National Suicide Hotline Number: 1-800-784-2433. Call if you ever need help
AN: As you know, ALNM was removed due to being reported. I have removed the stuff that violates the rules, and have reposted.
Suicide is the worst thing a person can do. It is the most arrogant, idiotic, stubborn, asinine act a person can commit. It's a person's way of looking at the world and saying, "You've beaten me. I give up. The problems of the world are too great for me. I'm pathetic, and my life was a waste."
My name is Angela, and I was one of those pathetic people. I surrendered around the time I was sixteen. I didn't want to go on living. I didn't want things to get better. I just wanted it to end. But life and death, they don't work that way.
Oh no, my life ended when I killed my self, but my new life began. And boy, my new life was something! What, with the murder attempts, the battles with other pokemon, and trying to show Michael who I am. But that's getting ahead of the story. To begin, I need to go back to the day I proved I was a failure. You know, in hindsight, I can see now just how stupid my little problems were. I wish I could have seen them then.
Nobody can even see me.
This thought had been going through my mind for weeks now. I was sitting on a bank beside a creek, in the woods outside of my town. I would have stared at my reflection, but the water was so murky, I could see nothing. Sighing, I decided to head back into a town.
At this time in the afternoon, most adults were at work. Most children were playing with their friends, except some who had turned ten. They had left on their Pokemon journeys. I would have gone, six years earlier, but I chose not to. Now, I envied them...oh how I envied them.
I walked through a haze. I wasn't sure where I was going. Somehow, I ended up on my street, and was walking by my neighbor Michael's house.
"Hello, little girl," Some one behind me said. Sighing, I turned to see Michael there, smiling. He always called me little girl. Maybe because he enjoyed the fact I disliked it. In his hands, he held an egg that appeared to be glowing.
"That egg looks like its about to hatch. Shouldn't you take it somewhere?" Michael shook his head.
"A Pokemon bonds with the first human it sees. I've been instructed how to help it in the hatching. I have an area in side my house all set up. I came out here, though, because you seem depressed." His face filled with concern. "Are you depressed, Angela?" I shrugged.
"Remember six years ago, when I had the chance to become a Pokemon trainer, but I refused?" Michael nodded.
"Yeesh, I'm amazed you've been hung up on that for so long, but yeah, I remember. You refused, because you thought your parents didn't want you to go"
"I refused because I thought my parents cared," I laughed. "Well, that was a crock of shit. My parents care about getting buzzed. At least you had a legitimate reason. You refused because you wanted your starter to be something you hatched yourself," I sniffled. "Well, you're going to get your way."
"Look, I'm sorry" Michael apologized. "If there's anything I can do-"
"No, there's not," I said, temporarily regaining control over my emotions. "But don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Without another word, I waved good bye and went over and into my house.
"You know," Michael mumbled, "There is another reason why I stayed behind..."
As I closed and latched the front door, I slipped down to the ground, sobbing. I hated my life! I hated every aspect of it! That no one seemed to notice me, nor did they seem care. I always wondered if anyone had felt that way, the way I did. I had wondered for a long time, and over the last few weeks, I decided to do something about it. Today at the river, I had confirmed to myself what I was going to do.
Checking my watch, I confirmed it was a little past four. This meant my parents were at some bar, but only slightly drunk. Both of my parents are on disability, but they use this money to buy booze. I bet you're wondering how they can afford to live on disability if they spend their money getting plastered.
They had never loved me. Rather, they chose to ignore me. They ignored my please to become a Pokemon trainer. They only noticed me long enough to tell me my birth was a mistake. My mother has told me on more then one occasion that I exist because they didn't use birth control. A mistake. Well, I thought, this will make them see.
I wish now I could look them both in the face and tell them the truth. That I hated them. That they were pathetic parents. That they were worthless excuses for human beings. That nothing they ever said affected me, and that I was going to be great, just to spite them. But I can't.
I ran up the stairs to my room. I had been prepared for this. I wanted to do this now, because no one would be coming by for a while. I closed and locked the door to my room, and walked slowly over to my bed. Reaching around under it, I found a coil of rope. Exactly what I needed.
At the time, the rope had felt firm in my hand, but it had also felt like the only thing holding me together. I know that sounds strange, that the tool I would use for suicide was the only thing holding me together, but it's true. It shouldn't have felt that way. When I touched it, my blood should have run cold. Instead, my heart skipped a beat.
Pulling out the rope, I looked up at the ceiling light that hung down from my ceiling. It hung down on a metal rod, one I was sure could support my weight.
I tied the rope around the light, then tied the end into a makeshift noose. If I got in it, I would hang about a foot off of the ground, suspended in death. Perfect.
Do I really want to do this? I stood up on my chair. I mean, yes, my life is hard, but isn't every bodies? I pulled the noose around my head. I-I don't think I want to do this
"I don't want to do this" I whispered. Unfortunately, I had already begun to kick the chair away as I came to this realization. The chair hit the ground with a heavy thud. I struggled with the noose as my body swung. Then…
The rope snapped. The moment I was making process to get my head out, the rope snapped, and I was falling. Falling to the ground, but then through it!
"How the hell!" I screamed as I fell. I could see between the floor and ceiling, then my living room, then the floor again. But when I fell through the floor this time, I didn't go into the earth. I wasn't one hundred percent sure where I went.
I was standing on something, but I couldn't see what it was. Everything was black with the exception of my body. I could see my body perfectly against this black background. I couldn't hear or smell anything. I could feel pain in my neck though and it hurt like hell. I could even see bruises.
"Hello, Angela. I thought you would never get here!" I flipped around, to see a creature floating there.
"Who are you?!" I cried. The creature was little more then pink floating cat thing. It had a giant head on a body that looked like it had been put through a taffy puller. Its tail flicked back and forth as it studied me.
"I think you know," It laughed. "I'm Mew!"
"That's right." I nodded.
"I don't believe in you."
"That's funny, I don't believe in me either" It said, while flipping in front of me. "However, I am Mew."
"Then shouldn't you only be saying your name?"
"If you were alive, that would be all you would hear." The gravity of that statement hit me instantly.
"If...I were alive." Mew nodded. "Then...then this means..."
"Your suicide worked a lot better then you," Mew said. "You were killed. In fact, your body is hanging in your room as we speak. It might be discovered any moment now."
"I don't understand," I gasped, trying to come to grips with this. "Why are you here? Do you appear to every one? Where's Arceus? I kind of expected to see him."
"Arceus is busy," Mew said, "And humans, when they die, generally are visited by someone else. Griatina visit's most pokemon who die. Under special circumstance, Arceus and me would see pokemon when they die. If you haven't figured out yet, this occasion is special."
"What's special about me?" I groaned. "I was invisible in life. I was a loser."
"Was that an excuse to kill yourself?"
"My life was hard."
"So?" Mew looked at me like I was the stupidest creature in the world. He was right.
"So, I have no friends, no future, and I've been raised by parents who don't love me."
"Ah, you do have a friend. Michael cares very much about you," Mew cried. "Michael would have come to love you one day!" I stared, mouth agape.
"He-he loves me?"
"He will. Or he would have. You know what I find ironic? He worshiped you like a goddess. You said no one knew you existed, but he knew! Better then anyone! And you ignored him! Puts things into perspective, doesn't it?" I began to brake down.
"Can't I go back?" I cried. Mew shook his head.
"No, not I, nor any legendary, nor any pokemon, human, or any thing under the sun can bring you back. This life is gone. However, there is one other thing." I looked up.
"One other thing?" Mew nodded.
"I can give you a second life."
"As a human?"
"No." Oh boy. It hit me suddenly.
"A-as a pokemon?" Mew nodded. "I don't understand."
"I'm offering you this chance, Miss Angela, because you regretted killing yourself as you did it. You would still be alive if you had had just one more second. So, I'm here to offer you something.
"You will be reborn as a pokemon. Now, I know how miserable you were as a human, so I can promise you this, your life as a pokemon will be difficult, but you will be happy. You will have a master who loves you. You will be his first. What he does with you, nobody knows, not even me. To get this, just ask."
I weighed the options in my head. New life as a pokemon, or who knows what would come next. If I refused, I suppose I would be taken into the next world. But what was over there?
"I've made up my mind." Mew nodded. Now, as I tell you this, it's been over a year since this happened. If I got the chance again, I'd still say, "I'll do it."
"Wonderful!" Mew exclaimed. "It really is wonderful. I mean, I think you'll enjoy it."
"When will it begin?"
"Well, right now!"
Instantly, relief washed over me. The choking feeling was gone, as were the bruises around my neck. Actually, all feeling in my neck was gone, along with all feeling in my body. I felt no pain. What I felt was beyond pleasure, it was the very feeling of life. The most beautiful feeling in the world.
I could no longer see Mew, or the next world. At first, all I could see was a blinding white light brighter then the sun. But then darkness, along with a new feeling of suspension.
I could feel my self-floating in something, maybe goo. Whatever it was, it was thick and comforting. I would never be cold here. I would always be safe. I was enclosed, moving my arm forward. I brushed against something. Arm, or foreleg?
"Co… …on!" A booming voice said. Although it was loud, I wasn't scared. If anything, I was encouraged. I pushed my other arm/foreleg against the edge.
"Com…on. Push!" Push, against what? The wall was solid. What was I supposed to do? I pushed hard against the wall, but I didn't feel any give. I had to stop, exhausted.
"Come on, you can do it!" The voice said. How did they know? Did they know what I was going through right now? Did they have any idea what I was going through? I just wanted to float here, to rest. It was so warm and comforting.
"Please, you're almost there. Just push, push!" I pressed my arms/forelegs again, but this time, there were cracks. I could feel cracks spread out under my hands/paws, and then light! Light poured through the cracks, filling in my chamber.
"Come on, almost there..." I wasn't getting far enough, so I pressed my head against the wall. Pushing with all my force, I burst through the shell wall.
I fell through the shell and landed on something soft. Blinking slowly, globs of goo fell off of my face and onto the ground. I couldn't stand. My legs didn't work. I was, however, able to see that I had landed on several towels.
Suddenly, someone pulled the rest of the egg I had been in off of me, and began to mop the fluid off of me with the towels. I was cold, so cold, and my caregiver wrapped me in towels, all but my head. Slowly, my face was brought up to his. Michael! He smiled at me and stroked the back of my head.
"Hello, little girl."