2010 FML Contest Entry
Title: Foul Balls and Phone Calls
Characters: Bella, Edward, Charlie, Mike Newton

Disclaimer: The characters of Twighlight belong to S. Meyers. I am just using them as inspiration, well my prompt was my inspiration for this, but anyway, they are her peeps, I'm just borrowing them.

To see the rest of the entries in this contest, please visit the FML C2: http:/www . fanfiction . net/community/FML_Contest_Fics/77195/

Check this out! Here's the awesome banner for Foul Balls by Robrator for thetwilightawards(dot)com Thanks so much!

Not familiar with the FML contest? Every contestant was given a random entry from the website and had to create a story that included that prompt. (My prompt is included in the end notes, so you can see what I started with. ha ha)

A/N: A big thanks to S. Meadows for betaing this business. She had me at hello.


My mother had one rule about dating. No cops. My dad had his own rule, follow your heart. However, his follow your heart rule did have an additional caveat; he wanted to approve of the guy that my heart followed. It was kind of sweet of him.

But for the first time in my life, and for close to a year, I hadn't been able to tell either of my parents about my boyfriend, Edward. I couldn't tell my mother, Renee, because Edward is a County Sheriff's Deputy. She divorced my dad when I was in elementary school because of his career in law enforcement. She'd finally had enough of sitting around worrying about Charlie getting shot or something, and really, she wanted, no, needed, someone to take care of her.

I couldn't tell Charlie about my boyfriend, because Edward was on the force with him. Remember that part about dad wanting to approve of the man I fall for? Well, Charlie likes Edward; he even tried to set him up with my friend Angela. But let Edward date me? No, Charlie wouldn't be okay with that. Edward was too good looking, too physical; he could kick some serious ass, and he was a cop. No matter what Charlie said, he didn't want me to live in fear the way my mom had. He didn't see that I was much more like him than Renee.

Edward and I met at one of my dad's softball games. I was sort of the team manager. Growing up as a part of the team every summer when I came to stay with my dad, it was a natural progression for me to get more involved with the team when I moved to Forks full time after college. The team was made up of a mix of law enforcement guys, and two women, from around Clallam County and the Olympic Peninsula; from Stateys to locals, including a couple of County Deputies and even a DEA agent.

Of all people, I was introduced to Edward by Mike Newton. Mike was a total jerk who was about my age. He'd recently become both a State Trooper and an actual member of the team. Mike grew up in Fork,s and I'd known him for years, but it didn't make him any less of a pain in the ass. He had been hanging around the local cop baseball team for years. Now that he was officially a member, he acted like he'd made the Olympic team. Mike was so annoying to me that I had taken to calling him "Newton" in my head, the way Jerry Seinfeld said 'Newman.'

Someone was jogging towards the park, but after seeing them out of the corner of my eye, I focused on getting the stat book set up, and was surprised when the jogger appeared in front of me with Newton. Mike gave the cursory introductions and explained that Edward was joining the team.

I had been expecting someone new from the County Sheriff's department that night, but I wasn't prepared for Edward. He was wearing black mesh shorts and a tight tank top that showed just enough of his chest to make me want to see more. Sweat sparkled on his skin from his run. His eyes shined like emeralds, and he had this crazy hair that was begging for me to run my hands through it. There was a scent in the air that had to be him. He smelled clean, with a hint of musk and cologne that I couldn't quite identify.

Mike was looking at me, waiting for an answer to something, and I realized that I had no idea what he had asked. I smiled shyly, "I'm sorry, what?" Great, I looked like an idiot and had gotten caught ogling the new guy.

"Do You Have A Shirt For Edward So He Can Play Tonight?" Mike said slowly, like I was mental.

I ground my teeth and bit back a snarky remark. "Yes, Mike, I do."

I leaned down and rifled around in my messenger bag for the shirt I had brought with me. It was an obnoxious white baseball t-shirt with red sleeves. Mike got distracted as the rest of the team showed up and wandered away, leaving me with Edward. I found the shirt and shook out the wrinkles as I held it up.

He read the front and raised his eyebrows at me. "Really, 'Team Bacon?' What genius came up with that?"

I bit back a laugh. "That would be Mike. It was a joke for years, but Mike had it printed on the shirts this year."

He snorted. "Oh. Wow. I guess I won't tell him how clever I think that is."

"Good idea. So, you're new with the County right?"

"Yeah, Deputy Cullen, Edward, at your service. And you?"

"Me?" I chuckled, shaking my head. "I'm not on the job. I'm sort of the team mascot. Are you from around here?"

"I, ah, lived in Forks until middle school, then my father took a job in Anchorage. I've always wanted to come back."

"Oh, I see. Well, I lived here most summers after that, so we just missed each other. I'm Bella. My dad is Chief Swan."

His head cocked to the side in thought.

"Bella," he said, and my name rolled of his tongue like music, "As in Isabella?"

"Yeah, that's me. You've probably been warned off from making friends with me, but I actually am capable of making my own decisions."

He laughed loudly and grinned. His eyes were so mesmerizing; I could hardly pull my gaze away from them.

"I was warned, but I make my own decisions, too," he said with a wink. He grabbed the offensive Team Bacon shirt and walked onto the infield.

I watched Edward with a curious eye throughout the game. He was good. He hit a double on his first time at bat and caught a foul ball while playing right field. It didn't take long for me to realize that I had it bad. I couldn't concentrate on the game. I was imagining Edward and I together, what it would be like to touch his muscled chest, to have my hands in his hair as he kissed me, seeing his body shimmering with sweat above mine. Then I shivered as I imagined him stripping out of his uniform, starting with his gun belt. Fuck! That would be amazing.

Occasionally, I caught Edward looking at me as well, but I pretended not to notice. Charlie would have kittens if he caught me flirting with a cop, at one of his softball games no less.

After the game everyone headed to Pacific Pizza, it was tradition, win or lose. The team had squeaked out a win tonight over the EMT's and firemen and the best moments were being re-told over and over to any wife, girlfriend or child that would listen. Pizzas and beers were ordered, and everyone was talking at once.

I sipped a beer with Charlie's friend Billy who did dispatch and laughed at the tall tales that were being spun all around us. I swear, the baseball stories these guys told were only rivaled by their fishing stories. We finished our beers, and Billy excused himself to speak with a couple of Troops that didn't make it to many of our games; they worked a lot of overtime.

Pouring another beer from the pitcher, I looked around and sighed. Same shit; different day. I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard a voice close to my ear.

"So would the benefits outweigh the risks of having you as a friend?"

Edward. Ohmygod, would they ever. His voice was husky and low. I didn't know if he was doing it on purpose, but it was the sexiest voice I had ever heard.

"I'd like to think they would," I said without turning my head, trying to play it cool.

He chuckled. "Would I have to go undercover if I wanted to see you?" he asked taking a casual sip of his beer.

Oh Lord, I couldn't let that slide. "I might let you see me under the covers on the first date," I said. "But I might, make you wait. I haven't decided."

He almost shot beer out of his nose. With surprised eyes and flushed cheeks, he started to backtrack, "Christ, Bella, I didn't mean that..."

I snorted a laugh at his distress and interrupted, "Relax Edward, it was a joke."

His cell phone was on the table, so I picked it up and saved my name and number in the address book.

"We'll play the undercover part by ear," I said and walked away.


My cell phone rang the following Monday in the middle of a morning staff meeting; of course I had forgotten to put it on vibrate. I didn't recognize the number and after fumbling around, I hit the "ignore" button to send the call to voice-mail. My friends Alice and Rose shot me dirty looks, and I stuck my tongue out at them, brats. We all taught at Queets Grade School together. They both grew up in Forks, and we'd gone to college together, becoming inseparable. We were really more like sisters than friends.

On the way to my classroom I checked my messages and blushed as I listened.

"Bella," said a soft, sexy voice that I recognized as Edward's. "Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see me in your pants." Click.

I was stunned momentarily, and then I laughed hysterically. He did not just do that! Did he? Oh my God! Well, two can play that game. I saved his number and knew that I had to come up with an equally good response.

When I saw Rose and Alice at lunch, I told them about the voice mail, but I stopped short of letting them hear it. I wanted to keep Edward's sex dripping voice to myself. They totally agreed that I had to call back and leave my own message. We brainstormed funny pick-up lines that I could use, laughing until we cried, remembering some of the worst lines that had been used on us over the years. We finally settled on a variation of a line about pie that Alice's brother, Emmett, told us about years ago.

I waited until I was in the car after school to call him. It went straight to voice-mail. Perfect.

"Edward," I crooned. "I got your message. Sorry. No mirror in my pocket. I'm heading home for the night. I've been thinking about making pie. Maybe you could show me how to make your banana cream?" Click.

I wasn't sure at that point if we would start dating, or simply sleeping together; but I kind of didn't care either way.

The next night, driving home from school, I was shocked to see the swirling lights of a county cop car in my rear-view mirror. I shook my head. They all knew my vehicle and plate number. Who was fucking with me? I was tired, and I wanted to go home.

The door of the cruiser opened, and I saw the sun glint off of his dark sunglasses. Fuck. Me. Edward.

I rolled down my window when he approached the side of my car. My hands were shaking and my panties were getting wetter by the minute. He looked good in his uniform.

"Miss Swan. License and registration, please."

"Ah, I'm sorry, Edward. What was I doing wrong?"

"That's Deputy Cullen, ma'am. License and registration."

I was so flustered that it took me a few seconds to dig the envelope that contained my registration and insurance out of my console. Of course, my driver's license was stuck in that little plastic pouch that it never came out of in my wallet, and I felt like a total fool.

He took the documents and sauntered back to his car giving me a clear view of his ass. I tried to clear my head. What was happening? Why was he acting so impersonal? Oh my god, was he offended by the banana joke? Shit. I sat there, worrying for close to five minutes when he returned to my window.

"Here's your information, Miss Swan. You're free to go," he said, handing me my insurance card and license.

"I'm sorry, Deputy, are you giving me a ticket? What did I do wrong?"

"No ticket today, Isabella. But I'm going to open an investigation into your actions."

"An investigation? Into what?" I said, starting to get pissed. This wasn't funny anymore.

"You're a thief, Miss Swan. You steal my breath every time I see you, and I'm quite certain you've stolen my heart. When I get off work at seven I'll come by your place to look for it." He was completely straight faced and turned around before I could respond, walking back to his car with his handcuffs clinking on his hip. Then he drove away without even looking over at me.

Holy crow. Holy fucking crow. He was coming over? Oh my God! That was a total set up to get my address! He was smooth. Seriously, as a Deputy he could have simply looked me up in the system and showed up like a stalker, but he set up this little scene to let me know he would be stopping by. That was seriously hot. I rushed home to clean up my apartment a little, but most importantly, to shower and shave my legs. As an elementary school teacher, no one see's my legs very often, and they sometimes fall down on my priority list for primping.

I refrained from lighting candles around the apartment. I mean maybe he wasn't thinking what I was thinking, about us having hot monkey sex, and even if he was, I didn't want it to seem like I was expecting it. I did however, open a bottle of good red wine. I needed alcohol to get me through the wait for his arrival.

There was a firm knock at my door, and I checked through the peephole to be sure it was Edward before opening up. The chain and deadbolts made their noises as I unlocked the door to find him smirking at me.

His hands were in my hair in an instant, pushing us into my apartment. He had my back against the door and his mouth firmly on mine before I could catch my breath. Without preamble his tongue was thrusting into my mouth, and I moaned, loudly. My hands immediately went to his ass, pulling him towards me. Oh, God. I felt his hard arousal and ground myself against him. We went on like that, for I don't know how long, moaning, rubbing and tasting, then he lightened his grip and slowed his movements. He reluctantly separated our mouths, and we stood, our bodies firmly together, catching our breath.

"Fuck, Bella," he said, putting a hand to my cheek. "I'm sorry. I had to touch you."

"I'm not complaining, Edward."

"Yeah, well, that's good." He laughed. "I really didn't plan on that. I just, damn, you completely threw me off the way you answered the door."

"What?" I laughed. How had my door opening thrown him off?

"I expected to have to come in here and lecture you about safety. You know, don't unlock or open your door until you know who's out there. And then, fuck, you checked the peephole and had the fucking door double locked."

"My dad is the Chief of Police, Edward. I've been answering the door like that since I was old enough to see through the peephole."

"I know. I mean, that makes sense." He shook his head. "I just wasn't expecting it. It was kind of hot."

"Really?" I grinned. "You think that was hot?"

He grinned back. "I know it's fucked up, but, it was pretty fucking hot." He moved his hips against me to drive the point home.

"Well, you'll love this," I said, kissing each side of his mouth.

We were starting to breathe heavy again, just anticipating what was coming.

"What's that?" he said quietly.

"I installed the fucking peephole myself."

"Christ! That should not be so hot," he said just before his lips claimed mine.

I was done for. My body was quivering. I wanted him to get my clothes off. Hell, I just needed my pants down, or his. I dreaded putting any space between us, but my fingers found the button to his jeans, and I fumbled, desperate to touch him.

The space for my hands to work on his pants allowed him room to get his hands up my shirt. He was palming my breasts, thumbs rubbing over each nipple. I slid my hands into the waistband of his boxers, wanting to push them down along with his jeans. He abandoned my breasts, moving his attention to my pants, and I froze in anticipation. He popped the button in one smooth try and was shoving my pants down. Groaning, I pushed his clothing over his hips. One of his hands found its way between my legs. I hissed as he drew his finger through my wet folds.

"So hot." I don't know how he said it without ever stopping the tango our tongues were dancing.

I was going crazy, or at least going up in flames. His finger was circling my clit, and I began whimpering. This was nice, but I really didn't need it. I pushed him back, ignoring a grunted protest and grabbed for his cock. Our eyes locked, and I nodded, answering the question I knew he was thinking. He rubbed himself along my entrance and we both groaned as he pushed into me. I felt my body opening, accommodating his advance. He moved into me slowly, biting his lip and holding my hips, until he was all the way in.

"Amazing. So good. So tight."

"More," I said as I pulled his face towards mine and drove my tongue in to his mouth.

"Yesssss." He nodded, Kissing my neck and pumping into me with long thrusts.

My head was banging against the front door, and I could have cared less. We were fucking like angry rabbits, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Every delicious thrust sent shock waves through my system. His strokes were long and smooth; we fit like we were made for each other. Arching my back, I cried out and felt my muscles tightening on him. He began moving faster, and I started going over the edge.

"That's it," he said, moving harder and faster against me, "I want to see you cum."

As if on command, I was crying his name and having a spectacular orgasm. It was unreal.

"Fuck, Bella." He groaned as he pumped into me. His whole body was tensing, the muscles straining in his neck. My mouth covered his pulse, gently sucking, and his body went rigid. He ground himself against me and came, shouting in ecstasy.

We stood, holding each other, my head falling on his shoulder where I placed little kisses along his neck.

"Jesus, Bella. This was not supposed to happen." He kissed the top of my head.

"I know."

"What do you mean?" he said, sounding worried.

"We were supposed to make it to the bedroom."

"Oh, yeah. Next time."

"Can I take my clothes off first?"

We laughed and untangled ourselves, pulling up the lower half of our clothing, still standing at the door and smiling sheepishly at each other. We made it to the living room and finished the wine, laughing about what horny fools we were. After several glasses of wine I made him promise that one night he would fuck me in nothing more than his gun belt. He thought that was so hot that we almost ended up doing it with our clothes on again.

Eventually, I fell asleep covered in sweat, listening to Edward whisper about my skin. "So smooth. So creamy. So soft. Just perfect. You're perfect."

That night was the beginning of our relationship that flowed between sweet romance and sexcapades rivaling some porno movies. The ongoing dirty voice-mail game picked up the following morning when Edward left my apartment.

My cell rang only seconds after the door closed, but I couldn't find it in the wreckage we had made of my bedroom, so it went to voice mail.

"Bella," he crooned, just as he'd done the first time. "You are like a prize winning fish. I just don't know if I should eat you, or mount you." Click.

We spent most of our time together when we were off work, which was tricky, because we were hiding from Renee and Charlie. Edward was a little afraid of upsetting my dad, which I found sweet, so he was on board with keeping it on the down low. Besides, if the guys on the force knew that we were dating neither of us would ever hear the end of it.

With our naughty voice-mail game, it was never safe for us to listen to messages from each other with the speaker on. You never knew if the message was something as harmless as saying "be home soon," or sexy plans for later. That was part of the fun. We never sext'ed. It was way too risky and would have been impossible to explain away if we got caught. However, if someone ever saw the other persons number on our respective phones, we could say it was a call about softball or the Spanish classes we were taking together at the community college.

We did a fair amount of sneaking around, but for the most part, Edward stayed every night with me and went home every morning during his "run." It worked out well, I was kind of proud of myself for thinking of it. He had walked home a couple of times and then changed into his running clothes, and I realized how ridiculous that was. As if sneaking home from my place wasn't ridiculous.

The number of things that Edward and I had in common was astounding. Favorite color, favorite food, favorite movie, even our favorite band – they were all the same. But we weren't clones, we had our differences, and it made things interesting. Edward was addicted to Reality TV, and I could not stand it, except for Survivor. I had mad skills in the kitchen from growing up with Renee, while Edward could hardly boil water, and while we're talking about his domestication, I had banned him from doing any laundry after the incident with a brand new red sweatshirt and my whites. We were also very different in terms of the things we liked to do in our spare time. Edward worked out and ran while I would have injured myself the first time I tried. I was a total klutz, and he had the grace of a dancer or a professional athlete.

One major difference between Edward and I had to do with luck. Edward had all of it, and I had none. I joked about my bad luck fairly often. Random, bad and funny things tended to happen to me. Like the time that I sprained my ankle when I stepped in dog crap while we were in Seattle, or the time that I took Edward to dinner and discovered when I pulled my credit card out of my cute little hand bag that I'd accidentally grabbed my Kohl's card and not my Visa. I could go on and on. Ok, one more, there was the time, pre-Edward when I was told by the campus health center that I was pregnant when I'd gone in complaining of a sore throat – woops, wrong results! Thankyouverymuch for that heart attack.

I was always blindsided by my bad luck, and that day, they day that will live in infamy, was no different. It was my birthday weekend, and we'd been dating just over a year since the fuckfest in my apartment. Edward and I had planned a trip out of town for the weekend, but Team Bacon surprisingly made the playoffs, so plans had to be changed at the last minute. I stomped around my apartment complaining to myself about Team Bacon ruining our anniversary and how I really needed the massage that I had scheduled at the hotel spa.

Edward promised that he would make it up to me, somehow, and headed out, taking a midday "jog" to go home.

I called him about thirty minutes later, because he forgot his wallet.

Answering the phone, he joked, "Bella, your wish is my command. I will do anything, and I do mean anything, to make this up to you."

I laughed as I explained that, really, I had just called about his wallet.

He continued however, promising to make it up to me. He guaranteed me flowers, dinner, cocktails and chocolate. I wasn't sure if I was going to let him off the hook that easily. Really, it wasn't his fault, and it's not like I don't have to go to the playoff game as well, but Edward got all nervous about my being upset with him, and I liked to make him sweat.

We finished the call, agreeing that he would come pick me up around 4 p.m. to head over to the ball fields. I cleaned up around the apartment, and unpacked my bags, feeling even more pissed that we didn't get our weekend away because of Team Fucking Bacon. I was not going to be nice to Mike Newton tonight. I didn't have it in me.

Around 3:30 my phone rang, caller ID identifying it as Edward. What the fuck? I know you're coming over, dork. Seriously, why was he calling? If he promised me more romance and shit I was going to explode.

I answered on the third ring, pretending to be an answering machine, "Hi! This is Bella, and I want you to fuck me raw. I do not want hearts and flowers. Okay?"

There was silence on the end of the line. Oh shit. He really did feel bad, and now I'd stomped on his emotions.

"Edward?" I asked, trying to figure out how to fix things.

A throat cleared, and I heard, "Bella Marie Swan, I think we need to have a talk."

Fuck. My. Life. It was my dad! I just stood there, with my jaw hanging open.

Charlie continued, "I came to see if Edward needed a ride, and he said he was picking you up. I forgot my phone and, yeah. I'm going to hang up now and pretend like I do not have that image seared into my retinas. But you have some serious explaining to do later." Click.

With my head in my hands I tried to figure out exactly what it was that Karma had against me, and how the hell I was going to explain to my dad that I had been dating his coworker for over a year. As great as Edward always fucked me, sometimes life did it better.



Thanks for reading. Please take time to review. And go read the other FML entries too!

My prompt was:

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said, "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw." It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML