The User's Guide and Manual for:
Copyright: Hell's Gate's Avatars Ltd.
Chief Technical and Mechanical Advisor: Fufuluff
Welcome to your own Pandora, Avatard.
Congratulations! You are officially the proud owner of your very own JAKE unit. Iréiyo, for purchasing this item. We hope you are entertained by our product.
To make sure your JAKE unit behaves, please take note of the instructions and guidelines below.
PAGE 1: TECHNICAL DETAILS OF YOUR JAKE UNIT:
Name: Jake Sully
Type: (Changeable with "Avatar Link".) Human/Avatar.
Manufacturing Company: Skxawng Enterprises.
Height: Depending on the state.
Eye colour: If linked to Avatar, yellow. If not, blue.
Controls: Our JAKE unit is activated by various actions and settings:
The most common way to turn on your JAKE unit is to take a piece of your hair and stick it into his. (By doing this, he will be under your command forever, so please be sure to read over the rules and guidelines.)
Other ways that your JAKE unit will active are:
1) If his the link with his Avatar is disrupted.
2) If placed next to a NEYTIRI or QUARTICH unit.
PAGE 2: ACCESSORIES:
The JAKE unit comes with these additional items, free of charge:
Wheelchair: When your JAKE unit is in his human form, he will not be able to get around with this baby.
Avatar Link: Without this, "JakeSully" would not exist. Your JAKE unit must link to this machine in order to get into his Avatar.
*Will do not take back damaged or lost links. We will not ship another one to you. This machine should be treated with upmost care.
Queue: When in Avatar form, your JAKE unit is supplied with a piece of long hair that is braided. At the end, pink worm-like fibres sticking out. This is used to create a bond, or Tsahaylu with the PANDORIAN CREATURES you may purchase in the near future.
Gun: Used ONLY for good purposes. If your JAKE unit ever feels the need to shoot anything- remove the gun from his presence and call over a GRACE or NORM unit to scold him.
Leaf Loincloth: When in Avatar form your JAKE unit wears a nature woven loincloth. If he gets cold, tell him to suck it up and go cuddle with a NEYTIRI unit. We advise you to let your JAKE unit keep as much clothing on- much to your dismay.
Humanoid Clothes: You may dress up your JAKE unit however you like in his human form.
PAGE 3: OPERATIONS:
Our JAKE unit is certain to be easy-to-use, reliable, and user-friendly. We have simplified his scientific attributes to suit some of your daily needs.
Does your room need protecting? Sick and tired of people walking in without knocking? Well, the JAKE unit will be more than happy to make sure nobody comes in and bombs your precious space. After all. THIS. IS. YOUR ROOM!
*The Body Guard state of your JAKE unit should not be abused.
*If you have purchased our IKRAN unit, you will receive more protection.
Bringing People Together:
Are your in-laws refusing to meet your parents? Or do you have that one pesky uncle who just hates family gatherings? Does your girlfriend's mother not approve of you? Or even your friends are fighting and never want to see each other again?
Well! Our JAKE unit, equipped with our TORUK unit is able to bring people (or clans) together.
*He is also able to convince them about something worth fighting for.
*The TORUK unit must be let go after use.
Do you need someone to capture every moment of your life?
When you sit our JAKE unit in front of a camera, he will instantly record a video log of your day for you!
*If the JAKE unit complains if he really has to do it, tell him what you feel and what you see is all part of science. Or, have your GRACE or NORM unit speak to him.
Do you need classified information? Want to find out what it is?
The JAKE unit will become one of the other team, and he will report any valuable spottings to you!
* If your JAKE unit is discovered, and is said to be: NEVER ONE OF THE PEOPLE! Then after is tied to a tree, please send our MO'AT unit over to free him.
PAGE 4: WASHING:
The JAKE unit is to be cleaned differently depending on the state he is in. The JAKE unit is also wrinkle-free. (An added feature.)
In his Avatar form, the JAKE unit will clean himself in your local pond, river, waterfall, ocean, or lake. Make sure the NEYTIRI unit is not with him- or he may never get clean. Also, please ensure that you enjoy the smell of nature- as his Avatar form tends to use the world around him as towels and such.
*Do not abuse this feature.
Wheel your JAKE unit into a bathroom. Then, remove his clothes appropriately. After, help him hoist his legs into the tub. If he says he's got this- he really doesn't, so make sure to have a free hand to lend if he needs it. Try not to stare as it will cause your JAKE unit to become uncomfortable. For his human form, make sure to use warm or hot water to bathe- as cold simply will not do. Also, moisturizing soap will help keep your JAKE unit soft.
*When in human form, make sure your JAKE unit develops regular shaving habits.
PAGE 5: FAQs (FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS)
Q: My JAKE unit has been eternally mated with a NEYTIRI unit, will they produce an offspring?
A: That is totally and entirely up to them to decide. It is recommended that you do not pressure our units into starting a family. We know if they do it will make you squee with delight- but no- please do not pressure.
Q: My JAKE unit is tied to a tree, I can't seem to remove him- what do I do?
A: Even though your JAKE unit is strong, durable, and safe- he is prone to getting into trouble. If you find that he is strapped to a tree- you must purchase a MO'AT unit to help him down.
Q: Is there a way to get my JAKE unit to choose my NINAT unit?
A: No, because he has a built in "CHOSE NEYTIRI" setting in him. He has already chosen NEYTIRI. In order for them to mate, the NEYTIRI unit must also choose him.
Q: Will my JAKE unit ever get his legs back?
A: It really depends if your JAKE unit is surrounded by a QUARTICH unit. Even if surrounded by a QUARTICH unit- he probably won't follow ANY deal they make- due to the fact that he has a built in: "CHOOSE NEYTIRI" setting. He's happy in his Avatar form, so he need not complain much.
Q: Can I get rid of the "CHOOSE NEYTIRI" setting?
A: No. Just no.
Q: My JAKE unit doesn't know how protect himself from a Hammerhead Titanothere. He could die if he met one, what should he do?
A: First of all, make sure your JAKE unit does NOT dance with it.
Our GRACE unit has informed us that he should just hold his ground. If he starts hollering bad boy insults, ignore him. If a giant Thanator comes out at him, tell him to run.
Q: How do I get my JAKE unit to bond with an IKRAN unit?
A: First, you must travel to one of the locations stated on the back of the manual. We have IKRAN unit adoption centers dotted throughout the land- travel to one of them and bring your JAKE unit when he is ready. Then he will almost kill himself trying to get one. The IKRAN unit is available for discount at our "adoption centers."
Q: My JAKE unit did not succeed in getting an IKRAN unit, why?
A: He wasn't ready. Try again in a few months. If you do not wish to wait until he is ready, you can pay an easy fee! One piece of Unobtainium- and we will ship a willing IKRAN unit over to you within seconds! Then you can force the bond.
Q: My JAKE unit totally betrayed the IKRAN unit that he had been bonded with for a TORUK unit- is this okay?
A: Yeah we know. We all know that was total bullshit.
PAGE 6: TROUBLESHOOTING:
If you experience any unique problems with your JAKE unit, such as the uncontrollable breaking of cameras on bulldozers, you having to force him to eat, him not shaving- we are not responsible. You are free to ship us back your JAKE unit. No money back guarantee!
My JAKE unit believes that everything is backwards! "Out there" is the real world and in here is the dream.
Ah, of course. Do not fret. Your JAKE unit has just spent so much running around in his Avatar body. He has gotten used to being one of the Na'vi, and not a human. If he starts lack sleep- make sure he gets some. Also, make sure he is eating enough. If he refuses to follow this, simply not let him link to his Avatar. It is okay if he believes his Avatar life is real, do not panic.
My JAKE unit keeps making loud noises, like a baby.
With the additional purchase of a NEYTIRI unit- he will stop. You must have the NEYTIRI unit hit him on the head a few times. Or you can do it yourself. He will learn in time.
My JAKE unit doesn't see me.
HAH. Tough luck. With one Unobtainium, we are willing to send you another one, and perhaps that JAKE unit will see you.
My JAKE unit has been caught spying for me.
Simply give him a nice pep talk for his dignity. He won't stress on it for too long. For further detail, please look into the spying section of the manual.
My JAKE unit just crossed the line.
By the QUARITCH unit? Have fun with that one.
My JAKE unit fell in love. With the forest. With the NEYTIRI unit. He has fallen in love.
This is not a problem.
My JAKE unit betrayed his own race!
Only for the greater good. (See above.) If you have a problem with this, send back your JAKE unit and we will send you a QUARITCH unit free of charge.
My JAKE unit keeps pulling off 300 jokes.
We figured people would pick up on that. After all. He did pull a: "THIS IS SPARTA" with "THIS IS... OUR LAND." No need to worry, it isn't a problem- nor is it something to worry about. It is there for your simple entertainment or annoyance.
My JAKE unit prefers his Avatar form.
This is a natural feature of our JAKE unit. As we have taken a poll, and it is preferred by the people. If you wish to have your JAKE unit play around in his human form, you can simply hide the link to his Avatar. This is not recommended, as it will cause your JAKE unit grief.
*We are not responsible for any injuries you may achieve with your JAKE unit.
We hope you enjoy your JAKE unit to the fullest. If there are any problems regarding the product you may call:
If our QUATRITCH unit picks up, please hang up and wait for our NORM unit to answer the phone. This just makes the process much easier, and more user friendly.
AHAHAHAH, What did you think of that guys? (: I'm thinking of doing an entire series for these guys. (Just takes awhile to think of questions and answer them!)
I really hope you enjoyed this, I found it rather amsuing.
OH BY THE WAY- we all know he pulled a Sparta joke. HEH. Also, I felt so bad for Jake's original Ikran. I dunno why.
I hope this was clever and well-written enough for you all! It's meant for humor... so...
OH IMPORTANT NOTE:
As well as a review (please? (: Did this make you smile? Let me know!) you can feel free to leave a question/problem for any future character. I will answer them to the best of my ability. Might be a little fun, right? (:
ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE:
I don't know who made up "USER GUIDES." I found it out from x Rajah x's: "Guide to your new bohemian." (RENTheads! Check it out! It's super funny, and I credit the format of this to her.) And apparently she got it from someone else... ANYWAY. CREDITS TO THAT PERSON, THESE ARE FUN.