A/N: I don't know what possessed me to write this! People are probably like "Edward/Jessica WTF? Why is he so OOC??" Edward is a bit OOC in this. I like to think that underneath all of Edward's angst and pent up aggression is a seventeen year old boy scared shitless of the ladies. Bear with me and my effed up characterizations of Ms. Meyer's creations.

was unladylike

That was definitely number one. No doubt about it.

Jessica Stanley didn't act like any of the mild mannered ladies Edward was used to back home. Even Rosalie, who was always complaining about something, knew a thing or two about tact. This Jessica Stanley's mind was full of unladylike ramblings. She would drop the F bomb every two seconds and mentally stab someone every ten.

Edward had seen violence, but never that graphic. He shuddered just thinking about the day he caught a glimpse of Jessica twirling the knife around in Audrey Wiffleton's back and threw salt in the wound—literally.

She would whine, bitch and moan constantly. Something as stupid as a creased page in her Bio notebook set her off.

He would never admit it (never as in never in a million years not even if drunk and raving mad), but he actually found that unladylike quality in her…stirring.

Bella, even though Edward loved her desperately, was on the mild end of the spectrum. She never got mad at him, and when she did it sent a shiver down his spine. It made him feel uneasy that that kind of temperament amused him.

He would never admit it, but Edward kind of liked those angry, unladylike thoughts directed at him. Whenever she passed him in the hallways at school chattering in her head, he would smile.

(Jessica interpreted that as a smirk and went right on picturing her throwing heavy objects at his groin.)

didn't like Bella

How could anyone hate his precious Bella? It was absurd to Edward that a human being could hold that much hatred toward another (innocent) human being. Bella was the very definition of generosity, kindness, beauty…the list went on.

But Jessica detested the very sight of his lovely human girlfriend. She would stare daggers at Bella, chomping on her Juicy Fruit like she was devouring human flesh. Bella never did anything to her! It wasn't Bella's fault that boys were interested in her. She didn't like it anymore then Jessica did.

Jessica thought Bella was "boring as all hell". Ridiculous! Bella Swan was very fun to be around! Sure she was shy and barely spoke when they were together, but it wasn't at all boring! They had many things in common! Loads to talk about!

Edward sat at his lunch table staring his own daggers at Jessica Stanley who was innocently eating a salad her friend Lauren picked out for her. Her tousled brown curls were hanging in her grey eyes as she picked at a piece of purple cabbage with her fork.

This leaf is fucking purple she thought. Fucking growth hormones.

Edward smiled smugly. Bella would know what that the purple leaf wasn't a leaf at all! It was cabbage! It gave Edward great pleasure to know that Bella was indeed more intelligent than Jessica Stanley.

Although he did laugh a bit when Jessica thought of witty (yet vulgar) insults she would try out on Lauren later on.

(Again, Jessica interpreted Edward's snort as an insult toward her. This time she pictured her running him over with a lawn mower.)

3. She asked him out

It was during their freshman year. Edward and the rest of the Cullens had just moved to Forks after a short stint in Alaska. Edward was relieved to have the burden of Tanya Denali off of his back. On multiple occasions she had tried to "seduce" him. By "seduce" he meant Tanya lovingly making him shitty arts and crafts she got out of Family Fun magazine. He still had the unnecessary dream catcher hanging from his ceiling because Carlisle wanted him to "be polite".

By this point, Edward didn't want to deal with flaky teenage girls baking him cookies or whatever the hell they did for attention.

Edward wasn't aware that teenage girls these days didn't need to bake cookies to get a man's attention. They just needed a few low cut t-shirts and micro miniskirts to seal the deal. Edward was appalled when he entered Forks High on his first day.

These girls are practically naked!

Edward thought he would stay under the radar at his new high school. Maybe no one would notice him (and by "them" he meant the Slutty McSlut Sluts swaggering around like they were hot shit on a dry stretch of road).

But Edward had underestimated his good looks and charm. It wasn't his fault! He was a fucking vampire! Charm and being handsome didn't turn on and off like a light switch.

In the first two weeks of being in Forks, Edward had received many invitations for dates (and maybe more some girls thought while they giggled like maniacs).

It was on a Wednesday that Jessica Stanley approached him.

It was all a dare. Edward knew this. Jessica didn't know he knew this.

Lauren Mallory, resident Queen of Everything and You Better Fucking Remember It, had dared Jessica to ask Edward out. In return, Jessica would receive a handsome prize. A pair of electric blue roller skates with white, iridescent lightning bolts on the sides.

Jessica cornered Edward at his locker seventh period. He tried to act cool and clever, but inside he felt like he was drowning in her scary eyes. Even when she was laughing and goofing off with her friends Jessica's eyes remained piercing grey pools of scary. Or maybe that was just Edward.

"Hello," she said, cheerfully.


"I'm Jessica," she said. "We're in geometry together."

"I know."

Jessica stared down at her sandals, her watermelon pink toes wiggling around out of anxiety. Those bad ass roller skates kept her around.

"A lot of girls probably have asked you this," she said, still examining her toes. "But…"

"No," Edward said before she could even get the words out.

Jessica looked up at him sharply. He back up against his locker, but kept his cool. Edward Cullen was the one and only Sex God of Forks High School. Even if he didn't like the "activities" that came with the title, he didn't want his reputation crushed. If he was a Sex God, girls wouldn't have the nerve to approach him.

"I didn't even say anything," she snapped.

"Well…" Edward said. "I knew…what you were thinking."

"Bullshit!" Jessica exclaimed. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. Her silver bangles clattered together. "Sorry. I mean…that's so stupid! What if I was going to ask you for… a pencil?"

She indicated the yellow number two pencil stuck behind Edward's ear. "I was going to ask you for a pencil. Please."

She held out her hand so convincingly that Edward ended up giving her the pencil (which in fact was the only one he owned at the moment). Nodding her head, she turned on her heel and began to walk down the hallway to her giggling group of gal pals.

Edward gave a huge sigh of relief until she turned back around and marched right up to him again.

"Just so you know." Jessica held the pencil like it was a weapon. "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last boy on earth!"

The fourteen year old Jessica Stanley stalked away from him in her sunny yellow sundress and bangles clattering incessantly. She might have seemed cute and innocent to any bystander, but Edward saw her as a raging inferno of chaos and future annoyance.

He almost wished he took her up on her offer.

(Jessica was beyond cheesed off at Edward Cullen from that day forth. This was the day the violent fantasies toward him began.)

4. She was different

And different was scary…or possibly alluring. Edward could never figure out which was which. He would stare at Esme's potted plants (her current hobby of the week) for hours trying to figure out what he felt toward Jessica Stanley.

One second he hated her guts. She was like those mean, bitchy girls on those TV shows Alice called her "guilty pleasures". The beautiful ones with the blood red lipstick and piercing glare. The ones that acted like your best friend then stabbed you in the back. Those girls had big STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU BASTARD stamped on their foreheads in glitter and rhinestones.

Sometimes Edward was… attracted to the little demon.

Ugh. He felt gross just thinking it.

But he liked her sundresses and bangles and neon bright fingernails. He liked her rosy cheeks and curvy hips (Bella was stick thin and had no ass…not that it mattered whether an ass was present or not…love was the most important thing). He liked how, even when standing next to gorgeous girls like Lauren Mallory, Jessica still radiated passion and her own brand of beautiful.

Edward would think these confusing thoughts as he stared at a geranium, unblinkingly.

Then he would snap out of it and go off on a romantic rendezvous with his perfect Bella Swan.

(If Jessica knew Edward thought any of this she would probably wet herself with laughter.)