it's not his fault, but damnit, it's because of the pack that I can't leave this place, escape all the memories! If we weren't actively hunting the redheaded vampire, who is only here because of Bella, I could have stopped phasing by now, and left the state.
"That's right! The pack needs me to be here, to fight the redheaded leech. If it wasn't for her, I'd be long gone by now."
"You wanna go, then go! Nobody wants you here, anyway!"
Ouch. Yeah, that's the spot. What can I say to that?
He's right, no one wants me. Everyone suffers because of me.
Accepting this, my knees give way and I'm back on the sand.
After a minute of silence, Jacob's kneeling in front of me.
"I'm sorry. We do want you, Leah. It's just fucking hard to be around you when you're purposely trying to piss us off!" he says.
He seems genuine, and I know that I do it on purpose, but I can't help it. Their laughter sometimes gets to me. I don't laugh much anymore.
"Yeah." That's pretty much all I can come up with.
It's strange to be able to scream at Jacob and have this calm understanding at the same time.
Maybe that's what I need, someone I can bitch at and cry to. I need someone who won't walk away, but won't baby my feelings, either.
Jacob is just honest. I need honest.
I look up at him and look into his big brown eyes.
He's just as lost and alone as I am. He's been hurt by someone he has to continually be around, work with.
He gets it.
"Maybe you're right." I say, deciding what I need.
I get up onto my knees. "Maybe I do need to relieve some of this anger."
I lean a little closer to him. "Maybe sex is the answer."
His eyebrows shoot up and his eyes widen.
"If I wasn't wound so tight, I could handle all this better," I say, with a slight smirk on my lips.
His jaw slacks, and I make my move.
My lips connect to his. Not gentle, not harsh, but firm. Firm, with purpose. I coax his lips to follow suit.
I can see in his face that he is so beyond confused, but I think he's beginning to get the picture. His mouth moves more sensually with mine.
I want him, well, his body. If I can unwind a bit, I may be able to salvage my sanity.
I can feel the beginnings of rain on my skin. A light misty rain slightly dampens our hair and clothes as we continue to kiss. The sky is a dark grey with partitions of black intermixed. It's dark enough that, if anyone wandered to the beach, we would be unseen. We'd hear if anyone came anyway. Being part wolf does have some advantages after all.
Jacob's hands skirt around the hem of my tee-shirt. The feeling of his warm skin on mine makes me moan.
It feels so nice to be touched again. I'd forgotten how good this felt.
Our kiss is rapidly becoming more heated and erratic. We both need this. My nipples harden from the thought.
His hands grip my shirt and slowly pull it up. I lift my arms and he discards it on the damp sand next to us.
Tiny beads of wetness form over my exposed skin.
I'm wearing a flimsy cotton bra, so my hard nipples are on full display for him.
His eyes rake over my body until he loses control and pulls me to him for another desperate kiss.
Our tongues dance, and our breaths intertwine.
I break us apart and look down at his now see through white tee-shirt. I can see his russet skin, his perfectly chiseled chest and abs, and the sight almost makes me come undone.
I grip the bottom of his shirt roughly and rip it from his body.
I cannot contain the lust that is like a tornado inside of me when I view his slick torso sans clothing.
I've seen him naked before, hazard of shapeshifting, but it never really did anything for me before. But now?
I have to touch it.
I start up at his collar bone and let my fingers lightly drift downward.
The cool rain against his smooth, hot skin is amazing. You can see billows of steam coming from his sleek body.
My fingers have found his nipples; they are standing at attention.
I wonder what else is?
I glance down and am rewarded with a bulge in his jeans.
My eyes find his, and I can see the need I am consumed with also reflected in them.
This is so sexy.
My fingers pinch his nipples, eliciting a gasp from Jacob.
Before I can do anymore, he bends his head and takes one of my aching, cotton covered tips into his mouth. The drastic change from the cool rain and his warm mouth has me biting my lip to keep my scream in.
I can feel my core spasm every time his teeth bite down and roll over my nipple, every time his tongue does something new.
For a virgin, he sure does know how to work his way around an erogenous zone.
Speaking of, his hands have begun working the button and zipper of my jeans.
I need him to touch me.
"Jacob," I sigh.
He makes a throaty sound as I begin to work his pants off as well.
Thunder is rumbling in the distance. All I can hear is our ragged breathing and the ominous thunder. It's incredible. Even though we are out on the wide open beach, it's only the two of us and the rain coming down.
Jacob, with his hands on my bare hips, nudges me down onto the sand once all our clothing is in a heap beside us.
The ground is hard because of the rain, but I don't fucking care. I haven't felt this alive in years.
Looking at Jacob, I've never been more jealous of water. Streams of raindrops ripple down his body, drawing lazy little stripes over his features. His hair is plastered to his neck, and I just have to touch it.
My fingers slide easily between the ebony strands.
The way I glide so effortlessly, up and over the subtle waves, brings my train of thought back to the task at hand.
I shift my hips underneath him and moan when I feel his length against my thigh.
I want him. Now!
I buck my hips and hook my right leg around his left.
Jacob squeezes my hips once, then trails his strong hands down the outside of my thighs and up, gripping my legs at the knee.
When I muster the strength tear my eyes away from the sight of his majestic cock at my entrance, and look into his lustful eyes, he plunges deep into me.
Full. I am full. That empty, gaping hole I've felt inside of me since Sam left is a fading memory.
This is exactly what I need, I need to take my life back and heal myself.
We fit together perfectly.
It feels different than it did with Sam.
There's no love here, no romance. It is respect and understanding.
It's a different realm of emotions being with Jacob.
We move together like we've been doing it all our lives. So natural.
He slides effortlessly in and out of me like my fingers through his slick hair. But I'm starting to need more. Whether he's a virgin or not, (the jury is still out on that), he knows how to do it slow and sensually. But we're gonna have to pick up the pace a bit for me to really relieve my tension.
I clue him in by locking my ankles at his lower back and thrust my hips more quickly.
Jacob obediently sets a faster rhythm that has us both panting and moaning into the stormy night.
I grip at every part of his delectable body my fingers can find.
When he hits a particularly sweet spot deep inside me, I scream out and dig my nails in just below his broad shoulder blades.
My orgasm ricochets through me relentlessly. In wave after wave of glorious pleasure.
My body is quivering and clenching around Jacob with a force I don't think I've ever experienced before.
The intense friction of my climax must have been Jacobs undoing, because with three sharp thrusts he lets out a guttural moan, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.
The rain slows to a drizzle as the storm begins to dissolve.
Jacob raises his head from my shoulder, with a bit of a struggle, and says after several moments of silence, "We should probably be getting back."
I nod. That's about all I'm good for right now.
He helps me to my feet and we decide it's easier to phase then attempt to redress into the soaking bundles our clothes have become.
As we begin to run, we both replay some of the finer moments of our little tryst.
They can't know, I tell him.
And how, exactly, do you plan to keep it from them?
Just don't think about it.
I don't know if I'll be able to. It was too good, Leah!
I let a smug grin grace my muzzle. Even though I have absolutely no romantic feelings for Jacob, it's nice to hear that I'm good in bed.
I'd say you're better than good!
I give him a wide grin.
I feel an overwhelming sense of contentment. I'm satisfied and entirely relaxed.
It's not like sex with Jacob was a cure all, I mean I'm still upset about Sam, but it is so much easier to think about now that I'm loosened up.
Jacob laughs at my choice of words.
Thanks, Jake. You're a good friend, I admit.
It's like sex therapy! For me too, ya know? I don't feel so consumed with thoughts about Bella. Think we could have these sessions every once and a while? To keep our sanity, I mean.
It has definite possibilities.
After a moment or two of silence, Jacob thinks of Sam.
He's gonna kill me.
You better not slip or, so help me God, I will rip you a new one!
Jacob snorts. Kinky!
For that one, I tackle him.
Our wrestling match becomes rather heated until Sam phases, and informs us that the redheaded vampire left a trail 50 miles north of Forks.
Yeah, I can do this. My town and my family need me, and now I can protect them without resentment.
A/N: Thanks for reading, my loves! Don't forget to review :)
Special thanks to my hottie of a beta Live720 xx