Title: Talk Nerdy To Me
Series: Big Bang Theory
Author's note: November 14th - Big Bang Theory, Howard/Raj; dirty talk - nerd sex (Klingon mating rituals, physics metaphors) .Latelate and lacking actual sex...but with plenty of nerdity Apologies on all fronts.
They were sprawled out on Raj's bed, because nothing was more of a boner killer than Howard's mom interrupting them with a scream of get the door, Howard! Thankfully, she hadn't actually walked in on them yet, as she tended to do as little moving from her chair as was physically possible.
"I'd verb your noun," Raj said.
"Well I'd be in your 'base' if you know what I mean, pwning your n00bs," Howard said.
"Yeah, you and what army?" Raj shot back.
Howard rose up and crossed his arms over his chest in a that was apparently supposed to be alpha and manly, but failed on all accounts. In broken Klingon, the type of Klingon which would have turned Sheldon into a twitching enraged mess of nitpickiness, Howard proclaimed that he was the alpha male and would fight for the fair Raj's hand to the death if need be.
"Oh, so that come on in Klingon Boggle was for me."
"What, did you think I was trying to get Sheldon to be my mate?"
"Welll.... There is that hatesex rivalry thing..." Raj said. He coudn't keep a serious expression to really properly say the joke.
"What?" Howard said, looking fairly traumatized.
They looked at each other a long moment and broke into laughter, the actual rolling on the floor (or in this case, bed) type laughter. When it was done, it was kind of like sex in itself, a sort of full body orgasm of a laugh. That's one thing that Howard was good for. You couldn't get a STD from a laugh, and it didn't get old and ugly, or knocked up. No wonder so many of those celebrities who didn't marry every seven months said that they married the love of their life 'because he made them laugh.'
Howard was on his side from their gigglefit and looked at Raj a long moment. He smiled, Raj smiled back. It was intimate, sort of. Like the sort of moment that doesn't have to have anything like Barry White or scented candles, or Howard's 'babymaking' red leather pants. There didn't really have to be any come ons, so they were less desperate and more silly and fun things that they could laugh off without later having to be in a fetal position somewhere and do the I am not slime affirmation.
But that sort of moment could only last so long. Howard looked away, and Raj knew where else the night was going.
"Seriously, want to watch some porn? I've got Nerdy Tracy Gets Laid?" Raj said.
"They made more of Nerdy Tracy?" Howard said.
"There's even Nerdy Tracy Goes Girl On Girl."
"Ooh, ooh. Let's watch that one first," Howard said.
And who really needed a girlfriend when he had Howard and porn? Frankly, Raj was glad that Bernadette was gone. So this sort-of-dating meant that they didn't hit the bars and have meaningless sex with girls who'd probably be disgusted with them in the morning, but how many girls like that would take strip Kingon Boggle as foreplay? None, that was what.
Whoever said that best friends made the best lovers really knew what they were talking about.