Tears form behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing
Are starting to get old
Feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years
Were just pretend
And I say
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to.
______________________________________________________________________________________
Jinx rolled over and peered into the night sky, she had been lying on the ground for hours. Pulling herself up to her knees she took in her surroundings. Everything was the same, but everything was completely different.
"I'm so sorry Jacob" she cried " I didn't mean to hurt you. I never meant for this to happen. This was all my fault. If I had just seen what I was doing to you, I would have stopped it…….I would have."
Jinx curled into a ball on the grass. She didn't know what to do now. Before she had always had Jacob to sort out the jumble that was her mind. She would blaze in broken and depressed from whatever situation she had managed to get herself into and he had always put her back together, good as new. Until the next time. She was a mess.
"Why didn't I know Jacob? You knew me best. Why didn't you tell me. Why did you have to die before I realized how I really felt."
Jinx laughed at herself. He had told her. Over and over. It was his methods that left something to be desired.
"What were you thinking? You knew better. Chaining me up is not the way to get me to see something"
Jinx glanced around the empty night surrounding her. She was getting mad. Standing up ,arms spread wide, she screamed her frustrations to a dead man.
"I never asked you to love me, you know. You did that on your own. I would have figured this all out. I'm not stupid. But did you give me the chance. NO. You just pick me up and drag me off and expect me to just go with the flow. WELL I DON'T GO WITH THE FLOW. So where did all your brilliant plans get us, Jacob . I get stuck in a piss ant little town and you end up dead. Some plan. So ,oh wise one, what now. What the fuck am I supposed to do now. "
Jinx stopped and stared up into the stars. She was alone, for the first time in centuries she was utterly and completely alone. At a loss she stumbled towards the street.
It was a good six blocks before she realized the direction she was heading. She was going to Buffy's. Slumping down on the curb she buried her face in her knees.
"Okay Jinx think here. What are you doing? Buffy is an annoying little twit, who really doesn't like you. You should just find the nearest bus and get the hell out of here"
"To where?' a little voice in the back of her mind mocked "You have nowhere to go, all you have left is Buffy."
The truth sucked. On the upside Buffy had saved her life, that was something….right. Besides she got a certain amount of enjoyment out of pissing the slayer off. And there were any number of ways she could accomplish that. Starting with what Buffy had actually come back as.
It had taken Jinx about two seconds to solve that little riddle. Buffy hadn't come back 'wrong'. The original slayer was supposed to be one of her people, with all their powers along with the strength. Somewhere in the cosmic shuffle of putting her back in her body an old wrong had been righted. Buffy wasn't going to be too pleased to know she had more in common with Jinx than just bed partners.
Jinx limped to her feet, laying out her plans. First she had to get to Buffy's, then she had to take a long nap. Everything else could wait for later.
" She's probably not home anyway" Jinx told a nearby fire hydrant " If the girl has half a brain in her head she's off shagging her local vampire. And as much as I hate to admit it she'd not stupid"
Grimacing at her own admission she stomped off down the street.
"Well she's a little stupid, I never would have slept with Angel after he had a soul. But it sure was a hell of a lot of fun before he had one.
The End
(This is not really the end , it's the beginning of the next part, which will be finished soon )