Author's Notes: Written for khrfest. Prompt is the summary.

As God Is my Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly

"And this is the proper way to speak."

A seven-year-old Basil blinked into Iemitsu's solemn face. His eyes flickered to the to the paper in front of him.

"Is that true, master?"

"Every word." Iemitsu nodded.

Again, Basil blinked. "Why don't you talk like that?"

"Because I'm undercover." Basil's eyes widened at the admission. "And I cannot drop character. Not ever. I'm confiding this to you as you are my most trustworthy student."

Basil swelled with pride at the praise. It was also enough to make him forget he was Iemitsu's only student.

"All right, master." The boy pulled the paper toward him. "I won't disappoint you!"

Iemitsu beamed. He clapped Basil on the back. "Good! I'll be in the next room."

Over the next few days, Iemitsu cheerfully noted all the odd looks his apprentice earned whenever he spoke. Basil wasn't as pleased.

"Master, why do others look at me strangely?"

"They're just jealous, Basil," the older man explained. "You've mastered an honored speaking form in a very short time. Most need to study it for years. Your skill proves you are worthy of being my student."

Basil smiled.

"Now where's my food?"

"Thy meal is on the table, master."


"We are going to find you your Nana."

"What's a Nana, master?"

"What's a Nana? What's a Nana? You dare ask what Nana is?!" Iemitsu staggered. "Nana is beauty! Nana is wonder! Nana is everything a man ever wanted! Nana feeds the soul, sustains the body, warms the—I'll teach you about that one later. Nana is a woman! But not just any woman. Nana is the queen of women! Nana is a gift! Nana is a blessing! Nana is—"

"Dost thou have a Nana, master?" Basil interrupted.

"Yes!" Iemitsu posed like a conquering hero. "I have…Nana!"

Basil nodded in understanding.

"So Basil…" Iemitsu slung his arm around the boy's shoulders. "Do you have a Nana?"

Basil flushed scarlet. "Not really. I mean, there is a girl, but she's not…I don't…she…"

"Basil," Iemitsu began seriously, "this is an important mission. You must go to your Nana, confess and sweep her off her feet!"

Basil's mouth dropped open. "What?!"

"Or you are no longer my apprentice."

The boy stared at his master, slack-jawed with horror.

"So get moving!" Iemitsu finished his threat with a cheerful shove that made Basil topple over. Once his apprentice was gone, Iemitsu took a picture from his wallet and held it to the light. A pretty woman with short brown hair sat against the steps to a house, smiling widely. "Such innocence. Thinking he might find someone that compares to you. Oh, Nana! I wish you were here with me! Nana!"

He was still in the middle of a sobbing monologue (proclaimed while standing on top of the coffee table) when Basil returned, nursing a handprint on his cheek.

"Master," he began miserably, "it didn't work."

Iemitsu climbed down from the table and approached his depressed student. "Such is life. Next time, you must literally sweep her off her feet."


Basil held up the strange object. Turned it sideways. Flipped it upside down. Held it by one of the corners. He looked up to Iemitsu's expectant face.

"Well?" his master asked. "What do you think?"

"What is it?" Basil inquired.

"It's a boomerang, of course! A time-tested and honorable weapon!"

"Then why doth it not form part of the Vongola's list of weapons?"

"The Vongola have a different view about weapons. Remember the Fourth boss's fork?"

Basil examined the object again. "So I throw this?"

"Yes." Iemitsu beamed. "Give it a try. Aim for that branch."

Basil nodded and aimed for the tree Iemitsu pointed out. With a flick of his wrist, he threw it. The boomerang sliced through the air and cut through the wood like butter. The boy laughed triumphantly—and froze. On its return trip, the boomerang carved a path across the side of a parked car. The car's alarm shattered the morning stillness. In his shock, Basil barely managed to catch the boomerang. People began to gather in curiously, including a man easily identifiable as the owner if his distress and rage were any indication.

"Run," Iemitsu suggested.

"Master?" By the time Basil turned around, Iemitsu was disappearing around the corner. Hearing a roar as if of an enraged bull behind him, Basil ran after his master.


"The Dying Will bullet can't be beat." Iemitsu rubbed his chin. "But it relies on a second person shooting. And they must have almost inhuman aim and speed for life-or-death scenarios."

"You have something different?" The Ninth correctly interpreted Iemitsu's thoughts.

"A pill. I just need to test it."

"So you came for permission." The Ninth leaned back in his chair. "It's an intriguing proposal. I grant you my blessing to proceed. But Iemitsu? I want you to be careful. I don't want anyone endangered."

Iemitsu nodded. "There's no need to worry, boss. I have a guinea pig."

A shirt while later, far away from the Ninth's private office, Iemitsu held up a small white ball. "This will act like a Dying Will bullet. The only difference is that this one is ingested. Do you think you can handle it?"

"If Master requires me too, I can." Basil stood a little straighter.

"Good answer." Iemitsu tossed him the pill. "Now take it."

Iemitsu carefully observed his student over the five-minute period and smiled. The effect wasn't as strong as the Dying Will bullet, but it slipped Basil into the dying will state. He cheerfully finished his notes to send the next morning to the Ninth.

"Was it successful?" Basil inquired.

"Better than I imagined," Iemitsu began. "I—"

"Master?" basil blinked. "What's wrong?"

Iemitsu shook his head. "I just have some side effects to correct. I'll start working on that."

"What side effects, master?" Basil asked Iemitsu's retreating form. "Master?"

He caught sight of himself in the window's reflection. His skin was blue.



Iemitsu and Basil snuck into the cockpit of the small plane. The staff was busy with the explosion they had set off on the other side of the hangar. Upon seeing Iemitsu's nod, Basil began fiddling with the control panel. As soon as he could, he turned it onto the tarmac. The green grass he could see out the windshields rushed away as the plane gained speed. Carefully, he aimed the nose higher, feeling the plane bump the ground as it continued accelerating before it took to the sky. The ground fell away as the plane rose higher. Basil grinned and Iemitsu ruffled his hair.

"Ha, ha, that's my student! Well done, Basil!"

Basil laughed.

A squawking in the cargo hold caught their attention.

"I thought the plane was empty," said Basil.

"I'll man the controls." Iemitsu tossed his head toward the door leading to the cargo hold. "You go see what it is."

Basil disappeared through the door. A surprised cry, louder squawking and the sound of violent scratching filtered through soon after.

"Basil! What is it?"

The door opened. Basil held a turkey by its neck. The animal squirmed desperately.

"This was in a crate, master," Basil explained. "The door was loose."

"Well, we can't have it running around. Get rid of it."


"Oh, throw it out the door. Let it fly home." Iemitsu barked a short laugh.

The door closed behind him. Iemitsu settled into his chair. He started when he heard a loud roar, abruptly cut off.

"Basil?" he called.

The door opened slowly. "Master, dost thou know if turkeys fly?"

"No, they're flightless." Iemitsu glanced back at Basil. "Why?"

"No reason, master."