Oh shit. I'm back with another interview. Sorry this one took so long. I just found the paper I wrote it on. Although it was only the 1st part. Anyways, onto the interview!
WARNING: Death, violence, cussing. . .you know the drill.
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. ;_; *devises plan to steal ownership to Teen Titans.
Interview with Cyborg
Me, Kassy, & Ember: *sneaks into Titans' Tower and glomps Cyborg* We're here!
Cy: Oh my fucking God! Who the hell are you?
Me: I'm the interviewer interviewing you.
Ember: I'm Ember and I'm helping her.
Kassy: I'm Kassy and I'm going to die!
Cy: Why are you going to die?
Kassy: 'Cause I wanna.
Me: Where's Illyana?
Illyana: *pops out of Cyborg's robotic side of head* Heya!
Cy: How did you get in my head?
Illyana: I turned left.
Cy: That makes no sense.
Illyana: You make no sense.
Kassy: This is an interview. We defy logic. *starts to float* Such as gravity.
Cy: I'm calling the cops.
Rachael: I ate them.
Cy: Wtf? Who are you?
Rachael: Tiger Woods's third wife. Once divorced. Thrice raped.
Cy: . . .I'm scared.
Me: Don't be.
Ember: Are you a dinosaur?
Cy: . . .No.
Ember: *gasp* I just thought of something!
Me: What? Does it have to do with Mike's undying love for Rachael?
Ember: No. It's about how I left my toast on the windowsill.
Me: Oh. Hehe. ^^;;
Rachael: Mikes likes me?
Kassy: No. He likes Patrick now.
Cy: I can see you guys are busy. I'll just go.
Illyana: No! *sits on Cyborg's chest* You ish shtayin'!
Cy: =_= Get off of me.
Cy: Get off! Get off! Get off!
Illyana: Bite me.
Me: Cyborg, do you like rainbows?
Cy: I'm not gay if that's what you're asking.
Me: I was going to ask that later.
Cy: Well I'm not.
Ember: That's what Robin said.
Cy: . . .That's different.
Kassy: Do you know what else is different?
Ember: Do you know the muffin man? The muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man. Do you know the muffin man who lives on Drury Lane?
Rachael: Actually, he lives next door to me and rapes me every night. We make mini muffins.
Me: Good for you.
Illyana: So Cyborg, do you like porno?
Cy: No. I've never watched it.
Kassy: That's a shame.
Ember: Wasn't Mike supposed to be in this interview?
Me: He's on his way. He said he was "finishing up".
Cy: I so don't wanna know.
Ember: Shut up! I like Cola!
Me: Pepsi is better!
Illyana: On my dad's back.
Rachael: Covered in sperm.
Me: Being slowly cooked by the sun which is controlled by butter knives.
Illyana: Your mom!
Mike: Is now pleased.
Cy: Pleased? My mom's dead.
Mike: I didn't mean your mom! I meant mine.
Rachael: *backs into corner*
Illyana: How did you please her? *smiles*
Mike: You pervert! I would never do that with my mom! My dad's way better!
Ember: French vanilla coffee.
Me: That tastes like oranges.
Rachael: In my vagina.
Rachael: And my penis.
Me: You're the one who liked her.
Illyana: Now he's all for penises.
Rachael: Why don't you ask Patrick?
Mike: What? Patrick's my best friend!
Illyana: But you're hoping for more.
Mike: I'm straight!
Me: But you said your dad was better than your mom.
Mike: . . .Good point. But that doesn't mean anything!
Cy: You guys aren't even talking to me. Can I go now?
Me: *turns and glares at him* No!
Ember: I wanna ask a question!
Me: Go ahead.
Ember: Do you believe in unicorns?
Ember: *gasps* Unicorns exist! *slaps*
Cy: What was that for? You asked for my opinion!
Me: Doesn't mean that she was going to like it.
Kassy: When do I get to die?
Illyana: Do I get to kill her?
Me: No. You're killing Rachael.
Illyana: I can kill both.
Me: I said no.
Mike: Cyborg, before the car accident, did you ever masturbate?
Cy: What's with all the personal questions?
Rachael: So you have, haven't you?
Cy: No! Of course not!
Illyana: Why not?
Cy: Because I didn't need to.
Mike: So you were a pimp.
Illyana: Sounds like it.
Cy: But I wasn't.
Me: How about now? You a pimp now?
Cy: NO! I am not, never have been, and never will be a pimp!
Kassy: Not even on Labor Day?
Cy: What does Labor Day have to do with anything?
Ember: Everything! Labor Day is the most important food group!
Cy: I swear, you guys are confusing me.
Me: No, you're confusing us. You only think you're confused.
Cy: Now I know I'm confused.
Mike: That's what they want you to think.
Cy: *holds head* I'm part computer and I don't understand a word any of you are saying.
Rachael: Then you must not speak English.
Cy: Of course I do!
Mike: Well we speak French.
Illyana: Yeah. Maybe that's why you can't understand us.
Rachael: Or maybe it's because he's a pimp.
Cy: I'm not a pimp!
Rachael: That's what they all say.
Me: Have you ever played COD?
Mike: Call of Duty.
Ember: But you play video games all the time.
Cy: So? Doesn't mean I've played it.
Mike: Oh well.
Illyana: Don't start.
Cy: Seriously, anymore questions? If not, I'm leaving. I have things to do.
Illyana: No you don't.
Cy: And how would you know?
Rachael: She doesn't.
Rachael: 'Cause I do.
Cy: No you don't.
Rachael: Try me.
Illyana: I wouldn't do that if I were you. She's lactose intolerant.
Me: *gasps* Applesauce?
Ember: No. Tissue.
Cy: I'm confused.
Mike: It won't be the last time either.
Ember: Yes it will! This will be the last time you ever breathe!
Mike: o.o What?
Me: That's my word!
Illyana: It's my word! *pulls out switchblade*
Ember: That's my word!
Illyana: God damn it! Everything's MY word!
Rachael: Nuh uh. Laptop isn't your word.
Mike: Whose word is it?
Illyana: *stabs Rachael with switchblade* Now it's mine.
Me: It's cool to have AIDS!
Illyana: Damn right it is!
Cy: Since when has it been cool to have AIDS?
Rachael: Since forever!
Mike: How long is forever?
Ember: Til the coffee talks.
Mike: Oh. That makes total sense.
Ember: You're welcome.
Mike: I didn't thank you.
Ember: Well you should have.
Mike: Well I'm not.
Me: Just thank her so we can continue with the interview.
Cy: You mean we're still not done?
Rachael: Shut up!
Rachael: Because they'll hear you.
Illyana: THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!
Me: And Jimmy.
Me: My imaginary purple llama.
Cy: I'm being interviewed by wackos.
Ember: I still want a thank you.
Mike: You're not getting it.
Ember: I had better.
Mike: Too bad for you.
Illyana: *stabs Mike* Say thank you!
Mike: Fine! Thank you, Ember! AHHHHH!
Ember: You're welcome. Thanks for helping me out, Illy.
Illyana: I only did it because I needed an excuse for stabbing someone.
Me: Since when have you ever needed an excuse?
Illyana: Good point. *stabs Mike for no reason*
Mike: What was that for?
Illyana: I don't need a reason.
Me: *turns to Cyborg* Have you ever wanted to stab someone for no reason?
Cy: No. I'm not homicidal.
Illyana: Being homicidal's fun.
Cy: I don't think so.
Ember: That's because you're a superhero. XP
Rachael: Superheroes are gay!
Cy: Are not!
Cy: Shut up.
Ember: Where'd Kassy go?
Mike: I don't know. I didn't see her when I came here.
Illyana: Then you're a blind mother fucker.
Mike: You don't have to see to fuck your mother.
Kassy: I'm back.
Me: Hey! We were just wondering where you were!
Kassy: I went to go get Patrick!
Kassy: I thought it'd be a great chance to make fun of him.
Ember: Good plan.
Me: Maybe you can go get Larissa while you're at it.
Kassy: I'm too lazy.
Me: Well so am I.
Cy: I'll go get this person you're talking about.
Me: Nice try. Like we haven't heard that one before.
Mike: I'll go get her.
Ember: Then go.
Kassy: Yeah, hurry. I'm supposed to die soon.
Rachael: So am I!
Illyana: But that's nothing new.
Rachael: *sigh* True.
Ember: Do you think we should have one interview without Rachael dying?
Me: Our interviews need a Kenny.
Ember: True. Plus, it's fun watching her die.
Cy: You guys were serious about the dying thing?
Illyana: We're gore lovers.
Me: :) Better get used to it.
Ember: *hits Cyborg* Stop it!
Ember: I hate sad people!
Me: She does.
Ember: Grrrrr. *hits Cyborg again*
Kassy: I'm bored.
Me: Then ask him a question.
Kassy: I'm too lazy to think.
Illyana: *takes out switchblade* Come up with a question, now!
Kassy: Maybe later.
Illyana: I said now.
Kassy: But I don't wanna.
Illyana: God dammit! NOW!
Kassy: Get me some coffee first!
Illyana: I'm not your servant.
Kassy: Do you want to be?
Kassy: Too bad.
Illyana: You don't want to play with me.
Kassy: I know. I want coffee. Now go get it.
Illyana: Get it yourself.
Kassy: I'm too lazy.
Mike: I'm back! And I got Larissa!
Larissa: I thought I was supposed to be in the next one!
Me: Not anymore. You're in this one.
Larissa: I wanted to be in the next one.
Me: Well, Jordan's going to be in the next one.
Me: My point exactly.
Cy: Do you need this many people to help you interview me?
Me: Yes! Ember helps with the randomness, Mike helps with the pervertedness, Illyana helps with the aggressiveness, Rachael's our Kenny, Kassy will be our random person who dies, and Larissa's her best friend.
Cy: I still don't see the point in all these people.
Me: There is no point.
Cy: So can we just cancel this whole thing?
Cy: Why not?
Ember: Because maybe we don't want to.
Rachael: And maybe we want to lick lollipops.
Mike: My lollipop.
Larissa: No one wants your lollipop.
Me: That's because you're the "pure and innocent" virgin.
Larissa: So? I respect my body.
Illyana: But that's boring.
Mike: *to Cyborg* Are you a virgin?
Illyana: Sucks for you.
Cy: You guys are younger than me!
Me: That's what Robin said.
Illyana: Too bad we don't care.
Mike: We live our lives the way we want.
Kassy: I still want my coffee.
Illyana: Go get it then.
Kassy: I asked you to get it.
Illyana: And I said no.
Kassy: Rachael, get my coffee!
Rachael: Make me, bitch!
Kassy: You really want me to make you?
Me: I got money on Rachael!
Kassy: Thanks for the support. *sarcastic*
Me: No problem.
Cy: I don't think there should be any fighting.
Illyana: I've already stabbed two people. Don't you think it's a bit late for that?
Cy: . . .
Illyana: Thought so.
Kassy: Not to mention, I'm going to die.
Rachael: I'm going to die betterer!
Cy: So are we done here?
Me: Do we look done?
Ember: Wrong! *gets tayzer and tazes Cyborg* Bzzzzzzz!
Cy: AH! Wait. That's a dry board eraser.
Ember: No it's not! It's a tayzer! See! *zaps Cyborg* Bzzzzzzz!
Larissa: I wanna see the tazer!
Ember: No! It's mine! And you didn't spell it right!
Larissa: Fine. Be that way.
Ember: I will be that way.
Cy: Can we please just get this over with?
Me: Don't rush us!
Patrick: Okay. I'm here.
Patrick: Oh. Hey, Ashleigh.
Me: Get away from me you sicko.
Patrick: What'd I do?
Rachael: You're gay!
Patrick: What? No I'm not!
Illyana: Yes you are. You're Mike's lover.
Patrick: No I'm not! I'm not gay!
Mike: Ew! I'm not gay either! Besides, I like someone. Who is a GIRL!
Me: Ooh! I wanna guess who it is!
Mike: I'd like to see you try.
Cy: So does this mean I can go?
Kassy: No. We're not done with you. You can't leave until I die or Rachael dies.
Me: Or until I guess who Mike likes.
Cy: This is going to take forever.
Me: Are they in gifted?
Me: Our grade?
Cy: Would you hurry up?
Ember: Don't rush us! *tazes with tayzer* Bzzzzzzz!
Cy: =_= Someone get me out of here.
Rachael: I wanna help Ashleigh!
Patrick: I already know who he likes.
Ember: Shut up! No one cares about you!
Patrick: Then why am I here?
Kassy: To get me coffee. Now go!
Patrick: *mumbles* Whatever. *goes to get coffee*
Me: Is it Holly?
Mike: I told you, I got over her.
Me: So you say.
Rachael: That's what you want us to believe.
Illyana: We all know you still lust for Holly.
Me: Go awaaaaaaay! *pushes Holly out door*
Rachael: Why'd you do that?
Me: She doesn't come in til next time.
Illyana: Do I get to kill her?
Me: No, but you get to severely injure her.
Illyana: I can't wait!
Cy: Would you hurry up?
Ember: I said don't rush us! *tazes with tayzer again* Bzzzzzzz!
Cy: That's getting really annoying.
Ember: No it's not. *tazes with tayzer* Bzzzzzz!
Rachael: Is it me?
Me: You like her.
Mike: Used to like her.
Patrick: *comes back* Here's your coffee.
Kassy: Yes! *drinks coffee* I want more cinnamon! *throws coffee at Patrick*
Patrick: *burned by coffee* AHHH!
Ember: *tazes Patrick with tayzer* Bzzzzzzzzz!
Patrick: What the hell?
Ember: I tazed you. See? *tazes with tayzer* Bzzzzzzz!
Kassy: Go get me a new coffee.
Patrick: No. You just burned me with this coffee.
Kassy: That's because you did it wrong.
Ember: Go get her the coffee or I will taze you with my tayzer!
Patrick: *sighs* Fine.
Ember: And get me one too!
Patrick: *leaves to get coffees*
Cy: I'm not even being interviewed anymore.
Ember: Fine. Are you happy about your condition?
Cy: This robotic stuff? Semi-ly. I miss my old self, though.
Ember: Okay. Now we continue on who Mike likes!
Illyana: Is it. . .Ally?
Mike: Which one?
Illyana: Good. She's a bitch.
Larissa: I'm being ignored.
Cy: Join the club.
Ember: *gasps* Club? What club? I wanna join? Is there some secret initiation? I can use my tayzer! *waves tayzer around*
Illyana: Ember, shut up.
Ember: No thanks.
Me: We're trying to find out who Mike likes.
Ember: Oh. Right.
Me: Is it Zoie?
Rachael: What's wrong with Zoie?
Mike: Nothing. I just don't like her.
Ember: Is it Patrick?
Mike: =_= I already told you, I'm not gay.
Illyana: Sorry. It's hard to believe.
Cy: Can I please go now?
Me: No! So stop asking! We will tell you when you can go!
Rachael: Is it Allison?
Mike: Allison who?
Mike: No. I barely know her.
Me: Her name's not Allison.
Ember: Yeah. It's Nosilla.
Me: That's her name backwards. Except backwards it's the Spanish pronunciation.
Ember: Yeah. So now it's No-see-ya.
Larissa: Do you like Toni?
Me: Larissa, that was a very stupid question.
Larissa: No it wasn't.
Ember: Yeah it was. Mike doesn't know Toni that well.
Patrick: *comes back and hands Ember and Kassy their coffees* Here!
Ember: I wanted lemonade.
Patrick: You said you wanted coffee!
Ember: I changed my mind!
Patrick: Then give me the coffee and I'll get you lemonade.
Ember: No! I want the coffee too. Now go get me lemonade.
Me: And get me a Pepsi!
Patrick: Since when did I become a butler?
Illyana: Since now.
Patrick: *sighs and leaves*
Mike: You guys are never going to guess.
Me: Don't discourage us! We will figure it out!
Larissa: Do you like Illyana?
Mike: Heck no!
Illyana: Good. *puts gun away*
Me: *to Ember* Should we kill Patrick off in this interview?
Ember: *shakes head* Nah. He makes a great servant.
Me: Good point.
Cy: Can I go now?
Me: Didn't I tell you to stop asking?
Cy: But you're not asking me any questions!
Me: I just did.
Cy: You're not interviewing me.
Me: Why does it have to be all about you?
Cy: You're interviewing me!
Ember: Stop being selfish!
Cy: =_= I'm so ready to quit.
Rachael: Do you like Larissa?
Me: Told ya you were too innocent. No one likes that crap anymore.
Larissa: Shut up!
Kassy: Yeah. Shut up! She's my best friend.
Me: She's annoying.
Illyana: *rolls eyes* Like you two don't fight.
Me: This is not the time for personal problems. This is an interview.
Cy: Thank you!
Me: But first we must discover who Mike likes.
Kassy: Do you like Ashleigh?
Patrick: *comes back with drinks* He had better not.
Me: I told you, stay away from me creepo! But first, bring me my Pepsi!
Patrick: *gives Ashleigh her Pepsi*
Me: Now go away.
Ember: Where's my lemonade?
Patrick: *hands Ember her lemonade*
Rachael: So do you?
Kassy: Do you like Ashleigh?
Me: *glares at Mike*
Me: *pats Mike's head* Smart choice.
Patrick: Very smart.
Me: Shut up! No one cares about you!
Patrick: Some people do.
Me: I'm sorry for those idiots.
Mike: Hey! I'm one of those idiots!
Ember: Her point has been proven.
Illyana: Do you like Ember?
Rachael: If you like her, ask her out.
Mike: But this is an interview!
Cy: So I'm not the only one who knows that?
Ember: Shut your face!
Mike: Ember. . .will you go out with me?
Ember: Uhhhhhh. Lemme think about it.
Mike: Better than a no.
Me: Let us continue with the interview now!
Cy: Thank you!
Kassy: *chokes and starts writing on the floor*
Me: *glares at Patrick* You poisoned her coffee, didn't you?
Patrick: What? No!
Illyana: I did.
Me: I said you couldn't kill her!
Illyana: Like I was really going to listen to you.
Me: You've got a point.
Cy: You killed her?
Ember: We just said that. God you're slow.
Cy: How could you kill her? Wasn't she your friend?
Me: Was our friend.
Ember: You can't be friends with dead people.
Cy: . . .
Rachael: It's true.
Me: You know, now we only need to kill Rachael.
Mike: Wait! So, what's your answer, Ember?
Ember: *narrows eyes* I said let me think!
Me: You're never getting an answer, Mike.
Mike: ;_; Why not?
Me: Because Ember can't think.
Ember: Rawr! *tazes Ashleigh with her tayzer* Bzzzzzzz!
Me: *is tazed* AH! *collapses to ground*
Cy: Are you going to ask me anymore questions?
Cy: Can it be soon? The Titans might need we any second.
Me: Well, fuck them! We're busy!
Illyana: You're such a wuss.
Larissa: You just killed my best friend!
Illyana: And? Stop being so sensitive!
Me: Do you want to join her?
Me: Too late. I've made up my mind. Illyana!
Illyana: YEAH! *stabs Larissa through the head* Night night!
Rachael: How am I going to die?
Illyana: You shall see.
Cy: Are you done yet?
Me: You're annoying me with your questions.
Ember: Patrick! I want more lemonade!
Me: And I want more Pepsi!
Patrick: Get it yourself, Ember! But I'll get the Pepsi.
Me: No, Ember's my friend. Get her the lemonade.
Me: *to Ember* He scares me.
Ember: I can kick his ass if you want.
Me: No. Then he can't be our butler.
Ember: After the interview.
Me: Will he be okay by the next interview?
Me: That's good enough for me!
Illyana: I wanna help!
Rachael: What about me?
Illyana: You'll be dead.
Rachael: Oh. Right.
Me: *to Cyborg* Do you feel we wasted your time?
Ember: Do you like writing?
Cy: Not really.
Illyana: What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Cy: I'm not sure. Chocolate.
Me: You're black and your favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate which is brown which signifies black people. RACIST!
Cy: I am not racist.
Mike: Prove it.
Me: Give Mike $100, 000
Cy: Are you crazy?
Mike: Do what she says!
Me: We'll remind you.
Rachael: *gasps* We never went to the strip club like we planned!
Me: Next time guys. We were too busy with other stuff.
Me: *to Cyborg* What's your favorite singer/band?
Cy: I'm not sure. I like the Black Eyed Peas and Eminem.
Me: Eminem's the best rapper eva! Besides Lil' Wayne.
Illyana: Don't forget about the Black Eyed Peas.
Me: Yes, they're awesome, too.
Patrick: *comes back with drinks*
Me: *dumps drinks on his head*
Patrick: What the hell?
Me: I felt like it.
Ember: One last question before we kill Rachael and end the interview.
Illyana: Hurry it up then!
Mike: Ember! You still haven't answered me!
Ember: I will after Rachael dies!
Rachael: How am I dying?
Illyana: That's for me to know!
Rachael: I'm impatient!
Me: Shut up! Okay, Ember. Ask the last question.
Cy: Thank God.
Ember: Can you talk to rocks?
Cy: . . .No. I don't think anyone can.
Ember: You're wrong! I can! And they love me!
Cy: That's good for you. Can I leave now?
Me: No. You have to watch Rachael die.
Illyana: Okay. Everybody out of the room!
Me: Whyyy? I wanna see Rachael die!
Illyana: You are. Just get out.
Me: Fine. *leaves with Ember, Mike, Cyborg, Illyana and Patrick.
Illyana: No. You stay here.
Me,Em,Mike,Illy,Cy,&Pat: *watching through a window into the room as gases fill it*
Rachael: *cough* What is this stuff? *cough, cough*
Illyana: Poisonous gases.
Rachael: *cough* Oh. *cough* Crap. *clutches throat and collapses and dies*
Illyana: Well, there you go. *turns to Cy* You might wanna vacuum the room of the gases. See ya! I gotta get some beer to celebrate! *leaves*
Mike: Me and Patrick are going to go play some video games. But wait! What's your answer, Ember?
Ember: Fine. I'll go out with you.
Mike: YES! Okay, see ya guys next time! *leaves with Patrick*
Me: *stares at Ember* I can't believe you said yes.
Ember: *shrugs* Whatever.
Me: *shakes head* Anyways, Cyborg, thank you for the great interview. I'm sure our readers will enjoy it.
Cy: But I barely did anything.
Ember: Shut up! She's talking! *tazes him with tayzer* Bzzzzzz!
Cy: =_= Continue.
Me: I can't wait until we interview you again. I would tell you to warn the person who's next, but you probably haven't had contact with them in awhile. So we'll just do it ourselves.
Cy: Okay? Wait, interview me again? What do you mean?
Me: Anyways, Ember and I have some "shopping" to do, so you're going to have to deal with the dead bodies. We don't care what you do with Kassy or Larissa. They're not coming back. But you have to put Rachael on her doorstep. She needs to revive herself and freshen up for next time. Thanks again! *leaves*
Ember: Hey. Hey, Cyborg!
Ember: COLA! *tazes with tayzer* Bzzzzzz! *runs away*
Cy: I'm updating the security systems first chance I get.
End of Interview
Phew! Been a looooooong time since I've update this huh? 4 months in fact. Sorry it took so long. I just now found the paper I wrote it on. Although it was only the 1st two pages. I forgot I never finished this. So I just now finished it.
Also, sorry it's not that random. I'm just refreshing myself. But next time, watch out for waaaaay more randomness.
My best friend – not Ember – Jordan (a.k.a. Everygirlneedshervampire) is going to be in the next one, too. From then on, she will be a regular in the interviews just as Ember, Rachael, Mike, Illyana, and I are. I'm debating on keeping Patrick as a regular.
Patrick is my ex. Which explains the hostility thrown at him by me. XD And the fact that he's our personal butler.
Anyways, I'm still not telling who's next. That will a surprise for when it comes out. ;)
Lastly, when I first began writing this (4 months ago) Mike really did like Rachael. I put it in her so when she read it, Mike would be humiliated, Rachael would freak out, and Rachael's boyfriend (now her ex) would get angry. It would've been a sight to see. But now, Rachael and her boyfriend broke up, and Mike asked Ember (my best friend!) out. So now, I'm pretty hostile towards Mike. Gotta protect my BFF, right? Review if you know what I'm talking about. Review even if you don't.
Until next time~!