These characters are not my own they are the creation of Stephenie Meyer who has created a world which you do not only want to read about but you wish to live in.
'What will tonight bring?" I muttered to myself as I listened to her heart race as she stepped out of the shower. Every night this week she has tried unsuccessfully to coax me into making love to her again.
I could not bring myself to be upset with her; she had no idea of just how much she was tormenting me. She had no idea of just how much I wanted to be with her again. No idea of how badly I longed to feel her beautiful curves under my cool marble fingers and to love her as a husband loves his wife. I shook my head to dissipate the thoughts of desire passing through my mind.
As desperately as I wanted to, I could not bring myself to risk her, to hurt her, my Bella. I could never forgive myself for hurting her our first night together. For days she has tried to convince me that she is 'fine' as she puts it but I am not ok with hurting her she should know that by now.
I can hear her now through the bathroom door, rustling inside her suitcase. Hmm … it smells like lace will be the fabric of choice tonight if my sense of smell is as correct and it usually is, but it cannot be worse than last night.
She has taken to temping me by being the most beautiful vision I have ever seen night after night. Last night was the worst. She wore the most delicate ivory satin night dress, definitely something Alice had picked out for her. As soon as she stepped out the door my vision was filled as if a fantasy was walking toward me. Oh, how many days and nights have I fantasized about seeing my Bella with her radiant smile, soft blush, and flowing hair looking exactly as she did last night. My Bella, she is my personal angel tormenting me in more ways than she could possibly know. It was near impossible to tell her no, but at least with the activity of the day I have managed to keep her entertained and myself distracted from thinking too much about the feel of her stunning skin beneath mine and how desperately I wanted to feel it again.
No, I cannot, I must not, and I must be strong for us both. She will be immortal soon and I will not have to be as careful as I do now, she must wait.
We both must wait.
Her heart is aflutter, I hear it clearly in this humid night, it is the most calming sound. I will miss her heartbeat so much. 'Compose yourself Edward she will be immortal soon enough.' I said to myself.
I heard her slowly opening the door as if she doesn't know that I could already hear her tip toeing across the floor. I had to smile to myself at her trying to surprise me.
"What do you think?" Bella said turning slowly so I had a perfect view of her from every angle.
My breath hitched, I cannot possibly begin to describe how tantalizing, seductive, alluring, glamorous, and every other adjective I know in every language I have learned that my Bella, my wife, is in this moment. A perfect goddess stood before me wearing such thin strips of black lace with ruffled trim. All of my years of self control were being fully exerted to not move toward her with inhuman speed and take her right now.
All of these thoughts passing through my mind in the time it took for her to finish one turn before me. I was so grateful that my mind works quickly so I could hold onto the memory of why I should not take her to me right now.
I took another deep breath feeling a dual burn of desire and thirst, clearing my throat I used my will to speak again.
"You look beautiful. You always do."
It was true she did always look beautiful but why must she look so alluring at this moment. Fortunately for my willpower and sanity she climbed into the bed pulling the covers over the most reveling aspects of her ensemble.
"Thanks" she said her voice full of frustration. A tone that I was getting use to hearing regardless of how much I hated to be the cause of such a sour note in her voice.
I sat on the bed, pulling the covers up just a little higher to make looking at her easier for me and pulled her to my side smelling my the powerful fragrant scent coming off of her still damp hair.
I could feel her tense next to me, squirming to no doubt attack my will yet again.
"I'll make you a deal." She said in the most innocent voice.
Tonight she will try to bargain.
At least it will be better than last night's guilt or the anger from the day before. I sighed quietly to myself fully aware that that the test of my will was about to begin for the sixth night in a row.
"I will not make any deals with you" I answered her calmly. I hoped that she would let the subject pass and rest; she had seemed so tired lately.
"You haven't even heart what I'm offering" she replied. But I knew the crux of what this new deal would entail.
"It doesn't matter" I said to her. It was the truth, it did not matter. I wanted her so much, so fully, without her even offering. If only she could understand just how much I wanted to be able to touch her, to love her again.
No, it would not matter. Regardless of what she offered.
I felt her sigh beside me and thought I would have an easy night for once.
"Dang it. And I really wanted…Oh well" she said in such a cunning manner.
Given all that I wanted to do with her that I could not at least I could take the bait and let her make her offer. I rolled my eyes and gave just a little.
"All right. What do you want?"
She gave a passive yawn and then said words that tumbled right through my composure. She offered to do all that I was asking of her for months. She offered to give me time, to go to college, to stay…human. I could not contain myself as her offer peeled through the careful levels of composure that I held in place.
"You would wait. You would stay human?" I could not hide the joy and anguish in my voice at that moment. The two emotions both so strong they were warring within me. Suddenly, anger came over and I spoke curter than I originally intended but frustration was burning through me.
"Why are you doing this to me?" it came out through my teeth but I could not hold in the anger that was spreading through me at the thought of her offer.
"Isn't it hard enough without all of this" I continued tossing the cover back slightly and grabbing a pile of the lace ruffles at the hem of her gown. At its touch I longed to rip the lace away from her and crush her body into mine, but at lifting the lace I saw the fading shadow of one of the bruises on her thigh from our first night together. I relaxed my hand and attempted to rectify my harsh tone. It was so ungentlemanly of me to behave this way and I let the beautiful black lace flow through my fingers and land just at the bottom of her alabaster hip.
I quickly looked away from the curvature of her hip into her deep chocolate eyes.
"It doesn't matter. I won't make any deals with you."
"I want to go to college."
Frustration was taking over me, Bella had never mentioned waning to go to college her applications were only submitted at my prompting, prodding, and often bribing but suddenly she was suggesting an about face in her change of heart.
"No, you don't. And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's worth hurting you."
Why couldn't she let this go, why couldn't she see how hard it was to keep myself from taking her and making love to her? But I could not, I would not risk hurting her, my existence was dedicated to keeping her safe, how could she not understand?
"But I do want to go." She continued "Well, it's not college as much as it's that I want to be human a little while longer." She finished pulling herself closer to me setting the left side of my body aflame.
I closed my eyes allowing for a fraction of a second consideration of her request, then I took a deep breath attempting to distract myself from her closeness, her scent, her pleading.
"You are making me insane, Bella. Haven't we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire without delay?"
"Yes, but I have a reason to be human that I didn't have before."
I closed my eyes again and answered her with a flat "What's that?"
"Guess" she replied with sudden enthusiasm pulling herself slightly from the cocoon of the covers toward my lap kissing me. I resisted as was my standard reply, reminding me of our first days together when I had to pull her from me for both of our sakes. But it was harder now after experiencing the depth of pleasure that physical love could bring but also the agony that followed as I looked at my Bella hurt by my own hands. I stiffened at the thought.
She felt my reluctance and I pulled her to rest on my chest gently. Such a beautiful, tempting, human girl I thought to myself.
"You are so human Bella. Ruled by your hormones" I said to her with a short laugh to lighten the mood, pulling the covers up to tuck her in. I began to hum her lullaby and I felt her relax at my side.
She reluctantly admitted to being tired and in her drowsy state started to mention something about having such vivid dreams but after holding her close for a moment she relaxed and fell asleep.
"Colors so bright….." she muttered in her sleep as I held her closer to keep her cool. She sighed again and fell deeper into another silent night of rest.
The solitude brought with it an uneasy peace. I reflected on our conversation her offer to give me what I so desperately wanted more time...
Time with My Bella…My beautiful human Bella.
No matter what she would always be my Bella even after she was changed but I wanted more time with her just as she was today.