So.. uhmmm… I think I've been out of it for weeks, and I have been doing on this extra chapter for a while now… *sigh* I think ive been too busy.. but before anything else.. I, once again, would like to thank all the people who tried to read, did read and those people who gave a review… I really fell in love with the magic of this story so… *ahem*… enjoy!! I think…
Why? Why am I writing this? What was I to do with these things anyway? Wait, who am I really anyway?
I am not really one of those golden hearted people to begin with anyway, wait, nobody really does posses a heart of gold, because if they do they will die. But I am not some evil being, I care about the people and things that I want to care about, but about the beings that I don't care about- well, I just don't care. I'm sorry if I'm saying these things out of the blue, its just… I don't really know where to begin with or what to say.
I can still remember that day, it was really bright and the surrounding smells really familiar. I woke up on a bed, and my body hurts really bad, its feels like a broke a bone or something. I don't know why but I felt safe here. I looked around and I saw you, I didn't saw your face because you were a wearing a hooded cape and also a mask to hide your face. There was something about you, it felt like your mere presence reassured me of my safety. I trusted you, even though I do not know you, even though I can't see your face. You gave me medicine, I drank it. I felt better, in fact I felt younger. But I passed out.
When I woke up that evening you were gone, you just left me a note stating that you must leave and I should eat the porridge that you left for me, you also told me that after eating I should go back to sleep. I was surprised that the porridge you left me was still warm, even though it seems that you left in the afternoon.
Every morning when I wake up, without fail you were always there. You always gave me that medicine which made me pass out and as usual I wake up every evening, with that same porridge that always makes me sleepy.
I gathered all my courage one morning to actually talk to you. I stood up from bed. I noticed that I was taller than you, by six or five inches. But even though you are short, I don't know… there is this air of power surrounding you, it made me afraid. I asked who you are. You told me that you are my humble servant. I asked why, am I someone important? You told me that I am very important to you, so you are taking care of me. I asked you if I am important to you then why are you always leaving me. You told me that I should just go back to rest. Actually, I also don't want to know the answer to the last question.
That night when I woke up, I saw you, you were still there, I was surprised, but I was also glad. Even though it was night time it was very bright inside the house, it made me wonder. Can you control the light? I don't want to know the answer, it made me afraid. I tiptoed so that you won't know that I am already awake. You were sleeping on the table. It seems that you have removed your mask, as well as your hooded cape.
I looked at you in wonder. You have green hair, and it reminds me of something. It has the color of some tree's leaves, I can't remember the name. I touched you and then you suddenly woke up, you hurriedly put back you mask and your cape and head for the door. I ran after. Why are you leaving me again? I want you to stay. I tripped, my head hit the floor and I felt dizzy, I don't want to pass out but I did.
You were on my bedside when I woke up, you were holding my hand. It was raining. The bright light inside the room disappeared. All that was left was the flickering light of the lamp. Then I hear a familiar sound, did something crashed? By instinct I hold on to you. You were still wearing the mask and the cape, I didn't care, I just want to hold on to you, no matter who you are. You hold me as well. Another crash, it was louder, I held on to you tighter. I think I was crying, I don't care, as long as your with me, I don't care.
I fell asleep in your arms, I keep falling asleep and I don't know why. Actually I don't want to know the reason either. There are a lot of questions in my mind but I don't want to know any of the answers. I think I already know the answer, I subconsciously know the answer to everything but I don't want to know. I'm afraid of the answers. I want everything to stay like this, you with me and me with you. Even though I was always sleepy and your not with me when night time comes, its alright, I don't care. It makes me wonder why I'm this attached to you, but then again, I don't want to know why.
When I woke up that morning, you were still there. You were not by my bed side anymore. It seems that you have cooked breakfast. The food was only served on one side of the table, you asked me to eat. The mask made your voice weird. There was a weird feeling in me that was searching for something. I asked you things about yourself. You told me that you were a half- dwarf. I asked you what the other half was. You told me that you were half human. I asked you if I'm a dwarf as well. You told me that I'm pure human. That's when I knew we had this divergence, but I don't care. I asked you what other things you do. You told me that you work for the monarchs of the kingdom. I want to see your expression but you are wearing a mask. I don't even know what your real voice sounds like. Who are you really? Out of all the questions in my head that was the only one that I actually want to know the answer to.
Days went by and I think I'm getting better. The food that you usually serve me doesn't make me sleepy anymore. But I still pretended to be weak because I think that if I show you that I'm better you will leave me. But judging from what you did next, you knew that I have became better.
One morning you came and woke me up with the smell of milk tea. It was a really sweet smell. You usually don't give me tea in the morning, but today was different. You also gave me fruits for breakfast, as usual I ate alone and you sat at the opposite side of the table. After I finished eating, you suddenly gave me money, and you told me that I should buy something for myself, I asked you why. You just said that it would be a nice change of pace. You said that you have work that day so you wouldn't be able to accompany me, so you left me, that was the first time that I actually saw you leave.
For some reason, I didn't went after you. Maybe I also want to go out, or… maybe not. Maybe I should try to do as you have told me because everything that you have told me is what's right for me. That is also one of the things that I actually know.
I remembered to put on a coat before I went out. The outside of the house was rather… I don't know how to describe it. Let's just say I'm more comfortable inside. But since I'm already outside, might as well get on with it. A path opened right before my eyes, it made me wonder, but then again I don't want to know why that happened. I followed the path, it was bright yet it was kind of chilly, it made me grateful that I put on a coat.
The path lead me straight to the market. It really was weird. There weren't that many people in the market place. When I arrived there, people kept staring at me, it made me uncomfortable. A little boy walked towards me and gave me a flower, he told me that I'm very beautiful and everybody else must think so too, so I shouldn't frown. I smiled at him and thank him. It made me a little happy, being around people like this, it felt familiar. I don't know why… but it felt like I belong, but there is still something, something that is holding me back.
The little boy didn't leave me. He told me that he is the son of the town baker. He told me that he can do whatever he pleases until sunset so he can accompany me. I don't know much about the town so his company made me really happy.
He asked me what I want to buy, seriously, I don't really need anything for myself, so I've decided that I will just buy something for you! The thought of it excites me.
Now that I think about it, I don't really know you that well that it makes me sad. I have to make an effort to know more about you, not just to buy a gift, but because I want to, and I don't know why!
We looked through many different shops, we both don't know what we were looking for, but the boy seemed to enjoy it. I want to buy something that you would be able to use everyday, but I don't even know what you do for the monarchs. Seriously, you were pretty much a stranger to me, but its really strange how much you care for me and how much I'm attached to you. What am I to you anyway? When you told me that I'm someone important to you, why is that? As what? As a sister? As a friend? Or as a friend's friend? Or maybe… I may be struck by lightning if a dare think about it… but maybe perhaps as a lover? Thinking about it only saddens me.
After walking endlessly and listening to the little boy's endless chatter, I managed to buy you a gift. I don't really know if you will like it, but at that moment I didn't think that far ahead. I was only thinking how good the mask will look on you, with your green hair, hair as green as the pine trees near… the… near the… Am I suppose to remember or know something out of this? Anyway, I think that it will really suit you. Me and the boy waved goodbye, I promised him that I will come again with you some other day. His enthusiasm really makes me smile.
The odd paths managed to lead me home. Upon returning to our house, I felt as if there is something missing so I cleaned up everything. But after I finished getting the last bit of dust out every corner of the house, I felt as if there is still something missing. Oh right! I have never taken a bath ever since I saw you so that explains why I'm feeling kind of sticky. But wait, I almost forgot about a very tiny detail. Where will I wash myself, there are no bathrooms in sight. There isn't even a single tub in the cottage.
I went outside the house, I was surprise once again when the trees parted and revealed a path. Are trees really supposed to do that? Maybe, maybe not. I don't really care. Once again I followed the path, it was almost sunset when I arrived at the end of the path.
At the end of the path, was a lake. The red sky reflected on its glass like surface. It reminded me of something, something… something red, but I don't really want to think more of that thing. I removed all my clothes and put it on top of a huge but smooth rock. The water is a little cold but it felt good. Somehow I don't fear drowning and I don't know why. Maybe I used to be a good swimmer or… not. The water is not deep, it barely reached my chest. I swam around for a bit, it felt nice that I didn't noticed that it was getting dark.
When I noticed, I stood up and prepared to leave, but I suddenly heard somebody coming. The footsteps are brisk but it's not heavy, it was only audible because the person was brushing past bushes. Maybe a woman was coming or… not. I don't really care if someone comes they wouldn't see me anyway, the lake is huge. I sunk myself lower, so my face is the only thing above the water.
I saw someone come from the other side of the lake, it was already dark so it was hard to see the person's face. The person walked towards the lake, I watched closely. The person continued to walk, that I almost didn't notice that the person was walking on the water, the person walked to the center of the lake, I couldn't believe my eyes. Is that even possible? From one side of my mind a voice was whispering that it is possible. But I shook it off with my reasoning.
The person at the center of the lake, standing on the water waved his hands and then suddenly the dark clouds in the sky parted and revealed a thousand stars that made the lake glitter. I was staring into the bright sky that it slipped my mind that I was hiding myself under the water, when I realized I was standing, and then I looked to the person who was standing at the center of the lake and then it finally registered in my mind that it was you!
I was shocked. Why? How? What just happened? I stood there unable to move for a moment, it was like I was staring into nothing, and it was then that I suddenly realized that you were walking towards and before I knew it you were standing in front of me. You looked so tall, it makes me scared. Why am I getting afraid of you anyway? My head is telling me something but I'm blocking it. I don't want to know. I don't want to remember.
You stretched out your hand to me and lifted me out of the water. I really am taller than you, but I still felt your authority over me. It seems that you have removed your hooded cape, you put it over me, that was the only time that I remembered that I wasn't wearing anything. But in front of you I don't feel embarrassed at all, it was weird.
You helped me put on the hooded cape, you fastened the buttons quickly. You were wearing a mask so I can't see your expression but I want to know. How do you react to this situation? You seems so calm, its odd, but I don't know why I think that its odd.
That was when I realized that by then I was also standing on the water. You told me to never let go of your hand or I will drown. You lead me to the center of the lake. For some reason I am not afraid and curios about the reason for these things. We made ripples in the glassy waters as we walked.
When we arrived at the center, you raised your free hand. For some reason I know what will happen next, but I'm shaking it all off. The water from the lake surrounded us and formed a circular wall, I cant see the forest anymore, all there was is the cerulean color of the water under the starry sky. The water also diminished, and now the part where we are stepping on looked like glass, no not just glassy, I really mean glass, all the blue was gone, it all seemed just transparent. For some reason, the look of glass was the only thing that hit me. I am not surprised, amused, curios or even taken back by the view, I wonder why. It seemed so ordinary all of a sudden.
You paused. I'm waiting for you to say anything, it seems that you are thinking of what to say next. You waved your hand and a rock grew from the place were standing, you told me to sit down. I obeyed. From this whole story my memories have been too vague but I can still remember the things that you said.
I don't want to be the first to say something because I don't really want to know what was happening. I can still remember when you said, there was this weird tone in your voice, like you were giving up, it makes me feel sad and I don't know why, "Do you really want to forget everything? Don't you want to remember?" I just stared at you blankly and shook my head. Have you read my mind? Well, I don't. I don't want to remember anything.
"Don't you want to remember your name, where you came from, and all those other things that made up your past?"
Now that you've said that, I am getting quite curios, but I still don't want to know…or not. I'm not sure. "If you know me that well, then when is my birthday?", I asked you, testing if you really do know me.
I don't want to hear your answer, then you kneeled, we were still holding hands. "Today", you said. It made my heart jump a little, I don't know if that's a good or bad feeling.
I don't know what to say or think anymore. "If I don't want to remember my past- then will you give up on me and leave me?"
You removed your mask. Your green hair… for some reason it draws me in. You with your indigo eyes looked deeply into my eyes. And then you said, "Why? Don't you want to remember?"
I felt like my soul been pierced by your stare. I really don't know what to do or how to react but… I don't know. "Will you leave me then?"
You smiled, "No, I've been with you at your best, I still loved you at your worst, and now I am with you still. Please don't question my love".
After hearing you say that, it made me wonder what life with you have been in the past. You even said something about love, but is it for me? I remembered how badly I want to know you. "Tell me, am I a good person?"
"It will differ on who you ask", you said.
It made me even more curios, its funny how you can manipulate my emotions and its weird how you can change my view on things. "Can you tell me all about it?"
Your smile grow brighter, "That's… really good then, I will let you borrow my memories". You stood up and touched a part of the water wall surrounding us.
I can suddenly see pictures, there was the house, the house that I woke up in. I can see me, so that's how I looked, honestly there was a part of me who have been afraid of mirrors since I woke up. The scenes seemed to come from the eyes of someone small. "That was me when you first found me", you said. Ohhh…
A thousand smiles and laughers flashed. A certain scene also entered, there were a lot of things flying around the room, a feeling of unexplainable happiness and excitement filled my heart, everything was unreasonable and unexplainable by plain logic but it was really fun. One word, kept repeating in my head, magic… magic… magic…
I want to think about it more but by then a new scene entered I can see myself looking all happy and singing, going on and on about getting married… to the king… and then when I wasn't in the scene anymore, everything suddenly turned gloomy and it feels like somebody was crying. Is it you? Are you crying for me? Oh, I know… the walls they're transferring your emotions to me as well. I glanced at you, you glanced back, you blushed, I pressed your hand and you held on my hand tighter.
The next scene looked all white, a sudden feeling of hopelessness entered my body, no, I was mistaken the scene isn't all white it was a wedding in winter. The bride, the bride is me, I looked so happy. The feeling of hopelessness still isn't leaving my chest.
There was a flash in the water, the hopelessness in my chest didn't left, the next scene seemed to happen in a dark room on a night of a storm, there was a lingering feeling of surprise in me. I saw myself step into the dark room I was crying, the feeling in my chest was confusion. I saw you hug me. Then I saw myself push you to the bed and pull the sheet to cover us both. I was surprised, I don't know if it is my reaction or your feelings. The feeling of confusion grew. I even saw myself kiss you! I think I should feel something else because of the kiss but I just felt confusion. The visons faded and then there was suddenly a great pang in my chest when I saw myself sitting by the edge of the bed. It feels like I was denying myself. I heard you saying that everything is a mistake, everything, including our feelings. A deep depression overcame my body, I can still clearly remembered that I want to vomit.
A thousand flashbacks of books and illogical happenings flashed. Then the scenes stopped. A brand new scene entered, it was in place that looked extremely familiar to me. I felt calm. Then I heard somebody whispered, "Just one spell and the throne is yours, just one word and I am all yours". I saw myself, I looked beautiful but… there's something, I don't want to know, GOD!! Stop it! I don't want to remember!
It seems that I was crying but I never really noticed, you were wiping away my tears when I realized, I looked at you, you smiled at me, "Perhaps I shouldn't have lent you the memories of some character from a tragedy, do you want to look at your own memories for this instance?"
For some reason, I really want to know but… for I now I just want to stop. I closed my eyes. Everything stopped. I felt a light touch on my forehead, and then a small voice, "Are you sure?"
I didn't really answered but the voice seemed to hear what I'm saying. "It's alright, you don't have to rush yourself, it's alright, we have all the time in the world". I just sat there in that rock not thinking anything, for what seemed like days, or weeks. I just feel the same comforting warmth in my hands, it was summer, the breeze is cool and comforting as well. I'm not thinking anything, it felt like I calmed down.
The voice spoke once again. "Perhaps, you want to know now?"
The voice seemed like, I don't know how to describe it, mellow and just calm, I guess. It didn't seemed like it was giving up or getting tired. It felt like it was cheering me. I don't know but for some reason, the warmth and comfort, gave me a certainty that perhaps knowing will probably be the key to my healing, because lately I'm getting tired of not knowing what to do or what to feel about things, I want to know what happened exactly. It's alright I want to.
"I'm very happy that you said that".
A series of scenes all taking place in a magnificent palace, yes, a palace, memories came pouring back, a king with bronze skin and brown hair, a queen with a fair complexion with auburn hair, she was carrying a baby boy. The baby has a fair complexion and brown eyes and hair. This is the neighboring kingdom, a different voice suddenly answered.
A series of events that led to a discovery of magnificent. A scene of argument with the king, the emotions came pouring back, I love magic! There's no wrong in that! Why do I have to marry someone that I absolutely have no feelings for? In the last fifteen years of my life I let you chose for me, but no, I won't let you do that anymore! If you could control every single person in this kingdom, well… you can count me out!
There's soldiers, many, many soldiers, no not just ordinary soldiers, knights, they were coming after me. I was running, they were all coming to get me. I tripped, the road is slippery, it was raining, I don't want to fall to the cliff, I don't want to die. If these people were to get hit by lightning, they wouldn't die right? I summoned lightning and thunder, many of them died. I couldn't bare the sight. It was biting away my conscience I managed to run away from them.
The void in my chest seemed to be growing bigger and bigger, by helping others with magic, I managed to fill in the void.
A day came, it seemed like the cure to the hole in my heart was cured. I found a boy, a boy with green hair. That day I became a mother, a sister and a friend. Days passed and I grew fonder and fonder of the boy. He taught me how to care and I taught him about the world of magic. The scenes flashed, a scene flashed when I saw myself dancing in the room saying that I would be married to the king. I never really loved the king, but if it was for our sake then, I would do anything. I need this kingdom's protection. I know, I know about your feelings and I'm confused about mine too, but isn't our feelings wrong?
The day I got married the void in my heart grew bigger. I don't know why. A series of scenes, showing that the king is a gentleman, and my struggle to try to love him. And… And the encounter with Mirror of Souls. A scene flashed, a different voice entered my mind, I don't understand it completely, it was distorted like many people were talking all at once. Do you want to be happy? Do you want to get what you wanted without all the strife? Do you?
Of course! I ever so want to be happy! I want to be happy I want Andrei to be happy! I want the two of us to be happy! I want the two of us to be together in perfect happiness!
Scenes flashed, it was showing things that I never thought that I would do, no, things I would want to do but my morals were getting in the way. I saw a scene where in I tried to force myself on you. I want him, I want him more than my own life, I want to be with him, I want him to want me! I know that he wants me… the king? Who cares about that old fool?! I want to be with Andrei!
And then... and then... for some odd reason everything went blank and when I realized I wasn't there anymore, no, we weren't there anymore. The two of us were lying on the side of the lake, were holding hands. I was the first one to open my eyes, you weren't opening your eyes. I was so worried. I think… I think that you are dead. I was crying again. I slapped your face and peered in closer to see if you were breathing and then ever so mischievously you kissed me. You laughed and I smiled.
It seems that those things that you showed me that night, everything that I have learned, they were things that I already know in my heart. It seems that I didn't really completely forgot my past, I was just in denial. I want to run away from my past. But knowing you… You showed me that life, life isn't all that bad, even though bad things do happen, good things also happen, that's how the rhythm of things work. That's how you realize that's something is bad because you have seen the good. Of course healing would not be that easy but if were together, then I think it would be alright.
Now as I write this things that have seems to have no use for me in the future, I stare at your sleeping face, waiting for the dawn to break. Thanking the love that saved me.
Did it happened oh so fast? Did it drag on forever?? What do you think??? Oh please do give a review!!! Wait… is it just me or am I talking weird today??...