GEORGE JUNG: Owner's Guide and Manual
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Blow or George Jung. A/N: This is based off of EvilsApprentice's fic CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW: Owner's Guide and Manual. Also, I do NOT like George's wife Mirtha, in Blow. So, she's not George's spouse. Sheldon Jeffrey Sands, however, WILL be in here. DEAL WITH IT!!! Got it?
The CCU Presents: George Jung: The Complete Owner's Guide and Manual
You are now the proud owner of a GEORGE JUNG
Follow the guidelines and installation procedures correctly and your GEORGE JUNG unit will be working great and will provide you with years of companionship!
Your GEORGE JUNG arrives fully assembled (and clothed, of course)
To activate your GEORGE JUNG unit, simply apply some blow (cocaine)* and/or hot open-mouthed kisses to your GEORGE JUNG unit.
*Note: we are not responsible for any jail time you will probably receive when in possession of illegal drugs.
Name: George Jacob Jung
Nicknames: Georgie; Boston George
Weight: I'm not tellin' ya.
Manufacturers: Ermine & Fred Jung
Hair Color: Honey-Blond
Eye Color: Dark Vanilla Bean Brown
Date of Manufacture: Not a day over 42, I swear by it.
MODES OF OPERATION
The GEORGE JUNG unit has several entertaining functions that can be accessed by voice activation. Note: Most of his functions should be used by owners who are 18 or older. The CCU is not responsible for any promiscuous, drug-related or sexual tendencies displayed in minors in relation to the GEORGE JUNG unit.
Default: Caring/Charming/Happy Mode
GEORGE JUNG unit's main mode is Caring/Charming/Happy. This is basically how GEORGE JUNG unit is normally.
If GEORGE JUNG unit is annoyed or angry, he will more than likely scream and curse at you, or, if with a CARLOS LEHDER unit in the same room as your GEORGE JUNG unit, will try to shoot you with a silver, thankfully unloaded, gun. Yea, basically, you don't wanna be on the receiving end of GEORGE JUNG unit's annoyance/anger.
A GEORGE JUNG unit will only be able to be in this mode by being given drugs. * There is no other way to get a GEORGE JUNG unit in this mode.**
*The CCU is not responsible for any jail time you will receive if you are busted by the cops for possessing illegal drugs.
**If you are able to find a legal way to put your GEORGE JUNG unit in this mode, PLEASE BY ALL MEANS GO FOR IT!!! Oh, yeah, and let us know so we can update the GEORGE JUNG Owner's Guide and Manual!!! UPDATE: Cecelia: I happen to know of a completely legal way of obtaining illegal substances:
DON'T GET CAUGHT. Nothing is illegal if you don't get caught.
CCU (A.K.A. Me): That IS a good way, however, George has done that, but he eventually got caught. *laughs* Poor George.
George: *glares at me* *darkly* It's not funny!
Me: O.O SHIT! *FLEES* HELP ME, SHELDON!!!!!!!
George: *chases after me*
A GEORGE JUNG unit can be put in this mode either on Valentine's Day or if he is with a SHELDON JEFFREY SANDS unit. You can also put him in this mode by being nice/kind/sweet/loving/romantic to your GEORGE JUNG unit. In this mode, GEORGE JUNG unit will buy you basically whatever you want and give you a lovely massage. :D
A GEORGE JUNG unit will be in this mode if you satisfy him or pair him with a SHELDON JEFFREY SANDS unit.
COMPATABILITY WITH OTHER UNITS
Your GEORGE JUNG unit will be loved and adored by basically everybody and their mothers.
GEORGE JUNG unit has 3 modes of interaction:
Friendly-Basically used with everyone he comes in contact with.
Annoyed/Angry-Only used when in contact with a CARLOS LEHDER unit and any other units who have betrayed him.
Romantic/Horny-Mainly used when in contact with a SHELDON JEFFREY SANDS unit.
Your GEORGE JUNG unit comes with several entertaining accessories:
ONE UNLOADED SILVER GUN
SEVERAL DIFFERENT OUTFITS (there's too many to list and I really don't feel like naming them all.)
HELL'S ANGELS BY: HUNTER S. THOMPSON
ON THE ROAD BY: JACK KEROUAC
SEVERAL DUKE ELLINGTON AND BOB DYLAN CDs
HIS OWN MOVIE SOUNDTRACK
Your GEORGE JUNG unit requires a bath or shower twice a day and lots of attention.
*George is very loyal and will stay where you tell him to stay.
*Do NOT let ANY George Jung fans and/or fangirls/guys know that you own a GEORGE JUNG; if word of this starts spreading around, the results may include, but are not limited to,: George Jung fans and/or fangirls/guys stalking you and/or attempting to steal your GEORGE JUNG unit.
*If any Johnny Depp or George Jung fans and/or fangirls/guys approach you, HIDE YOUR MODEL IMMEDIATELY!!!!
*If your GEORGE JUNG becomes lost or stolen, call our 800 hotline or search for him if you're up to the task.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: My GEORGE JUNG is always on High Mode. Whatever I do to get him off of this mode doesn't work. WHAT SHOULD I DO???
A: It seems that you got a defective unit. Simply return him and we will give you a new GEORGE JUNG unit.
Q: My GEORGE JUNG is stealing my dad's fancy and expensive Cadillac and going on joyrides, but my dad is blaming it on me. Help please!!
A: Tell your dad that your GEORGE JUNG is stealing his Caddy. Then, tell your GEORGE JUNG to stop going on joyrides in your dad's Caddy, but that he can go on joyrides with your car when you're not using it. That'll solve the problem.
If you have any further questions, please call our 800 hotline or leave a comment on our Questions board.
Problem: My MIRTHA CALDERÒN keeps on trying to grope and flirt with my GEORGE JUNG in front of my SHELDON JEFFREY SANDS even though he tells her 'no' and pushes her away. What should I do??
Solution: Bring back the MIRTHA CALDERÒN unit and we'll fix her or if you don't want her, just bring her back and then go on home.
Problem: My GEORGE JUNG is not working right. He freezes up all the time. What's up?
Solution: Uh-oh, it looks like you got a broken GEORGE JUNG. Just send him back and we'll send you a new one free of charge! 8D
If you have a problem with your GEORGE JUNG that wasn't mentioned, please leave a comment on our Problems board.
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A/N: Please REVIEW!!! Also, send in your problems and queries and I'll add 'em to mai story!! 8D